I could really use some support

a reply to: navione

Keep fighting navione.
Its the right thing to do for your future.

I do appreciate everyone's advice,support. There's where a few post that kinda threw me. Maybe
I wasn't clear but this isn't my first time trying to quit or going thru withdrawals.
I have tried lots of different methods including ibogaine which in itself is a serious choice to make.
I have had some clean time and relapses just like most others that deal with addiction. I know there is no magic bullet I understand there is no cure. I have tried meeting both NA and AA and to be honest it just wasn't for me.
Even before I became an addict I was an introvert. I'm don't like to talk to people . I prefer to be alone .
Going to meeting for me was tough and sad. Hearing so many stories and hardships. It made me more depressed then I already was with my life at that point. I never found or made a connection with any other members of the group .

I have heard all the horror stories , I come from a long line of addicts including multiple uncles and father.
I was born and raised in a ghetto . I would have never thought of this being my life after fighting so long and hard to overcome my situation and making a success of myself. I'm not going to quit trying to be clean until I am dead. I just hope it won't take that before I'm free of this gorilla on my back. I just wanted to clarify things.
I didn't start this thread for pity or sympothy. I do not take this lightly at all and would not wish this on my worse enemy. I have never hurt or stole from anyone to feed my addiction. The only person that I hurt is myself . I'm sure the people in my life that love me that hate to see me going thru this. Sorry for the rant . I realize we are all completly annonomous on the net and other opinions of me,my life ,my addiction shouldn't matter
But being called unreliable or unresponsable strikes a chord for me.
Again thank you everyone . I will update this thread with my progress for anyone that cares to know.
And as a personal journal of my struggle.

Thank you for the update. There were a lot of us here who were beginning to get curious/concerned.

As others said, don't give up

I'm not an addict but had a couple people in my life that were/are that I helped by researching how to get to get them help. Both were successful, productive members of society. I was oblivious one took any sort of substance, ever. She was addicted to pills. The other, I knew he drank more than most but had no idea it was the amount it was. For both, I contacted two relatives of mine that are psychiatrist for insight and see if they could point them in the right direction. Addiction is a misunderstood disease. The only way it can go dormat is if the addict is 100% sure they want to quit. Don't look at your relapse as a failure but as a point of reference. Think about what was going on in your life, following up to your choice to pick up again? I'm not saying just the minutes prior but the month, weeks and days prior as well. Identify positive the possible trigger(s), so you can avoid them this round.
Also make sure anyone you do/get your DOC with/from are removed from your life. The "yes" people also should be eliminated. Delete their numbers and unfriend them on all social networking accounts. In fact, deleting social networking accounts is an even better option. I've read eveb keeping one addict in your life will make it impossible to stay sober, so please remove any asap. No need to even tell them why you won't be around. Theyll probably know and you don't want to give them a chance to talk you out of cutting ties.
Idealy, you should move more than a 12 hour drive away from any and all friends involved in the lifestyle you are leaving. This would prevent you from being able to, realisticly, meet your old dealer. Also only your true (aka non-addict) friends would be willing to make the drive/flight to see you. If moving that far is not possible, it would give you a stronger foundation to at least chance homes. Once you cut off your old "friends" it'll be just a matter of time they'll want to come check on you because they're "worried" (more like they are looking for somewhere to get High).
It takes away much of the temptation if you remove any and every thing you'd associate with getting Hugh with. For example, if you would often do your drugs in a McDonald's bathroom. Stay away from all McDonalds, even the drivethru. Don't even eat any food from there. The alcoholic friend I mentioned above, even got rid of all his very expensive clothes and replaced them. My other friend traded her car in, because she had too many memories associated with her addiction in there.
Make sure to immediately start forming a support group. I'm sure you already have loved ones that are supportive, which is great! But it's important to set up a network of people that have been where you've been but managed to leave that unhealthy life behind years ago. AA seems to be the most popular choice but there are many alternatives, if you don't click with them. If you're religious/spiritual there is likely a support group that shares your beliefs.
I apologize if any of this has been mentioned previously on this thread, as I can't scroll up for some reason. I re read my comment and it comes off pretty "know it allish" but I don't really know the first thing you're going through. Just passing on what I read and learned from others. You'll be in my prayers tonight and just think how awesome your life will be without those stupid drugs. Best of luck to you and know you're a million times stronger that you could even imagine.

