reply to post by sparky31
Being in love with someone, being loved by someone, enough to start a relationship with them, is supposed to be a freeing experience, not a restraint
around your neck. A couple should support one another, and uphold one another, and that love and support is supposed to fill both parts of such a
union with strength and power, confidence and serenity. When two people come together, they will undoubtedly have their own groups of friends that
they have had since well before they came together as one, and under good circumstances, these groups too, should combine, in unified support of the
If your lady has SUCH issues that seeing old buddies causes friction, then perhaps you should consider whether or not the relationship is actually
healthy, for EITHER of you. It does you no favors to be cut off from your support network (group of longstanding friends and connections), and it does
your lady no good to allow her to use her insecurities to control you. This is how co-dependency evolves, and that is to be avoided at all costs. If
you allow your relationship with this woman, to take you away from people who have cared for you and supported you in the past, then this will merely
make it easier for you to be controlled in the future.
Now, I am sure that your lady bears you no ill will what so ever, but if her intention toward you is as it should be, she would not wish for you to
be without the support of the people who helped shape the man she loves. It may however, be impossible for her to recognise that this is the result of
her behavior toward you. Every situation is unique, and I would not pretend for a second to know precisely what you are dealing with right now, but in
a scenario containing the same parameters, I would be of a mind to lay down the law to this woman, explain that your friends and you come as a
package, and she can either accept the fact and get along with them, or that this relationship will have to end, because you are unprepared to go
about your life, cut off from the characters who have been the linchpin of your existence.
This may result in something that I like to call "The Emo Whine", which often consists of the insecure person in the relationship freaking out,
casting accusations at will, like "You obviously never loved me! You are picking your FRIENDS over MEEEE!!!! BAAWWWWWW!!!!" or the most melodramatic
turn of phrase I have ever heard "Well thanks, now I am going to drown myself in my own tears! *SFX: Slamming door*". Now, at this point, you can
either decide "The hell with this, time for a beer!" and leave the relationship, or you can try and battle through for this woman, to get her to
face her insecurities, get the therapy she obviously needs, and try and maintain the relationship through that difficult period, knowing that at the
other end of this process, the relationship will be more solid, and both of you will be more confident, her in terms of her having discarded the
negative self image that has obviously lead to this drama in the first place, and you in knowing that your woman loves and trusts you, and is happy to
interact with all the aspects of your life, including your friends.
What ever you decide, and however you end up dealing with this, I wish you the very best possible luck. I have been in a similar position before,
getting accused by a woman I was with, of sleeping with my best friend, despite the fact that my besty (who is a girl who has been described in such
stirring terms as "That random metal chick") and I are of the opinion that any such activity on our part would feel like incest, and be what we can
only describe as "icky". I know it is not easy. I was forced by other factors to leave that relationship, since the woman in question was having her
neurosis FED by her family, who were, unfortunately, utterly and terminally insane, which meant that no significant progress could have been made, due
to the interference of her folks.
As I said. Best of luck!