I could really use some support

Get thee to a detox, medical preferably, to get through the withdrawal. Only then consider a rehab - it didn't work well for me either and I got kicked out but I did learn some useful tools that came in handy later.

I can't add much to the other posters, you have to really want it for you and you have to - this is key - stop believing what YOU think and open your mind to new thinking.

AND - you can't do it on your own - you have to find people that you can trust with your secrets and that you are willing to do what they advise - EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO.

There is no magic pill or magic god that will FIX YOU. You are broken and riddled with bad habits of action, word and thought that will take consistant daily effort to replace with useful and productive habits of action, word and thought.

Good luck to you, I know how horrible addiction can be and for that matter the early days, months and years of sobriety, but it can be done and the world is a better place for your efforts.

As long as you are not in Indiana, Tennessee, New Jersey, Wisconsin or Sarasota County florida, you can try this herbal from the coffee family, kratom. It is as addictive as coffee or soda, has zero side effects, one can not get high off it at all, and it's wonderful all around. No one has ever overdosed or died from using it in the thousands of years it's been in use. It does everything from stopping chronic pain, ibs, chrones disease, arthritis pain and stiffness, helps regulate blood sugar, stops depression, anxiety, social anxiety, gets folks off of Rx pain killers with their nasty side effects, gets people off of addictions to opiates etc, helps one sleep deeply and wake refreshed, gives energy, I could go on.

The only danger this poses is to Big Pharma's pockets. They really are trying to make it 'illegal and deadly' when it's not at all. I don't know if you're on facebook or not, but there's a group called Kratom new and current users
parenthesis around 'new and current'. It's a huge family there, we help a lot of folks with questions, how-to's, lists of approved vendors, and so on. Lots of folks in there successfully got off addictions ranging from heroin to tramadol to vicodin, norco, benzo, you name it, Any bad Rx drug or illegal drug, they have gotten past the wd's and I think it's called pads, by using kratom. I've never been hooked on Rx drugs so I'm unsure how much kratom to use to wean off successfully, but the folks in that fb group sure do know. we have a ton of folks like me who just suffer from arthritis pain or other chronic pains, migraines, back problems, this and that. We're some happy folk to have discovered kratom. Figured I'd pass this along. It does help. This is the kratom bible, will tell the strains - red, white/yellow, green- and what each does, how much to take, when to take, how to take, etc etc.

This is the kratom bible, will tell the strains - red, white/yellow, green- and what each does, how much to take, when to take, how to take, etc etc.

ensobotanicals.com...

Dear one,
You are stronger than you think you are. You are more powerful than you think you are. You can get yourself clean and healthy again. You can.

You may need help. You may fall again. But you can do this. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I do believe that the universe can have your back if you step into your power.

I am a child of God. I am a child of Light. You are a child of God, you are a child of Light. You are returned to your natural state of health and well-being, infused with infinite Love & Light.

This I believe is true for you.

Kudos for asking for help! It's the most important step, and it's even more important that you realize that.

Not to sound too woo woo or namaste, but it's good to just get a hug and have the momentary sensation that someone has your back. But I wish for you to get to a point where you look in the mirror and see the source of your answers. Talk to yourself if you have to, and have an argument with that one voice that keeps making excuses to keep trodding the dark path. Make that voice your enemy if needed, and keep realizing the side of you that wants free wants it more, and for better reasons; survival.

The destructive sides of all of us have similarities and can be dealt with if you have enough desire. You seem to have plenty of desire. I'd pick up an addictive hobby (since you aren't religious as you say) and at the same time take on a regime of herbal detoxing to get you ready and make the transition easier (your area should have an herbalist, i think even GNC has herbal detox tea).

Its also highly advisable to seek out a sponsor. Don't let the title fool you, just pick someone you know who really cares about you and level with them, tell them your plan and that you need support, which will mainly be answering your calls, A LOT, every time you are feeling weak and that voice can't be reasoned with. The main requirement for your sponsor is they can't be fighting the same addiction as you at the same time. Their job really isn't too hard, just random and ocassionally annoying, and getting you thru the first few rough moments as you gain your footing.

Understanding that you need to believe in yourself is the final lap. You strongly know you want this, (mentally you know u can do this) so you just needed the reminder from a few random people on ATS to get you some momentum. You already got this started, and the ball is rolling. Congratulations on an epic first step.

Love and support to you my fellow human, you are important.