Does anyone here have any info on megadosing on sodium absorbate vitamin C. I have read a lot about it
But find that some people swear by it while others swear against it. I just like to hear from anyone with first hand knowledge . Or anyone with a chemisstry or medical experience to give me there take on if it's a possibility
Or If there is no possible way it will work... I am also concerned about possible serious side effects from taking that much vitamin C .. Thanks again everyone

a reply to: navione

I think it will make your lips dry out if I remember correctly. We had those really good tasting cherry flavored vitamin c tablets for the kids and my son ate most of them in one sitting. He lived,and didn't have a cold for a while.

He finally learned in his late teens when my wife bought a big container of fiber gummies. He didn't read the label and ate a good bit of them. He said his but was sore for weeks. Spent lots of quality time in the little room.

I hope you can get over this hump. I only had to deal with cigarettes, so I can't speak from experience with what you are going through, but hang in there, and if you need help, just ask.

a reply to: network dude

thanks... kids are crazy that way... my son and daughter had a grape eating contest last summer.
I don't know how many they both actually ate but I do remember having to run out for extra TP.

Cigs is my next vice to kick. I have a feeling it wont be all that difficult. I started late in life and haven't been smoking
very long. I noticed that when I am not using opiates the cigs don't taste the same to me. Now during the phase I am in
smoking cigs give me the cold clammy sweats. so I went from a pack a day to maybe a pack every 3.
Kicking the opiates is tough . I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy . I am determined to be 100 percent clean.
I will have to find some way to manage my back pain. this all started when I fractured my l3 and L4 vertebrae.
I was put on pain killers. by the time I had my 3rd and finally surgery I was taking 120 oxy a day and diluadin for the break thru pain. I only went down hill from there. I have managed to kick a few times before using ibogaine but
like an A hole fell right back into the same screwed up place. I always heard that your an addict for the rest of your life.
I never believed it until I became one because I know that I can never ever just do it once. I can never ever just take 1 pill for my back pain. because that one pill turns into this and its happened several times to me. this time I am
determined to remain clean for the rest of my life. its the only way I can guarantee to never have to go thru withdrawals again.. I will continue to update the thread on my progress.. was hoping I could get some info on the megadose vitamin c .

a reply to: navione

I feel that way with cigarettes. I know I can never have just one, so I don't. And the thing that keeps me from ever having another one is knowing that quitting sucks so, so, so very bad. I never want to do that again. You are not alone. I worry that there are a lot more out there in the same spot you are, but haven't yet realized it, since it's what the doctor ordered.

I just know that with the right mindset, you can do anything you want. Anything. And like I said, never be afraid to ask for help. I don't know what I can do, but I'll do all I can, and many others here are the same. Try to stay positive.

originally posted by: SecretKnowledge
Does your brain control your physical pain?
The cramps, the sweats, the vomiting?

Of course it does. Everything you feel is an electro-chemical reaction.

Did you even comprehend the OP?

He is trying to get through withdrawal

'Withdrawals' are a state of mind which can be combated and mitigated with the re-enforcement of the 'why' one is taking the actions one is.

which as you dont seem to understand is very physical for the first week or so.

The reward of being emancipated from the thralls of addictions is a glorious end to a comparatively very negligible means.

So please dont come in and tell the OP what you THINK he needs to know

Okay. Then perhaps you should advise the OP personally, so that he or she does not feel compelled to post in a PUBLIC DISCUSSION FORUM!