Am I going (more) insane?

a reply to: TrueBrit

My friend, the one who betrayed my confidence, is now angry at me, for being angry about being betrayed. Everything is my fault, I am a bad person for making my friend feel bad about doing a bad thing.

This is not your friend, this is a manipulative, back stabbing somabitch.

Disconnect.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Nope. I would say par for the course.

originally posted by: TrueBrit

I shared my feelings about a woman, ... Am I in the wrong somehow?

You were wrong to share anything so sensitive to you, with anyone else.

Realize that human beings have ears and voice for a reason. They pass info like delivering the mail.

The more you don't want them to pass on the info, the more likely it is that it will be passed on.

There's nothing human beings love more than secrets.

Why do you think "abovetopsecret.com" is so active?

Your friend simply couldn't help himself.

You gave him an impossible task. To know something sensitive and valuable, and not to share it with a friend he also trusted.

You seem to be under a misapprehension...

originally posted by: AMPTAH


You gave him an impossible task. To know something sensitive and valuable, and not to share it with a friend he also trusted.

First, the friend in question is female. Second, this was not a case of my friend passing on information to someone she knew and trusted. This was a case of my friend going behind my back, and sharing sensitive information with perhaps the only person who did not need to hear it, at a time when they did not need to hear it, and in express conflict with my stated intention toward that individual.

To be clear, my friend does not have any reason to speak with the individual she communicated with, none at all. They do not know one another at all, never spoken, never shared a beer or broken bread together, never any such thing. There is literally no way I could have predicted that my friend would have searched my social media connections, just to find the individual and strike up conversation, leave alone to go ahead and drop a grenade into my life in such a manner.

Edit to add:

And as for the rights and wrongs of sharing things with others...I simply disagree. Friends are those with whom you can share anything in total confidence, without the merest, slightest concern that it will get out into the wild. They are the people with whom you can share your deepest secrets, your wildest and strangest dreams, and your most fearsome nightmares, without their judgement or their derision, without any fear at all that it will ever pass their lips.

That is one of the many ways in which I define friendship.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
You seem to be under a misapprehension...

First, the friend in question is female.

That's a good point.

We all do this.

We fill in the blanks with our own biases and erect an image of situations and others that is only partly founded on fact.

How well do we actually ever know our "friends" ?

Most of what we think of them, comes from our own mental constructions of what we'd like them to be.

This is why it's important to keep valuable secrets to one's self.

Even after decades of marriage, we continually find out new things about our partners that surprise us.

Total moron, clearly. You are not mad. He betrayed your trust and you have every right to be upset about it.

Are you going insane? Obviously ya, you are bud. Why are you posting relationship issues on a conspiracy site? Time to turn that brain switch on my man.

a reply to: hombero

My brain switch IS on.

Look which forum I posted this on! The relationships forum! Its almost like it was meant to be!

a reply to: TrueBrit

Loose lips sink ships. I get you needed to talk...but in cases like this? Smack that lil devil off your shoulder telling you "Its ok. Talk to them. Theyre your friend! They wont say anything!"

Lesson learned. Im still learning my British Brother! But...you can kick yourself for it so many times. But the only thing that'll happen...will be you get a sore arse and need a new pair of shoes.

Best to you with this!

Let it all out. We need to talk about this. So many people just want you to be quiet, forget about it, and move on. But I say, please talk to me, please tell me what happened. The world is cruel. For every 10 to 20 people you meet, man or woman, only 1 or 2 will not have an unjustified desire to harm you.

This is why I am different than them. Because I love. I want everyone to feel love. To be loved. And look outside, everyone wants me to feel hurt.

This is so much deeper than ever expected people. See, the bond that exists between us human beings, and of the opposite sex, cannot be avoided. Even if our mind compartmentalizes and denies everything. There are things taking place when we talk to each other. There are chemicals reacting in our minds every time that we receive attention from somebody we like. When we make a choice to tell somebody through our actions that they are more valuable than time, it means something to them more than their thoughts, even if they perceive it not. This is where cruel people have a multitude of opportunities.

See, we humans sense emotions or vibes more than we actually hear words coming out. If a person walks into a room and he dislikes you, he is committing an act of abuse to you as a person. There are so many emotional vampires out there.

