I could really use some support

Ok so I have an addiction.. I have tried rehab and also ibogaine treatment twice once in Mexico and once in Baltimore . I have truly come to the end of the road. I have tried so many times and so many things but
Unfortunately always seem to relapse. I want to be drug free so so terribly bad.
I just don't know what else to do to get there and stay there
I have read and tried so many different ways to get thru the withdrawal without suffering the terrible side effects that usually cause me to give in or give up.
So I have come to My ATS family for support,information ,preyers anything at all because i am at my witts end.
I attempted to go cold turkey this week hoping to use the 4th as my personal independence day.
I made it a total of 52 hours before I could no longer handle it and relapsed middle of the day.
So I am trying again starting today. I'm not very religious , I guess I have been searching for something that fits
And makes sense for me but at this point in my life I really need something to help me get thru this .
So ATS if anyone here can help me in anyway from a homeopathic remedy to a kind word I am here and I'm willing to listen and try almost anything to find or fight my way out of this dark lonely hole I have dug myself into. If I can't accomplish this then I may as well bury myself in this hole because I cant go on living this way.

Thanks again everyone...

a reply to: navione

Other people have done it, so can you. You aren't alone… are you? The only thing I found to get through the early stages is others. You need to front yourself off in a meeting, tell it like you just did, ask for help. The people in these places have been where you are and know those ropes.

You won't be able to do it alone.

I am speaking from experience.

The following part of your statement stuck with me .

I have read and tried so many different ways to get thru the withdrawal without suffering the terrible side effects that usually cause me to give in or give up.

You have to want it bad enough. I was addicted to opiates for several years. It damn near ruined me and my position. I had tried different types of rehab it did not work for me. So I took two weeks went to the hunting cabin by myself and suffered immensely. I did not sleep for a week and had sleep deprivation hallucinations . Not to mention I ate up all my Imodium within the first five days . Lol

I wasn't sure how bad I wanted to end the addiction until I went cold turkey and suffered. After that I realized I never wanted to touch the stuff again .


The sum it up misery is a pretty good method in itself .

a reply to: navione

Navione, without getting into the gory details, I have overcome some serious addictions in my life. I can absolutely tell you that there is a way to overcome them, as long as you "never, never, never give up" (quoting Churchill, there). If this last quit attempt didn't work, so be it. Applaud yourself for getting farther than you have before (or lately, as the case may be) and try again. Your life is precious. It's valuable. And it can be so good.

Keep reaching out for the help that you need. I'm pulling for you!

- Grace

a reply to: navione

Feel for ya!
Unless you are sick & tired of being sick & tired nothing is gonna work. I know you've heard this before by now but do your 90 in 90 and baby steps man.....baby steps.

There is no magic bullet.

I'm so sorry.
I don't know what you are addicted to. My BIL is addicted to opiates. It started like so many do with a prescription.
He is now back in jail awaiting a return trip to the penitentiary because he kicks doors in to satisfy his habit. No amount of support, drugs, money, love was able to save him.
I am sure there MUST be something out there to help but, am at a loss as to what that is.
There was a program we tried to help him get into years ago called Teen Challenge or something like that...
He didn't commit.
There are some success stories. I believe you commit to a year on a farm type setting in Florida. I wish we could have tried it for him...
I am again so sorry and wish you strength, maybe people fall on and off the wagon many many times before finding success?

Are you sure that just going cold turkey is the right way to go about things? From your post it sounds as if you tried to go it alone?

You really need to get yourself on a programme in which you will be properly 'dried out' and then given counselling. That might take as much as 6 months to complete.

You will need a support system afterwards as well.

Until then, find a local branch of Narcotics Anonymous and look into ways of finding the help you need.

You don't say what you re addicted to or how long you have been an addict but I'd strongly suggest getting yourself away from the sort of friends and environment that might encourage you to take drugs.

Have a look into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as well, but I really suspect that you need professional help to get the crap out of your system.

