An old experience.... and the existence of all things nothingness

Those who were aware of my disappearing OP on another thread here in the Gray Area and the discussion that followed will probably understand the relevance of the title more

But this is an OP i tried to post earlier today......

Okay the first thread I have started outside of the intro section....I am a little nervous so go easy on me :-D

I just wanted to share an experience I had at the age of 13 that I have shared with few people and the ones i have haven't really known how to respond to my experience or really had much thought or input.Which as always been frustrating as It was an experience that had a profound effect on me.
So it would be nice to throw it "out there" and see if anybody has any thoughts on it.I'm still finding my feet on here so if i post in the wrong section my apologies.

Right here goes....

When i was 13 I had to have a tooth removed under anaesthetic...It was in the dentist surgery as this was before the time It was decided this was a dangerous practice and before children had to go into hospital for such a procedure. The mask went on and i felt myself "drifting" I snapped into feeling as what i perceived to be fully conscious. I was in a dark black void.There was nothing....I could see myself as if there was light shining on me or as if my body was lit up, but apart from that there was nothing but a dark void all around me.
I felt trapped and i felt anxious and i wondered if anybody realized I was stuck in this place.Time seemed to go on and on and on.It felt like hours, days, weeks and then years.And when i say that I mean I literally felt like I was "living" those hours weeks and days and years.I strained to remember my families faces.I constantly tried to remember events from my past to have something real to hold onto.I would think about my family lots and wonder if they missed me and wondered what they had supposed had happened to me and hoped my family was happy and able to live on with the loss of losing me.

After some length of time although i never felt like there was anyone else there with me I started to feel like someone was communicating with me in my head....I couldn't hear voices in my head but it felt like questions and thoughts were being planted in my head outside of my own thoughts....questions challenging me like " how do you know for sure you ever even existed?" and thoughts like " It was all a trick, this is all there ever was"

I concluded that i was either completely crazy or that indeed maybe the "challenger" was right and i had never existed at all! I completely gave up even trying to think, after what I perceived to be years of torment...I didn't care any more.

Then snap!.....I groggily woke up in the recovery room of the dentist surgery.I cried, I shook, I clung on to my mother that i felt like i hadn't seen in years.I suppose it was quite a distressing scene but the dentist comforted my mother with the fact it can be completely normal coming out of the anaesthetic. I tried to explain to them what had happened and they couldn't understand the profound experience and effect on me, just dismissing it as a normal reaction to the anaesthetic. As i didn't feel like anyone understood I didn't try to talk about it any more.

But the experience didn't leave me.I didn't want to get out of bed for the first 6 months and suspect looking back now i suffered some form of post traumatic stress.I was terrified of dying and perceived everything to be a threat.Even when eating things like Smartie chocolates i would remove the shells off them first because i perceived them as a choking hazard. I was worried that my experience was what death would be like.That you would cease to exist in the world but on some level i would still be concious and trapped in a nothingness.My parents were religious so that made me even more inclined to not share my thoughts and fears.I also wondered if i had been trapped in this place because i was a "bad" person and again reinforced the idea to keep it to myself.After a couple of years my fear grew less and less and the experience no longer started to have a hold on me......but it's something that as never quite left me.

Whatever the experience was and whatever realms of it were based in realms of reality....It was real to me.And it was definitely brought on by the anaesthetic.

I'm not trying to suggest my experience was anything supernatural and has anything more than a medical explanation....I honestly don't know how to reconcile to myself what happened and why.I mean if an anaesthetic can do that to a person's perception of reality and to a person's perception of time, i find that in itself to be an interesting concept

I suppose I am just asking for peoples thoughts, not to put a "lid" on the experience as I don't think I ever will, but maybe get rid of a few frustrations i have always harboured by not being able to discuss this properly with anyone.

For anyone who as taken the time to read this post in it's entirety many thanks :-)

I just wanted to add that i am 41 now.....although the experience had a profound effect on me for a couple of years after it happened at 13 I don't believe it has a major "hold" over me any more....but none the less it will always "be there" ........

reply to post by Logos23


Title is so fitting.. Actually the whole way your First thread evolved plays perfectly into this one.. Some Cosmic humor? Life is funny like that. How strange it all is..

Time is a very relative thing even when fully conscious of the 3D environment.

