I'm at a complete LOSS! So angry and pissed off!

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric

Why??????

Dear Majestic, I am sorry for the burden you have received.
WHY? Culture, Self-indulgence, the answer is probably not one you would care to hear. It is the same indifference to suffering we see every day. Why? Who knows.
I used to cry my self to sleep asking that question when I cared for my Father. WHY? And with the why and the tears came a burning red hate and too many years of resentment.
It has taken me almost thirty years to let it go. Perhaps I still haven't.

When he passed over I made a commitment to never contact my family again. They left my Father who had all ways had a helping hand to lend and money, to rot.
Don't ask why, just do your best and don't become resentful.
Hugs.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
Just don't let the anger overwhelm you. It won't hurt the offending parties one bit; you'll be the one suffering. Find a way to let it out that doesn't further damage the relationships.
I understand your anger and feeling the need to lash out. Believe me, I've felt it too. It is easy to give in to it but giving in and saying the hateful things you're feelings isn't going to create any harmony in the family. It's a tough battle but I've dealt with it by making lists of things to be done and simply presenting those lists to the ones who should be involved and asking for help in completing the needed chores. Also asking them to add to the list if they know of other needs.
In my case there are two children who should be seeing to the needs of a parent but have allowed things to get to the point that one person simply couldn't handle the mess. They claimed to have no time so I presented them with the list with my name appended to the things I could do. Additionally I did some research on how much it would take to hire someone to help out. I'm perfectly willing to help with paying someone to assist this man but, like you, I did NOT feel it was my responsibility to see that he was getting the proper care.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are in a difficult position. Try to let the love overcome the anger.

originally posted by: WalkInSilence

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric

Why??????

Dear Majestic, I am sorry for the burden you have received.
WHY? Culture, Self-indulgence, the answer is probably not one you would care to hear. It is the same indifference to suffering we see every day. Why? Who knows.
I used to cry my self to sleep asking that question when I cared for my Father. WHY? And with the why and the tears came a burning red hate and too many years of resentment.
It has taken me almost thirty years to let it go. Perhaps I still haven't.

When he passed over I made a commitment to never contact my family again. They left my Father who had all ways had a helping hand to lend and money, to rot.
Don't ask why, just do your best and don't become resentful.
Hugs.

Thank you for your kind response. I truly appreciate it.

It's so damn hard to not become resentful but, you are absolutely right....

What good comes from resentment of any kind.

I'm a kind and loving person with a heart too large for me to contain at times....that's just who i am.

Why turn that kindness into a negative thing....thank you.

I'm truly sorry you went through your ordeal. It couldn't have been easy for you.

originally posted by: diggindirt
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
Just don't let the anger overwhelm you. It won't hurt the offending parties one bit; you'll be the one suffering. Find a way to let it out that doesn't further damage the relationships.
I understand your anger and feeling the need to lash out. Believe me, I've felt it too. It is easy to give in to it but giving in and saying the hateful things you're feelings isn't going to create any harmony in the family. It's a tough battle but I've dealt with it by making lists of things to be done and simply presenting those lists to the ones who should be involved and asking for help in completing the needed chores. Also asking them to add to the list if they know of other needs.
In my case there are two children who should be seeing to the needs of a parent but have allowed things to get to the point that one person simply couldn't handle the mess. They claimed to have no time so I presented them with the list with my name appended to the things I could do. Additionally I did some research on how much it would take to hire someone to help out. I'm perfectly willing to help with paying someone to assist this man but, like you, I did NOT feel it was my responsibility to see that he was getting the proper care.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are in a difficult position. Try to let the love overcome the anger.

Thank you SO much!

I just made a list after reading your post.

My husband and his siblings are meeting in the morning...hopefully I'm not back on ATS complaining again.

I really hope they figure it all out.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

I hope so too, for everyone's sake. Sometimes I really think that people are awaiting instructions.

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric

I'm truly sorry you went through your ordeal. It couldn't have been easy for you.

Thank You for being. No it was not "easy" but it was the right thing to do.
I never, ever speak of my life to "real" people unless they ask. Many years ago I learned the lesson that they don't listen so thank you for commenting.
Please stay strong. What you are doing makes a difference on an infinite perspective. Not much consolation in the moment, I know.

originally posted by: WalkInSilence

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric

I'm truly sorry you went through your ordeal. It couldn't have been easy for you.

Thank You for being. No it was not "easy" but it was the right thing to do.
I never, ever speak of my life to "real" people unless they ask. Many years ago I learned the lesson that they don't listen so thank you for commenting.
Please stay strong. What you are doing makes a difference on an infinite perspective. Not much consolation in the moment, I know.

God! you are so RIGHT! Most people just really don't listen. They don't care enough unless it effects them in some way. Probably why I"m much like you.

There are not many people in my life that really know me...for a reason. They don't deserve to know me.

It is absolutely the right thing to do and I know it my heart. It's not in me to sit back and watch someone suffer if I know there is something I can do to help.

originally posted by: diggindirt
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

I hope so too, for everyone's sake. Sometimes I really think that people are awaiting instructions.

So, Good News!

After more or less bombarding my husband with pleas for help with his mother, he met with his brothers and sister yesterday.

They were able to come up with a schedule that didn't include me doing everything. Actually, it made things a bit easier for me.

There are 3 grandchildren that live there who will now do some of the cleaning throughout the week so that I'm not overwhelmed with all of it when I show up.

This will give me more time to work with my mother-in-law on her rehab exercises and, hopefully help in a quicker recovery so that everyone can go back to their normal lives.

