lost....

i have been very interested the past few month, and continue to be very interested in getting in touch with my true self. when i think about myself, the word that comes quickest is "lost". my mind works a little differently than most peoples...i shall explain. i find it extremely easy to show NO emotion, what i mean by that is when someone i know very well, a family member or close friend gets hurt, or has something bad happen in their life, i cant understand it, let alone feel sorrow or care, or love. i try and pretend to care, but i dont ever get that true "feeling" of care, or sorrow or love. its almost like if everyone and everything was taken from me, it wouldnt bother me, i wouldnt be sad that they r gone, i wouldnt cry, i wouldnt be angry, i would be more bored since i would have nothing and nobody there for me. while i write this i think in my head, does this mean my ego is so massive there is no way to beat it, or am i so self absorbed i am numb to everything and everyone around me? i feel that i have a reason that i am here for, i have no idea what that reason is, and i feel lost because i am so emotionally detached from everything i think.i have been like this since i can remember, and i dont want to be like this, i want to truly care for someone, i want to truly cry because i am truly sad. i want to truly feel feelings...i guess what i am getting at here is, what should i do when i meditate to get this stupid emotion roadblock out of my head, im tired of feeling or lack of feeling...i love helping people, and giving to people, but the more i think of it, the more i think i just do it for myself, not the other person, so i can hear thank you, or man u really helped me out, to make me feel good inside...just typing this and letting it out is making me realize more and more my ego is so big and so bad....i dont consider myself a bad person, and i am kind, polite, and go out of my way to help people every day...i just feel empty because it seems like i do it for me, and not for them...i want to do it for them, not for me, i dont want to feed my ego anymore, i want to "wake up" and FEEL...i know it will be a very hard road to take, and i need guidance on how to be truly selfless, and not think of myself. sorry if this seems like a rant, i just want to get in touch with my true self and find my true feelings, i know they are in there, i just dont know how to let them out....thank your for letting me get thiss off my chest, any advice would be wonderful, thank you.

a reply to: neomaximus10

i have been like this since i can remember, and i dont want to be like this, i want to truly care for someone, i want to truly cry because i am truly sad.

Thats true feeling. Take heart, most people have been programmed by the world around them to show and feel little. Really hard to overcome. The difference between you and some others is you see something wrong with that. Your openness and honesty to see that problem and desire to be relieved of it is a true prayer. Those are answered. Just be patient, life is life long.

If I may, Some people have lost faith in human kindness early on due to some trauma that violated your trust in others. Might be worth a look to see how your naturally developing emotions may have been derailed at some point.

You can also go through the moves as it were in showing concern for others. Even if you don't feel that concern you would still be helping them. They might appreciate that and you might get practice in learning how to care for them as well.

You sound like a penguin.

You should eat fresh fish, take a cold bath, and walk around in a tuxedo.

Beautiful soul.

In many spiritual there are a lot of talk about losing the ego and realize that the other person you are helping is in fact just another you in the larger sense. This is not the death of the ego but in fact a shift in view on how the ego sees itself, but is the shift in awareness that most people are seeking.

You are trying to help others in symbiotic way and feel bad that you are there for them and that it feels good to be there helping them. On some level you do care about them or care about an ideal of helping people even if you have a hard time making connection with them because the connection might not feel real enough. Even if you cannot feel what you have done for them you have in action loved them.

In a way you are a cell in the body of creation helping another cell in the body out for the good of both cells and all the other cells in the body.

This place is hard to handle and I am myself introvert who need time to be disconnected from everything around me.

If you want to play around with chi/light/spiritual energy then you can always try to find a good layer of hands teacher like for instance Reiki to make your body more sensitive and give you another tool that can help you wake up. Tai Chi might be for you. Binaural Beats works for some to feel the chi/light/spiritual energy.

Namaste.

originally posted by: neomaximus10
i have been very interested the past few month, and continue to be very interested in getting in touch with my true self. when i think about myself, the word that comes quickest is "lost". my mind works a little differently than most peoples...i shall explain. i find it extremely easy to show NO emotion, what i mean by that is when someone i know very well, a family member or close friend gets hurt, or has something bad happen in their life, i cant understand it, let alone feel sorrow or care, or love. i try and pretend to care, but i dont ever get that true "feeling" of care, or sorrow or love. its almost like if everyone and everything was taken from me, it wouldnt bother me, i wouldnt be sad that they r gone, i wouldnt cry, i wouldnt be angry, i would be more bored since i would have nothing and nobody there for me. while i write this i think in my head, does this mean my ego is so massive there is no way to beat it, or am i so self absorbed i am numb to everything and everyone around me? i feel that i have a reason that i am here for, i have no idea what that reason is, and i feel lost because i am so emotionally detached from everything i think.i have been like this since i can remember, and i dont want to be like this, i want to truly care for someone, i want to truly cry because i am truly sad. i want to truly feel feelings...i guess what i am getting at here is, what should i do when i meditate to get this stupid emotion roadblock out of my head, im tired of feeling or lack of feeling...i love helping people, and giving to people, but the more i think of it, the more i think i just do it for myself, not the other person, so i can hear thank you, or man u really helped me out, to make me feel good inside...just typing this and letting it out is making me realize more and more my ego is so big and so bad....i dont consider myself a bad person, and i am kind, polite, and go out of my way to help people every day...i just feel empty because it seems like i do it for me, and not for them...i want to do it for them, not for me, i dont want to feed my ego anymore, i want to "wake up" and FEEL...i know it will be a very hard road to take, and i need guidance on how to be truly selfless, and not think of myself. sorry if this seems like a rant, i just want to get in touch with my true self and find my true feelings, i know they are in there, i just dont know how to let them out....thank your for letting me get thiss off my chest, any advice would be wonderful, thank you.

