posted on Apr, 20 2013 @ 02:26 AM
Hello again, ATS! It's been quite a while since I have logged in. I wasn't sure where to put this, but relationships seemed appropriate.
I have plenty of friends, but none that I can really talk to about this... whatever the hell it is that I'm experiencing, for various reasons. I'm
coming to you ATSers far and wide, for input. Also, and please take no offense, I'm really looking for input from folks older than myself, unless you
have some direct insight relating to the matter. I'm 27 by the way.
A little background:
I've known this girl for many years now, we'll call her Lily. I have always had very strong feelings for her, and one time I wrote her a letter,
pouring my heart out. (Not like over-the-top, mushy garbage.. just the truth) Being the chicken sh*t I was then, I asked her not to reply and to give
no indication as to how she felt about me... and she hasn't. Lily would not just leave it at that if she really felt the same, so her silence was as
good as any rejection.
We're still very good friends and I no longer consider myself "friend-zoned", just a friend. She now has a man and a child in her life and I would
never dream of messing with that, I respect her.
Don't get me wrong, I love Lily fiercely and I would do anything for her, but I keep it to myself and do not let it affect our friendship. It is hard
sometimes, when we make eye contact (she has eye's that'd make Liz Taylor huff and puff indignantly) which is why I avoid it when I can, but I
Now, I'm not just some hopeless romantic that can't get a girl. On the contrary, I'm actually quite a man-whore. I'm not proud of this, but it's
the truth. Which leads me into the point of this post..
Here it is:
As desperately attracted to Lily as I am, I am not sexually attracted to her... not in the least.
I. Do. Not. Get .This.
I can't even picture having sex with this girl. The very idea is unappealing, and I have no clue as to why. I mean, she's a 10 in my book and at
least an 8 to anyone else with eyes. I've fantasized about holding her and taking in all that she is, but that's as far, physically, as it goes.
I've forced myself to imagine sex with her a couple of times, but it was just so unnatural and underwhelming.
How can I desire this girl so deeply and completely, yet have no sexual feelings for her? I'm a frickin sex addict for crying out loud!!
How would that even fly with a girl? "Hey Lily, will you be my girl forever? But let's never have sex."
Yeah, I'm sure that's go over like a lead balloon.
What is this? Has anyone else ever had a similar experience? If so, I'd really like to hear your take, or how you've come to terms with it.. if you
have at all.