I'm So Tired

I'm so tired of everything.

The daily grind, my work, life in general. It all sucks.

I'm a teacher, yet this past year I've seemed to have lost my passion and reason for teaching. I'm fed up with the countless tests, the sheer ineptitude of administration, the apathy of parents. You try to make a difference, to bring balance, and the end result is worse than before.

My son has been diagnosed with autism. Is it my fault? Something I did, or didn't do, while I was pregnant? I stopped taking my antidepressant the day I discovered I was pregnant, but that was almost a month into the pregnancy. What if it really is my fault?

I told my psychiatrist I wanted to stop taking Seroquel. So I'm titrating off of it. Could this current feeling be a direct result? Have I made the wrong choice in stopping the medicine?

I'm so tired of everything. Compassion fatigue? Maybe. The thing is, I care so damn much about everything that it wears me down. How do you compartimentalize your feelings? Is it even possible to do so?

Sorry for the melodrama, ATS. Just needed to get it off my chest.

/self indulgent rant

reply to post by smyleegrl
I think that yes your feelings could be related to tapering off a powerful mood altering drug, especially if you've been taking it for an extended period of time. Also you've been battling TPTB in your school administration for quite a while and it seems to be an uphill battle and those can wear you out mentally.

Hang in there Smylee! It is always darkest is always right before the dawn. You will persevere!

reply to post by smyleegrl


Seroquel is a very dangerous anti-psychotic.. How long where you on it? Maybe your just experiencing withdrawals. Autism is a beautiful thing, your child's exactly the way its supposed to be

First, remember holidays and your major break are coming up! You need a break!

Part of your despondency comes from not being able to fully change your role as a teacher to what you know it should be! Working in a Bureaucratic jungle does that to you.

Short term - Meditation may help as may a Councilor.

Long term - change your place of employment. Try a private school, it is a very different environment. Perhaps try for a position in educational research.

I have read many of your threads. The failures are not yours, they are the broken system.

Look up the psychological term 'Burn Out' you have been showing the early signs for a while.

You have always made the best decisions you can for your son, always! It shines through whenever you talk about him. Stop worrying so.

What I would like you to do, please, is print off a copy of 'Desiderata' and read it once a day. Think about the words and the meanings.

I am a PM away if you need me.

Hugs

P

reply to post by smyleegrl


I think the same way as you. I've been on what I think are 4 different anti-depressants? I've quit everyone that I was on. So you could be feeling worse because you are getting off of one, at least that's how they always made me feel. I know you are stuck in a rut right now, but this too will pass. What made my life meaningful was helping others, and finding a hobby/passion that I could get into which brought me happiness. Depression sucks, I know. M2M if you need to.

reply to post by smyleegrl


like i tell my wife, you cant worry about everything and everyone, because eventually it consumes you. and it is almost impossible to help those who dont want to be helped.

the most i do is worry about my immediate family and closest friends..

F #%$^ the rest of them. all you need to worry about is those IMMEDIATE people in your existence..

starting with your CHILDREN....that is how you make a difference that is how you leave your mark here on earth after you are gone, through your kids. teach them, nurture them, every possible good that you ever want to do place it all on your kids. and then give a little to your immediate family and friends...

like i said everyone lives in a slightly different reality, so there is no use in trying to make a difference or impact in their lives. do your best to get by and survive when it comes to your job, and worry about your kid(s)

and autism isn't a downfall, it isn't your fault. hell there is a crap load of "new age" "conditions" and diagnosis for kids that never even existed before. autism just means you need to pay a little more attention to your kid, and some of them have amazing hidden talents..

F#$ the rest

NOT EVEN GOD HIMSELF HAS TIME TO SORT OUT THE MESS THAT HE CREATED.

look at all of the barbaric things that happen here.

think about that

Originally posted by Psych3d3licPsych3
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Seroquel is a very dangerous anti-psychotic.. How long where you on it? Maybe your just experiencing withdrawals. Autism is a beautiful thing, your child's exactly the way its supposed to be

Almost two years. The doc gave it to me because I have horrible insomnia. I lay in bed and my mind races, races, races.

These past two years I've learned how to meditate and how to calm my thoughts. So, hopefully when I finally get off the Seroquel I'll be able to handle the racing thoughts.

Maybe it is withdrawal, although I only went from 400mg to 300mg for two weeks. Tomorrow I step down to 200mg. I guess we'll see.

Originally posted by pheonix358
First, remember holidays and your major break are coming up! You need a break!

Part of your despondency comes from not being able to fully change your role as a teacher to what you know it should be! Working in a Bureaucratic jungle does that to you.

Short term - Meditation may help as may a Councilor.

Long term - change your place of employment. Try a private school, it is a very different environment. Perhaps try for a position in educational research.

I have read many of your threads. The failures are not yours, they are the broken system.

Look up the psychological term 'Burn Out' you have been showing the early signs for a while.

You have always made the best decisions you can for your son, always! It shines through whenever you talk about him. Stop worrying so.

What I would like you to do, please, is print off a copy of 'Desiderata' and read it once a day. Think about the words and the meanings.

