The Jerk and Happily Ever After

I was chit chatting with another member on here and we were talking about our spouses and how we met. I told them my spouse thought I was a big jerk and apparently she basically thought the same of hers. Oddly enough though, after all has been said and done, I have been with mine for 14 years and still very happy, and they have many years between them as well.

I said in kidding that we should start a thread about it and see just how common this might actually be. So, here is the thread!

I know so many couples that started out all in love from the moment their eyes met, only to fail in marriage quite shortly there after.

So, just for kicks and giggles, how did you folks start off that have had long sustained relationships. Did you hit it off right away, or did you start like we did and think the person had to be from another world you had no intentions of visiting?

Uhg, I start to think anyone is a jerk after being around them long enough. I'm not sure why it is, friends, family, co-workers, lovers, after a while they all get on my nerves.

Then ironically, I question if I'm the jerk for thinking they're jerks....sigh.

Well...

My wife and I have been together since 2000.

We both worked for an office supply chain, she had just got hired.

She was the best friend of two openly gay co-workers, they got her the job.

So everyone there thought she was Gay, thats the first thing.

The next thing, the first day I met her, she comes in with her two friends (who are also my friends), its a sunday, and I just finished 6am Paint ball and drinking with my buddies.

On a bet I had bleached my hair blond after I had lost on paintball (this is a big deal, as I am not someone who would do that)

So in walks the New girl, her two friends see me and instantly start laughing hysterically.

Like crying, falling over themselves laughing at me ( I really am a straight edge kinda guy, people at work often think of me as uptight, as when I work, Im there to work)

So long story short, I thought she was gay, her first view of me is her two best friends pointing an laughing hysterically at me.

Been with her ever since.

onehuman
Did you hit it off right away, or did you start like we did and think the person had to be from another world you had no intentions of visiting?

From another world. That was the attraction that made us hit it off right away. I like a good challenge and so does she.

People who start their relationships with complacency never realize what a good challenge brings to the table. You start everything off by working for it, and before you know it, your relationship is defined by the fact that you're always trying to make it better. Always working on it and always looking forward to the time where things really click. The only way to do that, really, is to always try to see what the other sees. Always put yourself in their shoes so you can see it all from their perspective. At that point, after years of doing all that, you're tight in a way that complacency and settling never gives people. You're two halves that really do make a whole.

If this hasn't been moved to the relationship forum yet, it should be.

mcx1942
Uhg, I start to think anyone is a jerk after being around them long enough. I'm not sure why it is, friends, family, co-workers, lovers, after a while they all get on my nerves.

Then ironically, I question if I'm the jerk for thinking they're jerks....sigh.

If everyone you meet is a jerk...

Well, its time to question who the jerk is.

I say this because I was recently told similar after making a similar comment lol.

reply to post by onehuman


I have only been married for a year, however, I have been with my wife for 9 years as a couple. We met in high school, I was a techie and her an actress. We flirted back stage, one thing led to another, and years later we married. We fight here and there, sometimes more than we should...but I know what you mean. I think that is why it is very important for you both to remain who you are, and leave space. If you two are constantly with one another 24/7, you will get sick of one another. But if you both have your own hobbies, that allow you some space, then you won't get annoyed with one another. From what I have experienced anyways. If I am with her too much, than she pisses me off, and vise versa. Also, don't take her for granted, help out when she needs it, and show her she's not the only one in the relationship driving the car. If you follow these rules, I feel you will have a successful marriage. I almost forgot, Sex. There has to be sex. Over time, you both will stop wanting to do it, cause you get older, fatter, and just boring. Spice that stuff up. Make a plan to do it once a week, or month, or something within a month range, any longer than that with no physical contact creates loneliness. Good luck!

reply to post by onehuman


I've been married 25 years. We are complete opposites. She's very emotional a touch and feely type of person, and I'm the grouch, not very emotional and need my space. We've had our share of arguments, but in the end we still care and love each other. I come from a dysfunctional and abusive family, where she came from a close and loving family. I was attracted to her, but I also enjoyed her loving and close family ties. Something I never really had. I sometimes think she was put on this earth to help me with the emotional traits I lack. She wears her emotions on her shoulder where I keep them inside. She feels I helped her to be strong emotionally and gave her strength to be independent. She strongly believes we were together in a previous life. That's another story altogether.

Emerys
reply to post by onehuman

 

I almost forgot, Sex. There has to be sex. Over time, you both will stop wanting to do it, cause you get older, fatter, and just boring. Spice that stuff up. Make a plan to do it once a week, or month, or something within a month range, any longer than that with no physical contact creates loneliness. Good luck!

This times a thousand.

I can't count how many "great couples" broke up over this one issues.

Everyone drive is different, but your partners happiness needs to be a factor.

In both sides of the issue, if one partner has a lower drive, and the other higher, both need to accommodate the other.

Sure enough sign of an issue, is the lack of concern for the others happiness.


source: happily married longer than anyone in my peer group I know.

My Bride and me have been married 25 years. We met working for a counselling agency -- I was the nighttime receptionist, because they needed someone who wasn't afraid of the squirrelly neighbourhood after dark, and someone who could type. I was going to school at the time, and fit the bill.

She was married and after I left the place we kept in touch. Their marriage broke up, and I was just coming off a failed relationship. Neither of us wanted a linear progression -- a relationship. We were friends. We still are. We started getting together for various outings -- car races, concerts, long drives and uneventful nights of playing hangman and dominoes.

I think everyone around us knew before we did that we were a couple. We didn't kiss -- a real kiss -- until six months afterwards. I asked her to go to an upscale comedy club with me. We dressed up. She took my hand as we walked to the place, and I still remember the thrill of electricity that coursed between us like it was yesterday. That night was the first real kiss.

We vacationed together in 1985 in the Cayman Islands, and got engaged on the beach in front of where we now live. It was, and is, kismet.

Sometimes people get lucky. I am the luckiest man I know. We don't have wealth, but are rich in the way that matters to us.

haha! I got a story!

I got rehired at a fast food place after being gone to another state for a few years, and my first day as I am being introduced to the employees, this short little chick comes up,points a finger at me and says with an authoritative southern accent:

" So, you are a rehire huh? Better do your f-ing job!"

I actually laughed at her and said:

" You don't know who you are talking to do you!?"

I had worked for this company since I was 18 and could run it by myself if I had to. When I left I had turned down a management position within the company to do a big move, so coming back was like coming home there, and here was this little lady telling me that I better do my job...lol

So anyways, long story short,within 6 months we were living together, and within 3 years we were married.
And we still chase each other around telling ourselves to do our jobs 7 years later,
no matter where we are...lol

I didn't think my husband was a jerk. I met him when I was 19. He had a job that he had held for years, he was giving, family oriented, etc. We married after dating for 3 months. I was not in love with him at that time. He had all the qualities I knew that I wanted in a husband and had not seen in any other person I had dated up until that point. I married for stability (not money, because we are still semi broke lol) at the time. I cared for him very much and hoped that I would grow to love him even more.

It was a stupid decision that could have failed tremendously, but fate smiled down and I did indeed fall in love with the man I have now been married to for over 17 years.

We fought like demons in those first few years. I had just turned 20 when we married. He had just turned 21. We only dated for 3 short months and were expecting within a month of being married. It was a lot of change for both of us. We were still learning about each other, we were still kind of growing up, and we were adding another tiny human into the mix. Recipe for disaster. But neither of us gave up on each other or our little family.

Our marriage was definitely forged in the fire.