I know I should have been more aggressive weeks ago but, I've always been a "suffer in silence" kind of person.

I'm just glad that everyone sees now how bad the situation is and, are willing to help.

Majestic I am so happy to see that the family is pitching in. One person can't carry a load like that.

About listening. I have a few close friends whom I entrust with my inner self but I find it a waste of my precious time, as you eluded to, to speak of my self. I do all ways though make sure to be welcoming if others have a serious matter. The ones who constantly complain I make an effort to avoid.
They put that darn record on every time they see a "victim" .

originally posted by: WalkInSilence
Majestic I am so happy to see that the family is pitching in. One person can't carry a load like that.

About listening. I have a few close friends whom I entrust with my inner self but I find it a waste of my precious time, as you eluded to, to speak of my self. I do all ways though make sure to be welcoming if others have a serious matter. The ones who constantly complain I make an effort to avoid.
They put that darn record on every time they see a "victim" .

How have we not crossed paths on ATS before?

Seems like we have a lot in common.

I know exactly what you mean about the constant complainers. The thing about me is that I truly listen and care...there is just a certain type of people that will exploit that to no end and just suck the life right out of you if you let them.

Like you, I do as much as I can to avoid them without hurting their feelings.

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric

How have we not crossed paths on ATS before?
Seems like we have a lot in common.

Yes we do, but there are so many paths and all so wonderful, but here we are.

and just suck the life right out of you if you let them.

Emotional Vampires, nasty buggers.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
That is such good news!
Stroke recovery is a wondrous and frustrating process. I firmly believe the quicker they get rehab, the quicker they recover.
Hang in there!

The hospital I was at wouldn't discharge you until they knew you had care and support back at home. My parents had to spend a lot of money getting the house converted for me to come home. A lot of people don't have that support or care in place and rely on council services to provide a care package. I was always shocked at the lack of support provided by some peoples families and their
Lack lustre efforts with their parents. They just wanted to keep them in the hospital or pack them off to a care home. Sad, but just reflects the selfish nature of some people. Many people are scarred as it's such a massive responsibility to take on a stroke patient. Much easier to hand them off to someone else who are trained to look after them. I was very lucky to have healthy determined parents, who sorted everything out for me.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric good to see you have made some process. I hope you get all the help you deserve now. The rehab can be timely, but doing something everyday will definitely help. The Internet can be your friend too lots of tips for rehab on there, depending on what area you want to concentrate on. When I was falling over quite a bit there were some great YouTube vids on how to fall and get up safely definitely helped

originally posted by: diggindirt
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
That is such good news!
Stroke recovery is a wondrous and frustrating process. I firmly believe the quicker they get rehab, the quicker they recover.
Hang in there!

You hit it on the head! The rehab is essential from what the therapists have told me.

This was the point I stressed to my husband and what I told him he needed to relay to his siblings.

If they didn't pitch in, it would just take that much longer for her to be more herself again.

Thanks

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Sadly, they did release her too soon...because she couldn't afford to pay anymore after her insurance money ran out. Really disgusting stuff.

I'm glad you got the care you needed from your parents. You are extremely lucky.

I know each stroke case is different based on many factors but, approx. how long did it take you to recover?

My mother-in law can't really do much with the left side of her body but, she can still talk (quite well and quite often). They have said she may not be able to ever use her left arm again (not sure why) but, that she should be able to walk on her own again in about a year with constant work and rehab.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric I went in to the hospital paralysed down my left hand side.. I had to use a winch to be put in and out of bed. I left the hospital after 4 months rehab on a walking frame after a few months help at home I was on one crutch. I still use a single crutch, I was hoping to walk support free this year, but have already had two brain surgeries since my stroke so they have hampered my recovery.

I bought myself a small exercise bike for the legs, you can sit down and just peddle away sat in a supportive chair or wheel chair. I do lots of squats, strengthening the muscles above the knee and the core muscles around the waist. Also try to do as much with the weak side as possible, especially repetitive tasks like washing and eating. I do some mild yoga too, but check everything with a dr or trained physiotherapist

a reply to: woodwardjnr


Oh my god! You have really been through it!

4 months! Holy crap, they had her out the hospital in a week and in a rehab facility for 3 weeks or so! Good ol' US healthcare system.

I don't think my mother-in-law truly understands how much worse off she can be.

TWO brain surgeries! That's insane.

The next time she complains to me that she just wants to die, I will tell her about your situation!

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric to be honest after everything I've been through the stroke was by far the worst. If I hadn't had the stroke I could have been capable of living so much more. I can't drive or use public transport, have to rely on my parents for so much, it really is a depressing experience, especially if you were reasonably active before hand which I was. I could drive, I could walk and run use the stairs and pretty much look after myself. Now I can't do any of that. I try not to feel sorry for myself, because it really doesn't help and I don't have time for putting myself through negative emotions.

Have a look into mindful medi titration. It's been really helpful. Really keeps my mind in check and some welcome peace and relief. It teaches you to accept things the way they really are not how you want them to be.
It's not easy being positive after a stroke. I took anti depressants, which really helped me with my rehab. Stopped me from giving it all up and focussed on the challenge. Getting through rehab is a challenge and you have to treat it as one with a prize at the end, the hard work is worth the results.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

I truly am sorry that you have had to endure so much. I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from some stranger on an internet forum but, I really am sorry.

I can't imagine how hard it is to not be able to do the things you use to be able to do. Not, only that but, to have to rely on other people.

It's inspiring that you can accept things as they are and not just give up.