I am a PM away if you need me.

Hugs

P

Thanks, Phoenix.

I was seeing a counselor every other week. I've had to stop going, though. After my son's diagnosis we've put him in play therapy and counseling so he can learn how to control his anger issues. To make a long story short, we can't afford for us both to be in therapy. Obviously, he comes first.

And I didn't mean to sound like autism is the end of the world. It's not. My son is incredibly gifted in some ways, and we are doing our best to nurture those gifts. He just needs support in the other areas. Still, I can't help but feel like I caused it. I know it makes no sense, but right now I doubt I'm the most rational person in the world.

I'll find that document posthaste.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I think its a disgrace they prescribe Seroquel for things like insomnia, It seriously messes up with your brain chemistry. I know people that have been prescribed it for depression and it just makes it worse. I think you will start seeing thinks better when your completely off it. You where also on the 400mg dose for insomnia :0 I don't like your doctor.. I could prescribe one thing that would help your insomnia and would make you feel good instead of down and I cant because its "bad". The worlds f***ked!

reply to post by smyleegrl


Whenever I get to feeling overwhelmed, I remember a quote from Mother Teresa.

"If you can't feed 100 people, then just feed 1."

reply to post by smyleegrl

I'm so tired of everything. The daily grind, my work, life in general. It all sucks.

Just hold off on trying to figure out what's causing this mood. There's nothing worse than thinking the cause is one thing, then working around that one thing for months and come to find out it was just a phase you were going through. I only say this because I'm going through the same thing right now. But, I've been through it so many times that I know I'll come out of it sooner or later without doing anything to alleviate it.

Right now the TV shows I love really suck. I search for other shows and they just don't interest me. I don't care about food - just want to eat anything so I don't feel hungry. Don't want to walk that three whole minutes to the store. And I just want to sleep after being up for only four or five hours at a time. The topics here are boring. The replies are too detailed or too extreme. And my patience is soooo thin lately.

So, all my complaints have to be false. It has to be just me.

Just trust that you'll be okay.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I hear you babe, this is why I have stopped trying to save or change the World as well.. We all get tired, it also hurts when you find out the truth, Although, you cannot give up on trying to change it.. Your in that position, just when your about to give up, something, or someone is going to remind you why your in this position...

Your going to be alight..


Your Son's condition is NOT your fault.... Please do not blame yourself for that.. I can see your pain, you might want to stand in the rain, to wash it off your face...

This is just my opinion.. Not advice... I am not a licensed Psychiatrist...

one other thing.. When we are tough, we do not quit or give up... We get Tougher....

Please be careful weaning yourself off Seroquel Smyleegrl. It caused me to go into a deepened depressive state that ultimately led to a mental breakdown. If I'd never been on that medication, I truly believe I'd have never had my psychotic episode, and now I'll forever more be stigmatized by it. That episode that I truly believe was medication triggered and the fault of psychiatry itself. They just stuck me on a different med. Oh this one doesn't work - try this one instead. (Hee-haw)

Today, I've been weaned off all the 15 medications they'd pumped into me over a period during a deep, dark period of my depression - I'm down to 1. A blood pressure medication. I can't seem to find a natural remedy to replace that med. See what happened was the Seroquel caused weight gain, led to diabetes, led to thyroid issues, led to cholesterol issues - you get the drift.

I finally came to the realization that - this is ridiculous - started dropping my weight, and my diabetes and thyroid righted itself - my cholesterol has improved, and ultimately the only health issue I'm left with to treat with medication is high blood pressure - and I still suffer bouts of depression and anxiety - but I deal with them naturally. Meditation, breathing exercises, and reading/writing. I feel so much better. You have no idea.

Good luck with everything. Your son sounds amazing, as I read many threads where you mention him. I'm sure you will come out the end of this fighting. You give that impression - of someone who doesn't give up. So don't start now!

Blessings,
Cirque

I can suggest a great book
Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World
By Mark Williams and Danny Penman

The book is based on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). MBCT revolves around a straightforward form of mindfulness meditation which takes just a few minutes a day for the full benefits to be revealed. MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and it is recommended by the UK’s National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence – in other words, it works.

franticworld.com...

mbct.co.uk...

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hugs. I took myself off of antidepressants about three years ago and at first it was challenging. My psychiatrist said we can do it but I had to promise him two things...1) to exercise at least 30 minutes a day and 2) to reduce my caffeine.

I really didnt understand why then but I do now. Exercise is my new drug. When I am feeling the lowest I take a nice long brisk walk with my puppy and I feel so much better when I get back home. It works. It really does. It takes everything you have to make yourself take that step to walk, because you feel like poo, but do it, you will have to force yourself to take every step, but, you will notice you feel so much better when you get it over with.

The caffeine? I love my tea. I drink a lot of it. But if I drink it within 3 hours of bedtime, I dont sleep. Lack of sleep or not good quality sleep makes my mood worsen. Now, I drink water only after 8 pm. It has done wonders for me as well.


Just find something you enjoy, and do it. Make yourself do it. It will get easier each time. Get lots of rest, eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies, and stay away from pasta and bread. Take care of yourself.

