Read the Signs and Walk Away

I was in a psychology class once, and we were talking about relationships—why they work, or why they rarely do. I was much more naïve in those days (hard to imagine feeling young again.) I remember being that naïve though, telling people how easy it is to avoid the bad ones. Just read the signs and know when to walk away. And when you’re younger, and the possibilities are abundant, it really is easy to walk away, knowing that something new awaits you over the next hill. Keep marching forward.

But when you’re a little more worn around the eyes, feet aching, or else worn in those places you try not to draw attention to—the last few pockets of healthy cardiac, hopeful—you let the little things roll off your back. You can’t afford to look at those signs for what they are, for it may be the last chance you have to make something work. And you put so much work into it already, god knows! Seems a shame to let it fade now.

I see why some forgive the verbal abusers, the negligent, the emotionally distant, and the cheaters too. We forgive because we love so much that we’re willing to let them hurt us, and again, and some more even after saying it’s the last time. Sometimes we cry into our pillows wishing if only we could make it work again, something that lasts.

But there does come a moment of clarity; whether it’s the first time or the fiftieth time, there will come clarity through the tears. It’s when you realize you have wasted so much time, absorbed, thinking about that person, doing for that person, suffering for that person—and they have wasted no time at all—you, being the furthest thing from their mind. They have moved away from this spot, and you wake up from the dream, alone. Smooth out the creases in the blue sheets and go back to sleep.

And it’s going to be the very last time, until the next time, that I don’t read the signs and walk away.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
Yes. And it's the hardest thing to do...

Especially when you give so much of yourself..

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
I was in a psychology class once, and we were talking about relationships—why they work, or why they rarely do. I was much more naïve in those days (hard to imagine feeling young again.) I remember being that naïve though, telling people how easy it is to avoid the bad ones. Just read the signs and know when to walk away. And when you’re younger, and the possibilities are abundant, it really is easy to walk away, knowing that something new awaits you over the next hill. Keep marching forward.

But when you’re a little more worn around the eyes, feet aching, or else worn in those places you try not to draw attention to—the last few pockets of healthy cardiac, hopeful—you let the little things roll off your back. You can’t afford to look at those signs for what they are, for it may be the last chance you have to make something work. And you put so much work into it already, god knows! Seems a shame to let it fade now.

I see why some forgive the verbal abusers, the negligent, the emotionally distant, and the cheaters too. We forgive because we love so much that we’re willing to let them hurt us, and again, and some more even after saying it’s the last time. Sometimes we cry into our pillows wishing if only we could make it work again, something that lasts.

But there does come a moment of clarity; whether it’s the first time or the fiftieth time, there will come clarity through the tears. It’s when you realize you have wasted so much time, absorbed, thinking about that person, doing for that person, suffering for that person—and they have wasted no time at all—you, being the furthest thing from their mind. They have moved away from this spot, and you wake up from the dream, alone. Smooth out the creases in the blue sheets and go back to sleep.

And it’s going to be the very last time, until the next time, that I don’t read the signs and walk away.

I would add to what you alluded about age is that sometimes other things come into consideration through in a perfect world they should not.

For example; to stay together or both become technically homeless when home gets sold and neither have a enough to get their own place.

While we enjoy good health, walking away can be an attractive option but as our health starts to wane with age the issues get more complicated.

Sometimes its a case of dammed if you stay and dammed if you walk away.

Meh.. after threw out the last one that cheated on me swore never again .. better of without having to put up with all the idiotic games ..
Not to mention no getting nagged to death .. bankrupted.. lied to .. treated like dirt .. by someone that supposedly "loves" you ..
Love is for fools and idiots ..

Guess not have stupid switch like most men .. when it over looked forward .. not back .. bury the dead and charlie mike ..

This Thread reminds me of Jeff Buckley's 'Lover, You Should Have Come Over' and the lyrics 'too young to hold on, too old to just break free and run'.



And the pragmatism of women, that once it is accepted the other has not the desired qualities for the commitment to be made, no further energy will be spent.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Hey ... you!! Shake it off!

I *like* you. Lots of real people behind their avatars like you. Realize you don't need any more than that. You might want more and it's okay to go looking for it. But, you have what you need with us right here.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

And it’s going to be the very last time, until the next time, that I don’t read the signs and walk away.

That pretty much sums it up for my relationships too.
Very well put.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
I was in a psychology class once, and we were talking about relationships—why they work, or why they rarely do. I was much more naïve in those days (hard to imagine feeling young again.) I remember being that naïve though, telling people how easy it is to avoid the bad ones. Just read the signs and know when to walk away. And when you’re younger, and the possibilities are abundant, it really is easy to walk away, knowing that something new awaits you over the next hill. Keep marching forward.

But when you’re a little more worn around the eyes, feet aching, or else worn in those places you try not to draw attention to—the last few pockets of healthy cardiac, hopeful—you let the little things roll off your back. You can’t afford to look at those signs for what they are, for it may be the last chance you have to make something work. And you put so much work into it already, god knows! Seems a shame to let it fade now.

I see why some forgive the verbal abusers, the negligent, the emotionally distant, and the cheaters too. We forgive because we love so much that we’re willing to let them hurt us, and again, and some more even after saying it’s the last time. Sometimes we cry into our pillows wishing if only we could make it work again, something that lasts.

