I'm a 26 year-old male. I was born and bred down under in Australia. I was raised in a very religious Pentecostal Cult. I suffered years of sexual
abuse, and humiliation at the hands of church elders. Unfortunately I was not alone, in this many of the other children I grew up with also suffered
the same fate. We lived out in the bush, away from society, home-schooled to keep us away from the "evil" of this world. Ironic isn't it
At the age of 16 I told my parents I had enough, I was leaving this was massive for them, the rules are once you leave all contact is terminated,
faced with this and a few other happenings. my parents decided to take our whole family away from the situation. My whole world was turned upside
down, everything I knew, everything I had been taught was false. It took years for myself, to overcome the mental barriers that had been built up. I
needed an escape so I joined the Army as an infantry soldier in 2007. I was very motivated, and keen to do something that mattered, I wanted the serve
my country and do my part for this world.
Fast forward it's 2009 I am on my very first foot patrol in Afghanistan, I am feeling pumped, excited, nervous.. all at the same time. Its finally
happened, I am doing something that matters, I am making something of my life. It only took a few months to realize once again I have been lied too,
I'm loosing mates, my brothers are giving their lives, limbs,hearts, and minds.. for what ? A better control of the Afghan poppy fields.
2010 I am back in Australia I have been diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and anxiety. I am an absolute wreck, There is no doubt about this. The
Army doctors throw me a box of valium, and tell me to "stay out of trouble" It doesn't take long for the devil to grab hold of me. I am DR
shopping, in Australia and online. I am taking up to a box of valium a day. The devil grabs me harder, and I find myself crushing those lil poison
pills up, and shooting them straight into my vein. The valium doesn't cut it, and now I am using, and abusing every illicit substance under the sun,
anything that will soothe my pain, and close my mind down.
Late 2010, I am arrested with enough stuff to land me at least a two year stint in jail, word gets back to my parents, they bail me, and together we
drop $68,000 on lawyers, and one of the best barristers in the country. I receive a two year probation on the fact I've served my country and I am
obviously not in a good way.
I have six months left on my probation, I have been clean for almost two years, I attend Psych appointments, and have been for almost two years. I
have a good job in the mining industry . I still struggle daily with my PTSD, and addiction.
I am still lost, I have no idea where to go now, I am fed up with the symptoms of my PTSD, the nightmares not feeling safe in public, I still flip out
I still have anger problems.
I do my absolute best to manage this, Mediation helps as does AP.
I don't know where to go what to do. I feel as though I am existing merely to exist. I have no purpose, no goal, I have cut everyone away since being
arrested, and now I have a complete distrust in people in general. I am completely disgusted with this world, and the way it is managed and run. I
have no drive to do anything, I have no desire to live in this world, and I HATE feeling this way.
I want my passion back ! I want a desire for life. I want a purpose for being here, and to somehow make a difference.
I just have no idea where to even begin to look.