My Mid Life Crisis at 26: ''Rock Bottom at Middle Ground''

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posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:13 AM
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Dear ATS,

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis at 26, I've been 'questioning everything.' Not an 'awakening' or 'insight,' I've been questioning my existence; I am lost, nothing makes sense any more, everything is becoming 'cloudy.' Let me summarize.

The more I know, the more I realize I literally know nothing. Why are we here? Who am I? How did I get here? Where are we? Is it just me, or are we clueless, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING. We are completely devoid of any reasonable logical understanding of ourselves and our universe. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Why are we entertaining concepts in the universe without answering these basic questions?

I have no motivation to do anything but the basics - eat, sleep, drink, etc.. I have no plans for the future. I avoid all responsibilities. I have no goals, I have no dreams, I don't trust anyone. I see theres no purpose for life. How can I be consumed by a meaningless flash in time; a sliver of nothingness in a sea of eternity? This meaningless flash in time, I don't care about it, I'm not attached to it. One of the greatest experiences was when I briefly ''died,'' Watching my body from above, I thought to my self, ''They'll find my body in the morning and arrange a funeral, they'll discover how I accidentally died, in time my parents will get over the grief, everything makes perfect sense, everything is beautiful''

I don't believe in our society's version of ''love'' and I can't see myself doing any of these things: getting married, having kids, or doing anything beyond what I'm doing right now - I look in to peoples hearts and I see mostly hate, greed and lying, I see manipulation, I see hypocrites, I see back-biters, I see confrontation, I see disloyalty, I see self serving, selfish mentalities, and I want no part of it. @recluse.

This ''game'' of life disgusts me - the status, the people, wealth, the ego, the desire, the jobs, the work, the play, sex, relationships, everything on this planet is a degree of debauchery and falsehood that doesn't interest me. To me, people that love to live life are weird, sober and neurotic. They must have a fetish or ''attachment'' to material things, to be so fascinated and motivated by worldly life and glam, which is fleeting and devoid of substance, one must not ''see things as they really are'' to carry on in this manner, in my opinion.

My version of ''love.'' exists in my heart, it extends to everyone, its my disposition - Having everyones best interest at heart and I'm genuinely concerned for the well being of others, this is translated as ''weakness'' and ''pointless.'' Some bad example that I'll never get props or respect for. Ex. Who threw on the black mask and gloves when his unconscious friend was raped. ME. Who risks his freedom tracking people down when his friends get robbed? ME. Who's willing to bleed for people that don't show love in return? ME. Call it loyalty, integrity, love, as you wish, it helps me sleep at night. Real love is righteous; without expectation of anything in return.


The more ''official'' real love is the selfish variety, you seek and ''fall in to,'' and suffer and 'get high on emotion' as result.. I don't believe in ''love'' between man and women because two different species can't bond in that manner. Ex. Dogs and cats rarely develop strong bonds, they just ''get along.' often quite well, but they're just ''getting along,'' if dogs and cats found a way to say, ''I love you,'' you'd know they're lying, even thought its a cute concept (same as man and woman)


I find most people unnatural, annoying and sketchy, civilians who are ''well adjusted'' to this sick society are usually heartless, disrespectful, pushy and opinionated and because I'm quiet and I just observe, I take the brunt of people's psychic sketchiness? Now I now resort to violence, since people are dense and only see what they see. Everyone deserves a degree of respect, and if you're not willing to give it, I must forcefully take respect. People might be smart but they don't respect words - everyone respects might. ''right lies in might.'' Nowadays if someone comes at me sideway, I quickly tell them what they did and why it was foul, and follow that up with a punch square in the face, but usually a hard slap/backhand, they can cry it out and do the math later.

Well ATS, my life is a rolling failure. You could call me the black sheep, but I'm really living life the way I thought it was supposed to be living - doing what I like and enjoying what I enjoy, doing no harm to others but myself if any, 24-7, apparently this is a form of rebellion?. I thought I was the ''change'' I wanted to see in the world. Turns out, I don't even want to be alive any more, the thought of another 25 years makes me cringe.

And to God, I believe in you, or 'know' you, but in addition, I realized also don't believe in you or know you, simultaneously, then again, I don't believe in ''I,'' anyways, I can't find myself anywhere.

I'm convinced I am deluded and enduring my own variety of brainwashing. I feel like life dropped me off and the wheels stopping spinning, I'm comfortable with this, I don't wrestle ''for or against'' any more, although maybe I should? I thought I was living a real life, looks like I've made a lot of bad decisions. I used to say, 'conforming to non conformity is still conformity,' What way am I really following? Maybe I'm lazy to the ways of the world, maybe smothering your freedom and castrating yourself with a 9 to 5 is a better way?

