Help... My better half belives and I don't...

Now I'm the kinda guy who likes order in the Universe. I do believe that we are not alone and could even have been visited though I believe that visitations are as rare as a major meteor strikes and not flitting around this planet like a bypass. When it comes to paranormal stuff, though I have heard stuff I could not readily explain. I tend to write off bumps in the night as house settling or acorns popping our tin roof. Or hearing a breath and determining that acoustics be the culprit. To me there just has to be some logical explanations and the last thing I would assign any "bump in the night" as ghostly activities.

Thing is, my better half does. She believes in God and an afterlife and believes the dead reach out to the living in various ways. She also claims that the dead speak to her. Not all the time but there are standouts like my father who has recently passed. She claims that he just won't leave her alone at times, especially at the "river place" which dad helped me with in restoring before he got sick. She tells me things that he has told her and it is hit or miss in what I feel he would say. Also in the "river place" the previous owner had died due to overdose she has claimed things like the previous owner is happy that w are there and taking care of the place. Personally I have not felt anything of the sort but I listen to her trying not to have too much doubt in my eyes. I believe that she believes and I try to see through my skepticism. I try and see things and open myself and there has been things I have heard, like wind chimes when I don't have them hanging anywhere and it isn't windy to begin with. I've heard an exhalation of breath once when settling into bed for the night with my better half. Outside that... nothing.

Now we have just bought a foreclosure home which needs huge amounts of work. We did look up some history of this house and found that an older couple had gotten killed here. My very first day alone while I was clearing land outside I kept getting flashes out of the corner of my eye. Now I haven't ever seen anything like that and I believe that those flashes set up feeling inside of me that I was being watched. Outside of that first day I have never seen the return of these flashes, nor have I had any feelings of being watched. Now I did stand at the door that night while I was still alone and I stood at the threshold and talked to the house. I told it that we are here to take care of this place and that I would respect any spirits within as long as they respected us. I wish I could believe and was giving the benefit of doubt. I WANT to believe but my logical reasoning gets in the way. I have even pleaded "show me" but outside that first day here, nothing. Oh I have heard stuff with my better half but I am not so quick to assign the paranormal as quickly as she is. A lot of times it is like she looks at me and says, "Did you see that?", or "did you hear that?" and when I state I am not sure what w just heard or seen, her first impulse is to assign the paranormal which I am not.

It causes some stress (nothing major) but we always end up with her saying how can you NOT believe and I am looking at her saying I am not so sure.

What can I do? I mean I think it would be nice to think there are spirits and people watching over us but it just does not fit in my reality of the Universe. Is there anything that I can do to actually tune in? This head shaking between us as we look at each other, one believing one thing, one believing another, seems to be getting passed comedy.

Any help for this unbeliever to help me believe when, according to my better half, this house is pretty active?

You can support her believes and do things inside her believe system to comfort her even when you know its useless and utterly crap. For example is she sees you dad say to her to light some candles for him, so he could reach the other side with more ease. things like this will help her, think of it as a placebo.

Always support your woman, unless you want a divorce (or she want to do a ritualistic sacrifice or some crazy sh#t).

reply to post by Terminal1


If it's causing some stress it might be helpful to sit down and talk about it. I am in a similar situation and while I believe in the paranormal, I ALWAYS look for a logical explanation first. My gf and her daughters think anything "weird" is automatically a ghost, and I am constantly having a chuckle about it and offering up logical explanations for what they think is strange. In a way, this can keep a couple grounded, as you and your partner sort of complete each other and can meet halfway. She can help to keep your mind open, and you can help to keep her logical.

The best thing to do might be to try and see it in that light, and communicate it to her. Explain to her that although your beliefs may differ, you can help keep each other more centered through your differences.

Be honest.

I've learned that you have to watch what you say to your better half. I didn't learn that the easy way either.

reply to post by Terminal1



We are ruled by degrees of separation. You are only arguing over words and labels... Maybe If you think the world is caused by the big bang and your wife thinks it was created by God.. What is the difference. They are both events in which something is created out of nothing. They are both undefinable events that we do not understand. Same concepts. Different words.

Maybe you think an apple falls off a tree because of gravity. Gravity is not something we can see. It is really any different from a tribe living in the forest somewhere thinking the apple falls off the tree because of a spirit.

These are all stories we make to help us understand the world. They are all stories though. Science no different...

Not trying to pick a fight with you...I honestly hope you and your wife find an even ground to stand on....but it seems like you may already believe more than you are allowing yourself to say. You spoke to your house after having an eerie feeling. Your wife was not around so you were either doing it for yourself or for the spirits. Either way that confirms that you are at least open to the possibility of the supernatural.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with healthy skepticism. Just remember to not doubt what your wife is saying JUST because it has supernaturual connotations. When neither of you have proof of what you believe just happened, than either of you could be right.

