ATS Headlines of the Last 24 Hours. You have to smile at some of them. (Or I'll take your cookies

Dear ATSers,

I just realized that this is more than fun, it is therapy. No specific insults are intended. Yes, these are actual, unedited headlines from the fire-hose page. Let me start with mine:

ATS Headlines of the Last 24 Hours. "What's that bright light? Aahhhhgg!" Repeated for 42 threads.

Teens help disabled classmate gain independence with robotic locker opener I sure wish I had had a robotic locker, they sound cool!

Pets to get food stamps while children in America Starve each day... They're just waiting for pet wallets to put them in.

ANTICHRIST RANTS Wouldn't you if you were scheduled for an eternity in Club Dead?

Before the Bikini: Rare Vintage Beach Photos Before you put on the Bikini, you're naked. I guess I will check this one out.

13 mile long Crop Circle in the Desert Crops? Desert? Wait a minute...

My water is dramatically different. Stop eating so many beets and your water will return to yellow.

Official: US Special Forces weren't allowed to fly to Benghazi during attack It's those darn "blackout dates" again.

The Screen Door Closed And the submarine stopped leaking.

The Bizzarre yet awesome Venezuelan Poodle Moth - Facts behind the hype You mean I missed all the hype about the Venezuelan Poodle moth? Darn, I must have sneezed when it went by.

If man was a Bonobo... He'd have to marry a Cherbo, or possibly play drums for U2.

Climate change causes prostitution? I’ve heard it all now! A $100 bill is a great climate changer.

Do you have a Wii U? I did, but with Viagra anything's possible

An Abduction Story... ??? You're not sure if it's an abduction story?

Did the recent May 2013 Israeli airstrike on Damascus result in a disproportional War Crime? No, at most it was a proportional war crime.

Yes! Refer back to Wii U.

Identity of the orbs found under the feathered serpent temple at Teotihuacan The first one was Robert Q. Mitchelson of 39 Inca Parkway in Bogota, Colombia

The greater the number of people that "Wake Up"... The more beds are available. Refer back to Wii U.

Are TPTB In a Hurry or Is This a Normal Pace Toward An End? No, this is the same normal pace every time we come to an end.

Seti@home Multi Beam question The question is what is Seti@home Multi Beam?

Scholar believes she has located Babylon's Hanging Gardens - in Nineveh I didn't see it when I was there last year. Must have been a cheap tour.

The False Flag Paradigm: My Thoughts I'm glad it's only his thoughts that are false flags.

I bring Madness... [or, bringing a little insanity to the "Debate"] To ATS? Sorry you're way too late and we have more than we need, thanks.

Harvard Professor apologizes for Keynes comments He had to do it, since Keynes is dead and couldn't apologize himself.

Have whatever fun you want with these. Add some of your own, yell at me, criticize my humor, mail me cookies (especially bacon flavored cookies. Bacon, Yummmmmm!), or turn me into the Mod Squad.

With respect,
Charles1952

Now THAT was good!



Thanks! I even saw mine in there and laughed even harder! (Black out dates...lol... Yup!)

reply to post by Wrabbit2000

Dear Wrabbit2000,

Thanks for the laughter. I've heard that laughing helps keep us sane. I like to think of this thread as preventive medicine. (Although for some, it is far too late.)

And I'm glad your's came up. I'm an equal opportunity laugher and didn't want to play favorites.

So, will you be sending me some bunny cookies with those cute little raisins?

With respect,
Charles1952

What, no Niburu?, Triangle 51, or underground Nazi UFO bases at the North Pole???

Come on, guys,,, you can do better than that!

reply to post by charles1952


How kind of you to mention my introduction thread

and no, Charles, you are in error, as most people here are "sane"

I cant believe this one didn't make the list!

Cat In A Shark Costume Chases A Duck While Riding A Roomba (really, its real)

reply to post by intrptr

Dear intrptr,

I'm sorry, but there are strict rules. (I wrote them myself just a few minutes ago.) I had to stay on the fire-hose page which was displayed when I was putting the list together. I didn't see any of those.

Wait a minute, you're not bound by my rules. Find an actual thread title that fits the bill and post it right here. We could end up with a 100 page thread and thousands of posts! (Just think of all the cookies people will send me!)

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by intrptr
What, no Niburu?, Triangle 51, or underground Nazi UFO bases at the North Pole???

Come on, guys,,, you can do better than that!

You need to concentrate if you want to learn around here.

Niburu is invisible ot out or phase so asking no is out of place, but I can see why Niburu is confusing.

I hope the Triangles are not up to number 51, they are stored at area 51 and the area of a triangle is .5b*h.

Santa is at the North Pole and when all the sea ice melts Star Dust Castle will sink like Atlantis and the Elves and Reindeer will all drown except for the Chosen Few who ride out on the sleigh.

The Nazi UFO base is at the South Pole, well near the South Pole somewhere. Don't expect to find it. It is a big continent. Try Google Earth, look for the flags.

Misinformation is dangerous.

