Please dont make fun of me. LOL
I had a weird experience last night. Good I guess, weird.
I laid myself to sleep last night. I was feeling energized but heavy.
I started to slip into sleep but didnt go the usual path. I was semi-awake, letting what felt like waves pass over me. My brain felt under preassure,
but not painful. Like a flexed muscle.
I started to get a feeling like one I had before, years ago, where I was meditating, but felt a pain and dread, anxiety over where I was going.
The last time I recoiled back awake I felt great pain and lasting trauma. It was unsetteling.
I didnt want that this time and since then I have figured out that the fear is natural and not real pain.
So this time I kept with it.
All along I felt and heard this chime. A melody.
I stayed with that and was not myself anymore.
Something at this point was with me. Like a guard at a gate. It tried to bounce me back.
We struggled in ways I cant describe. Like two gasses fighting, like two sounds, forces at odds.
In the end I summoned something inside me and overcame.
At this point I was really frayed, not where I could not go on, but where I felt a purpose had been served, so I was done there.
I CHOSE to wake up. When I did I was REALLY disoriented.
I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS. I forgot what the room was like and could not find the light switch. I couldnt think like myself. I wouldnt know my name if
someone asked me at that moment.
It was hard to figure out why it was dark, that lights worked on switches. It slowly came back to me.
It took a while and so when I did find the switch, I stumbled out and sat in the living room for a while to collect myself.
This was in my daughters old room where we keep baby stuff now. I like to sleep there because its dark and silent.
I went to my bed I have not been sleeping in since my wife sleeps there with our baby now. I curled up at the foot of the bed like a dog and slept.
I cant describe how strange it was. I lost the fear of the first time that made me recoil and left me messed up for years.
Since the first time I have been prepairing for this happening again. I wanted to see it through, so I have been mentally prepairing since.
Its progress. I cant say I NEED to go through this, but I know on some level I have to see this through.
The thing I summoned in me to overcome was like a force of will, an ignition of a fire, a light. THAT was really not myself, and it left me changed.
Better, at peace. I felt powerful in my dream state. No fear or pain. No emotion, only pure thought.
It was amazing.
I underatand this could all be nothing, but during the exchange there was a deep level of communication.
Not so much as words, but I understood it as language. This force was trying to bounce me back in dread like the first time.
I dont think it was evil, though it was NOT something good and warm.
It could just be a component of my own subconscious mind.
I know it may happen again, maybe years from now like last time, or tonight.
I dont fear it at all anymore. I feel like that door is open and that was the purpose of this.
Next time, I will go through.
So thats it. I just wanted to share this and see if others know about what I am talking about, or if they want to know more about it.
It was not of this world. I am in no way seeking to be special or telling you I have super powers.
Its an interesting phenomenon that probably has a rational explination, BUT it is still highly unusual and so for me leaves me trying to figure it
I cant lie, it did feel spiritual, but that doesnt explain it all. That could just be me interpreting something I dont understand in ways I can make
sense of it.
There is more out there than we know.
edit on 3 24 2016 by tadaman because: (no reason given)