reply to post by KilgoreTrout
This is an excellent suggestion. If he is abusive, or has abusive tendencies, then when you meet him he will display quite a bit of posturing
behaviors to establish his dominance over your former wife. Listen for him cutting her off as she explains circumstances. Look at his body language.
Is he physically blocking her from you? If he is the abusive type, then he will feel extremely threatened by your presence. It won't result in his
cowering in the corner, but will instead manifest as insecure attempts to dominate the existing dynamic between you and your ex.
One very important distinction in determining control vs. true affection is whether he touches her with a palmer's touch. When he touches her, does
he do so with fingers or fingertips, or does his whole hand come in full contact with her? We tend to only touch those we love with a palmer's
touch, with the palm pressed to the other person. We touch those we only feel we should
touch with our fingertips - it's an obligatory
behavior, not an emotional one. Can you actually hear his voice become louder when speaking directly to her, and softening when speaking to you?
I mention these things because, if observed, then you actually have a leg to stand on when approaching your ex-wife. These aren't the only things to
pay attention to. Don't underestimate your gut. If he gives you the willies, either in how he addresses you, how he behaves around you, or just
what it's like to generally be in his presence, STILL speak with your ex-wife. From what you've mentioned, I get the sense that you know her very,