A tip to all women, when dating a new guy (from a guy)

I see this all the time with my sister, aunts, female cousins, and so on. So I figured I'd put this out there as a warning.

Don't just fall for any guy. You should make a list of features, morals, ethics, and standards for your ideal guy and if the guy does not match those standards, then let him go. Here's why.

Men will put a fake facade and fake showmanship up while first dating you. It is to impress you, your family, and your friends. Then once they have you, or get you pregnant, then all the fakeness falls away and you find out who the real guy is underneath the fake masks.

I tell this to all the women in my family, and since I've given them this advice, their lives are so much better. Except for one cousin. She met a guy, he pretended to be prince charming, got her pregnant, and now the Real Him has come out. Only cares about himself, doesn't bring back food for her for dinner (only for himself), basically keeps her locked up in the house and no one is allowed over there. Their fridge is always empty. Pays child support that she just found out about. Felonies, etc. She has become depressed, doesn't talk to anyone, and it's just a sad sight to see.

So keep that in mind when you are dating someone who is new. Really get to know him. See what his friends say about him, what family says about him, don't give in with sex until months later. Really test him and see what he is made out of. Because majority of men put up a fake front to get the girl, and what is really underneath is sometimes scary and sad.

reply to post by dominicus


This could be easily applied to men seeking women as well.

Egalitarianism is a beautiful thing.

I'm a bit amazed that you would generalize ALL men in that way and make them out to be monsters, or at least have bad intentions ALL or most of the time.



~Tenth

reply to post by dominicus


Women do the same thing, my friend. Not all women are faking, just like not all men are faking. But it is wise to understand that when you're dating, everyone puts their best foot forward. Everyone should be realistic, because a long term relationship or marriage is certainly an eye opener.

Imagine that, someone pretending to be better than they actually are!

reply to post by dominicus

You should make a list of features, morals, ethics, and standards for your ideal guy and if the guy does not match those standards, then let him go.

Thanks bro for trying to make women more difficult to date, i mean its already bad enough with women playing hard to get....of course we're not perfect and thats why we always trying to impress them but we make the effort impress them. Not everyone is a bad "guy" like you think

reply to post by smyleegrl


I agree but its not always a good idea to be "realistic" right away, its a real turn off on the dating game. Alot of people date for fun to JUST to have fun and not to get into a "serious" relationship. I think when 2 people really really like each other and want to take their relationship to the next level then they should both start acting realistically to know if its going to be worth being with this special partner for a long time, maybe even the rest of your lifetime.

All of this would be moot for the most part if relationship dynamics were thought of in an entirely different way.

The problem is this idea of going out and finding "the one."

Take your cousin for example. As an observer I see no reason to assume that she didn't just allow herself to get pregnant to rope in what she thought was "prince charming." "Accidental" pregnancy has been used since the dawn of time to rope in a male. I of course am assuming here that the pregnancy was accidental, but based on both of their reactions to their new life I think that's a pretty safe assumption. And their reactions are warranted. He hates her because she essentially ruined his life so she could have him forever. One of the most evil acts that a person could do. She's basically imprisoned him in an inescapable hell. A lifetime of responsibility that he didn't want or ask for all because she was selfish and insecure. She's depressed because he hates her and nothing worked out the way she wanted it to.


You can't own another person, you can attempt to, and you can even believe that do, but you don't....

And what's with waiting months for sex? That's a terrible idea....so you invest months of time getting to know someone, only to find out that you're not compatible in bed. Deal breaker. Now you've gotta figure out how to ditch someone that you've invested months of time with. Way easier to ditch someone when personalities don't mix, and that way if the sex is good both parties are usually OK, with knocking the relationship down to "booty call" status. Who do you think your girls are calling when you drop them off after another sexless date for MONTHS!!! They're calling that guy they tried to date a while back but only found they connect when they don't have any clothes on. LOL, nice guys are so naive, why would anyone want to wait months for sex?

Alright haters have at me...what petty thing are you gonna attack first? My avatar? Assumed personality flaws? Are there a stream of personal questions headed my way that will have nothing to do with my post or the thread?

The problem I have with what you wrote is your solution does not really solve the problem.

You say to set certain ideals....and I think women already have this problem. Your solution is another problem in and of itself. Their "ideals" are often times the very thing they should be avoiding!

Now you do mention not having sex for a while, and that is good advice.
But saying they should have very specific ideals, will lead to them searching for a man forever.

Those poor, sad, naive women. Tsk tsk.

I'm almost shedding a tear here...

Oh, man... girls can be really bad at this if they base everything on first impressions. I guess guys can do this as well... but more than likely the guy you will end up liking, ladies, may take time to get to know - he may start out as not very impressive and grow more likable over time.

There are a lot of players out there, you know, who know how to hook you... it is somewhat likely that the good guys aren't the ones you notice, that is if you would like something stable.

Originally posted by liquidsmoke206
All of this would be moot for the most part if relationship dynamics were thought of in an entirely different way.

The problem is this idea of going out and finding "the one."

That's a good point above, actually.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Personality and things of that nature are definitely more important than looks for me. Also, Smylee is right, hang out with enough girls and one might begin to decipher the diamonds in the rough.

:-)

Originally posted by dominicus
Don't just fall for any guy. You should make a list of features, morals, ethics, and standards for your ideal guy and if the guy does not match those standards, then let him go.

NOOOOOOOO!. No lists please. All a list does is instill preconceptions and dissappointments.

If you have to have a list, try this one:

1. Expect nothing, take it from there.

Well if your a man or a women. Just be yourself. Whats the point in lying or bigging yourself up. Theres no point. You will only end up looking stupid. It would not matter to me if the person i dated was broke and had nothing as long as they were truthful.

reply to post by dominicus


So because your female family members have made poor judgments when it comes to relationships, you have to make sweeping generalisations about all guys.

Okay then...

Standard ATS relationship thread.

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by dominicus

 

This could be easily applied to men seeking women as well.

Egalitarianism is a beautiful thing.

I'm a bit amazed that you would generalize ALL men in that way and make them out to be monsters, or at least have bad intentions ALL or most of the time.

~Tenth

edit on 6/15/2013 by tothetenthpower because: (no reason given)

Because majority of men put up a fake front to get the girl

"Majority" being the key word.

Most women I've dated, have been genuine. A couple did lie and were fake, but for the most part, I've had great experiences.

What is a fake front? what is genuine about a person?

None of this even makes sense.
All the world is a stage and we're nothing but actors.

Humans are blank screens without other humans.

If you're going to apply your philosophy then here's the conclusion you must eventually draw: one can only be oneself while alone with oneself.

What is fake? what is real?

Seriously....what's the difference between a virtual reality, and a reality?

Do you follow me?

Originally posted by nerbot

Originally posted by dominicus
Don't just fall for any guy. You should make a list of features, morals, ethics, and standards for your ideal guy and if the guy does not match those standards, then let him go.

NOOOOOOOO!. No lists please. All a list does is instill preconceptions and dissappointments.

If you have to have a list, try this one:

1. Expect nothing, take it from there.

I highly disagree with this. I had a list of requirements. Actually, I wasn't interested in a relationship at the time, but I still had a list. Most were uncompromisable things, others were things I thought were unattainable but wanted anyways.
Much to my surprise I found someone who met everything on my extremely lengthy list and I couldn't be happier.

My approach? Be absolutely who I am. (Just like here.) A woman who is going to be with me for any length of time is going to get a part of my heart. I can't fake day after day, nor do I want to.

I'd much rather get a rejection in the first half hour than after half a year. It's not hard to find another person, it is hard to get over a sour relationship.