My children are driving me Crazy!!!

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


I can completely relate. I have 3 and for the most part they are very well behaved. Maybe I should be thankful that their fighting is my biggest behavioral complaint, but it can drive a parent insane on a level that I can't even begin to explain.

Do yours fight in the car? For me that is the worst!

Originally posted by solargeddon
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

I feel your pain, I have a one of each, five and nine respectively...They are a real pain!

Hang on in there, for as long as they are well behaved at school, and outside the home in general, then its all paying off.

You're their parent....Pushing your buttons is their day job, and how they learn to be super great humans (eventually).

In the meantime, may I suggest regular family playfights, let them beat each other, and you for that matter, it will help to release some tension, just block their moves with you elbow, before long they will think you are super human, because it will hurt them a bit, but not you. In our house we call it "huggles on the bed", it generally involves me trying to hug the kids, while they think of ways to "bring me down!" Believe it or not they really enjoy it, and it cuts down the actuall physical fighting in the house between them.

Sometimes the kids need to know who is in charge, they want a show of strength, not in any sinister, or negatively violent manner, think lioness with her cubs, they fight, they "Raa," they try to scratch each others eyes out, but the second an outsider looks at one of them the wrong way, they will back each other up.

Oh one last thing....Never feel as though you live just for your kids, it will only build resentment, and one day they will fly the nest. Live each day for you, and by extension, let your kids live each day for themselves.

edit on 15-11-2012 by solargeddon because: (no reason given)

We have our wrestling times...for sure. With 2 boys how could you not have that time for them...they love it! It also ultimately ends with them knowing, without a doubt, who is in charge. We (the adults in charge) show them who is boss in the end.

When they are pinned down being tickled....they just know!

I appreciate your last bit of advice as well....it's easy to build your lives around your kids but, it's harder to carve out a piece of your own existence while doing so...in the end, your kids are better served with well rounded parents.

OP...have you looked into team sports or other similar activities in your community. Due to the age difference they would get a bit more separation from one another. Though you would most likely be contributing should they partake...you should still be able to gain some element of "me" time while they're immersed in the activity.

Just a notion

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric
Hopefully I put this in the right forum....it's certainly not a conspiracy of any sorts but, I just need to vent out some frustrations in hopes someone else here can relate to what I am experiencing lately.

To start, I have two boys aged 4 and 10 that I love dearly...more than life itself. Any parents here know exactly what I mean. We reach a point where we are living for them...am I right?

I love them so much that it hurts sometimes....wondering if I'm doing or saying the right things....teaching them the right things.....hoping that I'm not screwing up their future lives by what I say or do now to to help them navigate this present existence and their future.

Having said that about my two little darlings, they seem hell bent on making my present life a living hell!

All they do is fight and argue with one another...constantly!!!!!!

My home feels like a boxing ring and I'm the referee.

I spend most of my time breaking up fights and arguments more than anything else. Trying to make things equal and fair as best as I can but, I'm TIRED!!!

I know I'm in it for the long haul (obviously) and, I know I can't just lock them up in a closet or a basement somewhere until they turn 18.

But, any advice on how to keep my sanity would be much appreciated.

Oh, and locking myself in the bathroom doesn't work....they always find me and just pound on the door until I come back out.

edit on 15-11-2012 by MagesticEsoteric because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-11-2012 by MagesticEsoteric because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-11-2012 by MagesticEsoteric because: (no reason given)

this is their purpose

acceptance is the only way

And this is why people choose to be CHILD FREE!

So you don't ruin your life like this.

What a nightmare.

Someone should probably put up the suicide hotline phone #s here (I don't know them). You can always call 911 too.

Originally posted by grey580
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

I have 2 little girls that are constantly fighting.
2 and 3.

You could just punish both of them whenever they fight each other.
You are the adult. You set the rules. If they break the rules they get punished.
You just have to be consistent.

Tried that....always consistent...didn't really help????

any other suggestions?

Originally posted by watchitburn
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

There is a severe personality conflict between me and my brothers.
I don't know where it started, I was just pointing out my experience.

I don't have kids, so I wouldn't presume to give anyone advice on how to raise there's.

Originally posted by UberL33t
OP...have you looked into team sports or other similar activities in your community. Due to the age difference they would get a bit more separation from one another. Though you would most likely be contributing should they partake...you should still be able to gain some element of "me" time while they're immersed in the activity.