Sounds like to me that you're switched off and you need turning back on .

It's EASY TO pick holes out of yourself. But give yourself confidence is a hard thing.
Plus some people would say mourning the death of someone is selfish. It's on how we look at are self's, I think you may be a tad to hard on ya self buddy.

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: neomaximus10

i have been like this since i can remember, and i dont want to be like this, i want to truly care for someone, i want to truly cry because i am truly sad.

Thats true feeling. Take heart, most people have been programmed by the world around them to show and feel little. Really hard to overcome. The difference between you and some others is you see something wrong with that. Your openness and honesty to see that problem and desire to be relieved of it is a true prayer. Those are answered. Just be patient, life is life long.

If I may, Some people have lost faith in human kindness early on due to some trauma that violated your trust in others. Might be worth a look to see how your naturally developing emotions may have been derailed at some point.

You can also go through the moves as it were in showing concern for others. Even if you don't feel that concern you would still be helping them. They might appreciate that and you might get practice in learning how to care for them as well.

I can agree with you there that there is a lot of trauma in me also. The weird thing thing is that the soul on earth that have shown me the purest connection to me was a dog. It was really childlike innocent in nature and wanted only to be held and petted making begging noises when you did not show it love and affection.

Some humans seem to have lost something that some dogs still have.

Namaste.

a reply to: neomaximus10

Intrptr makes a good point - it is possible that something in childhood caused you to subconsciously put a 'wall' between you and your feelings. The fact that you 'want' to have caring feelings but don't is a good indicator of this...

Sometimes even the smallest, seemingly unimportant (or even unremembered) experience as a child can have a profound effect on the way a person evolves as they grow up.

Finding a good counselor could help you discover the source of your problem and help you break thru the 'wall'...

One thing - it is really important to find a counselor who is a good 'fit', if you don't feel comfortable by the end of the third session with someone, try someone else - they are all different, some good some bad...but don't give up...

Best wishes!

originally posted by: ChefSlug
You sound like a penguin.

You should eat fresh fish, take a cold bath, and walk around in a tuxedo.

Sound advice..

OP You sound human...We all do it for ourselves.

With the information you have given, It sounds very much like you have some sort of dissociative disorder. A visit to your docs might help, should be referred to a professional in right field.

Hope this link helps

www.mind.org.uk...

originally posted by: demondonna
With the information you have given, It sounds very much like you have some sort of dissociative disorder. A visit to your docs might help, should be referred to a professional in right field.

Hope this link helps

www.mind.org.uk...[/quot e]
I agree with demondonna. That being said, I think you have some caring & feelings. The fact that you do try to help others, I think your truly doing it for THEM, NOT YOURSELF. It's always nice to hear a thank you, which of couse would make anyone feel good about themselves. So, your not too far gone. I also agree with another poster up thread who said you may have had something traumatic happen in your childhood, putting up a little wall....I think speaking with a doc might help. Good luck & please keep us posted on how your doing. I for one, would be interested in following this journey your about to go on...S&F

Sorry, I don't know why my post came up in a box

edit on 9/21/14 by j.r.c.b. because: Post is boxed??

a reply to: LittleByLittle

The weird thing thing is that the soul on earth that have shown me the purest connection to me was a dog

Same here. Does that mean we are hopeless or more sensitive?

i also had the thought that: what if what im feeling is normal, and everyone else is unknowingly pretending to feel, while some people realize or have the openmindedness to realize that they are not truly feeling....if that makes sense at all.

also everyone thank you so much for taking the time to read and give your thoughts and advice, i do appreciate it, and no im not faking my appreciation

ive just been thinking about this all day and doing little acts of selflessness and kindness, to see if i would feel any different...all i can gather as it has only been a few hours, the few things that i have done dont feel as "hollow" as my usual actions

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: LittleByLittle

The weird thing thing is that the soul on earth that have shown me the purest connection to me was a dog

Same here. Does that mean we are hopeless or more sensitive?

Maybe a bit of both .

a reply to: LittleByLittle

Heres a test for feeling. pet owners are more sensitive. Not hopeless at all.

If this makes you choke back a tear… then you are still human.

a reply to: neomaximus10

Adult attachment disorder is also known as a reactive attachment disorder. It is not, perhaps, a widely known and talked about but it is a real problem for a person and other people around. It usually starts in the childhood and with time develops and aggravates.

