Signal 15- Assist Officer

I'm going to be honest here....I hate cops. With every ounce of my being. I also feel like you're really over exaggerating parts of your story. I have been on prescribed steroids, and other medications, and had to work a couple of 33 hour shifts at a previous job. The first time, when it was finally over, I ended up sleeping on the floor of my office for 16 hours. I also have a history of anxiety, and while I have not been diagnosed (mostly due to not seeing a doctor but once every few years; don't like them either), I am certain that I could be diagnosed with PTSD, if I wanted the diagnosis for some reason. I have been physically attacked, I've been shot at, and I've seen things that would give anybody nightmares, and worse. I don't usually discuss it, as it's not something I'm proud of, but I also had a drug problem many years ago, and would stay awake, regularly, for 4,5,6 days at a time. I think the longest I went without sleeping was 11 or 12 days. This was on a substance far more potent than any steroid. And yet I have never come close to having the type of manic episode you describe. I realize that everyone reacts and handles things differently, particularly when it comes to mental health, but I still believe that you've made some serious exaggerations in order to further your case and to better present yourself as a victim. I may be mistaken, but that's the impression I get....

That being said, I believe your story, embellished or not, and I believe that the way you were treated and the consequences that you were made to suffer are not right, at all. I'm sorry that you had to endure such things. I can't make any promises, but I may have a connection or two that could help get your story out. I'll look into it, and will contact you by PM if it does indeed turn out to be a possibility. If you don't mind me asking, are you still located in Texas? I don't need to know which city, if so, and if you don't want to answer that, you don't have to.

a reply to: ladyvalkyrie

excuses, excuses. excuses.

About a year before this happened I wanted to see a therapist because of stress and I was concerned about drinking too much....I had to jump though hoops to get mental health approved through the insurance...then I had to pay full price for the sessions! $250 for the initial evaluation and $150 a pop from there! Wouldn't you think law enforcement should be one of the few jobs to offer FREE mental health???? Any time, all the time, no questions asked?

this right here tells me you had issues before the 33.5, actually it was 25.5 hour if like you said in a post above you worked a 8 hour shift on friday, off for 16 then on 3p-4:30a Sat, and 9a-9p, before the roid induced sleep deprivation caused you to go off. then sat around the house for seven days bitchin and braggin on face book about it. you do realize there are people that have just as demanding jobs that work that long or longer with out going off. you claim in other posts to know about the effects of roids, yet you took them and went to work, did it ever occur to you to read the side effects. please you just got caught showing your true colors, and are now trying to make out like your not what you are.

a reply to: AdmireTheDistance
I hated cops too. In fact, I was the recipient of douche cop behavior on several instances before I became one. It was in fact, the reason I became a cop. To NOT be 'that guy'. I'm human, in 6 years on the streets I may have been in a bad mood every now and then. I may have missed something I should have got. I may not have brought my 'A' game that day. But....I swear to GOD I tried my hardest to work hard, be fair, be logical, be honest....just be there for the people. Golden rule, baby.

The reason they put me on the Paddy Wagon was because I was embarrassing every other officer on my shift with the quality and quantity of my activity. And for the record, I'm not talking about piddly sh!t. I only wrote ONE traffic ticket in the entire year before all this went down and it was because a lady in a Lexus drove the wrong way on a one way street to get to Starbucks. And I didn't hate homeless people, I dealt with them every day. Many, many times I bought them food, water, brooms and dustpan for their little camps, trash bags....even dog food for a puppy one time. .....I digress.

I'm not embellishing anything, in fact it's even worse. I'm trying to keep things short. I get what you're saying and I agree the human body can take a lot of abuse. I was one tough cookie before this. But picture over a month and a half of walking pneumonia, the flu, a fractured knee, TWO back to back Prednesone doses, I took some sick time off and I got yelled at so I tried to push on, 38 hours no sleep....all the while taking care of a 2 year old as a single mom with no help and commuting from Dallas to Garland every day before and after work because that's where the sitter was.

And there were red flags: weight loss, irritability. But I didn't recognize it. It's one of those "20/20" hindsight things.

