Being alone does not mean that we have to feel lonely. Loneliness is not a condition we must live.

To feel lonely when we are not around others is another form of weakness that we must some day face if we are ever to become truly enlightened beings.

Let me give you a quotation to consider:

==============================

"Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It's restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down."

-- Six Kinds of Loneliness By Pema Chödrön

I have begun to understand that things that trouble us or that make us afraid are really things that we need to deal with and are trials that we need to face in our lives. It is another "test" for us to overcome.

We must learn to feel comfortable being alone. Until then, we will do ANYTHING to be around people. Even allow them to control, hurt or make us unhappy to keep from being alone.

“The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear
what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment
you reject all help are you freed.”

Buddha

As long as we feel we must have others near, we are vulnerable to anyone that can make our loneliness go away. We will take drugs, be with anyone no matter how cruel they are, put up with anyone just to keep from facing our ultimate fear of being alone.

In truth, being able to live without others around is a sign of strength, not sign of weakness.

Think about what I'm saying here.

reply to post by Wanderer112358


Not getting into my condition, I will say I agree 100% OP!

I will say in my case, my peace and happiness, only came after I realized that it was being around people, that was the cause of my problems.

It was a matter of deconstructing who I thought I was based on the perceptions of others, and sitting back and taking the time to reset my ego to get to REALLY know who I was.

It was a slow and painful process for me, but I have found much more peace in my life since I realized it!

Originally posted by seeker1963
reply to post by Wanderer112358

 

Not getting into my condition, I will say I agree 100% OP!

I will say in my case, my peace and happiness, only came after I realized that it was being around people, that was the cause of my problems.

It was a matter of deconstructing who I thought I was based on the perceptions of others, and sitting back and taking the time to reset my ego to get to REALLY know who I was.

It was a slow and painful process for me, but I have found much more peace in my life since I realized it!

Yes! For most of us, it has to happen just the way you stated. We must first deconstruct or hit bottom and then face what it is we need to come to terms with.

It is SO hard to accept that until we are able to follow our own unique path alone, can we ever expect to be the being we really need to become.

Thank you.

There is an old gospel song that goes like this:

You gotta to walk that lonesome valley
You gotta walk it by yourself
Nobody else can walk it for you
You gotta walk it by yourself

We want so very badly for someone to love us, someone to agree with us, someone to laugh with us. We will do just about ANYTHING to get people to be near us. ANYTHING. We will be anyone they want us to be to keep from being alone.

I see so many people wanting doctors to heal them, priests or preachers to save them, politicians to rule them, gurus to enlighten them, police and the military to protect them, teachers to teach them and of course, partners and family to love us. It is not until we stand up and refuse to be afraid that we begin to find our way out of the wilderness.

You sooner or later have to face and pass this test. If not in this life, then in the next one, or the next one, or the next....

In history, monks, hermits and sages understood that as long as they were always around others, they could never follow their own unique path to enlightenment. So, they worked very hard on this issue of loneliness.

The understanding got lost over time into an idea that this be alone was about celibacy, but in truth it was about being able to face the monster of loneliness and defeating it. Only then could they become and to remember their unique path Home.

Until then we are all just slaves to what others want us to be. Not because these others are wrong or evil, but because their path is not our path.

Does a solitary journey to the truth of our reality mean that we can't have family and friends around us? No, for me it means making your own choices in life. It means having the courage and the confidence in yourself that you have the ability to understand what is right for you. Remember, the right path for others is not your path. We each have our own challenges, experiences, desires and goals.

Believing that others know what is right for you is just another form of self perpetuated slavery. We came into this world as unique and individual beings and that is how we must finish this trial. Until we decide to stand up, be strong and trust our heart to guide us, we truly are lost souls...

Peace

reply to post by Wanderer112358


I don't see it as being a condition at all, nor an enemy. It is simply a choice.

Originally posted by BrokenCircles
reply to post by Wanderer112358

 

I don't see it as being a condition at all, nor an enemy. It is simply a choice.

