This barber will publicly shame your misbehaving kid with an old man’s haircut

originally posted by: ScientificRailgun
Is America really to the point that a bad haircut is considered child abuse by some?

C'mon now, employ some common sense. The kid ain't getting beat. In america it's basically illegal to discipline your children anymore. And the children KNOW this. They don't fear any consequences for their actions anymore. If getting a bad haircut is child abuse in America, I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. You guys can keep that mess.

This is more then just a bad haircut. This was about humiliation with intent.

Isn't Japan highly competitive? Is shame and humiliation part of the culture?

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: ScientificRailgun
Is America really to the point that a bad haircut is considered child abuse by some?

C'mon now, employ some common sense. The kid ain't getting beat. In america it's basically illegal to discipline your children anymore. And the children KNOW this. They don't fear any consequences for their actions anymore. If getting a bad haircut is child abuse in America, I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. You guys can keep that mess.

This is more then just a bad haircut. This was about humiliation with intent.

Isn't Japan highly competitive? Is shame and humiliation part of the culture?

Humiliation with intent was used a parenting tool LONG before the "bad haircut" tactic. Were you never dragged to the front door of a house who's kid you picked on to face the wrath of his/her mother? Or forced to apologize to a neighbor for a broken window? It was humiliating, and intentionally so. So, I really don't see how this is any different.

To answer your question, Humiliation and Shame is indeed part of the Japanese family unit. It's certainly more prevalent than in American households, but I've also learned that the Japanese as a whole are a more polite, considerate, and generally well-behaved people than my American counterparts as well. I'm seen by my co-workers as gruff and terse, when most people back home would consider me pretty polite and well-mannered.

a reply to: Spider879

My mom raised me, my sperm donor was doing his own thing after they got divorced when I was about 3 years old. She raised SIX of us by HERSELF until my step dad (the guy I consider to be my father).
I got spanked, got the belt, shoe, wooden hanger, etc growing up. Back then I hated it, but as I look back and reflect, I deserved EVERY SINGLED whuppin I got. I deserved it because I acted out.
Thats what happens when you misbehave. You get warned ONCE, after that, its open game.
Parents today give warning after warning, and dont do a damn thing. The kids know that, so they continue to act out.
Maybe if they got one solid spanking early on, those same parents wouldnt have the issues they have with their kids today.
Sorry coddlers, I wont change my mind on this.I raised a good well behaved son because I put the fear of God into him if he misbehaves.
Wanna call that child abuse? Fine. Dont care. Call the cops on me.

originally posted by: IShotMyLastMuse
a reply to: HomerinNC
fine by me, what about being grounded? taking away cellphone? internet access? gaming rig? not having a birthday party?
anything that does not involve public humiliation?

Those are punishments when he gets low grades anything below a C and he loses his iphone, computer and tv privileges.

a reply to: ScientificRailgun

That hair cut isn't just a bad haircut. The intention was to humiliate the little boy, which, yes, is both psychologically and emotionally damaging, whether people agree or not.

A few years ago, there was a 13 year old boy forced by his mother to walk down the street wearing a diaper, because he wet the bed. Do you see how this could have damaged the boy? This is the same thing.

originally posted by: angeldoll
a reply to: ScientificRailgun

That hair cut isn't just a bad haircut. The intention was to humiliate the little boy, which, yes, is both psychologically and emotionally damaging, whether people agree or not.

A few years ago, there was a 13 year old boy forced by his mother to walk down the street wearing a diaper, because he wet the bed. Do you see how this could have damaged the boy? This is the same thing.

Unintentionally wetting the bed and generally being a tiny demon completely out of control are two completely separate things. The mother in the bedwetting case is a monster, the kid couldn't help it if he's still wetting the bed at 13.