I would suggest making a video for yourself to watch when you start to feel sick, if there is nobody immediately available for support. Tell yourself that you know that it's hard, and it's painful, and even though you feel like you'd do anything to stop that feeling, you just have to weather the storm and make it through. Tell yourself good things. Tell yourself that you can do it, that you're strong enough and that your life is worth saving. Write yourself sticky notes. Look up youtube hypnosis videos for stopping addictions and for sleep. Find things to keep your mind occupied. Listen to music you find uplifting, whatever that may be.

I wish you luck.

I already posted once but I've been through the same thing man been clean a year from last month. Feel free to u2u me and ill try and talk you through. It's hell but things get better... way better. Life is so much better when your finally well again.

a reply to: DAVID64

Thank you for the concern but what I am addicted to is highly highly unlikely to kill a semi healthy person
From withdrawals. I may wanna die ,dying may be easier or less painful but its unlikely. The reason I say semi healthy is obviously my diet is # I haven't worked out in years and I smoke a pack a day.

I know benzo,alchohol can kill people atleast from what I have read but not this. But I appreciate the concern and if you dis agree with me please show me proof . A study or something .. Thanks everyone again.
I really do appreciate everyone's kind words. I will continue to read but I doubt that I will be posting much if any.
My brain is starting to play its tricks its 1 am and I'm bouncing of the walls like i had a red bull and washed it down with a monster energy drink. For the person who told me to ask for help or make a deal with my higher power. I have tried preying I have preyed so hard for just the opportunity to have the time to get myself well
Without destroying y life . I can't go to jail or rehab for 6 months or a year. I have people that rely on me .
I can't take a day off work because I need every single dollar plus whatever I can legally hustle .
Side work, scrapping, it makes this so much harder. I know I'm ready now I know I can stay clean,
I never really felt this way I wanted it but not like now. I disgust myself I can't look at myself
I need this as much as I need air and I know it and feel it... But it's so hard when you can't get the time
To heal. The constant stress and worrying. .. That's where I'm at now... I know I won't be able to work on weds ,thurs which is when I'm set up to start again. I'm scared to get replaced if I miss days.. So do I give in now and try and plan it another time... Or do I say F it F work things will work out and take this opportunity because I have never wanted it so bad... And roll the dice on my job?

originally posted by: navione
a reply to: DAVID64

I can't go to jail or rehab for 6 months or a year. I have people that rely on me .
I can't take a day off work because I need every single dollar plus whatever I can legally hustle .

From the 'sound' of you... these 'people' can't depend on you. And I doubt people will pay you for "work" much longer either... It gets worse from here.

You are just making excuses - nothing more.

a reply to: FyreByrd

I don't understand the hostility... I want bother explaining my resposibilities or occupation.

You may have this idea that someone on drugs is nodding out falling asleep or things of that nature.
Anyone that's delt with addiction understands that at some point it's no longer getting high it's staying normal.
So I have no issues getting thru life as is. Without having to rob steal or borrow.. As far as my concern for
Losing my job isn't because my short comings. If your part of a crew every person has there specific job.
If your missing a night someone can cover and something else suffers. But after a few nights they call the union hall and say hay I need a laborer and the next day they have a guy there .

a reply to: navione

You *might* have to grit your teeth harder than you ever have and work through the withdrawals, if your job is at risk. Alternatively, if you went to a medical detox at a proper hospital, for example, you would have a medical excuse and if you were let go (and a union member) you would have grounds for a lawsuit, and therefore they probably wouldn't sack you.

Have you ever tried Suboxone for assisting in quitting? I have seen it work on friends of mine who had serious opiate addictions.

Unfortunately, I've also seen people get addicted to it and abuse it just like the opiates. It's all about your willpower. I've seen the nasty effects of withdraw firsthand and completely understand how powerful they are. They can make a strong healthy man turn to a crippled, lifeless being in only hours.

a reply to: sarra1833

Does it help with smoking cigarettes? This is a serious question.

originally posted by: FyreByrd

originally posted by: navione
a reply to: DAVID64

I can't go to jail or rehab for 6 months or a year. I have people that rely on me .
I can't take a day off work because I need every single dollar plus whatever I can legally hustle .

From the 'sound' of you... these 'people' can't depend on you. And I doubt people will pay you for "work" much longer either... It gets worse from here.

You are just making excuses - nothing more.

Look.......FyreBird is just calling it straight up.....sympathy isn't what you need. You need to get your @$% to meeting and get yourself a local support system going with people who know the way out of the "hole".

Watching you set yourself up for more failure is heartbreaking but it's exactly what you are doing. Get your @$% to work and get it to a meeting. Meetings are about a lot of things but they are also about self-care.