You got this! You can do it.

Hugs

reply to post by smyleegrl

I'm a teacher, yet this past year I've seemed to have lost my passion and reason for teaching. I'm fed up with the countless tests, the sheer ineptitude of administration, the apathy of parents. You try to make a difference, to bring balance, and the end result is worse than before.

What do your students think? Have you asked them?

My son has been diagnosed with autism. Is it my fault? Something I did, or didn't do, while I was pregnant? I stopped taking my antidepressant the day I discovered I was pregnant, but that was almost a month into the pregnancy. What if it really is my fault?

Autism is not your fault.

I told my psychiatrist I wanted to stop taking Seroquel. So I'm titrating off of it. Could this current feeling be a direct result? Have I made the wrong choice in stopping the medicine?

Withdrawals suck. Theres your answer. I know, I have kicked many illegal drug habits.

I'm so tired of everything. Compassion fatigue? Maybe. The thing is, I care so damn much about everything that it wears me down. How do you compartimentalize your feelings? Is it even possible to do so?

Yah, because you care. That should also mean you know can't fix everything. Focus on the kids. That you have the extraordinary set of skills required to teach kids and deal with all that is amazing to me. I can't do that. That would drive a person like me crazy.

Edit: Thing about drug addictions is you don't become aware of them until you try to stop. Then the "Woe is me" sets in. Another term for it is "Pitty pot". All this bad stuff happens to me, I think I'll take something.

The temptation is to go back to the drug to alleviate the feelings. They are just feelings. Its been a while since you felt them is my guess. Don't let your repressed feelings take over and make you do anything rash. They will even out over time. For now though, you might find yourself "white knuckling" it. It will pass.

smyleegrl, I have enjoyed your threads and posts, and I feel bad to hear how your Life is at the moment.

First, avoid the "what if's" about your medication and the autism, as that is like being put in a maze without an exit, no matter where you turn you'll run into no outlet and just more frustration.

I am embarrassed to say that I didn't catch any of your posts re your son, but I know you have a good heart and your son has a wonderful mother. I hope you can rely on family support and any community group or local school system support. In California we have Regional Centers that have been of assistance to families I know.

Your health is most important. I agree with pheonix358's post. I have seen teaching ruin the health of too many good people. Stress and trying to keep up with an accelerating workload ruined one teacher's health to the point where she had to leave the profession early, and I say that teaching killed another teacher. A teacher who quit

If job change is out of the question, then you have to do what you need to survive well. Draw a circle around yourself and decide who/what to let in. If you are asked at work to do more outside the classroom (club, activity, committee, endless etc.) say, "Thank you for thinking of me, but I have to say no." And don't feel guilty!

Take care, my friend.

I stopped doing any artwork about a year and half ago, also quit being on FB around the same time as I was tired of all it's BS!

I joined ATS 6 months before that and I stepped up my contributing here...

A coincidence perhaps?

We are certainly a war weary, economic weary, corruption weary and greed weary Nation right now. Possibly a fatigue of over worry from the next coming thing?


You figure it out you let me know...

Hey OP, sorry you're not feeling so hot..

I agree that it could be due to coming off of a mood-enhancing drug.

My recommendation is to get out of your every day environment. Find something cool nearby and take a one day road trip. Get lots of pictures, take your family, have a great time. It's amazing what a mini-vacation can do for your psyche.

I take one at least once a month. =D

I really do hope you feel better - and your child's autism is not your fault. Depending on how severe it is it could potentially be a positive thing, really. I hope all ends up well for you.

--Haus

Almost two years. The doc gave it to me because I have horrible insomnia. I lay in bed and my mind races, races, races.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Mind races, races and races...maybe it's connected to teaching? Stress maybe? I'm also a teacher and I was prescribed Seroquel due to insomnia. I was on it for about 6 months. It is a very powerful drug. I remember the first time I took it, I fell asleep and slept like a rock. In fact, my wife had to wake me up in the morning which is uncommon since I always wake up before the alarm goes off. I was never able to sleep through the night! I took myself off it, because I didn't want to continue taking it. Now I just take an occasional over the counter sleeping pill.

I personally think when a person is very creative they have problems with racing thoughts when trying to rest. I also was a graphic designer for 10 years and some of my best ideas came to me before I could go to sleep. Sometimes I would wake-up in the middle of the night and write my ideas down on paper. Now I lie in bed thinking how I can make the next days lesson or next week's lesson exciting and fun for my students. Teaching is a very stressful profession, and the stress increases when you're teaching inner city kids.

As you already know, the teaching profession gets pressure from both the federal and state, related to guidelines and standardized testing. You're trying to do the best for your students but your being dictated by government officials and school administrators, who think all children should be able to perform at the same level. You also have to deal with parents expectations and student behavior issues on a daily basis. We're also targeted as being the problem with education in the public's eye, when a majority of the time, it's how the educational system is set-up. Most teachers care about their students and want to see them succeed. I'm sure the stress has a lot to do with your frustrations. You're not alone in that regard.

Don't beat yourself up about your son, there's no clear reason why there's an increase in autism in children. Just love and care for him.