All of that and I barely eek'd through.....then I got that phone call about the hardship denial. I lost my #, yo. I had been super stressing about it for months. There was no way I could work the station and shift that they were trying to assign me. There was another station, another shift- evening, I wasn't even shooting for days. They had 2 or 3 open spots and needed females (for searching prisoners, taking rape reports, etc.). The ONLY reason it was denied was because Chief Golbeck is a dick and he had been singling me out for the past couple of years. I can't say why, I never did anything to the man. Any hoo..... that phone call was the straw that broke the camel's back. I went straight, 110% manic. Only....not having a history of mental illness....I had NO IDEA what was going on. Then getting choked by Richard Kersul, the one man security force of the ER- triggered extremely severe and extremely permanent PTSD. I agree one chokehold should have messed me up as bad as it did.....but you have to consider everything that led up to it.

I don't lie. I don't exaggerate. I don't want publicity, but damn I'm getting an ulcer not being able to get rid of the BS made public about me at the time.

Yes I'm in north Texas and......drumroll please.....my dad is Jim Marrs so any interviewers that make the trek out here gets a two-fer.



* before you ask why I don't just go to him- I have tried everything I can think of up until this point- contacting local media, flooding the internet with neutral stuff about me, etc. And there are long periods of rest in between because it's extremely stressful for me. I am just now to this point of desperate. He's currently finishing up his latest book, but I may just hit him up. But hell, I can't even get people to read this thread, who would want to read a book about it?

originally posted by: ladyvalkyrie
a reply to: AdmireTheDistance


Yes I'm in north Texas and......drumroll please.....my dad is Jim Marrs so any interviewers that make the trek out here gets a two-fer.

Wait....what? Really?

a reply to: hounddoghowlie
Where do I begin?

I didn't have 'issues' before this. Just normal stuff. My daughter's dad disappeared off the face of the earth when she was a year old and I wanted advice on how to explain that to her. I didn't want her to internalize it. And I was drinking a lot- most cops do. It's really hard to be up, up, up all day then relax when you get home. I wanted to curb it BEFORE it was a problem.

And yes, I know the effects of steroids.....NOW. I'm disabled because of them. I should have been warned about the possible side effects. I should have been warned about sleep deprivation. Now I try to warn people every chance I get.

"sat around the house for 7 days bitching and bragging" ....you have no clue how excruciating the state I was in was. Imagine how you would act/feel if you smoked say, 10 lbs of crack. Now imagine you didn't actually do any drugs and yet THAT's how you were feeling/acting. It was horrible. I can't even begin to describe it. I was stuck at home because I was so sped up I couldn't drive. I was talking so crazy. My neighbors went door to door asking people for Valium or anything to help calm me down. If I had known help wasn't coming I might have made more of an effort to try again, but Lt. King kept telling me help was on the way. The worst thing you can do to someone in a PTSD episode is to restrain/confine them. I knew that if I called 911 that's what they would do. I was trying to get them to just take me straight to a doctor.

'Bragging' on Facebook.....my original post was "When the highlight of your week is going to the ER for help and getting jumped by an orderly twice your size, you know it's a bad week." Two of my friends jumped on and it turned into a conversation. If you were to read the entire 10 pages you would see that I was complaining about neck pain and describing how I was yelling on the phone and he charged in and tackled me from behind. You would also see 'crazy' things like "I'm at war with the department, but I'm winning" (Charlie Sheen much? That's exactly the kind of thing he said when he was manic) What I meant by 'winning' was I intended to sue them for making me work so many hours- it was a violation of state labor law. It's so freaking embarrassing now but I'm being honest, you really shouldn't talk crap to me. You have no idea. Go be hurtful to someone else.

a reply to: AdmireTheDistance
I don't lie.

Here's us at a reenactment. I can't actually participate anymore, I have to stay back at the camp:

I nearly posted this last night after reading your quite astonishing OP. On re-reading what I'd typed, I decided to wait until today, with a clear mind. I read the OP several times and this is what I, a random ATS member think:

You were ill, in pain, high on meds and manic. At the ER you were treated the same as a regular citizen. (Oh noes!) You flipped out, got busted and now feel a great sense of personal injustice at the hands of your employers and/or co-workers? Is that a more or less correct summary? Oh, and using a friend as a human shield....umm...

