when a friend does not offer condolences or comfort in loss of loved one

My brother died when I was in high school.
Only this year I learned his friend was still with him before my brother passed.
I didn't know they remained friends passed childhood.
I was not allowed to my oldest brothers funeral.
His friend did not show up and neither did the friends parent.
The parent was friends with my father
And did not show or send condolences on my fathers passing either.
My brothers friend did not send condolences to me or my other brother, either... after his friend passed.
I knew my brothers friend as a young person and spent a day with him at a birthday party.
I have google this person over and over.
Thought about him in high school before my brother died.
Pretty great friend, huh?
Why are some folks so thoughtless?
Don't think I am being mean here about my supposed friend,
Just think he is a robot, cold hearted jerk.
I vaguely remember another time where he and my brother asked me to do something rude for 5 dollars and maybe after all this time he is still ashamed?..i lm pretty sure I didn't do what they had suggested.... this was well after the birthday.
Not sure why the divide between boys and girls...happened between us
Thanks for reading
So basically, I have a childhood friend that doesn't care about me or my oldest brother any more.
Otherwise I would have received condolences?
I guess it doesn't matter,
I'm pretty done here on earth, myself.
I have a heart condition from caffeine and tobacco and wait calmly to say my peace and die...I will not go to a doctor
I am not wanting sympathy just prayers that I go to cat heaven away from this world ...i hate it!
I'm not lying, my heart on left side of chest hurts a lot, frozen feeling in arms ..i am done here..
Will keep trying to ask for prayer until my last breath, as apparently the male hag rider wants

a reply to: peppycat

Sorry for your loss all I can say is everybody has their own way of grieving. My fiancée's uncle just died tragically and she doesn't even want me to mention it even though I was trying to comfort her.

a reply to: BoxFulder it is difficult, my best friend couldn't listen to me try to have a good memory on the night my brother passed, so I kept quiet... in shock for a year...then broke down from a situation my other friend was experiencing similar to what my brother went through.

Over Twenty years have gone by and I still, feel like dying.
Appreciate your kindness
And not saying something like all that time and your still not over it...
Thank you, BoxFulder...your fiance, just probably needs quite time to herself, it's okay not to talk about it until she opens up on her own,
Wish you both love and serenity.

a reply to: peppycat


I am so sorry you lost your Brother and that the friend wasn't there for you in any way. Not all people are like that.

Why won't you go to the doctor's? You really should be checked out. I hate going to the Doctor's with a passion, but I go. Why feel miserable when you don't have to? I hate to see you like this.

I will pray for you Honey, for you to find strength and courage to deal with everything you may be going through. Hang in there. There is still much beauty, love and compassion in the world around you.

originally posted by: BoxFulder
a reply to: peppycat

Sorry for your loss all I can say is everybody has their own way of grieving. My fiancée's uncle just died tragically and she doesn't even want me to mention it even though I was trying to comfort her.

Sorry your fiancé lost her Uncle. She will talk about it when she is ready. You don't really need to say anything right now, just be there. If she wants to talk she will talk, if she doesn't, just hold her hand or give a hug and let her know how much you love her.

a reply to: peppycat

Sorry to hear about your brother, peppycat.

I agree with Night Star. You need to get checked out. I know the world has a lot of trouble in it but we should not give up on the world or on life. There are good people, good moments, good experiences. Please hold on. See a doctor and see what he/she says, please peppycat.

a reply to: Night Starthank you, your post is a balm for my pain... and the flowers are so pretty!
I might consult with a doctor...now~thanks to you...I have to travel a long ways to get there, first I'll call for an appointment... as long as there are no ambulances....i'm okay...I might see a witch doctor, instead... shaman, they are called.
Hope you are well too.
Appreciate your beauty and kindness, you're a true human being in my book... one of the best on the planet.
Have a wonderful next two days and beyond, Night
In from dream world my brother is in heaven and lets me know, he is okay.
I believe when a loved one passes into spirit, they still visit in many different ways, déjà vu, dreams...a scent, a twinkle in the night.
Much love to you and yours.
Thank you for bringing me peace this thread...
I might log out for awhile and get back to work soon.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2okay, I will see a doctor... it's just something in my sleep has been trying to cut off oxygen supply.... crazy sounding I know... it is from my younger brother wishing me dead and murdered ...i listen to this day after day night after night, I called the police and he got out of mental health unit within hours after lying and saying he will stop obsessing over me.
And then there is some male witch trying to wish me dead too,
Sorry I sound insane, the meds don't help this feeling of being cursed.
I mean, I don't know why he does this... if only the evil man would just explain why? I know it is not a woman witch, although I question the Hispanic Tamili lady in town too, as to weather she gave me parasites.
People curses are real.
Thanks hopefully someone will believe what am writing here.