ATS, thank you for giving me the opportunity to express myself, despite the fact that there are people with real problems in the world, you still make me feel like I have a voice and an outlet. Also to relieve some tension when I'm probably going through manic phases of what is most likely bi-polar.

This thread is LONG, if you made it this far, I am amazed. This thread may very well be a mess of hogwash, who knows what goes on my head any more? I wish the best for myself and everyone else. If you made it this far, please say whats on your mind, theres nothing you can say that will hurt me, I am all ears. To everyone living in pain and struggle, keep your head up, we'll get through it.




posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:26 AM
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reply to post by Kapablanka
 


Oh you hit that point did you? Been there haha. I'm upper 20s.

It's all good. Enjoy it while it lasts. Soon enough you will find a point by making a point... At that point you will have a direction that has meaning that you gave it. Meanwhile you have been waking up to the fact that most people are not living FOR anything. It's ok though, you don't have to be one of them.

Love is Real.

You will know this if you find it. After all the emotions and hormones excitement and "heat" wear off, an even stronger bond is left over. Love will make a guy who decided long ago to never have kids in this F ed up world start planning baby names, and baby rooms...

So...

what's the point?
To YOU ?

Meanwhile Meditation helps you bond with the part of life that isn't physical.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:40 AM
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reply to post by Kapablanka
 


I don't read many rants, but this was a good one, and very well written by the way.


I have always observed the same things you do, almost to a tee, but at 42 and with plenty of luck, I have learned to deal with it. Just be proud that you haven't been sucked into the machine, and organize your life in a way that you keep beating that machine. You have to give some things up, but from what you wrote, you shouldn't have too many problems with that.

Kudos to you brother! It takes a real man to beat the machine.

Soulwaxer



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:43 AM
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It is all good! If you are at this point, wow, lucky you! A world of amazement will be yours. Pay attention! Follow your heart. Ppppffffttt the world, who cares. Focus on you, begin trying to answer those questions. Is not why are we here, is why are you here? You already have a firm foundation in what you know/think, so jump off that cliff! (not literally please). Synchronicity awaits!!



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:46 AM
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Read this post..maybe it will help?

www.abovetopsecret.com...



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:47 AM
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They say a lot of people around the age 30 are tending to have a kind of life-crisis these days . That's a bit older than the OP but not all that much older. Maybe you are an early bloomer. Good luck.

My 20s were miserable and my 30s were much better, for what its worth.
edit on 11/24/2012 by FailedProphet because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:55 AM
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That was me from about age 8 to now



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:56 AM
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reply to post by Dustytoad
 


Well said, Dusty.


OP, if someone had told me the following things at your age, and I had listened it would have saved other people and me years of wasted time and heartache:

1. You don't have to live by your emotions. Think of them like the weather -- up & down, cool & hot, always changing, always with you. But, realize that you can choose whether they will rule your life or your day.

2. You always have some kind of choice, even if it's only how you will react to something. Depression usually sets in when people feel trapped and powerless. Remember that you always have your free will.

3. Sounds trite, and I didn't say it first, but be the change you wish to see in the world.

4. Don't look to a relationship, a career, a social status, a set of toys or anything else to define yourself. My personal experience has been that when I look to God to define myself, the results are nothing short of amazing. And, when I look to anything else, even the best and highest outcomes are shallow and meaningless.

5. This too, shall pass and there's a season for everything. In other words, whatever is going on with you will change, sooner or later. Learn to live in the right now.

6. Finally, and most importantly, when you're feeling down about yourself, your life, and the world in general -- get out of your own head! Go and help somebody. Just give someone a smile. Stop thinking about yourself at all, and the world will suddenly and mysteriously right itself.

Hope this helps.

Grace



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 12:19 PM
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I don't envy people in their 20s now. They are dealing with a radically different world than that they were brought up to expect, and it must be disorienting.

The 90s and the 00s saw the greatest economic boom in history -- at least for those in the developed nations. It was the age of get-rich-quick, tech stocks and then real estate. It seemed for many in the middle class that the sky was the limit as the credit flowed like champagne. A home mortgage was a gateway to ever-increasing wealth, the stock markets soared, and jobs were relatively plentiful. If you weren't rich now, with a little work and luck you soon would be. The culture was correspondingly shallow: bling-bling rap and "Sex in the City." The "helicopter parents" hovered over their children, lavishing them with toys and attention and telling them that "they could be anything they wanted if they just put their minds to it."

