Yesterday had to put my Dog to sleep

About three years ago I wrote about losing one of my two German Sheppard, Playboy, he died in his sleep and was taken and cremated and for three years his sister Midnight gave me all the love and fun you could ever want from a dog but today (31st Jan) at about half ten in the morning Midnight was put to sleep as well. She had a seizer a few weeks before Christmas and for an hour or so was wobbly on her feet but got back to her old self and continued to live happily, she didn't want to have shorter walks than she used to even though she was starting to have bad hips and she didn't want to do anything different but then at 1am in the morning (30th/31st) she had a turn and changed. She sort of froze for a few seconds then tried to move but none of her legs were working, her front left leg was moving like she was trying to swim, her back legs kept dropping but the fighter still tried to get back up but then when she finally settled she was different, she was turning into herself like she was trying to clean herself but didn't seem like she could control that, her eyes seemed dilated and almost like she was looking off into the distance so from about half one until quarter past eight in the morning I sat with my beautiful baby girl stroking her leaning over a chair arm and hurting my already damaged back so she could lean into me rather than twisting her body (she whimpered when she did it so my body was me trying to stop it) and we stayed like that for her last night.

After trying to hunt down a vet who wasn't looking to charge me six hundred pounds to basically end my dogs life I found one who was willing to do it for less than three hundred including the cremation and the casket I took her down, sat with her as they gave her the injection and you know what she even tried to fight that which shocked even the vet who said "I might have to give her another shot. She just doesn't want to go" which broke my heart but before the idea even passed through us Midnight gasped a few times then went. My heart broke into a million pieces at that point (it was already broken when Playboy went). I was given a few more minutes and gave her one last hug told her I loved her more than I could ever show or tell her and then left the room.

Now I'm no small guy, six foot 2 at midday (stupid joke my granddad used to say) and about sixteen stone but standing outside the door I was approached by an little old lady who took my forearm and said "Hugs are for free" but I didn't take her up on it, I said thanks and that I was fine. Paid and left. As I walked back to my brothers car the feeling of deserting her came back, just like with Playboy, the idea of her being left behind even though I swore I would protect her were right there but I knew and still know that it was for the best, she was older than most dogs round about seventeen which is apparently ancient for her breed, she had the happiest life a dog could wish (just like her brother) and ate food that no dog should be allowed to eat (dog food normally but the occasional kfc, kebab and yes even a custard cream or a malteaser every now and then) and after coming home to well emptiness (even though there are others here with me) and walking into the room we shared it felt like walking into an empty hall. Her absence was a clear as a bell. So here I am a full 20 odd hours after her passing and I'm heart broken. I live with family still (parents are disabled so that's my excuse lol) and a brother who have their own dogs and I know I'll fall in love with them at some point and probably take over but you know I'm going to miss the heck out of my fur baby, I'll never get to walk up to my front door and hear her hurrying about after I know, or the smile on her face when I'd call to her "C'mere then gorgeous" or standing at one end of a room and throwing up claw hands and growling watching her hurry toward me with excited eyes (crying now lol) even with bad hips she would hurry to me and me to her, but losing her is going to be a battle that I hope I'll win because with my own mental health issues (Obsessive thoughts) I know it'll be something hard to escape.

Thanks for listening (reading) ats
I knew if there was ever a place where there were friendly faces and fellow animal lovers who could share in my pain it'd be here.

Thanks,
Danny.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

If someone is willing to help me out or message me so I can get a picture of Midnight put up I'd really apprieciate it.

Hard times for sure. My thoughts are with you. We're never ready to give up those we love.

I don’t have much to say except... I have been in your position and I promise, things do feel better eventually. They are never forgotten but it does get easier.

My thoughts are with you.

To quote the final scene of Gladiator -
Now we are free, I will see you again, but not yet.... Not yet

a reply to: Dwoodward85

I’m very very sorry for your loss.
We just went through this not long ago with our Alaskan Malamute Loki.
I miss him very much. As you no doubt miss Midnight.

I bet Loki already welcomed her into heaven today.
I’m Fricken crying even just looking at this picture.

