Be sure to stay in touch with people you care about.

This has been weighing on me for a little while now.

Have you ever randomly thought about someone you care about you hadn't talked to in a while?

Make sure to let that person know you still care about them. I'm serious.

A few weeks ago one of my uncles came to mind, and I felt like I should hit him up and see how he was doing and come up with some plans to visit him. I never got around to it. I kept putting it off. Well, the next thing I knew was that he was in a coma. He had been in a car crash, and although he walked away from it the impact caused an aortic dissection which led to him to be admitted to a hospital. Apparently he made it through the surgery, but then suffered a major stroke on both sides of his brain rendering him brain dead.

I'll never get a chance to hang out with him or talk to him again.

A few days ago my ex-wife's brother came across my mind. He was a good dude. We weren't really close, but I had thought about hitting him up just to see how he'd been.

Well, I found out today that some sicario pulled up on him and put two in his chest and one in his head.

Twenty-eight years old and leaves his kids fatherless.

If someone comes across your mind don't put it off. Hit them up. Never know when you won't get another chance.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

I have my uncle's ashes here and have to go skatter them, so I get it.
His last wishes were to take him fishing.

I get it, I really do.

Never allow death to make you quit living life.

I miss my Dad and all of my Uncles.
Like I said, I get it.

Good luck and NEVER take anything for granted.

a reply to: DrumsRfun

I wish the best for ya.

All of my elders are dropping. The last time I saw them was when I was a young teenager. I'll likely not get a chance to see them.

Luckily most of my uncles and aunts have had a lot of kids. So, I've got a mad amount of cousins, so the family isn't at risk of falling apart.

But the part of the family that's in Tennessee is small. The maternal side of my mother's family are an old Tennessee family, but I don't really have a connection with any of them.

It bothers me, because I don't have a family of my own. I've never been afraid of dying. I faced my mortality at a young age and accepted that it's inevitable, but now that I'm older and I don't have a family of my own I'm worried I might not get a chance. I want to find a good woman and raise some kids. I just don't see it happening.

My parent's may not see grandkids. This branch of the family might not produce fruit so to speak.

I mean I guess it it is what it is.

You gonna put a hat on your uncle's ashes and bring him out fishin with ya?

a reply to: AutomateThis1
I totally understand.

Twenty five years after my first husband died of a heroin overdose, I discovered that his dad now lived only 5 minutes away from me when I saw a related name on fb. I reached out and his dad was super happy to hear from me, gave his contact info etc, and said that while he was currently going through cancer treatment he'd still be up for a visit. I was thrilled but the whole sick/cancer thing spooked me as did my own shame over being such a righteous, hot mess in my young years and I put it off a few months thinking that would give him time to get through chemo and feel better to enjoy a visit. I arrived at work one day and someone mentioned that a guy with cancer down the road was going to be the first to receive assisted suicide in just minutes. I froze up and when I heard the name I totally broke down in tears. I was excused from work and went home. There I saw online, along with photos of his family around him, his last memoir he had just written and in it he mentioned having a great life except for not having been a better father to his son and letting him slip through the cracks. Now, what gutted me was that the very thing I'd so wanted to share with him was that his son totally adored him! I'd never heard his son say anything negative about him. Always positive. I was so sad. I had had a message that I should have passed forward but I let my squeamishness about my own past etc, get in the way. I would never have changed that parental thing of feeling you failed a child but it might have softened his emotional pain a tiny bit.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

You gonna put a hat on your uncle's ashes and bring him out fishin with ya?

Nah, I bought 2 chapeaus (french for hat) they are both fishing hats and make me look like Gilligan.
I'll do it the old fashioned way and just go for it as he would have wished.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

You are right to say reach out to people. Now is the right time. I have a fave uncle who is now elderly and I want to thank him for being the only person in the family, besides my grandma, that ever accepted me wholeheartedly, no questions asked, as kind to me as to the next kid. But I'm not a kid anymore and will contact him. Thank you for this post.

a reply to: DrumsRfun

I gotcha. I don't normally say cheesy crap, but my heart goes out to ya.

a reply to: igloo

Yeah. Damn. That's heavy. Try and pass the message along to maybe nudge people you know to let people they care about know.

Especially with current events. People out there with a trigger itch. Running out of money for meds or food. Anxiety and depression on the rise. People acting crazy, driving crazy, looking for any way to make a statement.

Let people know, especially for the people who are cooped up isolating themselves.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

I gotcha. I don't normally say cheesy crap, but my heart goes out to ya.

No worries brother, we all have to go through this.
I am golden.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

S&F for you. Thank you so much for posting this. My Dad just turned 77 today, and I’m so glad he’s still around for me to wish him a happy birthday. My Mom is 76 and still around. I call them at least once a week. My hubby is 68 and in a nursing home. He calls me 3-4 times a day. I treasure every single one of those calls. My relatives and friends are all getting older, and I don’t want to take any of them for granted. There are a couple of friends I haven’t heard from in awhile, and I will be contacting them, maybe do a video chat.

