The Downsides of Being Beautiful

a reply to: EternalSolace

a reply to: tigertatzen Is it physical appearance that you find more important or psychological appearance?

I am unsure what you mean by psychological appearance. Someone could appear to be a very nice person and psychologically sound and turn out to be a total nutcase. Just ask my ex husbands latest ex-wife.

I definitely try not to make snap judgements of people's character based on their physical appearance. I've had it done to me and it doesn't feel very nice. And I really don't care much about appearance because in my experience, it is largely deceiving. If I had to pick between someone who looked like Johnny Depp but had the character of Beelzebub and one who wasn't as hot but was kind, caring, funny and intense, I'd pick the second one hands down. Because beauty will eventually fade, but the person underneath will remain the same.

a reply to: tigertatzen

I find it easy to distinguish between physical "appearance" and psychological "appearance". To me, there's a difference between the two. In essence, I'm trying to say that brains mean more than looks. I prefer someone who can school me in new ways to someone who thinks the earth is flat and the sun is smaller than the moon. You know?

originally posted by: Eilasvaleleyn

I realize that my saying outloud (writing in public) that there are ways certain people get treated differently because of their physical appearence is an unpopular assertion.

Wait, what? Unpopular assertion? I was under the impression it was an accepted fact.

I haven't followed the way this discussion developed since I was here last, but when I posted that, I was involved in discussion in which I was defending the concept and another was arguing that it does not exist, the studies that suggest it are unreliable and not to be trusted, and any perception on my part of it happening has only been due to my own psychological disbalances, persecution complexes, and vanity. Because that person was getting many stars in those responses to me, I think I assumed there were many that agreed with that point of view.

a reply to: Bluesma

Anyone who thinks that physical appearance doesn't influence others and the way they treat people is either an idiot or woefully misinformed, just forget about it. They may believe that they personally aren't affected by it, but unless they're asexual they probably are and just don't realise it.

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Yes I have yet to meet anyone who self reproduces though that would be interesting.

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

I know that our minds are wired to find those who are physically attractive as more suitable mates than those who aren't physically attractive. Is there any study to suggest that smarts overrule physicality? Or will the males who can slay the saber tooth tiger and look good doing it always win out?

a reply to: TechniXcality

I wasn't talking about the biological term, I was talking about "without sexual feelings or associations."
Hell, even if you are asexual you're probably still affected by appearance, just in different ways.

a reply to: EternalSolace

I find it easy to distinguish between physical "appearance" and physiological "appearance". To me, there's a difference between the two. In essence, I'm trying to say that brains mean more than looks. I prefer someone who can school me in new ways to someone who thinks the earth is flat and the sun is smaller than the moon. You know?

I get you. Just the word "appearance" is a loaded one...because people so often are not, psychologically speaking, as they appear to be.

But no, if I cannot carry on an intellectual conversation with someone and actually enjoy their company and really connect, it is never going to matter how good they look. The spark has to still be there or it's just meaningless eye candy and I'll never give the person another thought.

a reply to: tigertatzen

I just find the importance placed on eye candy to have overtaken the importance placed on intellectual candy. I'm by no means the smartest dumb ass on the planet... but at the same time I'm not the dumbest either, Unfortunately, I'm an overweight American who needs 200 hours on a bike to overcome the importance placed on physical looks over intelligence.

a reply to: tigertatzen
Lol, an intellectual connection is the least of my considerations when it comes to sexual attraction.

a reply to: grainofsand

A dummy who can take you to your limit and no further or a smarty who can take you there and beyond... yeah... give me beyond any day...

a reply to: EternalSolace

To be fair, if you're that far gone when it comes to health, it implies a certain mindset/personality/genotype that wouldn't be attractive in a mate.

I think sexual attraction is the only thing necessary for short-term flings or one night stands, but for a long-term romantic relationship you absolutely need both.

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Short term flings, I can absolutely agree on. There's long term and that leads towards "the one". In looking for "the one", I'm a little bit more forgiving in my physical expectations. BTW, I can go 2.5 miles jogging... I just don't look good doing it, lol. But you're right... the physical does play an important part.

a reply to: EternalSolace

Have you considered joining the infantry? 16 weeks of basic plus unit training and pt, pretty much guaranteed me 10 years of great physical condition with or without exercise.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I've still got maybe 1.5 years to go in as a medic or 1 as a warrant officer. I've been an EMT for ten years and a licensed pilot for eight. I just never wanted to go in with the nickname "grandpa" if you know what I mean.

a reply to: EternalSolace

Well and the reason I mentioned it is because you said you can do 2.5 no sweat and you seem to be concerned about physical appearance, grandpa or not we all serve the same and are brothers, might be something to consider. Hey there was one guy nick named gimp and another meat gazer haha now to be those guys that's a whole nother story.

a reply to: EternalSolace
What does that even mean?
I'm not discussing philosophy when I'm having sex, it is about visual and physical sexual pleasure for me.
Perhaps some folk like a fat woman who gives an interesting theology lecture during sex but I don't.
...are you unhappy that looks are an important part of sexual attraction to me or something?

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Oh, I apologize I thought you had some rare access to humans who can self reproduce.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I've not totally ruled it out. I'm at 310 and 6'2". The last time I talked to a recruiter a couple years ago they suggested I get down to 225. I just kind of laughed them off as being out of their mind. I could probably pass tape, but I'm so close to the age limit that it's not worth it. If I was 20 years old again, yeah, this wouldn't even be a conversation.

a reply to: grainofsand

I just mean to say I can forgive a little ugly for someone who can rock my world rather than someone who looks like Aphrodite and sucks.