Fast-forward to today, a scant few years later, and it seems like a different world. A college degree is no longer a ticket to a life of riches: for most it is a millstone around their neck that seems to offer a lifetime of debt instead of one of wealth. Housing is upside-down or stagnent in most areas, and its hard to profit in the financial markets unless you have an inside track with the boys at Goldman. All the trendy careers in tech, media, finance, and other areas that once seemed so promising have shriveled up or been sent overseas. Decay and dispair stalk the land.

For most people in their 20s the whiplash of expectations must seem bewildering: From riches to rags, heaven to hell, "you can do everything" to "why bother to do anything"? Even if this doesn't describe the OP's personal experience, it is very much part of the cultural background for people around that age.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 12:26 PM
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reply to post by silent thunder
 


Did you HAVE to remind me...


I miss the 90s...

It was sooo disney, so cute and perfect...

I wasn't ready for this new stuff.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 12:29 PM
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Aah yes nihilism. It really is a liberating epoch in one's life to be affected by it.

Nihilism is the blank canvas you once had as a child, a time where meaning and value meant little. But the canvas cannot remain blank forever. Soon you'll have to pick up the brush to create masterpiece—your masterpiece. Existence is now yours to define completely free from the shackles of what others have taught you to believe.

This is a journey few shall embark on for it is too difficult. But that is the beauty of it: not many are able to stand against the current, and many drown in their attempts. You are now highly existential; you see the petty and valueless conquests of your fellow man and have therefor transcended them.

Nihilism: embrace it, experiment with it, explore it. Soon, however, you might find that nihilism too is just another way of looking at things, and it is just as meaningless as everything else appears to be. And then, finally, you will move on from it to create your own meaning and become the artist of your own life, free from the sculpting hands of anyone else.

It is freedom, friend. You will become your own prophet.
edit on 24-11-2012 by LesMisanthrope because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 12:42 PM
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reply to post by LesMisanthrope
 


Perfect post.

The journey is needed.. The destination is what cannot hold meaning except as viewed from the getting there..

When I tell people I am "Playing my own game so I can't lose in this game of life." I am referring to a different way of viewing things, a different purpose for me in life and after..

I've never been happier than after realizing all these things like the OP's thoughts and the post I am responding to..

Living as a free man you can not judge yourself based on others. It's all on you now.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 12:46 PM
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reply to post by Kapablanka
 


I am still in my early 20s life crisis,but I am the wrong side of 35 buddy.
Thing is,you had it nailed within the first few lines-NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING you said.

Thats true,but although we know nothing in the big scheme,we can try to deduce.

Reading your OP,you sound like many folks here,looking for answers for impossible questions.
Best thing to do is try to have fun and get along with decent folks,while discussing the possible answers.

We live in a piece of spacetime which is being distorted,or acted upon by our local star,the sun,as we travel through the universe away from our point of nothingness.

Then we came to be,made from the particles expelled from the death throes of long dead stars.
Our planet,our land and sea,and us every part of us are made from exploded stardust.
What are the odds of that?

Its fun buddy,and the only show on Earth.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 01:23 PM
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I could try and talk you down from the proverbial cliff but I believe from up there you are seeing life for it is. It's what you do with this information now that shapes you.

Life can be a huge bag of shat or it can be a huge bag of fertilizer. It's only in the eye of the beholder what it actually is.
Sure a lot of people are wrong, evil, or ignorant. There are also, like yourself, humans who aren't bad people. They do exist. Find them. Surround yourself by them and you won't have to be introverted or alone in your frustrated by this realization that most people suck.

There is love but it always comes in raw form so it needs to be worked on and molded. Men and women are the same species we just have different approaches to the same idea.

There is no rock bottom. It can always be worse.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 03:03 PM
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reply to post by LesMisanthrope
 


Somehow, I feel you're inclined to show a nod of respect to those men and woman that have thrown away there burdens of yesterday (''Dull Care'' ? Bohemian Grove anyone? lol), embracing a favourable new life, completely re-defining the boundaries of their existance. Possibly catching similarities between some neo-enlightenment, illuminated thought patterns as one disregards ''religion'' and other ''no longer useful,'' systems of belief. My spidey senses tell me you grew up in a very religious family, and have since shaken off the ''chains''? Life is funny, as I grew up completely devoid of religion, and have since gravitated towards religion as a tool/teacher/guide.

The bit about seeing yourself as an entity in the hands of other people reminds me of Bruce Lee; we'd all love to see ourselves as products being molded by the hands of other people - freeing ourselves from the burden and responsibility of our choices and actions. Is the context by which you use nihilism an angle of perception regarding man's commonly held beliefs and socially ingrained views? If so, I agree it is yet another perception to be seen through, following the elimination of other commonly held webs that have spun our minds.