I have brushed against eternity a few times myself.. Being in Eternity for 5 minutes Earth time, could mean anything from 5 minutes to 5 years to 5 lifetimes consciousness time...

I have only had these experiences when my body was out of the equation, either through sickness or through pain medication after surgery, or even through meditation. I have a theory of mine that the body slows down your thinking speed, and your brain slows it down, and your conscious mind slows it down, and your subconscious even slows it down, all of these are quicker than the last.. Whatever you are without all those (soul? spirit?) thinks super fast. When you think faster time slows down.. If you think infinitely fast, you have found eternity.


Your experience brings up my worst fear, and I also have been to that place. That place where they try to trick you. You can know they are lying because they tell you your the only thing that has ever existed, which could be true in theory but for the fact They are informing you, which means there are other beings there.

Lucky thing for me is I always came out of it and could actually still remember who I was... Of course for me my longest stay over there felt like about 4 days or maybe even a week, while "real time" (as if that exists haha) went by for about 3 hours.

My fear is some time I'll get trapped in the "dream lands" or Maybe limbo? Maybe I'll never find my way out to the surface? You see I don't fear death, because I am fine for moving on to the next plane of being where ever that maybe. I fear being left behind and forgotten in some black room with no walls and no way out. Left there for centuries while my soul fades away into nothing, but never quite makes it into nothing, and so I am left in pain, without even the slightest memory of who I am, what I am, or what was ever outside the void.

This is a deep seated fear, because I HAVE been there. It's the same place this one demon would torment me in.. It would say the meanest things, and I would be there for days and days.. My own inner hell.

Have you seen Inception? If not you should.

Inception quotes:

Cobb: Worst case scenario? When he wakes up, his mind is completely gone.
Saito: Cobb. I'll still honor the arrangement.
Cobb: I appreciate that, Saito, but when you wake up, you won't even remember that we had an arrangement. Limbo's gonna become your reality. You're gonna be lost down there so long that you're gonna become an old man.
Saito: Filled with regret.
Cobb: Waiting to die alone.
Saito: No. I'll come back. And we'll be young men together again.

Source

reply to post by Dustytoad


Thank you for your reply and input......to be honest you are the first person who as ever expressed to me that they have any kind of idea of the experience i went through.People just usually reply by telling me it was just a dream while under the anaesthetic and although they don't say i suspect they think i am exaggerating about the length of time i perceived went by while in this "void" But when i say to people it felt like i was in this place for years it's not a figure of speech...that was MY reality.

I suffered with chronic sleep paralysis from as far back as i can remember as a small child till i was 30 years old ....although it's not the same experience i have often wondered if this made me more susceptible to this other experience.

I say it doesn't hold me back anymore....but when i had my twins 5 years ago i had to have an emergency c section and i told them under no circumstances I wanted to be put to sleep.So they performed it under a Epidural anaesthetic so i could be awake.It was a very long surgery because of complications (wont bore you with the details) so it started to wear off before they had finished and they couldn't give me anymore of the spinal anaesthetic....It didn't wear off completely but it sure wasn't pleasant....but i absolutely REFUSED to be given a general anaesthetic!

I have also put off having my jaw wired...a procedure i have needed for a long time because of an old injury.But i think the situation would have to be life or death to make me agree to be put "under" again.The experience i have talked about is the one and only time i have had a general anaesthetic.

So yeah...maybe i am lying to myself about the degree the experience holds me back.....

Thanks again for the reply...I will digest it some more and it's given me some things to think about

reply to post by Logos23


I didn't want to make it seem like that's the only place you can go..

I have also merged with some thing I call god..

It felt like 5 minutes, but after that 5 minutes 1.5 hours had passed..

There's some odd part of me that must say this... The snake in the bible gives you the knowledge of good and evil.

Knowledge, thinking... This is a hell... Thinking breeds time..

Time flies when you are having fun. Fun is usually another way of saying "not thinking"

There are two distant eternities from our perspective.. Both lead into no time, but one will feel like forever, and the other will feel like never long enough..

One feels really good, and one feels really "edgy"...

We are all of that... Mixed together... And then we have kids...

I don't have any yet, but I will someday hopefully not too far in the distance.

I guess I could end this by saying nothing is right or wrong (including the extremes heaven/hell), it's all up to You.

Keeping dream journals and exploring your dreams, could help you overcome any fear you may have of similar states of consciousness.. Being able to use your will power to more readily control these states could take away the chance of ever feeling "trapped" again..