Jesus people, once again apply some common sense. I said it before and I'll say it again. Is a bad haircut really considered child abuse in America today?

a reply to: angeldoll

Absolutely it was intentional abuse, whether out of ignorance or spite. I think that woman got into some difficulties over that incident................ as well she should have. Mean as hell, same as this.

a reply to: ScientificRailgun

A bad hair cut? No. A hair cut in which a child receives by request of a parent to specifically to cause humiliation? To put him on display with a punishment that says "I'm bad", "I'm being punished"?

Absolutely. How is this different than the child who was forced to wear a diaper?

Just because some of us were picked on, made fun of, beaten up or unpopular as kids -- doesn't mean as adults we have to coddle and shelter out "precious children".

Growing up is painful, and that pain helps prepare us for the real world. The real world isn't fair, and mommy and daddy aren't going to be there to scold your mean boss in your 30's.

I get it, I really do -- we're trying to give our kids the kind of childhood we wished we had because ours sucked and we blame our current misery on our own childhoods.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

Of course, life is difficult, and children need to be prepared, but there are ways to prepare them that excludes physical, psychological, and emotional abuse.

originally posted by: ScientificRailgun
To answer your question, Humiliation and Shame is indeed part of the Japanese family unit. It's certainly more prevalent than in American households, but I've also learned that the Japanese as a whole are a more polite, considerate, and generally well-behaved people than my American counterparts as well. I'm seen by my co-workers as gruff and terse, when most people back home would consider me pretty polite and well-mannered.

That's what I thought.

I'm in my 60s, raised my kids in the Dr. Spock era, and am at it again today with 7 year old grandson.

So, I've kinda experienced 3 generations of child raising. Some good, some bad from all of them.

Respect is one of a very few things I miss from the 50s. Also the lessons of give and take in an extended family. IMO, the single family unit is one of the most harmful things in our society.

I don't agree with shaming and allowing bullying. I think it's one of the things this generation got right.

However, WORK is not a four letter word. That which is not earned has no value. "Just let the children play, they're only children", serves no one when not counter balanced by life responsibilities. You're not raising a child. You're raising a future responsible adult

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting
a reply to: ScientificRailgun

A bad hair cut? No. A hair cut in which a child receives by request of a parent to specifically to cause humiliation? To put him on display with a punishment that says "I'm bad", "I'm being punished"?

Absolutely. How is this different than the child who was forced to wear a diaper?

One: The way a child wears their hair is completely at the discretion of their parents until age 18 in the United States.

Two: The haircut doesn't put the kid on display as "I'm bad, I'm being punished". It's just a bad haircut. The only person who knows it was punishment is the child, the barber, and the parent. Unless the kid blabs that he got it as punishment, nobody has to know.

Three: A little shame or humiliation would do a LOT of these terrible kids nowadays a whole world of good, so I'm all for this. I'm sorry, but "timeouts" or taking away their games or cell phones does little to correct awful behaviour. I say this should be reserved only for those special kind of little brat that is simply unrepentant no matter what other non-violent methods you try, but it's an option, and I support any parent who does this as a last resort.

a reply to: ScientificRailgun

Unintentionally wetting the bed and generally being a tiny demon completely out of control are two completely separate things

There is no such thing as a "tiny demon". There might be underlying factors, chemical imbalances, development disorders and any of number of things causing a young child to act out.

They also might be screaming for help in the only way they know, for someone to see they are suffering.

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting
a reply to: ScientificRailgun

Unintentionally wetting the bed and generally being a tiny demon completely out of control are two completely separate things

There is no such thing as a "tiny demon". There might be underlying factors, chemical imbalances, development disorders and any of number of things causing a young child to act out.

They also might be screaming for help in the only way they know, for someone to see they are suffering.

Oh please don't get me started on "diagnose the child's problems away, medicate them!"

Yes, there are some kids are genuinely in need of medication, but in my opinion, many of the ADD/ADHD diagnoses handed out today are simply children being hyperactive children. They pass out ritalin like candy now and it's infuriating.

originally posted by: ScientificRailgun

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting
a reply to: ScientificRailgun

A bad hair cut? No. A hair cut in which a child receives by request of a parent to specifically to cause humiliation? To put him on display with a punishment that says "I'm bad", "I'm being punished"?

