posted on Dec, 3 2012 @ 11:33 PM
“Actually, my job is a Planet Saver. I save planets”, Dirk said to the vapid young blond at the bar.
“Yeah-um, are you paying for just the company, or are we going to your room?” Said the vapid young blond.
Later, Dirk saw the young lady to the door and bid her a good night. He sighed, and walked back up to his flat above the Golden Rhino, a Chinese
restaurant. (Little known fact; Chinese restaurants populate the galaxy. No-one knows why, but they are everywhere. They are all run by perpetually
angry Chinese proprietors and can’t speak a word of whatever planets language that they are on. True story)
Dirk Freemley comes from a long line of planet savers from a planet of planet savers. On his home world it was clear that he was going to be a great
planet saver. Dirk was born with the noble lack of chin, the heroic slump of shoulders, and the fearless myopia favoured by some of the greatest
planet savers of all time.
Sitting in a small armchair by the window, Dirk looked to the sky and thought back to the times he saved the planet.
Atlantis. 8,000 years ago. Tuesday.
Just arriving on the planet gave Dirk a thrill. Having just graduated with high honours from Planet Saver University, Dirk was ready to get started.
Solving the quantum issues of the universe was thirsty work so he headed for the Golden Unicorn (a typical Chinese restaurant) to find food, drink,
Once settled he set up the equipment needed to save the planet but was distracted by a small bee. It ended up sinking the small island, but overall,
he considered it a win and thought that no-one would ever miss or remember the place.
Mayan Empire. 3,000 years ago. Saturday.
Dirk had been here for a while. Situated above the Golden Panther, he was ready and not willing to make the same mistake he made the first time.
Adjusting the gear to shift the quantum forces away from Earth, he quickly and sufficiently saved the planet. The Mayans were so thankful that they
asked him for advice. He suggested carbon credits and high taxes as a joke but they ended up taking him seriously.
They went downhill quickly from there.
England. 1500 years ago. Sunday.
Situated in a stone loft above the Golden Jellied Eel, Dirk worked frantically to stave off the impending doom. Placing a small dagger into a piece
of rock, he told his assistant not to ever remove it. Dirk was tired and wanted to go home. He figured that this would secure the planet for all
time and allow him a chance for a nice vacation. (There was a monolith exhibit on Europa that he wanted to visit)
Art (his assistant) got curious, however, and gummed up the works.
New York. December 21st, 2012.
Dirk sighed and looked out the window. It was almost time. The dark quantum forces had created a vortex that was slowly opening up above the city.
A dark maw lined in pink, oily flesh studded with teeth was growing. The Devourer of Worlds was once again, attempting to destroy the little planet
Dirk called home. Billions faced eternal pain and torture. The minds of billions would shriek for eternity in the insane echo of the great beast as
it savoured the flesh of humanity.
Dirks equipment was carefully disguised as a wall filled with shelves and odds and ends. The forces that guided the universe were always being
influenced by the smallest of things. A planet saver understood what those things were and what they did to the universe.
Dirk walked over to a bookshelf and adjusted a signed picture of Kim Kardashian and the vortex disappeared.
Chicken Vindaloo sounded nice for a late evening dinner. He grabbed his wallet and coat and left .