A choke-hold you say? I'm sure we all know they only really use those when absolutely necessary and all other peaceful options have been exhausted! (slight sarcasm there btw!)

Your OP comes across as very "It wasn't my fault!" but it was. You endangered the lives of the public (remember, those people who collectively paid your wages?), yourself and now the bed is made and you are forced to lie in it, you cry foul. All as a result of YOUR actions. And/or a desire or commitment to work possibly lucrative overtime.

If it's any consolation, thousands of Americans experience pretty much the same thing as you every week, except that as most of them were not LEO's they have no recourse but to just put up with it, or go to prison. You at least escaped the latter.

I wish you luck but I also think it is a good thing you are not a LEO anymore and would hope that any avenues leading back to that kind of work are permanently closed to you. For everyone's sake.

Colourful Facebook remarks do seem to lead to dismissal in many job sectors these days...

If I have made incorrect assumptions, please feel free to correct me.a reply to: ladyvalkyrie

a reply to: LightSpeedDriver

*sigh* This is exactly why I don't want 'publicity'. People like you and hounddoghowie just not even attempting to consider what happened.

I was prescribed steroids for pneumonia. I was extremely sick, but kept working because I didn't realize how sick I was. I followed orders and stayed at work, even though it was against my better judgement. Because i had no idea what was in store, I had no idea how sick I was.

DPD BROKE THE LAW with how many hours they made me work.

I went manic. I went to the ER and they didn't know I was a cop. They did treat me like every other citizen. And all I can assume is that they thought I was a drug addict acting stupid to get the good pills. They never once attended to me as they should have. Other than the admitting set of vital signs (168/104 BP...stroke level) they never checked me again. They never asked if I was on anything, prescribed or otherwise. They never asked me what's been going on, aka not sleeping for over 2 days straight. I've had several doctors and counselors make the comment after the fact "It should have been obvious, especially to trained professionals, that you were in a mental health crisis." Yeah, it should have. The ER should have handled the situation as it was- a person in crisis- and treated me immediately. It's against the law in Texas for an EMT to act as a nurse. It's illegal for them to perform treatment without a nurse present. So why did an EMT come charging in, on his own and choke me? I wasn't a danger to myself or others- I was sitting on a bed half naked. Yes, I used Matt as a human shield, I was desperately trying to get away from this huge man that was trying to choke me! I was like a rat in a corner. The whole time Matt was yelling "Please sir get out of here! Please get someone else! Security! Watch out she's got a broken knee!" The ER broke the law and completely failed to treat me or even attempt to diagnose me.

DPD rules stated that if a supervisor even THOUGHT an officer had mental illness symptoms they had 24 hours to get that officer help and refer them to Psychological Services. Lt King, Sgt Bynum and another supervisor whose name I can't recall right now had known me my whole career! Sgt Bynum was one of my trainers! They knew I was not acting normally. Yet it took 7 DAYS to get me help and I never spoke to Psychological Services, I don't even know what that's supposed to be. So they broke their own rules. Plus, as I said, I was a citizen of Dallas. I'm sure there's some law or rule about neglecting a citizen in crisis- they broke that too.

I reported all this to Internal Affairs. They didn't investigate anything. I told Chief Brown to his face...nothing. I complained to the City Manager's Office, they ignored my phone calls until the 1 year statute of limitations was up.

After about a month I began to stabilize to the point where my doctor told me it was ok to contact Plano PD. I called them wanting to press charges on the EMT. They were extremely rude, refused to listen to me, yelled at me for crying and never contacted Matt. 6 MONTHS after the fact they press charges and DPD knew it before I did. And 2 years later (statute of limitations) they dropped it.

I had no history of mental illness. I had never been in trouble for anything, not even a PI or a warrant for not paying a traffic ticket. I had a Bachelor's Degree and 6 years as a nursing assistant before I became a cop. I became a cop to be one of the good ones, to actually help people. I NEVER would have treated anyone the way they treated me. In fact, if my dog was sick I'd take it to the vet. So, I wouldn't even treat a dog that badly.

830 arrests and I never once choked anyone. I'm a 5'1" 130 lb female by the way and I never carried a taser. 9 times out of 10 I talked people into jail. One of my commendations was from an African American gentleman- I didn't arrest him, I just transported- but he went to police headquarters to write that even though he went to jail I treated him with respect.