People have reasons.. Why my brother died 10 years ago, one of my best pals disappeared from my life. We didn't speak for years but guess what.. We are great friends again.
He had his reasons which I respect, as he was ha ing a tough time with it too.

a reply to: Misterlondon that's good, being friends for years is nice.
Thank you.

a reply to: peppycat

Strangely I can somewhat identify with feeling cursed. It sounds crazy to say it, yes, but it can be difficult to deny it in some rare cases. I do believe it can be broken though. Never give up. Eating well, sleeping well and feeling well (emotionally) are important. Art, craft or anything to put your mind into can work wonders. Meanwhile, you need to look after yourself

When the people I loved died I never went to there funerals, I see funerals as a place full of empty people with empty words. When people are alive thats when I give them flowers, when people are living thats when I say nice things to them, when people are alive thats when I tell them I love them. Giving dead people flowers and kind words is of no use to them, give these things wile people are alive.

a reply to: peppycat

Thank you for your kind words Sweetie. I would see a regular Doctor first if I were you. When I had cancer, I was in the best hands. The team I had was just amazing! You don't want to have a heart attack or stroke, so go see a regular Doctor as soon as you can. We care!

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2 I'll try to eat and rest drink water, I feel yucky...living with younger brother busting into bathroom if I try to shower, blasting disgusting music and the stench he wears is truly gross.
All I do is take care of these family members, and yet they hate me... well my mom shows a little love by worry about where I am... simply existing for their sake, and yet I love them and wish no ill will to them.
Hopefully my ear plugs work later and I sleep okay.
Thanks for being here, Lone CH.
I truly appreciate this, letting me explain how truly horrible my life is and has been, no matter,, I stay peppy and nobody can even tell I want to die.
Maybe I can check into mental health and stop worrying about these people I live with.

a reply to: peppycat

It's time for you to take care of yourself and not worry about anybody else for a while. You matter! Get counseling if it will help. I'm sure it would. I think many of us reach a point in life where we just want to say to hell with it all, but there is always hope.

It seems from your writing you are depressed, so depending on how old you are, were you live, you should be able to get help from professionals in your area. Now you can sit and sink into the mess or you can start gathering your resources and go get help. I understand its not easy, but 2 things are sure
1 things will not get better if you sink deeper into the mess
2 writing here on ATS will not help sort things out, it will feel nice to read all the huggy huggy things people say but thats not going to sort the real world out.
A strong person is a person who knows when to ask for help, and will keep asking till the help is given.
Be very very safe, giving up is not the road you should use.

a reply to: peppycat

I'm sure they don't hate you. They may take you for granted. Family can hurt us the most because they are so close and seem to press the right buttons (or wrong ones.)

You're a sweet person Peppy and maybe you need to do more for yourself, to treat yourself. If family makes you feel that bad then either try confronting them about it, to work it through, or otherwise find things that you can do away from them. Going to a park, getting involved in some activity or club, or going to bingo, or just taking walks. Treat yourself with the kind of love that you would want me or Night Stat to treat ourselves with. Love yourself, that's important

I will pray for you, Peppy. I hope it helps

a reply to: imod02 thanks,😊 I have stated I will seek therapy bit I have to travel and deal with the mess until then.

originally posted by: peppycat
My brother died when I was in high school.
Only this year I learned his friend was still with him before my brother passed.
I didn't know they remained friends passed childhood.
I was not allowed to my oldest brothers funeral.
His friend did not show up and neither did the friends parent.
The parent was friends with my father
And did not show or send condolences on my fathers passing either.
My brothers friend did not send condolences to me or my other brother, either... after his friend passed.
I knew my brothers friend as a young person and spent a day with him at a birthday party.
I have google this person over and over.
Thought about him in high school before my brother died.
Pretty great friend, huh?
Why are some folks so thoughtless?
Don't think I am being mean here about my supposed friend,
Just think he is a robot, cold hearted jerk.
I vaguely remember another time where he and my brother asked me to do something rude for 5 dollars and maybe after all this time he is still ashamed?..i lm pretty sure I didn't do what they had suggested.... this was well after the birthday.
Not sure why the divide between boys and girls...happened between us
Thanks for reading
So basically, I have a childhood friend that doesn't care about me or my oldest brother any more.
Otherwise I would have received condolences?
I guess it doesn't matter,
I'm pretty done here on earth, myself.
I have a heart condition from caffeine and tobacco and wait calmly to say my peace and die...I will not go to a doctor
I am not wanting sympathy just prayers that I go to cat heaven away from this world ...i hate it!
I'm not lying, my heart on left side of chest hurts a lot, frozen feeling in arms ..i am done here..
Will keep trying to ask for prayer until my last breath, as apparently the male hag rider wants

Your suspicions may be well founded but on the other hand some people cant confront reality and relativity whitch involves death of someone near them.

my sister-in-law of near on 60 years is dying of altzhimers and none of my other brothers have been to see her. This is because they want to remember her as they remember her all her life. They do not want to remember her for what she looks like now. It was very difficult for me to see her and I will not go back again because emotionaly I just cannot do it.

Similar things may be at work in relation to your friend.

a reply to: LoneCloudHopper2yes it helps thank you and Night for any prayers over my soul...I lost my time card and won't receive check for a long time... so it will be awhile before I can go travel and maybe go to a spa.
Hopefully I go to work tomorrow... someone wanted me to lose work too and cursed that. Oh well...i'll eat out of the garbage.thanks a bunch😊