I Opened an Interdimensional Portal and Spoke with Nelson Mandela

Or, just a typical day at the office.

Poor Nelson Mandela, going through life thinking that all his efforts towards human rights and fighting apartheid would be his legacy. But now, due to the impact of scientists ignoring proper protocol in the pursuit of their religion, 'Scientism', they have ripped the fabric of reality and caused his afterlife to be dominated by his rumored ability to perform stupendous feats of physics-defying logic, such as moving your kidneys around and changing children's story books. It is no longer something he can bear and asked for help. I happily obliged by cranking up the Tesla free-energy device we keep under the Federal Reserve and scalar-waved over to his location in the 5th Dimension.

He informed me that normally he would not take great umbrage with this lot in life (or death) but since he was quite CERN-tain that it was Luciferian propaganda put forth to rob him of his justly earned merits he asked to set the record straight in all effected timelines for the sake of posterity. Nelson appealed to my humanity (sucker) and being willing to assist him in return for some answers (my demands) seemed a fair exchange. I feel I have most of what transpired correctly transcribed here but the sole caveat is he was unable to speak, due to a demon controlling his vocal cords who alternated between high-decibel renditions of What Did the Fox Say? and doing Adam Sandler monologues, so we instead used the same sign language communication as the interpreter did on the stage during Mandela's real funeral in 2013.

Nelson made it clear that while an Illuminati-controlled puppet in life as a world leader he was done with that schizzle (his word) and wanted to 'teach them Satan-worshipping bastards a lesson' by 'marching their asses to Pretoria'. Please do not ask me what that meant, the guy made almost no sense and the constant Adam Sandler baby-voice, demon-spouted dreck that came out of his mouth made it hard to concentrate. So I began my series of questions and recorded them as best I could:

• Why is this 'effect' named after you?
  
  What the hell else would you call it? The George Bush Effect? He's only brain dead.
  
  
• What is your favorite/least favorite part about this?
  
  My favorite part is that we supposedly moved New Zealand around and my least favorite part is that we actually moved New Zealand around. Poor bastards never saw it coming. But screw it, I didn't like The Hobbit anyway.
  
  
• If you could have actually died in the 1980's, would you have done so?
  
  Hell yeah! I would have missed Kanye and the Kardashians, that would have been worth it.
  
  
• So, you are hosting a demon inside you, what is that like?
  
  Like being Debbie Wasserman Shultz inside another, more annoying Debbie Wasserman Shultz.
  
  
• That sounds awful.
  
  It doesn't sound like s***, I jammed a #2 pencil in both my eardrums.
  
  
• How did you get it?
  
  When the wolf laid down with the lamb. They kinda made this hybrid thing and, well, it seemed friendly and all so I pet it and the next thing you know *BLAM* possession central. Oh, well, live and learn, don't mess with Biblical hybrid critters. Worse than the genetically engineered stuff popping out of the labs when it comes to messing up your paradigm.
  
  
• What do you think of all the people that believe their timelines are shifting?
  
  I would ask them, 'If you were actually shifting around why not go somewhere that has some cool effects like you all get a yellow Lamborghini and Sofia Vergara to feed you bacon?'. Nope, you get misquoted Star Wars and Bible lines along with a children's book with a different title. Big whoop.
  
  
• But people feel this is real and the result of scientists tampering with the fabric of the universe at CERN.
  
  That would only be the case if there was a ritual sacrifice in front of the Shiva statue there first.
  
  
• Uhhhh.......okay. So, how do we go about correcting this?
  
  Use the goddamn Google results when you search for things, your memory sucks!!!! You think Al Gore gave you the internet to only look at cat memes?
  
  
• But what if we disagree with those results?
  
  Then take some friggin' ginkgo biloba.
  
  
• Gotcha. So, Billy Graham, dead or alive?
  
  Mostly alive.
  
  
• Jimmy Swaggart?
  
  Sadly still alive.
  
  
• Sex.......?
  
  I miss it.
  
  
• No, the name of the HBO program.
  
  Oh, sorry *blushes*, 'and the City'.
  
  
• Interview.....?
  
  'With the Vampire'. But is sucked balls. Another thing that makes me wish I dropped early.
  
  
• Favorite peanut butter?
  
  Smucker's. Jif tastes like ass.
  
  
• Where is Wales?
  
  West of England. You can tell because the sheep are always running east.
  
  
• What does the Queen say?
  
  'Bring me another infant to drain of blood!'
  
  
• No, no, no, not the Queen of England, the one in the Disney film.
  
  So I just confirmed to you that she really is a reptilian shape shifter from outer space that eats children and you honestly care more about the 'magic mirror'?
  
  
• Fair enough. Final questions. Is the moon recent or always been here?
  
  Always been here.
  
  
• Is that were the Nazi/alien base is?
  
