ATS sends threatening letter to ISIS, will also troll them

Dear CIA/MOSSAD/FSB,

We at Above Top Secret are like super pissed at you. While we understand your bastardized lineage gives you justifiable angst and seething distrust of the Zionist-Illuminati puppet masters ruling the world we would like to ask you to stop your horribly mean actions.

Please stop roasting people alive, beheading them, tossing them from buildings, mutilating them and generally behaving in a manner reminiscent of Genghis Khan. While we all realize that these inhumanities are all photo shopped and staged by the CIA et al they still make you look like stinky-heads and does not further your agenda with peace loving people everywhere.

As we are still not able to reverse-engineer a time machine at this point, due to orders from the Reptilian Overlords, which could take you back to the 6th Century (where you would be most happy) can we suggest joining us in the 21st? We have all the things which a truly civilized society requires; pornography, liquor, The Kardashians, manipulative Hollywood movies and a Jew-controlled media. Your happiness is assured.

Once you have begun the process of being assimilated into Western culture we can help you with the objective of undermining it from within. A little Sharia never hurt anyone, right? Anyway, you may find American society to be similar to yours; we have guns, religion and crazy people. Just like you! Except our crazy is a little bit better than your crazy and we have to buy our guns instead of getting them for free when our allies drop them. You will find that we are easy to get along with, as long as you do not touch our GMO fast food or try to jab us with a flu vaccine.

Oh, one last thing, you also need to accept Jesus into your hearts as the alternative is accepting JDAMs into your head.

Thank you for your consideration,

The Infidel Denizens of Above Top Secret

Who can turn down pornography and liquor? I think we just won the war boys, pack your guns and let's get back home.

You do notice that they are attacking the regular people and not the people in charge don't you? I'm not so sure that there is not something wrong with that situation. If I was pissed at the government of the USA, I would not be attacking ordinary citizens. We are citizens though, we have legal ways to try to get the government to change it's policies.

originally posted by: 3NL1GHT3N3D1
Who can turn down pornography and liquor?

Certainly not me. If there was only more drunkenness in the world I think people would be less emotional and violent.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

pornography, liquor, The Kardashians, manipulative Hollywood movies and a Jew-controlled media. Your happiness is assured.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

BACON

You forgot to mention bacon

Call yourself an ATS'er you......................you bacon heathen

Cody

originally posted by: rickymouse
You do notice that they are attacking the regular people and not the people in charge don't you? I'm not so sure that there is not something wrong with that situation. If I was pissed at the government of the USA, I would not be attacking ordinary citizens.

Are you saying they are attacking the CIA/MOSSAD/FSB assets there and not the handlers?

We should write another letter to our Congress Clowns and let them know we are pissed at them too.

Bwahahaha...

Writing a letter to ISIS the alphabet/black ops agencies... nothing like aiming that arrow right at the heart of the matter, eh ?!

originally posted by: cody599
BACON

You forgot to mention bacon

Call yourself an ATS'er you......................you bacon heathen

Cody

You know, I must be slipping. I mentioned the booze but I forgot the pork products. Can we make sure it is loaded with antibiotics before they eat it?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

(If Islamic State actually replied ...)

"Dear ATS,

It's unfortunate that you do not enjoy our methods of punishing the western kafir's of this world. Despite your frustrations, however, we will continue employing our methods the world over until the prophecy of the Islamic State had been fulfilled and the West has been destroyed. We wish you a Merry Christmas, as you will not have much longer to pray to your false messiahs once we bomb your cities and ravage your women. Death to the crusaders! Praise Allah!

Sincerely,

Islamic State"

a reply to: Passerby1996

I was going to compose a lengthy reply but I decided to let Anonymous and El Chapo get this one.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
Bwahahaha...

Writing a letter to ISIS the alphabet/black ops agencies... nothing like aiming that arrow right at the heart of the matter, eh ?!

It was either that or; Dear Obama/Bush/Putin/Sharon/Netanyahu/Ida Bagus Oka.

I thought the other way was funnier.

originally posted by: ReadLeader
pornography, liquor, The Kardashians, manipulative Hollywood movies and a Jew-controlled media. Your happiness is assured.

All of life's wonderful pleasures. Anyone who doubts that the United States is not the best because of those things can go to the Caliphate and piss off, I hear the CIA is hiring there anyway.

a reply to: cody599
Thanks, man. I was going to mention bacon but you beat me to it. You just have to have bacon.

originally posted by: Skid Mark
Thanks, man. I was going to mention bacon but you beat me to it. You just have to have bacon.

It was a troubling omission.

In the joint ATS/Real Housewives letter that I will write next I will atone for this transgression.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

can go to the Caliphate and piss off, I hear the CIA is hiring there anyway

Not only are they hiring, but they also offer up an irresistibly generous salary... with the added bonus of perks such as plebeian-paid globally covered healthcare, an M1A1 tank to drive to and fro (fully loaded with complimentary company gas card), and free guns.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
Not only are they hiring, but they also offer up an irresistibly generous salary... with the added bonus of perks such as plebeian-paid globally covered healthcare, an M1A1 tank to drive to and fro (fully loaded with complimentary company gas card), and free guns.

Eff me. And I thought the vehicle allowance I got now was killer. This one is killer in a whole different way.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus
You might also inform them that we have hookers. They might enjoy that.

originally posted by: Skid Mark
You might also inform them that we have hookers. They might enjoy that.

That sheep is hot. Hopefully you have more than one for them or they could be much lamb-mentation amongst our friends.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Hopefully you have more than one for them or they could be much lamb-mentation amongst our friends.

That was very punny. We just have a few but I'm sure we can pull the wool over their eyes.