Snarl was right in what they said about being honest. You can attempt to smooth things over by saying you believe in her and believe she believes it but you need more foundation for your own personal belief. Past that if you care to research a good start is on mediumship in the past that has not been successfully debunked like for instance Leslie Flint, or interesting cases such as the story of Helen Duncan (despite some of the ridiculous looking pictures out there, as her story stands it's pretty interesting), past that if you can look past the blinders of his belief system Emanuel Swedenborg may be of some interest. That would just be a start but if you can decide one way or another on if you believe in the possibility of mediumship it's a good start for exploring everything else. If you do decide to research to form an opinion one way or another and this sparks your personal interest you may eventually wind up at shamanism which when stripped of cultural influences presents for me anyway an interesting subject to research.

-Best of luck

Edit: Ah and a belief in a God as popularly depicted is not required per say to believe in continuance.

Isn't there yet another new Paranormal Activity movie out?

Maybe set up cameras? Hire some child actors to do creepy stuff in the house while she's not there just so she can tell you "I told you so", and you win one by losing on purpose.

Indigent
You can support her believes and do things inside her believe system to comfort her even when you know its useless and utterly crap. For example is she sees you dad say to her to light some candles for him, so he could reach the other side with more ease. things like this will help her, think of it as a placebo.

Always support your woman, unless you want a divorce (or she want to do a ritualistic sacrifice or some crazy sh#t).

This is what I attempt to do. I mean, I've walked the Earth for close to 50 years and I've seen and heard some stuff that straight up made the hackles on my neck ride up. Once, when I was at my parents I was going to go outside on the edge of the woods and just enjoy the morning with my coffee. When I opened the side door (which is like 20' from woods) I heard some huge wing flapping with small branches breaking. FWWWOOOFF!! FWWWOOOFF!! FWWWOOOFF!! with about a 1 second oscillation. Like I startled it and I have to say it startled me. I grew up in these woods in my later teen years and I had never heard this before. It only lasted about 10 seconds.

But I know that and it isn't like larger birds of prey are stranger here (Virginia/Appalachians) and coyotes and bear are not unheard of. All types of owls too. Been there and done all those noises. But since I had never heard that sound before I know how people are, including me. My mind will draw from the wellspring of life and experience to fill in the blanks of that unknown. People will paint the picture in their head that gives them either comfort or fear and the spectrum in between when confronted with something unknown.

I take that attitude with my better half as well. I know that if something bang in the night happens she is easier to go paranormal. I mean I have seen other stuff in this house. Once in the early morning (again with coffee) I opened the door to the basement. The door was kinda sticky and no doorknob yet so I had to rattle it open. When I got it open I seen, at the bottom of my stairs what looked like a small head silhouette peek out around the corner up the stairs and withdraw. Half second it lasted. But it caught me by surprise and it was a silhouette. Backlit.

Two things that need to be known. We had a friend just up and leave and left behind a cat and a bunny. The grand-daughter got the bunny but we inherited the cat. The cat disappeared never to be seen again within a day. I seen this about a week later. So in my mind I say its the cat. Gotta be. We still haven't found that cat and it was an inside only cat. The other thing which baffles me is the basement is where I have all my tools. Theres like a path through where you can get through my tools at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't hear a sound. I went down the stairs quickly because I wanted to catch that cat. But other than my tools around the bottom of the stairs there is nothing in the three rooms. I would be able to spot a mouse instantly nevertheless a cat.

But she sees orbs all the time, especially in the attic which is basically one long clipped room running the length of the house. She has seen them in the bedroom and she claims the activity has gone, mainly because the woman that was here and died said she liked Pine Sol and asked my girl to use it.

I try and keep my mind open but I feel as if something would have to tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey man..." before I'd believe. I am a hard skeptic and I can be stubborn in my own rights. Neither of us are dummies either. But I try and keep that open mind because I am just like everyone else, going through life trying to figure it out. Some are more confident than others but it appears to me that everyone has their own take on life and everything about it.

That's why I choose to believe that she believes it. That seems to be close to enough...

DeadSeraph
reply to post by Terminal1

 

If it's causing some stress it might be helpful to sit down and talk about it. I am in a similar situation and while I believe in the paranormal, I ALWAYS look for a logical explanation first. My gf and her daughters think anything "weird" is automatically a ghost, and I am constantly having a chuckle about it and offering up logical explanations for what they think is strange. In a way, this can keep a couple grounded, as you and your partner sort of complete each other and can meet halfway. She can help to keep your mind open, and you can help to keep her logical.

The best thing to do might be to try and see it in that light, and communicate it to her. Explain to her that although your beliefs may differ, you can help keep each other more centered through your differences.

That is kinda how I am. Gotta go through that checklist of possible explanations before I get anywhere near spiritual and spectral.

We are together BECAUSE we do counterbalance each other in just about everything.

Snarl
Be honest.

Of course...

purplemer
reply to post by Terminal1

 

We are ruled by degrees of separation. You are only arguing over words and labels... Maybe If you think the world is caused by the big bang and your wife thinks it was created by God.. What is the difference. They are both events in which something is created out of nothing. They are both undefinable events that we do not understand. Same concepts. Different words.

Maybe you think an apple falls off a tree because of gravity. Gravity is not something we can see. It is really any different from a tribe living in the forest somewhere thinking the apple falls off the tree because of a spirit.