This might be a long haul, but the sooner you start the sooner you will have your better future.

a reply to: navione

Further:

So I have come to My ATS family for support,information ,preyers anything at all because i am at my wits end.

You are right where you are supposed to be.

Its easy to quit, staying quit is the thing. The process is the same for everyone. Quitting for good is on and off again many times, but always begins with the awareness that you have a problem and the desire to do something about it. Thats the most important thing. You have this. You know dope doesn't do it anymore. You are ready for change. So go through the hell of it, quitting, relapsing over and over is normal and par for the course. Don't lose hope or give up because you have tried so many times, everyone goes through this. Don't beat yourself up, its a process, it takes time.

You are right where you are supposed to be…

…carry on.

a reply to: navione

When i quit i was at rock bottom and the only way to go was up..

Why aren't you taking a small dose of methadone?

You are trying to do it cold turkey which to be honest with you is almost impossible.
I know methadone is another habit, but it will get you clean off the gear.

You say you went 52 hours, thats great. You were almost there. The first 3 days are the hardest, after that things get slightly better bit by bit day by day.

If i were you i would get the minimum amount of methadone to do you a week. The first 3 days take the same amount, then take a bit less each day after that.
After a week the gear will be out of your system and you'll be on a tiny amount of juice.

It will be a heck of a lot easier that way then doing it cold turkey.

Whatever you choose to do good luck. If you really really want to do it you will. You sound like you do. You're better then the demon you have the strength to do it.

Im thinking of you sending you positive vibes, if you need to talk send me a p.m.

The only idea I have is trying to find a treatment that use a combination of tools to help you:

Medicine to keep the craving down.
Reiki/meditation for relaxation and maybe even lowering the craving.
Group therapy/therapy to help with feeling like you belong.
Special temporary diet for changing the processes in the body.

a reply to: navione

The first step was admitting you have a problem, now, the only person that has control over this is you. You have to make a conscious effort to accept that you are the one with the power, not the addiction. I am an alcoholic. The only way for me to deal with that is to confront it. When the urge for me to drink happens, the first thing I do is ask myself, what is the real reason behind my desire to drink? The addiction is only a symptom of the underlying problem.

Hi
First I just want to say my thoughts are with you and it must have took to ask for help. I don't think telling you my own story will help but I gather from other people's story's you will understand different methods work for different people. It all depends on you and what you need. Some need people around them not that they are any weaker but it is what they have come to be used to. Others would need to do it alone and see others as creating excuses to give up. But no matter what way you choose it's the fact that they really want to give up and can see yourself in your life after your addiction. You need to truly see yourself beating this and being able to look back and see the terrible times living like that. So all I can say is look at what type of person you are and those around you and make THE decision and stick with it.

You can do it....not because of anything other than you HAVE to do it. Good luck and if you ever need to talk just pm me anytime day or night.

Not a fan of AA/NA, and not here to argue that, but I can't deny they it works for people.

Get to the meetings of what suites you and make sure to introduce your self when they ask who is here with under 30 days.
You don't have to share beyond that, and don't feel pressure to do so.
If you are looking for help, you will find it there.

And if no one comes up to you after the meeting, don't go back to that meeting.
Get there early too, gives you another chance to be notice.
All the old timers will be there early helping with the set up and what not, and that is who you want.

Thanks everyone.... I do appreciate the kind words and support... I don't wanna break any of the policies or rules of the site. I have been here a little more then 5 years and I don't post very oftent but read all the time.

I'm not alone but I have failed so many times and let so many people down that I am ashamed to ask for help.
I fractured my l3 and l4 vertebrae and after 2 surgeries and physical therapy I found myself with a horrible
Addiction. Anyone here that has delt with this personally or with a friend or family member understand how
Completly insane it can become. When everything in my Heart tells me not to do it. That I need to end this addiction only to have my Brain over ride it. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy . I grew up with
Addicts all around me. I never understood what could make someone do something so self destructive but
Since I have been here myself I understand and feel sympathy for anyone suffering from addiction.

Here's a great site I found while researching this issue:

www.howtoquitheroin.com...