One of the most frequent reasons for the development of this disorder is the neglect of parents. Even more likely that the symptoms of adult attachment disorder will develop, if any cases of abuse were present in childhood, no matter physical or psychological. One of the first reactions that develop in this case is a tendency to detachment. A kid grows with mistrust to other people and experiences a lot of hardships in building communication and connections with other people later on in life. The condition is very well capable of developing into a full-time serious psychological disorder if no measures are taken in time. A person with adult attachment disorder will be unable to form a normal healthy relationship with another person and all the way will suffer. Besides, there have been cases when sufferings were not the only consequences. The symptoms developed into rather dangerous self-destructive behavior.

Adult attachment disorder has got a list of very distinctive symptoms. However, in order to identify them and diagnose as the signs of this very disorder, a prolonged and intensive monitoring of a person’s behavior should be carried out. It should be taken into consideration that one or even several symptoms are still no basis for a diagnosing a person with the condition.

A person with adult attachment disorder tends to be very impulsive and displays frequently negative and provocative behavior patterns. It is also very characteristic of a person to be willing to control everything and manipulate. Lying and cheating are not rare when such a person wants to achieve his or her goals.

www.healthgoesup.com...

I know how you feel, kinda.

If you realise that we are all part of the same big pool of energy, then it really does not matter if you are doing this 'for yourself' as you are just a drop in the bucket along with everyone else - all made of water yet all individual. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you live your life according to the highest principles you can, then I dont think you can go far wrong.

Some people say that you cannot learn and give love to others unless you love yourself first, so maybe there IS an element of this which you need to find. Also, I would ask you what you feel 'love' is? Do you read about it, see it in films, hear about it and think that you should experience 'love' like this? Maybe your 'love' is not like that and if you think about it, the higher you go spiritually, the less personal love becomes and more encompassing it becomes.

People who have had an epiphany or seen the light as it is sometimes called, relate how the love they feel is all-encompassing and this is what I suspect that we will become, yet some have glimses of this state here and now. Being too caught-up in the minutae of life can drain our energy and make us concentrate on the small human-ness of ourselves, but the view of a larger picture will allow us to see how the Universe actually looks after us in an amazing way.

a reply to: neomaximus10

There is a difference between a feeling and something that means something - you could witness a stranger falling down and hurting themselves, and you could feel and show absolutely no emotions, while at the same time helping them to their feet - was that not selflessness?

The point is, something like love is based on actions, and clearly you know what is a benevolent action - you can be very "loving" without feeling a thing.

a reply to: neomaximus10

I think you might be the normal one in the story but of course it wont help you saying this, since what you want is, from what i understood, be normal like other weak minded people. Yeah, weak people. You either have a great control over your emotions or you naturally tend to know that such "events" are not that big of a deal which is really the case but you still prefer to suffer instead, very funny.

Musashi had it right. Detachment is a vital part of a healthy mind. Humans, especially today, have the tendency to be "overdependent". That means that any relationships will become excessive to the point they cant stop depending of each others. People call this love. I doubt it. It is simply excessive attachment from weak individuals that cant stand being by themselves even for a short time. And it is not healthy. By acting like this, you put restraints everywhere on yourself, you become unable to function well because you are too weak inside, you need a third party constantly and when you have no choice? Well you can see this everyday in the news, suicides, depressions, mental diseases. This is not an evolved world by any means, id say people are regressing.

Does it make sense? Not? I will never understand these people that wish to be "normal". When you are conscious of the # that humanrace has really become, there is no way you'd like to be "normal". Being normal is like being mentally tetraplegic. You have a different mind but instead of using it to your advantage you are wasting your time to become what should be considered as a lesser state of mind? What a joke.

Keep this in mind: people who are less mentally attached are more prone to achieve greater things. This doesnt mean being a machine, it means having a control and a HEALTHY balance within yourself! But try to make spoonfed people GET IT, its near impossible.

So what u r saying Damon, is that my emotional state is OK, I guess iall I have to compare my lack of feeling to is the people that r around me, who have no idea about spirituality and meditation and the whole subject. I just didn't know if it was normal, I do have some feelings in extreme,cases ie: my wife. But 99% of the time nothing bothers me emotionally, just annoys me by how silly or stupid the situation is. I just have not met anybody that shares the same emotional control as me, causing me to think that I am the one with the problem. Where after reading what u say would make me the stronger one. I agree with you.,it is just hard to get past how nearly EVERYONE let's their emotions control them. I wonder if that's why I can't even stand watching TV, literally all I watch are cartoons and nature documentaries. Everything else just makes me feel dumber by watching it...there is a show called "naked dating"....I know I'm what the crap!seriously...why would they put anything like that on tv....anyways, thank u Damon for your input, it made a lot of sense to me

a reply to: qmantoo

love to me is wanting to make the other person happy unconditionally, by doing anything you can to help or make life easier even if it is an inconvenience, because you want to. Like writing a note and sticking it on the mirror because you know it will make them smile, I don't know how to explain it, but unconditional servitude because you want to is how I define love, if that makes sense