Because I am losing time, I had to look into the world for a person I love. And in the mean time, I have fell in love with people who have deserted me, for a variety of reasons that all seem very small to me. Some people have left me and lied to me just to cause an emotional reaction inside of me, some people have felt that I deserve to be depressed based on mistakes that I have made. It never stops. People will abuse us and trap us in a corner and emotionally torture us with no end, making sure that we cry every day for the rest of our existence, while they are laughing in our face. Until we find that one person out of ten, who finally does not want to cause mischief.

But people have found me, and for many years have tried to disrupt my peace. Because they know how much I desire peace, it is not like a normal human being, but more like an ascetic, and when people see that a man can drift that far away from their reality, to a place that is filled with love and peace, their natural reaction is to wake me up from that state and to keep me out of that state, just because it is so foreign to them, their conscious acts like it is not allowed, but that is finally my recompense, to show that world that I can break down the barriers of our consciousness to a place where true love and freedom of spirit exists, the exact opposite of the dishonest world and how they manipulate the spiritual world in order to sin and cause others pain.

a reply to: TrueBrit

You're not going more insane. You have feelings and are expressing them. You feel betrayed and then it gets turned around on you like it's your fault. Of course you are upset by this and have every right to be. The friend who betrayed your trust, if they have been a great friend in every other way, will hopefully understand, apologize and things will improve in time.

As for the love interest friend, explain what you have in here, that you pretty much had a feeling she wouldn't be interested or feel the same and that you didn't want to add any undue stress to her life by bringing up that you had feelings for her. Tell her that you are perfectly fine with being just friends. Being just friends with someone you have deeper feelings for will be the biggest challenge for you. I'm sure the friend will understand and accept your friendship.


Keep us posted and do not doubt your sanity. We're all crazy after all. LOL

I have never understood the compulsion of some people to meddle. That, to me is insane. Life is too short and hard enough without manufactured drama.

At least you now know you can't trust this person as far as you thought. Better to know.

As far as your romantic interest, I agree with Night Star ... Explain next time you see her that you specifically were trying not to add more complication to her life, and you are sad to have inadvertently done so.

Go for coffee and behave as usual, and it won't seem weird after a few minutes.

Good Luck to you and your friend. And may sand fleas infest the sock drawer of the other one!

True Brit, your female friend that said that to your other female friend, without even knowing her, sounds like a total busy-body. That crap goes way beyond gossip, it's totally screwing with your life, like some control freak. No, in a case like this you're quite sane for feeling angry and betrayed that way.

I'd say keep your cool, give your nosy control freak friend the silent treatment and avoid them like the plague. Maybe, if your friendship is actually strong enough, they'll be back around to apologize, or, if they hold a grudge, they'll look for more ways to screw up your personal life more. I certainly would never trust them again.

sounds like some serious schoolyard drama.
your faux literatti and word smithery cant hide imaturity.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I wouldn't be accepting their anger, especially if they were the one that went behind my back. However, I am a hothead, and keeping a friend isn't one of my strengths.

I'm offering this up as a companion on here: Maybe it's about time you clear the air so to speak with this special lady: Rather than waste anger on the friend who betrayed you, maybe try to see where the two of you stand. The worst case scenario is that she gives you the traditional "You are a sweet guy True, but I'm not ready for a relationship" line. If she does, make it clear to her that you would very much like to remain friends, and reserve your emotions for the next lucky lady in line. Obviously, if she indicates that she does like you as more than a friend, then go from there.

Learning the truth is a hard pill to swallow, but I'd rather have someone tell me the truth than waste countless days dreading it.

-foss

originally posted by: Rikku
sounds like some serious schoolyard drama.
your faux literatti and word smithery cant hide imaturity.

Ouch! Even I can feel the poisonous barbs on that comment. I guess you don't hold back on your opinions much. Might as well call him pompous and arrogant while you're at it. Nothing like kicking a guy when he is down.

a reply to: Rikku

Your own word smithery is of a different flavour.

I've adopted this one as my motto for the day.

use the restore function, turn off updates and be more vigilante.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck


Well said! I was going to make a reply to him, but now I don't have to.

a reply to: Night Star

Even I was supportive in this thread and that's saying something!
Context and current situation are key when I choose to be an unnecessarily blunt prick.

It is an art and some spoil it at inappropriate moments.
Kids learn though