Softball with AugustusMasonicus: Season II

Sometimes an event so momentous occurs that it leaves everyone involved polarized long after it occurs. So it was with the 2016 Presidential Election where Hillary Clinton met her demise in the form of some guy named Kek. This defeat has left many wondering just what happened and why they cannot find a solid thread on space aliens, Nibiru or Bigfoot. It also gave some uncontrollable bouts of crying coupled with unfathomable rage.

Others, however, revel in the misery and continue to support their party by posting ‘nah-ah!’ to all of your comments of ‘is too!’. Our next guest is one of those people. She has, after a liberal (see what I did there?) application of anti-butthurt salve, waded into the political forums on a daily basis to let you know the frog guy ain’t the greatest thing since crunchy orange cheese snacks. Here by unpopular demand, please welcome Sillyolme…

AM: You over the election yet?

SI: Nope, I had China commissioned commemorating the event that I can't use or sell. You wouldn't happen to need...never mind.

AM: Have you required therapy and/or proscription medication since then?

SI: Have they changed the Terms and Conditions on this?... oh you said proscription... no. Does throwing darts at pictures of republicans count as therapy?

AM: If they are of McConnell, then yes. As a Hillary supporter did you vote for her because you really liked her platform or that you didn’t like suicide?

SI: I thought if we got her in at the top we could finally control that suicide squad and really make a difference. Oh well... Perhaps Pocahontas will be more blood thirsty. One can hope.

AM: What did Hillary cough up into that glass on the campaign trail? Her soul? An alien handler? Something else?

SI: Anyone seen Dan Quayle lately? Gristle.

AM: 2020, Trump, Oprah, The Rock or Zazz?

SI: I'm hoping for an asteroid myself. You know...a reset button.

AM: Who’s actually your choice for 2020 and why?

SI: Papa Joe and Corey Booker. Experience, youth and diversity.

AM: You’re an Italian girl from Long Island, how many of your major appliances fell off a truck?

SI: Oh son you tread a bit too close. Not only am I an Italian girl from long island but my daddy worked at Kennedy airport. Make of that what you will. And I collect a pension from the teamsters union. As a teenager I had the latest fashions out of Europe. It pays to have friends in U.S. Customs ya know.

AM: Did you ever know a guy who knew a guy?

SI: My daddy was that guy. I knew a lot of interesting people because of him. Actors, comedians, jockeys, and millionaires and unfortunates and down and outs who got around on jerry-rigged skateboards. Guys who smoked Cuban cigars and guys who smoked stinky stogies. New York when elevators still had operators and I knew their names and the folks in the penthouses.


 





edit on 4-2-2018 by AugustusMasonicus because: networkdude has no beer

AM: Most offensive thing people can do regarding Italian food?

SI: Not eat it. Mangiare. Eat eat.

AM: You now live near DC, what will they find in the swamp once it’s drained?

SI: Tying in two themes I'm pretty sure that's where Hoffa is. And the body of a headless horse. Maybe those three million illegal Hillary voters too.

AM: You flew a lot as a child, most interesting place(s) you visited?

SI: A tiny village in the mountains of Puerto Rico called Lares.I hope those people are alright. Most exotic was Honolulu Hawaii as a love struck sixteen year old who unfortunately only had her brother and father as male companions in the most romantic spot on earth. The furthest and most foreign was Frankfurt Germany. Charming beyond belief. Most fun California and Las Vegas back when the good fellas still ran the joint.

AM: Time for those Softballs. Favorite film?

SI: I don't have a favorite. I usually won't click past a musical though or Jaws... but there's singing in that too. Show me the way to go home...

AM: And Spanish Ladies. Favorite TV show?

SI: Oh come on you know this...Cable news. Rachel is bookmarked on streaming.

AM: Favorite song?

SI: It's in my signature (Dream a Little Dream of Me). I end every karaoke night with it. Yeah I can sing. Modesty is overrated lol.

AM: Trump wins again, your last meal?

SI: Crow.

AM: Historical figure you’d like to meet and why?

SI: Jesus...I have a Catholic bone to pick.