Time flies, and you just never know when someone will pass. I had a Navy friend who was a retired reservist. She was transgender and struggling with depression. We talked via Messenger about a week before she committed suicide by hanging herself in her garage. I was devastated. I had been thinking of reaching out to her. I felt really guilty and it still eats at me to this day. So be grateful and thankful for everything you have and your friendships and loved ones. Things can change in the blink of an eye.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

My own family doesn't even contact me, tried to call my aunty to wish her a happy birthday, no answer.

No more caring, the only people who care about is me and the ones who did are dead or are dead to me.

Caring, such a wasteful use of time.

a reply to: ChiefD

I'm glad you're able to maintain those connections. Being a vet is challenging. We don't exactly get any help from the crap we tend to internalize. Being transgendered understandably compounds the issue. At least you were there for them until then.

People always talk about the strong friendships and bonds built in the military. The whole brotherhood thing.

When I got out of the military every single one of my military friends ceased contact with me. Even the ones who were also out. It's BS.

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but that sounds like you're just giving up.

If you're generally pessimistic people may not want to stay in touch with you.

Have you tried contacting your aunt again? Maybe she was busy and didn't get around to getting back in touch with you. Maybe she didn't see that you called.

If you cared you wouldn't give up trying to reach out to them.

My father treats me like I don't exist until he needs something, and even then he ends up wasting my time. That doesn't mean I stop trying to include him in my life when I can. That way no one can say I didn't try. It's commonly accepted that he's an asshole, but he's still my dad.

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

Caring, such a wasteful use of time.

Never have I read words that have never been more wrong.

You can crap on yourself all you want, but others are another ballgame and giving a crap actually matters.
It might take something as simple as giving someone 50 cents in a grocery store when they come up short, sometimes kindness pays off, and it might make someones day...saying that caring is a wasteful use of time isn't exactly intelligent or a useful thought.

originally posted by: AutomateThis1
a reply to: ChiefD

I'm glad you're able to maintain those connections. Being a vet is challenging. We don't exactly get any help from the crap we tend to internalize. Being transgendered understandably compounds the issue. At least you were there for them until then.

People always talk about the strong friendships and bonds built in the military. The whole brotherhood thing.

When I got out of the military every single one of my military friends ceased contact with me. Even the ones who were also out. It's BS.

I’m in contact with just two people from my reserve center and unit. There were about 40 people in our unit. It just makes me really sad that everyone just dropped off the face of the earth when I retired. You’re right, it really is bs. Nobody gave a crap once I retired. It was shocking, but I guess that’s the way it is. Sucks though.

a reply to: ChiefD

I don't know how this will sound to ya, but I'm glad I turned down the Navy Reserve recruiter.

Besides really like I was being lied to, the ratings that were available were not desirable. I was a FC CIWS tech. I don't want to be a MM or GSE or stuffed into a sub, or hanging comm lines in the middle of nowhere.

I worked with guns big and small and complex electronics and radar.

I'd rather be home to be with my friends and family than on the other side of the planet again.

But I'd rather go active duty again than reserve and still have to watch what I say or do, and have to shave, and take my earrings out. And have my personal life and my business be on hold everytime I have to leave.

Just not reasonable to me. I did my time.

a reply to: AutomateThis1

I have a similar story that I still feel terrible about at times.

I was pretty young, maybe like 8. Just imagine me more annoying and brattier than I am now.

My grandmother was visiting a very close lifelong friend during one of our summer road trips. They didn't get to see each other often due to distance, but grandma was the type to call everyone in her address book at least once a month to chit chat.

So during their visit at the friend's house, I got bratty and kept getting impatient and wanting to leave. I don't remember the particular circumstances as it's been 20-some years. I probably just wanted to go back to where we were staying to play video games with my cousins or something.

Anyways, my tantrum took effect and my grandmother and her friend said goodbye. That was the last time we saw her alive, as she died of an unexpected heart attack later that night.

I feel sooooooo awful for trying to cut their visit short. I feel I robbed family of a good memory and gave them a tragic one instead.

That incident stuck with me and I try to have extreme patience these days. Some of you know I am a cancer survivor since my teenage years. Life can change drastically, or end completely, in the blink of an eye.

Just take it easy and stop to smell the roses once in a while as all of life is so fleeting.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Check your PMs bud.

originally posted by: AutomateThis1
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Check your PMs bud.

No, you!

a reply to: igloo
damn igloo... I'm so sorry

This thread and your post has brought me a much needed and sobering lesson and reminder. I will heed those thoughts now and will ignore my own guilt and misgivings for past mistakes that hinder me. Thank you ATS family