It's PACKED with information. Definitely check it out. He talks about all the various ways to do this - and has quite a story to tell himself (as a former addict).

Also - you can get information on your local Free Meth Clinics - www.samhsa.gov...

There isn't "one best way" to go about this.
Do keep asking for support. You CAN do this, and it's okay to ask for help. I'm so sorry for the pain and sickness that you'll have to endure. There are ways to lessen that, and I hope the first link above provides you with some of the support and ideas you can try.

(The site also has excellent advice for friends/loved ones who want to help but aren't sure what to do).

You are NOT alone - one other site you can try is MDJunction - they have online support groups for every condition under the sun. I have taken advantage of their services as a concerned loved one, and it's a fantastic, well-moderated, intelligent site. Especially if you don't like 'face to face' groups or 12-step (which do NOT work for everyone).

Stay strong. Keep asking for support. Avoid the people and places that enable further use.

Withdrawal, though horrible, is NOT life-threatening. But continuing to use is.
At the same time, if you don't succeed 'this time', at least you're learning the drill, and know what's in store for you.
My heart breaks for you and those who love you.

You can kick it, though. I believe you can. YOU believe you can.

Sending 'strength' your way. Be good to yourself. Only you can do this, but yes, you can't do it alone, and you are not the only one who is facing it.

a reply to: navione

I'm not alone but I have failed so many times and let so many people down that I am ashamed to ask for help.

The only one you are letting down by giving up is you. Others know this. If you have burned bridges with addicts no big thing, they understand that.

If you are relying on non addicts to help you along, they will never understand. Don't seek their help.

Seek out your kind, they will know all the pitfalls and manipulation you might try to pull. Addicts are notorious for that.

a reply to: SecretKnowledge

All I have ever heard or seen regarding methadone has been terrible. People on it for the rest of there life's
Never being able to quit because the withdrawal is so much worse because of the longer half life.
So the process can last months instead of weeks.
I have tried subutex under a doctors supervision only to find out I have a nasty allergic reaction to it.
I broke out in a horrible rash from my neck to my knees . So intense I would scratch myself until I bled .
With the ibogaine I managed to get a few weeks clean time the first time and 3 months clean time the second time. Unfortunately it's illegal in the US and I can't afford to leave the country to have another treatment.

Has anyone here ever heard of sodium absorbate vitamin C in high doses or mega doses.. I have read so much about it but some say it's quack science and others swear by it...

a reply to: navione

You'd do very well to stay away from methadone. I only know as much as I do about treatments because my friend had been on it and has recently been in rehab.

He says that it's worse than the substance it was (legally) a substitute for and far harder to give up.

a reply to: navione
I hope you make it through this navione-and I think you will.
Just be VERY careful with DIY cold turkey-coming off certain drugs like that can be very dangerous-ask your doc about it first.

Take heart from the fact that many people have come out of worse addictions than you have,and gone on to have a good happy life.

That you really want to quit tells me that you CAN do it.

If you are not religious,then you are going to need the help of other people-maybe a support group after the initial withdrawal,maybe a good friend willing to chain you to a wall if you are thinking of relapsing.

Get through the withdrawal with help from your doctor first,then find something else which will give your brain a hit of natural brain drugs-skydiving/weight lifting/skateboarding/meditation/tantric sex/playing an instrument/.

You need to flood your brain with the "reward"chemicals that your drug of choice has been mimicing to stay off the poison.
I know a few people who have done this,and its like they never took drugs now-they are happy and fulfilled.

You can be too.
Believe it.

Fight the demon.

I have a few close family members who went on a kratom regiment and it saved their lives. It may not be for everyone but a kilo of Maeng Da if you live in one of the 48 or so states that allow it can save lives. The withdrawal from Kratom after a month of only taking that can be nearly non-existent if you slowly cut down your dosage over a few weeks.

Its a lifesaver, I've witnessed it. But both times that I've seen it work it only worked because they wanted it to work. Stay strong no matter what you try. I wish you the best.