AM: If you could take one ATS member with opposing views out for dinner who would it be and where would you take them?

SI: Probably you and I'd invite you to cook with me because I know you can and men in the kitchen are so sexy. If you could wear that fedora.. . Waves eyebrows suggestively ...and only manages to look silly.

AM: No, really, are you over the election yet?

SI: 🎶 Jose Quervo you are a friend of mine. I like to drink you with a little salt and lime.



Silly came of age in the era of Gloria Steinham and Jane Fonda reading books like The Feminine Mystique and Julia Childs Mastering the Art of French Cooking. She was amazed and lured by the beauty and glamour of Natalie Wood and the outdoor ruggedness of Joy Adamson the lion lady. No wonder she's impossible. Just ask her husband.


This interview should prove to everyone that even if you got orange-crushed and your life basically ended you can at least pretend it didn’t and try to have some semblance of an internet existence. I mean is it really all that bad? You’ve got 3 more years of bigly winning and a constant barrage of 140-character messages filled with wit and wisdom. It could be worse, we could be forced to drink Brawndo.

Silly, thanks for joining us today, it was nice to have a local pisana put up what is potentially an Academy Award-worthy façade and disguise your shattered hopes and dreams from the 2016 election. Meryl Streep would sell her soul for your talent. Your parting gifts today are a Kek poster and a case of Brawndo. It’s got what plants crave.

Until next time.


 







edit on 4-2-2018 by AugustusMasonicus because: networkdude has no beer

Just so you know.
I have a memo that disputes this entire interview.

And I thought I was here for comedic relief.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

What is the meaning of this madness? Are you trying to make me feel like Silly is a real person or something?!

Seriously, nice interview Silly, I'm glad you decided to do it.



And I almost had you Mason, almost messed the whole damn thing up. There's always next month.

So, um, what I got from the interview is that Silly is an illegal alien who takes our jobs and eats Eye-talian food like pizza and that she's a communist who probably had JFK's hair messed up by putting the wrong conditioner in the White House bathroom.

That's what I got from the interview. But's it's still early here and I am still on my first Bloody Mary.

Let me try that again don't know where all that came from.

originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

What is the meaning of this madness? Are you trying to make me feel like Silly is a real person or something?!

Seriously, nice interview Silly, I'm glad you decided to do it.

 

And I almost had you Mason, almost messed the whole damn thing up. There's always next month.

Hey...
So yeah. Also an X Files fan.

a reply to: Sillyolme


Nope, it's one and done you illegal alien commie job-stealer.

Damn. Another mind-numbingly fascinating interview.
Great Job, you two...I learned much.

For example...I had no idea Soros-Bots were so advanced...It's almost like they have a personality now.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
For example...I had no idea Soros-Bots were so advanced...It's almost like they have a personality now.

She's like the Commodore 64 of chat algorithms.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I was the boss. The evil overlord implant to quote Xuechen.

a reply to: IAMTAT

I'm watching you. 👀Through your microwave.

Oh and you left your glass in the sink ...again.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I played Doom in my Commodore 64. Four levels before I figured out I could switch weapons. Good times.

And no mouse. It was all keyboard commands.
Remember when you had to type (Go) to get a game started?

originally posted by: Sillyolme
Remember when you had to type (Go) to get a game started?

I'm not that old. I was created on a CIA server only a few years ago.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Sillyolme
Remember when you had to type (Go) to get a game started?

I'm not that old. I was created on a CIA server only a few years ago.

Yeah...Mama Rothschild always liked you best. [sigh]

a reply to: IAMTAT

I specialize in mind numbing.

I remember a time before computers.

It was a mystical time. One of dinosaurs and dragons. We rode our horses to schools where we learned how to fix buggy's and the women-folk learned how to churn butter.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Hmmm. That explains that binary personality.
I thought It was a Sybil kind of thing we just didn't talk about. Like the girls in DBCowboys basement.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

I remember a time before computers.

It was a mystical time. One of dinosaurs and dragons. We rode our horses to schools where we learned how to fix buggy's and the women-folk learned how to churn butter.

I kinda recall the 1980's as well.