Some people wonder why others like myself feel that there is a reason to belive in God.
I have observed unbelievers telling others that faith has no substance and is not evidence of things unseen, that faith is something that can be made
manifest without any evidence whatsoever, while on the other hand they judge Christianity as fraudulent by the evidence they have not seen for
themselves. Well, I believe that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. IMO faith, true faith, consists of
evidence, it has substance, and without it, it is impossible to please God.
To me, faith is not merely believing that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit exist, it is the act of agape love towards God. According to the bible, there
are levels of faith. There is faith that is small as a mustard seed, and there is "great faith", and like Smith Wigglesworth, I believe that the faith
we have now is meant to be "ever increasing".
I'm going to share my experience with speaking in tongues, it's somewhat saddening, imo, I hope you can learn something from it.
I was attending a boarding school and in the eleventh grade. One day I walked into my room, I was happy and thanked God for bringing myself into
existence, then my eyes fell upon a christian rock cd that my dad thought I'd be interested in that he put together himself, so out of respect for him
and the time he took to make that cd for me, I gave it a listen. I was getting into the music, thinking about how good God is and then the Holy Spirit
entered the room and convicted me of sin.
So I decided to pray, I don't know how long that lasted but before the cd ended I was speaking in tongues. I figured the cd would stifle my prayer
being heard from anyone in the halls because the bible said that God prefers prayers to be done in secret, so I really let loose and prayed the
longest most tearful and heartfelt version of the "sinner's prayer" I ever prayed, thanks to the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Years after this experience I'm about to share, I read Romans 2:4 Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this
mean nothing to you? Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?
And I read: 2 Corinthians 7:9 Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was
the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way.
I see the correlation, in that I was happy and thankful to God, which led to my conviction, which led to my prayer of repentance.
I moved to stand up and while standing and still praying I was cut short by the intense tangible feeling of something liquid-like pouring into me from
the top of my head and hitting my stomach then filling up, bubbling up my esophagus and when it reached my jaw and tongue, I felt, literally, tangibly
felt as though God were paying special attention to my jaw and tongue, like they were being held. I felt prompted to open my mouth and when I did I
started speaking in a different language, but I knew that if I didn't want to cooperate, if I didn't want to speak in tongues I had every right to
stop. I walked to the full scale mirror and in awe, I watched myself speaking, and while the Holy Spirit was speaking through me, the cd stopped and
words were still coming out, loudly.
While I was infront of the mirror, not fully understanding the implications of what I've committed myself to, a demon showed up and said to my spirit,
"You sound soooo stupid." I knew that to be a lie from the devil and understood that the demon was there to try to get me self-conscious and scared of
what others think of myself, so I resisted that by allowing God to keep speaking. In hindsight, bilingual people do not "sound sooo stupid" either.
After some time I stopped, I was full of joy and love, brotherly love, though I do hope to attain agape love for God.
God led me to my bed and told me (spoke to my spirit) to put my hand over my blanket and tell it to move. In hindsight I see that he wanted me to see
that being filled with the Holy Spirit comes with power. I did. I just put my hand palm facing downward over the blanket and said, "Move". And it did.
I was waving my hand in general directions and it was following suit. A demon came and planted the thought that I must be crazy, "Am I going crazy?" I
said to myself, and when I did that, it stopped and I could sense that such a thought did not please God, so I said, "No, I'm not." and resumed moving
the blanket with my hand in awe.
Then, I felt as though I should leave my room and interact with others, so I did, I opened my door and walked out, there was a girl I did not know,
who went out of her door at the same time I did. God spoke to my spirit and said, "Tell her I love her." Let me tell you something, demons do tempt
new believers into believing lies.
After Jesus was baptized and the Holy Spirit came upon him like a dove, he was led into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. People who are
given the Holy Spirit are not immediately immune to temptation and lies simply because our understanding is limited and therefore should not be leaned
on as though our definition of a perfect person is better than God's definition of a perfect person when he says, "But you are to be perfect.."
Wigglesworth, in his book 'Ever Increasing Faith' said something along the lines of, a person is perfect in asmuch as his faith and love are
My faith was nowhere near perfect, I believe that I am about to show you why Jesus said "but do not begin until you count the cost." because I
believed a lie, the lie that says that one ought to consider how others feel or how we ourselves feel more than how God feels. God told me several
times in my small window of opportunity to tell that girl that he loved her and I was too scared, the girl looked scared of me, like she was about to
run away any second, it's like God set me up to walk alongside that girl telling me and prompting me to tell that girl but I was a coward about it,
and I sincerely regret that.
Cowards to not inherit the kingdom. I wasn't afraid to pray, I wasn't afraid to admit that I'm a sinner, I wasn't afraid to allow the Holy Spirit the
use of my tongue, I wasn't afraid to keep it up after the music had gone, I wasn't afraid to tell the blanket to move, I had such an upbringing that I
was afraid of people, of what they think.
It took me going through extreme humiliation to get to this point of not being afraid of the things people will say.
Anyway, when my opportunity had passed, I saw a girl I didn't like for any particular reason, and God showed me how wrong I was to misjudge her.
I stopped by her, not knowing what to do, and she started talking to me, saying that "everyone" on the floor heard me and were talking amongst
themselves about what was going on in my room while my door was shut. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about, but she said she'd heard
people speaking in tongues before and that I didn't need to be afraid and didn't need to lie. I was so distraught, yes, right after that experience I
felt so defeated and I asked God something along the lines of "Take the Spirit away from me", sorry I don't recall the exact wording. And he did. I
was back to my normal sinful animal-like nature and I deeply regret taking God so lightly.
This I hope you learn, that God is not here merely for our entertainment, he is here to heal the broken hearted, set the captives free, remind us of
everything Jesus has spoken, and SO MUCH more.
To all the believers out there, please say a little prayer for me, I surely need it.
edit on 10/01/11 by Wonders because: To add.