I think maybe the perspective we are each speaking from are semantics. Is a choice that you refuse to face not your enemy?

reply to post by BrokenCircles


The broken people I see who cannot handle being alone, or in any kind of silence do not see it as a choice.

They see it as an escape from the realities they do NOT want to face, Ironically which is the source of all the problems they cannot handle.

They also do not see it as a condition OR a choice.

I crave my alone time. It's like an addiction. The more stressful my day, the more I need to surround myself in solitude.

I'm alone, but far from lonely. I make peace with myself, examine my feelings, meditate on my day. I ignore the distractions of tv and radio, and just enjoy the silence.

I find that this grounds me, calms me, soothes me. I think our current lifestyles are so frenzied, we are constantly bombarded by noise and lights and movement.....it takes its toll, whether we know it or not.

A quiet walk in the countryside, alone, can do wonders for the soul.

S&F

Originally posted by ParasuvO
reply to post by BrokenCircles

 

The broken people I see who cannot handle being alone, or in any kind of silence do not see it as a choice.

They see it as an escape from the realities they do NOT want to face, Ironically which is the source of all the problems they cannot handle.

They also do not see it as a condition OR a choice.

Good point. They see it as an impossible condition or choice. They will use any technique (drugs, booze, prostitutes, TV, abuse) to stop the loneliness. It is just too painful to deal with directly.

BUT, sooner or later we all have to face it. No way around it, I'm afraid...

No judging. just my understanding.

Thanks

Originally posted by smyleegrl
I crave my alone time. It's like an addiction. The more stressful my day, the more I need to surround myself in solitude.

I'm alone, but far from lonely. I make peace with myself, examine my feelings, meditate on my day. I ignore the distractions of tv and radio, and just enjoy the silence.

I find that this grounds me, calms me, soothes me. I think our current lifestyles are so frenzied, we are constantly bombarded by noise and lights and movement.....it takes its toll, whether we know it or not.

A quiet walk in the countryside, alone, can do wonders for the soul.

S&F

You are a true spiritual warrior. I honor thee. Honestly, you are an example for others.

Thank you.

reply to post by Wanderer112358

Originally posted by Wanderer112358

I think maybe the perspective we are each speaking from are semantics. Is a choice that you refuse to face not your enemy?

No. The choice is that I do not view loneliness as an enemy. I welcome it.






reply to post by ParasuvO

Originally posted by ParasuvO

The broken people I see who cannot handle being alone, or in any kind of silence do not see it as a choice.

They see it as an escape from the realities they do NOT want to face, Ironically which is the source of all the problems they cannot handle.

They also do not see it as a condition OR a choice.

I do not know nor care how other people feel, or why they feel a certain way...

I'm talking about me.

reply to post by Wanderer112358


It comes from years and years of challenges. But the awesome thing about surviving hardships, you are certainly stronger, if you choose to be.

The problem, as I see it, is that so many choose to be hurt by life's misadventures. Or even worse, the people who truly don't understand that they have a choice at all.

Truly we are never really alone. In my solitude I realize this most deeply. That feeling, or I should say, that fear of being alone is the sense of being lost, hopelessly lost, cut off, spiritually dead or heading that way.

I too love my solitude which isn't solitude its just getting away from the din and madness to be with the serenity of silence and sanity.

In truth there is no such thing as being totally alone because there is much more to life than what we experience on the physical. For instance it is impossible to have sex on your own. You might think you are alone as you pleasure yourself but you are patently not alone, only on the physical.

To overcome the fear of lonliness you first have to realize these things.

Timely thread OP

Originally posted by smyleegrl
reply to post by Wanderer112358

 

It comes from years and years of challenges. But the awesome thing about surviving hardships, you are certainly stronger, if you choose to be.

The problem, as I see it, is that so many choose to be hurt by life's misadventures. Or even worse, the people who truly don't understand that they have a choice at all.

Yes! Once you realize that you have a choice, you have reached a point where nothing is beyond your control or understanding. Another way to say it is to live without fear.

Thanks