reply to post by Gazrok
Apparently I was born in the wrong century, but what you're calling etiquette sounds like begging to me.
If I give someone a gift, I do it for one of two reasons: to help them out because they need help or to thank them for something. I cannot understand
giving a gift because it is expected... because if someone expects a gift from me, that's placing a price on my friendship and placing a price on my
friendship means I think it costs too much for too little return. There is no return if the friendship is there to get something material out of it,
and since the friendship has just turned business deal, I typically don't pay unless I receive something of value.
If I am invited to a wedding, I assume I was invited because they want my company. If they don't want my company, please don't invite me. If they
need something, just ask for it; don't try to hint around and sway me with a fancy reception, because all that does is make me uncomfortable... I
would rather be fishing to be honest.
Also, I always felt that giving cash (or even prepaid cards) was tacky in the extreme. If I want to give someone a gift, I spend a lot of time trying
to figure out what I can get them that will really make their life easier or make them happy. The real gift is my time and worry over picking out the
material gift. Anyone can give money... and they can do it without any forethought, any real desire to do something nice, just pull a few bills out of
the pocket and slip it in an envelope and looky looky what a generous gift-giver I am!
My son gave me the most wonderful gift for Father's Day... he made sure my daughter would be there and he took all of out for a meal at a local
Mexican restaurant. I got to watch him play "bossman" (he drove my car because his truck wasn't big enough for all four of us) and be the big shot
for one day, and I got to watch my daughter try to trip up that fantasy. We laughed, we kidded around, we talked, we ate until we were about to burst
(I took 30 minutes just threatening the last two bites of my enchiladas) and in general had a great time together. Afterward, he drove us to WalMart
and had me verify the attache case he had picked out for me met with my approval. He spent a lot of time (which is precious to him right now) to make
sure I enjoyed the day. The attache case wasn't some grand executive-style leather rig, but it is a nice one and will work great for school; the meal
wasn't a five-star restaurant, but it was nice and had great ambiance. And I had the best day I have had in a long time.
THAT's a gift.
He could have slipped me $500 in an envelope and I would have spent it on bills or on something for someone else... I would have smiled and thanked
him, and just stuck it in my pocket and not thought about it again. But I'll remember our day out for a very long time, and it certainly cost a lot
less than $500.
What you are describing is the attitude stores want us to have... every celebration involves someone giving a gift, and every gift has a set minimum
value... that's guaranteed sales! It's no different than convincing people that engagement rings must have a diamond... 50 years ago that was
unheard of! DeBoers started an advertising campaign and suddenly everyone getting engaged had to have a diamond... and DeBoers owns 90% of the
Yeah, I know, it's 2013 and I need to get with the times... not my fault. I didn't ask to be born so darn late.