These are all stories we make to help us understand the world. They are all stories though. Science no different...

I can understand semantics. I have to disagree a little on we Big Banged from nothing, but that's another thread.

Understand about the stories we tell ourselves as well. Everyone has their own story too and I believe like snowflakes, no two are the same.

Terminal1

Snarl
Be honest.

Of course...

So ... how many UFOs do you need to see before you know they exist?

You've already admitted you're having paranormal experiences. Be at peace with it ... and don't get carried away. Not everybody gets it, and some that do, are VERY reluctant to accept it for what it is. You can't change what you know is reality ... and there's no evidence to convince the skeptics.

reply to post by Terminal1


You need to be with her all the time, when these "events" take place you need to be the one to explain to her what is going on. Be kind and sincere in your analysis and tell her what is really going on. If you hear something in the hall or on the roof, go out of your way to prove it to be natural in nature.

Comfort her, she apparently is asking for it. When this kind of thing is discussed, she may just want you to spend more time holding her. Don't make it uncomfortable for her to express what she is saying and do not be rude in your discussions on why it isn't what she says it is. You should be able to calm most of it down by simple explanations.

Hope this helps some! Good luck.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with believing in religion or God. You may want to read into some religious things to speak to her about that also. Inform yourself on Jesus Christ and religious things. If you can teach her some things about religion she doesn't know, your words in other aspects will mean more to her. This is showing you give a crap about her and her beliefs and are willing to seriously help in finding the answers.

rickymouse
I've learned that you have to watch what you say to your better half. I didn't learn that the easy way either.

Now that made me smile.

I heard possibly the best advice ever not long ago.

"you can either be right, or happy. Pick one."

OP, support her, love her, and try to keep an open mind. You just never know. (IMHO)

Snarl

Terminal1

Snarl
Be honest.

Of course...

So ... how many UFOs do you need to see before you know they exist?

You've already admitted you're having paranormal experiences. Be at peace with it ... and don't get carried away. Not everybody gets it, and some that do, are VERY reluctant to accept it for what it is. You can't change what you know is reality ... and there's no evidence to convince the skeptics.

My better half read this and agreed with you. I agree as well. Neither of us really has a problem with each others belief systems I suppose. She says she is gonna pray me into heaven and I just laugh. More power to you, ya know? Obviously she must think I am not worthy...

I love her so...

But what are we to do but agree to disagree and make the best of it.

Chrisfishenstein
reply to post by Terminal1

 

You need to be with her all the time, when these "events" take place you need to be the one to explain to her what is going on. Be kind and sincere in your analysis and tell her what is really going on. If you hear something in the hall or on the roof, go out of your way to prove it to be natural in nature.

Comfort her, she apparently is asking for it. When this kind of thing is discussed, she may just want you to spend more time holding her. Don't make it uncomfortable for her to express what she is saying and do not be rude in your discussions on why it isn't what she says it is. You should be able to calm most of it down by simple explanations.

Hope this helps some! Good luck.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with believing in religion or God. You may want to read into some religious things to speak to her about that also. Inform yourself on Jesus Christ and religious things. If you can teach her some things about religion she doesn't know, your words in other aspects will mean more to her. This is showing you give a crap about her and her beliefs and are willing to seriously help in finding the answers.

Nah... it isn't like we are trying to shatter each others belief system. Besides, it is kinda fun for me to suspend belief for a bit and get into the situations when they arise. Sometimes when my better half gets a feeling and she tells me about them it gets her excited when she realizes I am paying apt attention to her telling of what she has seen or felt. That can be turned into certain advantages later...

Last example in real life i had of this led to ****
(Remaining*** sentence at end of post.)

Onlu difference was that he believed in the paranormal while she just tolerated it for somewhile.

*** a divorce....

(Iys unfortunate they have a child of now divorced and hated parents.)

Terminal1

What can I do? I mean I think it would be nice to think there are spirits and people watching over us but it just does not fit in my reality of the Universe. Is there anything that I can do to actually tune in? This head shaking between us as we look at each other, one believing one thing, one believing another, seems to be getting passed comedy.

Any help for this unbeliever to help me believe when, according to my better half, this house is pretty active?

I can really identify with what you're going through, since my research absolutely proves the logic and physics of discarnate human being as being existent, while my own visceral sensibilities dismiss such things as a default response to either testimony or evidence of their immediate presence. I have to literally intellectualize incidents of clear and incontrovertible indications of paranormal manifestation, when I've encountered these incidents, and then work to internalize the details and the direct inferences and ramifications of these incidents, before I can accept that they've actually occurred as experienced. And I've experienced a lot more than my normal share of these kinds of incidents - especially within the last 5 years or so.

If you knew the technical specifics that are involved in inter-realm communication (depending on whether that communication is direct or indirect) then it'd be a lot easier to manage your natural rejection of the "spirit" realm, but it still wouldn't make you a "believer". There are physics involved in why you will always have a difficult time readily accepting what your wife sees as natural and obvious. That said, being able to intellectually understand the mechanics of "afterlife" could make your dealing with it a lot easier than embracing a belligerent ignorance. Especially if you're living in an active house.