What an interesting and terrifying experience! Makes you question our perception of time and space... Thanks for sharing, glad you're ok now and didn't get stuck in that place forever

Originally posted by Logos23
reply to post by Dustytoad

 

Thank you for your reply and input......to be honest you are the first person who as ever expressed to me that they have any kind of idea of the experience i went through.People just usually reply by telling me it was just a dream while under the anaesthetic and although they don't say i suspect they think i am exaggerating about the length of time i perceived went by while in this "void" But when i say to people it felt like i was in this place for years it's not a figure of speech...that was MY reality.

I just wanna say, I know exactly what you went through. I had surgery on my teeth when I was 13 or so. I never thought about it like that though. I like the way you wrote that. It made me remember.

reply to post by Dustytoad

This is a deep seated fear, because I HAVE been there. It's the same place this one demon would torment me in.. It would say the meanest things, and I would be there for days and days.. My own inner hell.

Dustytoad labeled it right here. They are Demons. Do some research on them and you'll understand why and how they work. They thrive on people's fears to try and separate you from God. Don't listen to them. Unfortunately, it seems like they pick on children when there is family turmoil going on.

Originally posted by Trashleigh
What an interesting and terrifying experience! Makes you question our perception of time and space... Thanks for sharing, glad you're ok now and didn't get stuck in that place forever

I have always been interested in time and our perception of it as a result of my experience.

Originally posted by Deetermined
reply to post by Dustytoad

 

This is a deep seated fear, because I HAVE been there. It's the same place this one demon would torment me in.. It would say the meanest things, and I would be there for days and days.. My own inner hell.

They thrive on people's fears to try and separate you from God. Don't listen to them. Unfortunately, it seems like they pick on children when there is family turmoil going on.

Exactly how it happened to me.. I called them "bad guys" and "ghosts" back then when I was little.. I don't think I told my parents about it.. They never believed me about other things, and they fought a lot, and so I slipped through the cracks...

They told me I was trapped and I was worthless and my parents wouldn't help because they don't care... It would even whip me while I was paralyzed in darkness.. It was so terrifying...

Usually they can only come into your mind.. But if you leave the connection there they can have more physical effects..

It's not good to play down there in the dark. I've been freed from these guys for the most part now though.. My heart was rebuilt. Love is the answer.. Keep it strong.

Originally posted by Trashleigh
What an interesting and terrifying experience! Makes you question our perception of time and space... Thanks for sharing, glad you're ok now and didn't get stuck in that place forever

Makes one wonder about people in comas..

How anyone could ever know the right thing to do in that situation is beyond me...

Could some of them be stuck in a similar place? And if they are there for years earth time... That could mean they are having life and death and life all while stuck there, or alternatively they could be trapped in darkness for thousands of years..

I talk about this, because once again it's basically my only fear..


Oh and my definition of reality? Everything that affects you.
And everything that's out of focus is a dream... What you are conscious of is YOUR reality..

Your recollections fascinate and terrify me all at the same time!

I consider myself very lucky to have reached 28 and not have to have been under a general anaesthetic. The thought alone of a GA has always made me nervous.

I cant even begin to imagine how it must have felt for you! Thank you for sharing though, it has opened up my mind!

I have been "put under" many times for different surgeries in my lifetime. I could never remember ANYTHING about where I was... no dreams, no thoughts of anything.
I've often wondered about that. I knew my thoughts had to have been somewhere, and it bothered me that I couldn't remember.

Now that I have heard your, and DustyToad's experience, I'm happy I didn't remember anything during my first operation when I was six years old. I wouldn't have known what to do then, but now I do.

If you ever do have to have surgery again, ask you guardian angel or spirit guide to accompany you and protect you from these evil beings. They are there to help... just ask. :-)

Thanks for sharing. S&F

Perhaps being UNconscious affects the consciousness and how the brain perceives time.

I recall when I was going under anaesthetic at 4 years old for removal of my tonsils and adenoids, I felt like I being pulled along a long dark metallic tube, like the start of the tv program Dr Who (UK), there wasn't any music to this experience but there was an unnerving beat.