  Not in this timeline. *wink*

So there you have it, straight from Nelson Mandela's hands. I may go back and ask him more questions but it was time to go at that point since I did not want to use up all the free energy on our device. He truly is a good man for being so patient with my questions and kindly asks that you rename your brain farts on some guy named Joe from Toledo.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

My 1st question would have been about the Wizard of Oz and Scarecrow with a Gun, but your questions were pretty fantastic.

Thanks for sharing - Mandela "effect" is insanity at it's finest. Prepare to continue seeing threads/Youtube videos pop up about this "phenomenon" for years and years to come though

Use the goddamn Google results when you search for things, your memory sucks!!!! You think Al Gore gave you the internet to only look at cat memes?

Uh Oh. I thought all those memes were about dogs. Well, I do wear eye glasses.

And I thought Al Gore was the president of Chad. I know I remember something about him and Chad.

I give up...

originally posted by: FamCore
My 1st question would have been about the Wizard of Oz and Scarecrow with a Gun, but your questions were pretty fantastic.

I can ask him on my next visit if I decide to go back. The place stunk and there was nothing to drink so it is not like the 5 star accommodations my 1%'er ass is used to.

Thanks for sharing - Mandela "effect" is insanity at it's finest. Prepare to continue seeing threads/Youtube videos pop up about this "phenomenon" for years and years to come though

You meant the Joe from Toledo Effect, right?

Or, just a typical day at the office.

Most of the 'answers' sound like you answering yourself.

Oh...

originally posted by: roadgravel

I give up...

Probably the smartest thing anyone ever said in one of these threads.

originally posted by: intrptr

Most of the 'answers' sound like you answering yourself.

In my original timeline I said, 'Meh', to this comment too.

That was very funny But I don't know why the joke ones, like Sublimecraft's (which was also funny) are going in the gray area rather in 'jokes, puns and pranks'.

originally posted by: reldra
But I don't know why the joke ones, like Sublimecraft's (which was also funny) are going in the gray area rather in 'jokes, puns and pranks'.

You think it is a joke that we have a free energy device under the Fed? Well, you paid for part of it so the jokes on you.

OMG ROFLMAO ..... I cannot even begin to come up with a new drink to honor it!

Awesome thread.Enjoyed it until I spit my coffee out through my noseI hope you have another"Interview"in the future as I don't see the ME'rs going anywhere

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I can't believe Mandela didn't like The Hobbit. I just can't believe it..

originally posted by: desert
I cannot even begin to come up with a new drink to honor it!

Someone beat you to it:

To celebrate Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday, the head barman at a London hotel created cocktail 46664 - after the great man's inmate number while he was imprisoned between 1964 and 1990. After a concert in London's Hyde Park last month, Robert Gaggl at the Cavendish Hotel in nearby Jermyn Street decided to create the cocktail, with 50 per cent of the proceeds going to Mandela's 46664 charity.

The recipe was inspired by South African oranges and sugar cane, combining Cointreau with fresh orange juice, Hennessy VS Cognac and Harvey s Bristol Cream.

Nelson Mandela 46664 cocktail

20 ml Hennessy VS Cognac

10 ml Cointreau

5 ml Harveys Bristol Cream

5 ml sugar syrup

15 ml orange juice

10 ml honey

Method: Shake ingredients on ice using a Boston shaker. Add 10ml honey to a Martini glass and using a strainer, serve straight up. Add a piece of twisted orange peel to garnish.

I call BS! There IS no "more annoying Debbie Wasserman Shultz".

Sure you had the right Mandela?--Sounds more like Winnie.

originally posted by: TDawg61
Awesome thread.Enjoyed it until I spit my coffee out through my nose

I hope you have another"Interview"in the future as I don't see the ME'rs going anywhere

I can compile some more questions for a future trip to see him. Despite a certain doubting Thomas' comments.

originally posted by: FamCore
I can't believe Mandela didn't like The Hobbit. I just can't believe it..

He said he did not like the overuse of CGI and the superfluous love story.

His comment was, 'An Elf and a Dwarf? Seriously? What kind of shift is that?'.

originally posted by: IAMTAT

I call BS! There IS no "more annoyingDebbie Wasserman Shultz".

I know, I know, it's kind of like a 'dumber Paris Hilton' but I got what he was trying to convey with that analogy.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

We need more of these interviews.

I would pay to read any interview you do with Trump, Clinton, Sanders.

Or any other celebrity for that matter.

We need more of these insightful, hard-hitting journalistic pieces. I feel like I'm reading a PBS thread.

Serious. Mature. Dignified.

Hard-hitting journalism at its finest!

Bravo!

Nelsons" Mandala....

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I would pay to read any interview you do with Trump, Clinton, Sanders.

Or any other celebrity for that matter.

Sadly, I can only visit dead people to do these interviews.

We need more of these insightful, hard-hitting journalistic pieces. I feel like I'm reading a PBS thread.

Serious. Mature. Dignified.

Hard-hitting journalism at its finest!

If you could write me a letter of recommendation when I apply to be an investigative journalist at the Washington Post that would be awesome. I would so buy you a sixer of Meister Brau.