I think I have been here too long

P

reply to post by TheMagus

Dear TheMagus,

You can't fool me with that happy face, I've seen your kind before. The Confident Newcomer, eh? Even putting the word "sane" in quotes is not an effective disguise. I'm not sure what particular delusion you're laboring under, but give it four or five months and they'll be hauling you out so strapped up you'll look like the Michelin Man.

We're all "sane" here. Ah hahhahha! Hahaheehee! They'll get you! But I have a protective blanket, put it over your head and they can't see you.



As I said at the start, this thread is also therapy for me. (And nothing I wrote is meant to be critical of you.)

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by buni11687

Dear buni11687,

Are you a relative of Wrabbit2000? Can you give me any juicy stories about him?

But in answer to your question, I have another ancient rule that says I can't use headlines from the top three posts listed in the banner at the top of the page. But please, add in your comments and any other headlines you like.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by pheonix358

Dear pheonix358,

Brilliant work. That'll show that TheMagus fellow what happens to people around here. Oh, if you need a place to crash, they've opened up a couple of beds in my ward. Those guys got shipped out to run for office.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952

Are you a relative of Wrabbit2000? Can you give me any juicy stories about him?

Unfortuantly, I being a lizard, am unable to understand wrabbit language. My main language is Reptillian.

(And as also proven in the movie Jurrassic Park, birds and reptillians are very similar.)....I think?

reply to post by charles1952


Sorry Charles, I am a Counselor, I am in charge of that ward. Wink, wink, nudge nudge, I am working from the inside. You will be fine. We need to work together to get rid of the matron. It is easy, follow 'their' playbook.

P

reply to post by buni11687

Dear buni11687,

I don't buy your story for a minute. You're part of the world-wide Wrabbit Cabal, second only to the heads of the 13 Illuminati families. You're so transparent.

Look at your name. Well, duh. "buni" Wrabbit? Obvious, right? And you foolishly included your Wrabbit Cabal membership number in your name. Wrabbit2000 has been here a long time, so he has a lower number. The fact that your number is 11687, only demonstrates the size and reach of the Wrabbit Cabal.

That flimsy claim that you're a lizard? Ha Ha, it is to laugh. Remember the thread you wanted included in my list? "Cat in Shark Costume ....." You gave away your secret with that slip. You're a Wrabbit Cabal member hiding in a lizard costume!!

Wait until I get this news to InfoWars. You and your secret cabal will be exposed and the world will be safe for the DoD produced psychic carrots. Oh, you didn't know about the psychic carrots? Come on, sheeple, wake up!

With respect,
Charles1952

I don't think I posted in any of those threads! Read many of them though!

That was great OP. S&F. Gave me a good

Cirque

I enjoyed your commentary, although, Id rather have it in another colour next time like this.

If you don't mind. It gets too cramped otherwise.

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by TheMagus

 

Dear TheMagus,

You can't fool me with that happy face, I've seen your kind before. The Confident Newcomer, eh?

With respect,
Charles1952

you have only fooled yourself alas, in your attempt to pigeonhole,

as i clearly remember being a member here in a "past life".

reply to post by TheMagus

Dear TheMagus,

as i clearly remember being a member here in a "past life".

I don't want to frighten you or anything, but planting false memories is a common alien trick which has been shared with every goverrment agency. They've even passed that technology to the Wrabbit Cabal mentioned above. That's why, as I mentioned, the Cabal is attempting to destroy the psychic carrots. The carrots can restore true memories.

If the Wrabbits and carrots can cut each other up, we'd be in one heck of a stew.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952

Look at your name. Well, duh. "buni" Wrabbit? Obvious, right? And you foolishly included your Wrabbit Cabal membership number in your name. Wrabbit2000 has been here a long time, so he has a lower number. The fact that your number is 11687, only demonstrates the size and reach of the Wrabbit Cabal.

That's a close guess, but not quite. See, the 11687 number.....1+1+6+8+7 = 23.

Now "buni" was actually supposed to be "bunit" (like from G-Unit...50 cent and all those rappers)....but I was drunk and forgot the t.

But back to the number 23 and buni. Buni has only 4 letters. 23-4 = 19.

Now, since I forgot the t because of excessive drinking, add 19+1 = 20.

Therefore, since there's 2 of us, add 00 to the end of 20, which equals 2000 (Wrabbit2000)!!!!!!!!!11111111

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by TheMagus

 

Dear TheMagus,

as i clearly remember being a member here in a "past life".

I don't want to frighten you or anything, but planting false memories is a common alien trick which has been shared with every goverrment agency. They've even passed that technology to the Wrabbit Cabal mentioned above. That's why, as I mentioned, the Cabal is attempting to destroy the psychic carrots. The carrots can restore true memories.

If the Wrabbits and carrots can cut each other up, we'd be in one heck of a stew.

With respect,
Charles1952

nice try, but if you really wanted to make me believe you are "crazy" you'd have implicated Beezer
in this bunny brigade and tied it in with proof that Br'er Rabbit [AKA Anansi the spider] founded it long ago.

careful there, if you keep pretending you're "crazy" long enough it may come to pass that you will go "crazy" in truth