I know exactly how you feel.
And I’m so very sorry.

a reply to: diggindirt

Yep and thanks for the reply. It always seems to help more when I get the replies from ATS then I do from people in real world mostly because you get the sense that people in the real world are only saying it because they feel like they should but on here there is that sense that people truly understand what you're going through.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

Condolences my friend... the worst part of having a pet is saying goodbye

TO upload pics, Go to the 5th icon from the right at the top menu... click it, then click "upload"... then the TOP left "upload" icon.... then "select files"

GO to the place you saved the file on your CPU and select the image... Press OK... Once its selected...click the little cloud with the Up arrow beside the "select files" tab... This will load your image

Then copy and paste the First URL to your post

a reply to: Macenroe82

Yeah probably, and she'll no doubt be chasing after him just for walking passed her, it was her thing lol. I think that's the curse of being animal lovers and the worst part is we'd do it all over again just to get another five minutes. You have my condolences mate, nothing like losing something that gives unconditional love.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

Thanks bro,
I sent you a pm with upload instructions

a reply to: Dwoodward85

Thanks and yeah I hope we'll be together again, I'm not really a believe in heaven and all that stuff but I do believe there is something that comes next so here's hoping she'll be waiting. My niece did say something to me that made me feel good, she said "Uncle Dan, why are you crying? Midnight will get up to the gates of heaven and Playboy and Elvis (Midnights son) will be waiting at the gates and when they see her their tails will wag and they'll tell her to hurry up they've got so much to show her" it brought a tear to my eye lol.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

Very sorry for your loss.
We lost one of our beloved dogs back in June and my wife and I are still heartbroken.
We will see them all again one day.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

It hurts. I had to put my Rottweiler down. This was more than 20 years ago. I still miss him (RIP Bogus).

Dogs are truly man's best friends. Dogs just love you for you. No matter how sh*tty my day may have been, coming home to my Rottie's grin and that wagging nub of a tail always perked me up.

So sorry to read this.
Even when dogs are pains in the butt, they are really pure joy to be around, to have around.
I've had to go through this a couple of times in the last few years, just like you.
Not an easy thing. But good on you for being there at the end,

You grieve, you miss them. They become memories, really GOOD memories.
We're fortunate to share the earth with these 4 legged people.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

Damn bro, that even got my eyes leaking more lol.

Sometimes at night, I still wake up from the sound of Loki being in his dog crate.
There’s a very powerful connection between parents and pets.

I was pretty shocked when I heard him in his crate not long after he was put down.
And I check the thread I made on here about Loki, and was told to not be surprised if I hear him at night.
I didn’t know what to think.
But everyone in our house, the wife and kids have all heard it.

I think He comes home to let us know he misses us too.

a reply to: Edumakated

So true it was one of the few things that kept me going when having a horrible day working with hundreds of teenagers (I work in a secondary school) after hours of listening to kids kicking off over the dumbest thing ever I'd reach that front door and see her little face and my anger, annoyance and anything else from work would fall away and she would light up my night.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Same thing earlier today. I fell asleep for a few minutes and when I opened my eyes I could swear I saw her walk around in the passage I sat up like a rocket to look but obviously she wasn't there.

a reply to: spacedoubt

Very well said.
And let me be the first to say, that is one fine looking meow you have in your pic.
Trouble maker no doubt!

a reply to: RazorV66

Yep I really hope that's true. I want them waiting at the gates of whatever comes next waiting for me with their tails wagging lol. I can't remember who said it but it goes:

"Heaven isn't a place I want to be if my dog isn't allowed to come in".

a reply to: Dwoodward85

And I’m sure that will continue to happen.

One night we wer all sitting in the living room, talking about Loki and being sad.
And we all heard his dog crate rattle.
That instant we heard that, I had this feeling come over me, like calming is the only way I can describe it.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

By far the toughest part of owning and loving a pet.

My sincere condolences Danny. May Midnight enjoy a great everafter! Who knows what that brings, maybe our eternal souls get to be reunited with our loved ones?