Nihilism is often refferred to in Buddhist text as a concept one must identify and be careful not to associate with realizations such as ''emptiness,'' which can often be confused as meaning devoid of existence, rather than a metaphyiscal realization, perhaps the realization of emptiness of emptiness as well, as these perceptions are personal, formulated by our minds, they can easily be misunderstood and misconstrued, if you don't give enough thought.

A friend of mind used to discuss our lives as artists, I find this concept enhances your understanding of self, as you begin to look at yourself from a different perspective, wondering what you're capable of, questioning your ''way'' and style, approach and flavour.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 03:54 PM
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reply to post by Kapablanka
 

Cheer up there ol chap, I'f been through all that years ago when I was 13 or something, in fact seems to be pretty recurrent, in fact I seem to have been born like that, and I have the pictures to prove it from when I was practically knee high.

Anyways always look on the bright side of things, if life gives you lemons, make orange juice and wonder how you did that. Or you can always keep the receipt and trade it for an apple or a banana.

Whatever you do, do it well. If there is one constant to life is that things come and things go, and nothing ever stays the same, so never judge your present condition by your condition at present.

Here this song and vid always cheers me up when down.

edit on 24-11-2012 by galadofwarthethird because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 04:54 PM
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Originally posted by Kapablanka
reply to post by LesMisanthrope
 


Somehow, I feel you're inclined to show a nod of respect to those men and woman that have thrown away there burdens of yesterday (''Dull Care'' ? Bohemian Grove anyone? lol), embracing a favourable new life, completely re-defining the boundaries of their existance. Possibly catching similarities between some neo-enlightenment, illuminated thought patterns as one disregards ''religion'' and other ''no longer useful,'' systems of belief. My spidey senses tell me you grew up in a very religious family, and have since shaken off the ''chains''? Life is funny, as I grew up completely devoid of religion, and have since gravitated towards religion as a tool/teacher/guide.

The bit about seeing yourself as an entity in the hands of other people reminds me of Bruce Lee; we'd all love to see ourselves as products being molded by the hands of other people - freeing ourselves from the burden and responsibility of our choices and actions. Is the context by which you use nihilism an angle of perception regarding man's commonly held beliefs and socially ingrained views? If so, I agree it is yet another perception to be seen through, following the elimination of other commonly held webs that have spun our minds.

Nihilism is often refferred to in Buddhist text as a concept one must identify and be careful not to associate with realizations such as ''emptiness,'' which can often be confused as meaning devoid of existence, rather than a metaphyiscal realization, perhaps the realization of emptiness of emptiness as well, as these perceptions are personal, formulated by our minds, they can easily be misunderstood and misconstrued, if you don't give enough thought.

A friend of mind used to discuss our lives as artists, I find this concept enhances your understanding of self, as you begin to look at yourself from a different perspective, wondering what you're capable of, questioning your ''way'' and style, approach and flavour.


Nicely put.

I view nihilism as an inevitability. We are born nihilists and we die nihilists—without the meaning we are eventually born into and die away from. It is square one, back to the beginning, a rebirth so to say. But yes, it is merely another angle to which to view things.

I never grew up in a religious environment; it's just that I see religious tendencies throughout most systems of thought. I tricked myself into religion at some point merely because I felt it was a necessary part of being a human. But soon thereafter I started to question my credulity. Why should I heed what the so-called prophets taught? For are they not mere men as am I? I discovered if I could learn anything from them, it was not in what they taught, it was how they lived their lives. They forged their own philosophies under the growing pressure of the prevailing ones in a manner nothing short of against the grain. Now that is the epitome of artistry and beauty; and it is something everyone is capable of.

Cheers.
edit on 24-11-2012 by LesMisanthrope because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:00 PM
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reply to post by LesMisanthrope
 


You know, I feel you on the nihilist bit, it reminds me of a quote from Carlos Castenada, ''All paths are the same, they lead nowhere''

At points in my life, religious texts have guided me, helped me grow my relationship with god, and help me understand and observe a form of guidance.

