when a friend does not offer condolences or comfort in loss of loved one

a reply to: Azureblue


I'm sorry to hear of your sister-in-law and what she is going through. My friend's Mom is going through that. She has her lucid times and her bad times. My friend is like an Angel and so good with her Mom.

a reply to: Azureblue blessings on your sister in law, may she be loved near or far.
Thank you for the reply, I have no idea where my childhood friend went to. My dad said Arizona or new Mexico... if I could find him I would write to him.
Bless you for being kind.

a reply to: Night Star

thank you for the kind words

First step, go to the doctor, get med help, ask for treatment for depression. People who need help find it very hard to ask for help, and the whole system is built around the fact that you need to ask for help to get help. Its a very cold lonely frightening place to take the first step, only when you take that first step will things start getting better. Go to a doc get help, sitting around hoping that a heart attack will solve all is not the way to handle this. The fact you are writing on ATS about it seem to indicate that you dont want the heart attack, so get the phone and get to the doctor. Things will not change over night but with help they will change for the better

a reply to: peppycat

If it is a male friend then we are exempt from all social convention that requires effort. How many single males send out Christmas cards? Sure there are some, but really that isn't something single males do in my experience.

a reply to: imod02 thanks I feel better now from the members posting above. Appreciate the concern and will get around to finding a good doctor.

When my Brother died I had a very good pal (still is) who didn't mention it but once. Everyone else was going on about how I should feel and how am I? he was just like "Shall we go out and attempt to cop off with girls?".
I saw a lot of him due to the normality he gave me maybe your pal is trying that approach, or maybe it is hard for him to discuss death due to personal experiences?.

a reply to: Metallicusyour funny.😊okay so males don't know how to care much?.. then it is okay I guess, my oldest brother actually tried to care in sending letters and art before he died....I just wish I had let him know how much he had always meant to me.
Time and distance can be weird... not recalling how to show care, since everyone is unique in that way...😃 maybe I find other friend that taught me to care for vets and people on the street, he was a true bro... my best friends, boyfriend and her, were the best friends ever... they broke up and I cried my eyes out...they were so dear and kind.
Thanks, you have summoned up fond memories.


I feel better...maybe find true friend in town... they're out there, maybe at the bar...even though I wrote a negative yelp ad about the joint.: lol now in'm scared of getting sued.
Single males...don't send cards, lol~ how about comic books? tunes?

a reply to: TheKnightofDoom sorry your brother passed on, hope you retain love and good memory of him...your friend tried to show you comfort.
My friend wanted to take me to bar and get a beer yet we weren't twenty one yet... we walked into bar any how.
Take care, be well
Thanks for sharing.

a reply to: peppycat

Everyone acts different to death. There's been family members that I have loved dearly but when they've died, it didn't affect me at all. The same with friends and family members of friends.

It's like my brain just knows they're gone and nothing can be done about it so it doesn't feel any emotion about it.

If I were to tell certain people "I'm sorry" or alike, I would feel fake/like I'm lying which WOULD make me feel bad so I've only done so on a very rare occasion where I could see someone in front of me that I thought lying to would make them actually feel better.

I'm not a heartless person. Just some of us truly react differently. Maybe it's the same for your friend..?

Don't let life beat you up. Myself, I'm not afraid of the end but while you're here you may as well try to enjoy it while you can.

a reply to: OfTheVoid46 thanks, I already forgot about my friend and don't care what he cared for about my brother...I care about my brother..in spirit and that is what he needs anyways...even after passing over, they like to experience appreciation... so that's what I will do and my friend can go chase his tail... for all I care.
Interesting, not feeling anything for one who has died.
Lying is stupid... like ''how are you?'' and you answer fine, when your actually feeling like life is the pits.
Thanks for reply.

a reply to: peppycat

What has you feeling so down? Is it thinking about your brother after the realization of the friend or just life in general?

As much as I try to keep a good attitude about things there's been times I was "on the brink" so to say and as lame as it may be, the best thing I've found is to distract myself until it passes.

Do you have anyone close currently you can spend some time with? Any hobbies? ... anything to refocus on that's more positive?

Some times as cheesy/hippy as it sounds, even just going outside and admiring the random beauty of life can be a great distraction.

Wish I had something better to say. Good luck peppycat, feel better.

a reply to: OfTheVoid46thanks I like to take care of a friend a lot...he has it worse than me.
I like to write short stories.
And I like working.
Appreciate your kindness, have a pleasant day.😊
The thing that has me down is in trying to recall things I have had blanked out of my memory... and that I miss my brother every now and again.

a reply to: peppycat

Why are some folks so thoughtless? Don't think I am being mean here about my supposed friend, Just think he is a robot, cold hearted jerk.

I had the same happen at my fathers funeral...certain friends of mine thought it too much to be involved...
Self absorbed arse*oles.

I have a heart condition from caffeine and tobacco

If you had not had medical checkups this may only be a minor affliction - due to caffeine overdose/withdrawels. Treatable. Take time to look after yourself.

Life is worth living...remember the things that gave you joy, they or other good things can come into your life again. Allow yourself time to heal and start loving yourself again. You are special. You are also special to me as you have touched me with your story.

Take care

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight thanks, I feel like creating warm fuzzy pom's, out of yarn and crazy glue on eyes with little feet... passing them out for next year.
Appreciate your kind words🎑

🎏🎁🎏

a reply to: peppycat

That sounds so cute! Crafts are a great diversion and will help you feel better. Keep us posted on when you get that appointment with a Doctor.

a reply to: Night Star thanks Night, I will let you know about the pain in my heart and what the doctor says.
Sigh, I can't wait to go to a craft store...so much traveling.
😇😃😃

Remember how uncomfortable asking out and being asked out when you were a young teen? Some have the same discomfort with condolences. They don't know what to say. It's not disrespect.

a reply to: intrepid very true, I understand that totally.
Thank you, for words of wisdom.😊

a reply to: peppycat

Take care Peppycat and make I hope your appointment turns out well