But there does come a moment of clarity; whether it’s the first time or the fiftieth time, there will come clarity through the tears. It’s when you realize you have wasted so much time, absorbed, thinking about that person, doing for that person, suffering for that person—and they have wasted no time at all—you, being the furthest thing from their mind. They have moved away from this spot, and you wake up from the dream, alone. Smooth out the creases in the blue sheets and go back to sleep.

And it’s going to be the very last time, until the next time, that I don’t read the signs and walk away.

There are generally two types of personalities involved in a relationship - givers and takers. There are other terms that describe this, but these are the basic characteristics. They're opposites and we know that opposites attract. Each is getting something from the other. It's when expectations change that the relationships starts to fail. It's usually the giver that one day realizes they're the one making all the sacrifices and not receiving in return. So then the giver tries to change the other person and resentment forms on both sides. JMO

Just finished my first cup of coffee so maybe my response wasn't as coherent as it could be

My advice would be to just enjoy the ride while it lasts (no pun intended). I think I'd rather have a woman on my mind to consume my thoughts rather than having my thoughts devoted to worrying about the problems in my life and the world. Just don't expect too much from a relationship. If it works out its a bonus, if not, your not going to be too disappointed. Easier said than done I guess.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

But there does come a moment of clarity; whether it’s the first time or the fiftieth time, there will come clarity through the tears. It’s when you realize you have wasted so much time, absorbed, thinking about that person, doing for that person, suffering for that person—and they have wasted no time at all—you, being the furthest thing from their mind. They have moved away from this spot, and you wake up from the dream, alone. Smooth out the creases in the blue sheets and go back to sleep.

This is what most people can't own up to: That they spent so much of their life on what ended up being a mistake.......that their life was a mistake. How can you claim to know so much about yourself, and make a mistake of this magnitude? Being with someone for so long that never had your best interest at heart. That it was always about them.

All those years go by as a lie when you wake up to realize the truth. You go your separate ways a shell of what you once were because you just don't understand any of it. The strong one's though keep searching.

Some search jaded with their heads down because they never took the time to reflect. They never looked up in the mirror to find what was wrong with them in the first place, that they could be so complacent with the relationship that they couldn't see the truth. Or didn't want to. They never understood that their co-dependency on another kept them blind and tied to an unfortunate truth. That their love wasn't being reciprocated. Or they just didn't care. He made good money and gave her the lifestyle she wanted.

Others search with their eyes open and their heads up. They realize what went wrong and they accept the parts of that that were on them. Their own shortcomings. Their own faults. It takes two to make a relationship and it takes two to break one. These are the ones more likely to find someone and something else more substantial. More productive. More worth living living for, because these are the one's who learned from their mistakes, and the mistakes of their previous lover.

We all make mistakes. We all screw up. That's what makes us human. When you don't learn anything from them though, you're wasting the potential positive attributes of those screw-ups. That being, the opportunity they give you to learn from them so you don't make the same mistakes again. They're an intruder in your house that's daring you to kick them out. Are you strong enough? Mistakes show us how weak we can be, but they also give us the opportunity to become stronger by learning from them.



Whether a couple works through their differences to where those differences become minor annoyances (The jerk, he never wants to take out the trash) (She Facebooks her friends to tell them the details of the date we had last night), or they don't air out their feelings to where they become something that justifies leaving, things always have a way of working themselves out.

a reply to: Bilk22

This.

The change of expectations/dynamics/life goals is what changes relationships.

I wouldn't even say it's a giver/taker paradigm as both partners tend to fill both of those roles at the same time. For instance, a serious person who works hard is paired up with a spunky spunkmaster that is far more carefree. Both are taking from one another. The serious one is feeding off the social nature of the spunkmaster and the spunkmaster is feeding off the grounded nature of the serious one.

Everyone is a user in a relationship.

Those who are spontaneous never have money and stability, and those who have money and stability aren't spontaneous. They are almost ALWAYS attracted to each other. It's a disaster from the get go.. an unfortunate one that most people cannot or perhaps should not avoid.

originally posted by: OrphanApology
a reply to: Bilk22

This.

The change of expectations/dynamics/life goals is what changes relationships.

I wouldn't even say it's a giver/taker paradigm as both partners tend to fill both of those roles at the same time. For instance, a serious person who works hard is paired up with a spunky spunkmaster that is far more carefree. Both are taking from one another. The serious one is feeding off the social nature of the spunkmaster and the spunkmaster is feeding off the grounded nature of the serious one.

Everyone is a user in a relationship.

Those who are spontaneous never have money and stability, and those who have money and stability aren't spontaneous. They are almost ALWAYS attracted to each other. It's a disaster from the get go.. an unfortunate one that most people cannot or perhaps should not avoid.

I'm not sure I'd equate "user" with "taker". Yes, in a relationship, especially when it starts, each are getting something, but everyone is generally on their good behavior. The giver likes having someone who they believe appreciates their attention and their nurturing. The taker likes the attention as it feeds their narcissism. Eventually something must give. It's usually the giver who realizes first that the relationship is lopsided. They then try to coax change. The taker begins to get defensive and the cycle worsens.

Sometimes the giver isn't necessarily a nurturer. Sometimes it comes in other forms such as financial support. I'm not claiming this to be the absolute truth to relationships, but there's a good bit of evidence to support it which I'm probably not doing very well

Thanks to all of you for your posts. You have given me much to reflect on. You are a very wise group indeed