I understand your distain for cops, but it should be aimed at the people that did this to me. Not me.

Jim Marrs?

Yeah, I'd say call the media...but first get witness statements and all the information you can gather documented and documented well.

You may not want the publicity, but that's probably what caused some of this, and it may be the only way you can set this straight.

a reply to: TKDRL
Change requires action and personal risk.

Welcome to apathetic and comfortable america

a reply to: LightSpeedDriver

Lucrative overtime? I haven't been able to work ANY job for the past 4 years! That's how messed up I am! I am on disability through the city pension system. That means that about 6 doctors and a majority vote agree that I'm messed up and it's DPD's fault.

I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. I can't go to bars or restaurants, I can't go to the movies, I can't drive at night or in the rain, I can't possibly work full time at ANY JOB. I couldn't possibly be in LE anymore and I feel like I'm having a heart attack every time I even see a cop because I feel like they're out to get me. I used to work in health care, I can't handle that anymore either. I start to panic if I see blood or wounds or anything now and I'm terrified of people in scrubs and hospitals.

When I had my son last year I went through 13 hours of unmedicated labor at home and almost died because I was so terrified to go to a hospital.

I can't work full time, much less overtime. I would really like to just work a job one or two days a week to try to be part of the 'real world', to try to feel a little bit 'normal' and to have a little bit of independence.

a reply to: ~Lucidity

Everything's documented. Nobody cares.

a reply to: ladyvalkyrie
Then make that video, call the press, and make people care. Drop all the names you need to.

a reply to: ~Lucidity

Thank you for treating me like a human being and trying to help!

As posted before, the problem with a video is that the Anxiety Disorder causes me to cry like an idiot and pretty much be hysterical when I start talking about upsetting stuff. I feel like I'm having a heart attack right now and tears are streaming down my face as I type this. People have no sympathy and it seems like when I cry people just distain me for it. The only way to make a video interview would be to have 5000 cuts and restarts. I'm just really embarrassed to try a video.

a reply to: ladyvalkyrie
Use photos and examples like you started the thread with. Write a script and let your friend read it. You don't have to be in the video the whole time. maybe just take a beat when you are feeling strong and record a short statement for the beginning or the end of it or both?

The letter from the Texas Department of Health dated May 2012 that I posted at the beginning of the thread.....well the above is my exact complaints against the Medical Center of Plano. And if you recall, the state investigated and substantiated my complaints.

Here are the statements taken at the scene.

This is my personal favorite. The nurses notes. The handwritten notes were made by me when I received my copy of the hospital's report. Be sure and read the times closely.


And after using deadly force on me and 2 police departments being called out. They discharged me with scripts for Ibuprofen and Ultram. ....which I never even was able to fill because I was so messed up I couldn't drive.
Thanks, Medical Center of Plano!

I was assaulted at the hospital on Feb 9th. And here is my admission paperwork into a hospital finally on FEBRUARY 15TH voluntarily but in protective custody and order of police. It says I'm dangerous but it doesn't say how and it clearly says I was cooperative.

DPD knew exactly what happened on the 9th and didn't get me to a hospital until the 15th. I was home the entire time calling them for help.

a reply to: ladyvalkyrie

People like me? You mean the public?

I called you out and you resort to "people like you"? Your whole OP stunk of self-imporatnace and other things I cannot think of words for. I truly believe (but may be erroneous in my assumptions, I reserve the right to say nothing and/or be wrong) that you were 100% to blame for your actions. If you can't have enough fortitude to tell people you are unfit to function then that is yours, and nobody else's fault.

Please don't understand me wrong but this self-importance attitude of LEO's when encountering people, circumstances and situations that regular citizens face every day, without the protection of the largest "gang" (Police) ever formed in recent history....well, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

Zero sympathy, zero understanding, zero respect. All for your attitude.

PS I sure am glad that Dutch police are not quite as mind-#ed as their US "colleagues" yet because for me as a foreigner...well, a scary proposition.

I do wish you luck with the rest of your civilian life, but will be saying an extra-special spell tonight that you remain aforementioned civilian. With all due respect!