If you don't care why should we?

Addiction isn't all about the physical....it's about ALL OF YOU.
Recovery is also about self-love and relearning how to care for yourself. Quit Running.

Go to as many meetings in your area as you can till you find a home group. Just go and listen. Everyone's been where you are. Everyone is finding their way out to something better. Not going just tells me you don't wanna really get clean.
Quit avoiding & get DOING!
THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET!!!
Quit looking for one.

You need another person enabling you like you need a hole in the head.

Kudo's to the other posters who are also working their way out of addiction!!!

originally posted by: navione
a reply to: FyreByrd

I don't understand the hostility... I want bother explaining my resposibilities or occupation.

You may have this idea that someone on drugs is nodding out falling asleep or things of that nature.
Anyone that's delt with addiction understands that at some point it's no longer getting high it's staying normal.
So I have no issues getting thru life as is. Without having to rob steal or borrow.. As far as my concern for
Losing my job isn't because my short comings. If your part of a crew every person has there specific job.
If your missing a night someone can cover and something else suffers. But after a few nights they call the union hall and say hay I need a laborer and the next day they have a guy there .

Not hostile. Just reality. You are no good to yourself or your family or anyone - in the state you are. It will only get worse. I've lived it, I've seen it over and over again - especially women "I can't leave my [fill in the blank]" and yes it is hard.

a reply to: Caver78

Thank you so much for saying what I needed to say.

I tried earlier to write a tactful post that avoided giving Navione an excuse to stop what they're currently doing and just give up, but I decided best stay out of it as I didn't have the right words.

Your second paragraph says exactly what it needs to.

Some natural cures. Not a cure but these will help you cope.

5-htp
Gaba
California Poppy seed extract
Vitamin/ mineral
Noni extract

a reply to: navione

Mate if you are that bad you need a maintenance script, subutex (buprenorphine) is what I am on, been on it for years now, you can't use on top so it's a no brainer.

Been through this exact crap for years and paid the price many times, message me if you want to talk mate.

I feel your pain my friend. Every time I hit bottom I thought it was as bad as it could be. Believe me when I say, it can get worse. I lost everything including myself. I could not live with it and I could not live without it. I passed out every night hoping I would not wake up. When I did wake up the first words out of my mouth were F$%*! because I new what the day had in store for me. Getting the money to use by any means possible. using, passing out and starting the whole process all over again add infinitum. I used meetings to quit. I had to hitchhike for a while. I went to as many different meetings as I could . I kept going to the ones that made me feel better and dumped the rest. At first just being around others who had my affliction helped tremendously. I got a sponsor ( someone who had a lot of sobriety) and I did what they told me to do and after awhile my head started to clear up and the things that were said at the meetings began to make sense. I worked the (12) steps and stayed sober as long as my priority was to do so. Sometimes that lasted for five years and sometimes only a couple of days. Right now I am pushing five years. In the beginning one second at a time was all I could do but the seconds turned into hours and hours into days and so on. The program did not get me sober but it helped me to stay that way as long as staying sober was my priority. Addiction is a cunning foe it knows weaknesses in me that I cannot even contemplate. If I throw my willpower up against it I will lose every time. Now having said all of this and looking back it was the first one that got me. Whether it be the first drink, shot, snort or pill The first one is the one that always drug me back down. So if I can stay away from the first one it is a non issue as far as using but I still have to learn how to live without the drug. That is where the (12) steps shine. They allow me to live life on life's terms. Which is really the big issue as far as I am concerned. Quitting is really not the hard part even though it may seem that way. The hard part is staying quit. Addiction is a disease that tells me I don't have a disease and every time I fall for what it tells me I fall head first towards another bottom that may very well be death. Get some help. What others have said "you can't do it alone " is true. The local twelve step programs usually have a hotline. If there is one in your area give them a call and let them know what you are trying to accomplish. If you can't find a twelve step hotline call the crisis hotline. The important thing is after you kick do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars. Go to a meeting. Try to make ninety meetings in ninety days or more if you can. I apologize for the long post. I just felt I needed to share this. I hate addiction. It has ruined so many lives. I would kill it if I could put my hands on it. Don't give up. One day sober is one sober day that cannot be taken away from you. Good Luck navione. You are not alone my friend.

Copied from a non published article on addiction.

a reply to: berenike

No Sweat....meetings are a scary "unknown" for newbies, but knowing some of why you NEED to be there may help?