When I was under anaesthetic a few years ago getting K-wires placed in my wrist after a fracture, I woke from the anaesthetic crying, I didn't feel any pain on immediately wakening but I recall really crying and being so upset, I said to the Anaesthetist, ''is it normal to cry, did something happen'' and looking at the huge cast and bandage covering my arm and asking ''oh my arm, is it done now'' but looking at my arm didn't produce any reaction, I truly didn't know the reason I was crying, but it lasted at least 10 minutes.

Something must have affected my emotions whilst under anaesthetic, I must have been conscious of something.

reply to post by Logos23

Logos23, I found your story very interesting and I found it to be fairly similar to an experience I had when I was also 13. I had been sent to a dentist after many years of having not been sent, other than the rare times when a tooth was in such bad shape that it had to be pulled.

Of course I was nervous, so the dentist gave me some "gas". He put a mask over my face and told me to breathe in the gas. This was not a general anesthetic type of gas, it was just meant to relax the patient and calm them down.

After a little while, I realized that I felt very disoriented, wasn't sure what was going on, and time seemed to drag on for a long time. I remember thinking, "Am I dead, is this hell?" Once in a while I was aware of the dentist working on my teeth, but I was only vaguely aware of what he was doing.

After the dental work was done and the gas mask removed I became more or less normal again except for the fact that I was crying a few tears. I have always had the tendency to cry when extremely worried and the dentist then ridiculed me for behaving "like a kindergartener".

As you can imagine, that whole experience set me up for a life time of dreading dentist visits. But I always assumed the gas had just affected my mind, it never occurred to me that it could have been something more supernatural.

But from that time on, you can be sure that I always steadfastly refused any offer of that awful gas. This happened in the 60's, I'm 57 now and I don't think that gas is used anywhere any more. I don't know what it was called, does anyone have any idea?

The mask went on and i felt myself "drifting" I snapped into feeling as what i perceived to be fully conscious. I was in a dark black void.There was nothing....I could see myself as if there was light shining on me or as if my body was lit up, but apart from that there was nothing but a dark void all around me.

just google "Nitrous oxide hallucinations". you are not alone....

Originally posted by ZetaRediculian


just google "Nitrous oxide hallucinations". you are not alone....

I'm not quite sure if this would be the same thing?....from what I've read it's what is widely known as "laughing gas" and this isn't what i had. I was completely put to sleep by a general anaesthetic.Until the 90's in the UK, dentists could use a general anaesthetic...but after a number of deaths of children in a short space of time the practise was stopped.It as to be done in specialist dentists and hospitals now....

Originally posted by Dustytoad


Makes one wonder about people in comas..

You know I've never given that much thought...but I think it's something i would like to look into more.

Thank you to those who have commented and shared an experience....it's been helpful and given me idea's to think about

Originally posted by Logos23

Originally posted by ZetaRediculian


just google "Nitrous oxide hallucinations". you are not alone....

I'm not quite sure if this would be the same thing?....from what I've read it's what is widely known as "laughing gas" and this isn't what i had. I was completely put to sleep by a general anaesthetic.Until the 90's in the UK, dentists could use a general anaesthetic...but after a number of deaths of children in a short space of time the practise was stopped.It as to be done in specialist dentists and hospitals now....

ok.....not sure what other gases were used by dentists...

does this sound like it?

Sevoflurane gas in combination with nitrous oxide and oxygen is often used during general anesthesia followed by the use of isoflurane gas to maintain anesthesia during the procedure. In children sweet fruity scents are often used with the gases to inspire deep inhalation. Scents come in cherry, apple, bubblegum, watermelon, etc...

Dental_anesthesia

reply to post by ZetaRediculian


In all truthfulness I dont suppose there is anyway to find out exactly what cocktail of drugs I was given. All i know is that I went into the dentist surgery once with my sister when she had "laughing gas" and it didn't put her out...it just sent her off her head! lol
I was rendered completely unconscious, but couldn't say what drugs made up the general anaesthetic.

But I think I mentioned already that i used to suffer from chronic sleep paralysis and as a result suffered with hypnopompic hallucinations associated with this condition ( but that's another story) .....so I have always wondered if that made me more susceptible....

reply to post by Logos23


I think that whatever experience you had, can't be recreated anyway. Everyone reacts differently to these things. Certainly you will never know exactly what it was or how much...I think my point is that you had a "drug experience". not that it makes it any less of an experience or anything like that. in fact, it seems to be a very important experience...but there are lots of places on the net to look for similar stories. because of the T&C here, you may not get what you are looking for.