posted on Nov, 12 2004 @ 03:53 AM
You know how it goes. You're pinned inside a wrecked car, soaked in a pool of gasoline, or carrying an armload of blasting caps and dynamite, or
you're in the middle of a lung transplant when someone nonchalantly says, "Mind if I smoke?"
How do you respond to a question asked under such circumstances? Words just don’t seem enough, so what can you do to make your point in a way that
cannot be ignored or forgotten?
Don’t worry, I have it all figured out, and it’s the best idea ever!
So here's how to do it. Get a small cloth sack, preferably white and small enough to fit easily in a pocket.
Fill the sack halfway full with flour, then tie off the top. Using a Sharpie™, carefully write the word "Asbestos" on the outside of the sack in
authoritative letters. If you're really into deep irony, write "Asbestos™" on it instead.
Be sure to label both sides of the bag in big letters, because the bag will be in motion once deployed, so it needs to be easy to read. Now you're
ready to make your point. Carry this bag with you wherever you go, never leave it behind, lest you be caught off guard.
Then, when Smokey saunters up to the pile of dry brush, oil-soaked rags and dead logs you’re sitting on and asks “Mind if I smoke?”, you can just whip
out your bag, hold it in his face, say “Mind if I shake?”, then start shaking flour all over him while making comments like, “Mmmm! There’s nothing
like that smoooooth Asbestos™ flavor!”
You would be amazed at how well this technique works. It has never failed!
Important Note: After 9/11, some people might get the wrong idea if you sprinkle a fine, white powder all over them. Obviously, it would be
foolish to overlook how sensitive and potentially volatile such a misunderstanding would be, so in addition to commenting on the quality and flavor of
the Asbestos you are shaking, be sure to occasionally yell, “Don’t worry! This isn’t anthrax, honest! Nope, it’s definitely not anthrax, so don’t go
thinking it is, because you would be really, really wrong!” Doing this will allay the fears of even the most skittish and suspicious smoker, security
guard or law enforcement official.
[edit on 11/12/2004 by Majic]