Absolutely. How is this different than the child who was forced to wear a diaper?

One: The way a child wears their hair is completely at the discretion of their parents until age 18 in the United States.

Two: The haircut doesn't put the kid on display as "I'm bad, I'm being punished". It's just a bad haircut. The only person who knows it was punishment is the child, the barber, and the parent. Unless the kid blabs that he got it as punishment, nobody has to know.

Three:

I'm sorry, but "timeouts" or taking away their games or cell phones does little to correct awful behaviour. I say this should be reserved only for those special kind of little brat that is simply unrepentant no matter what other non-violent methods you try, but it's an option, and I support any parent who does this as a last resort.

You are way, way off on this. I saw on an earlier post that you were hit on the face with a 'frying pan'. If that left a bruise or any kind of mark, and you were in the U.S., your mother would very likely have had the police and CPS knocking on her door.

I don't know where you live, and wherever it is I'm not criticizing it, but Americans won't tolerate maltreatment towards children when they know about it. It's a big "no-no" here.

originally posted by: ScientificRailgun

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting
a reply to: ScientificRailgun

Unintentionally wetting the bed and generally being a tiny demon completely out of control are two completely separate things

There is no such thing as a "tiny demon". There might be underlying factors, chemical imbalances, development disorders and any of number of things causing a young child to act out.

They also might be screaming for help in the only way they know, for someone to see they are suffering.

Oh please don't get me started on "diagnose the child's problems away, medicate them!"

Yes, there are some kids are genuinely in need of medication, but in my opinion, many of the ADD/ADHD diagnoses handed out today are simply children being hyperactive children. They pass out ritalin like candy now and it's infuriating.

I totally agree. And I had a legitimate ADD daughter.

I knew the difference between hyper and legitimate ADD. When my grandson's private school tried to put him on meds, gramma stepped in. He was hyper and highly intelligent. Deal with it.

a reply to: ScientificRailgun

I am very much an advocate for children who are being overly diagnosed with ADHD. I won't go into the reasons why I believe this is, but most often, it has nothing to do with the parent. You need to familiarize with the multitude of other disorders that can cause these type behaviors.

(I really don't know what to say to you............ with every sentence you make, you display how little you really know...... (concerning this particular subject.)

Sorry.

a reply to: Spider879

Lol, this is so wrong.

When I was a kid I went with my father to the bank. While I was waiting I was picking my nose in big way.

That night my father made me write X number of times "I will not pick my nose in public." The next time we went out to dinner, he pinned those pages to me. He made me get out and walk across the parking lot toward the restaurant and I was so embarrassed. Needless to say I only had to walk across the lot and not go inside, but..

Oh boy, I learned my lesson.

originally posted by: Liquesence
a reply to: Spider879

Lol, this is so wrong.

When I was a kid I went with my father to the bank. While I was waiting I was picking my nose in big way.

That night my father made me write X number of times "I will not pick my nose in public." The next time we went out to dinner, he pinned those pages to me. He made me get out and walk across the parking lot toward the restaurant and I was so embarrassed. Needless to say I only had to walk across the lot and not go inside, but..

Oh boy, I learned my lesson.

Yeah, but I had my 7 year old write a whole page of: "I will not . . . ." ----- and it worked just fine by itself.

a reply to: ScientificRailgun

To answer your question, Humiliation and Shame is indeed part of the Japanese family unit.

I see. I missed this post. Japanese people are generally considered to be one of the most polite peoples on the planet. It's almost a cliché, they are so polite, rather like the English, who are often considered to be very polite as well. I admire that about them.

But I'm thinking, and I might be wrong, that "humiliation" derived from the word "humility", and the way I am using it here, might perhaps be two different things?

In other words, a person having "humility" is a good thing. To be "humiliated" by an external factor, is not.

Does that make sense?