I'm only familiar with the Qu'ran, you'll notice Islam is plagued by the Sharia, the Hadith, and other books regarding the ways and actions of the prophet. HOWEVER, the Qu'ran clearly states that it is COMPLETE, and referring to anything other than the Qu'ran as the word of God is a form of shirk. Often time people pull bits of text from the Hadith and say, ''Condem Islam, evil, ra ra, the Messenger is this and that.'' Its funny watching people to respond to these kind of comments. First, the person condeming the Hadith clearly has NOT read the Qu'ran, if he did he would know its not related to Islam, whatsoever. And the people who are quick to adopt these perception have read neither books, and look even more weak for forming opinions based on hearsay. People really need to understand that commenting on something you know nothing about holds no weight, whatsoever, if you haven't read something, don't comment on it, because you can't - thatd be like me spreading my opinion on computer chips; ludicrous.

Like you said though, if you learned anything, or if there is anything to learn. At the end of the day, you have to read with an open mind and heart and consider the nature of what you're reading, and make your own determination if the information is useless and/or applicable. Try not to make a distinction, however, between what the prophets say, and their role as messenger. You're free to take in the religion as you see fit, but part of the package is accepting that there are prophets and messengers of god (if you choose to believe) and whether you listen is up to you.

Again, ''as the story goes'' there are various messengers and prophets, who, could likely be schitzophrenic, at the end of the day though, we have to acknowledge them as part and parcel to something we go out on a limb to grasp - religion, which does more harm than good, evidently, which is confusing in and of itself because the books clearly state what is the proper conduct for oneself. Again, most religious people are truly ''non-religious.'' People that get involved in organized religion are usually much denser/slower vibration, they're more aware of the aspects of overseeing the local church than they are with the religion, so it becomes a social club that they can manipulate. Unforunately many people do not distinguish between a real personal relationship with god, to the organized aspect of religion which is hardly 'god related' at all, and certainly does not, cannot, and will not ever take the place of the word of the lord.

When I see people say, ''God would never allow this to happen, he would never allow this church to etc. etc.'' and they use the actions of organized religious elements to determine their believe in god, this to me, is a convient escape from having a relationship with the lord because they themselves have soiled rusty heart.

So yeah, ''ogranized religion'' is fake... Real religion is a personal affair, not a public one.

I don't follow the rituals, I don't adherre to any particuluar code of conduct, in any case I can only speak for the Qu'ran, which is both lax and strict in its discussions. Bu



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 05:27 PM
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reply to post by Kapablanka
 


You have a good knack for writing, you should take it up more seriously, some very honest words there, this I liked:


Real love is righteous; without expectation of anything in return.


I know what you mean...people don't seem to stand up for much now and when they do it's usually a fake gesture.

I am old enough to be forgotten now but I know where you're coming from, I always had this sincere look on life, righteous I guess, I was always the guy left standing when everyone else had run off facing an army of aggressors (metaphorically speaking...sometimes).

You're description of this world and the life within it is bang on, this world is diseased, rotting from the inside out...yes when you put our life into the context of things it's a like that spark you see in the sky for a minute from some far off star, to you it only lasted a second (but for someone else it's a life time).

This is why I have become more spiritual now, I have been trying to reconnect with people, everything and god and realised this physical world and life we live is just a distraction from our reality one where we are connected to everything else on a deep spiritual level where values such as those that we believe in (honesty, integrity, sincerity and true love exist and are the means by which you connect and access eternity and ultimately god).

All I will say to you is stand your ground and be patient, the best is yet to come.



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 05:40 PM
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reply to post by Kapablanka
 



HOWEVER, the Qu'ran clearly states that it is COMPLETE, and referring to anything other than the Qu'ran as the word of God is a form of shirk.


You had a lot of misleading text in your post or at least your understanding is different to mine but I wanted to correct you on the above.

"Shirk" means believing in anything other than god or to put it more clearly, believing in god, asking for his help (after you have made a covenant with said god) but then praying to some other deity as well. God also states (in Islamic belief) that he does not require our worship, in fact it is through his mercy that he allows us to pray to him, it is us who are need of god.

The Qur'an does NOT state it is complete, it states it is the word of god (and as such is complete).

True Islam, the one that embodies and embraces the spiritual traditions is something different because it focuses on reconnecting with the physical and non-physical world. About being the opposite of what this world is suffering from right now e.g. honest in your actions and intentions, having a truthful tongue, being compassionate, willing to help, not greedy or self centred.

Take a look at our existence in the context of the universe, we are a speck dust, literally - the god who created this universe must truly be unimaginable and one who deserves my respect.

It's funny, what the OP posted about is very much what I have felt and I found Islam as a means of achieving the things I wanted i.e. to better my character as a person and rid myself of the reliance on this physical world (so I can think beyond human terms and understand my relationship to the wider universe).
edit on 25-11-2012 by old_god because: (no reason given)
edit on 25-11-2012 by old_god because: (no reason given)





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