Just a notion

Yep...they are both enrolled in sporting activities and yes, that takes a lot of my free time away as well....taking them both to and fro....

They are both so competitive, it just seems to create more drama....

I hit more than you or, I hit the ball farther, I got more outs.....you see where I'm going with this.

It just doesn't seem to end.

Originally posted by calstorm
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

I can completely relate. I have 3 and for the most part they are very well behaved. Maybe I should be thankful that their fighting is my biggest behavioral complaint, but it can drive a parent insane on a level that I can't even begin to explain.

Do yours fight in the car? For me that is the worst!

Actually, the car seems to be the most calming part of our day...they rarely fight in the car.

Maybe we should live in our car and all issues would be resolved.....kidding of course.

But, maybe I should just go on a really long road trip to give my mind a break. hhhmmmm???

Originally posted by DocHolidaze
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

ive got a three and six year old, and i tell the older one probley on a monthly basis, to remember one day the only familey she will have left from childhood is her little sister and that you two will always be sisters and it your job to look out for her when her your mother and i are not around . and when your sister is old enough she will watch over you just like you watch over her. i know its kind of deep for a six year old but, it seems to work, they do love each other and since they go between houses week to week the older is starting to understand that her and her sister will always be together no matter what. one time i left the little one with a babysitter and picked up the big one, i usually dont use a babysitter but that day i had to, when i picked her up first thing the big one asked was wheres my sister. i said jokenly i traded her a 12 pack of beer. she started to well up with tears, i have now learned not to joke like that any more. but also being together all the time they have problems with sharing, attention grabbing, and fighting, and tattle tailing, and it gets on my last nerve. ive started being harsher with time outs, and spankings(one good swat on the behind, not like my parents used to do), and when i see them acting irrational and crying over "baby things" its nap time. in the end i know they will grow out of it.

also what i do when there physically fighting, i let the big one know never to hit or kick little sister, but if she is hitting you, you have the right to defend your self. what ends up happening is the little one gets some good hits in and the big one tattles on her, so i tell the big one," well learn how to block better and you wont get hit". and then when the little one gets blocked and pushed to the ground or neutralized, she will come and tattle and say sister hurt me. so i tell the little one "maybe you should stop trying to hit ur sister". so they know that im not going to intervene and the physical fighting has gone down, and when it does happen it seems there doing it for fun. i hope this helps.

edit on 15-11-2012 by DocHolidaze because: (no reason given)

Honey?????????????

Is that you?

Did you create an ATS account w/out telling me?

Seriously....you sound like my husband!

reply to post by Cuervo




The ways of bribery lost the weight of persuasion with my two lads quite awhile ago...

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


darling is that you? lol

I used to feel just this way about my kids. It was so very frustrating, and I was sure they would grow up to hate one another or land each other in the hospital at some point along the way.

Then one morning, I woke up and they were 15 & 13, they love each other, they never fight any more, and that particular battle is behind us.

The best cure is consistent parenting, constant diligence, serious consequences tailored to the individual child, and the passage of time. In time, they will mature and grow out of this. They really will.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


This may sound strange but you have to teach your sons "how" to love one another. We can assume they do now they need to be taught how. When they do things that are loving to each other the response from you should be equally loving. When they do things that are unloving than your response is unloving. You respond in the unloving way to show you are displeased but you always want to follow up your displeasure by explaining what the loving choice for you and them would have been. One thing that I learned and I tell my daughter. The one who chooses to love first always wins, because they will be filled with love even if the other person remains filled with anger.

I think we assume that people know how to show and demonstrate love but the reality is far from that. We know about love but we learn from those who love us how to love.

Well, you want the good news or the bad news?

We'll start with the good. Mine have survived each other to the ages of 23 and 20. (even with the younger having serious anger issues.) They still talk to one another, and while they still have their jealousy issues once in a while, they do actually care about each other. (Lord knows, if you give one 10.00 and the other finds out!)

The bad news? They fought, knockdown, drag out, broken stuff, till one moved out after graduation. Not all the time, when they got older, but enough to make me crazy. Puberty was a nightmare. If I thought it was getting real bad, I made them go outside, for the sake of my house.

Boys are rough. They play rough. I'm just glad I didn't have girls. Neither of my sons hit each other with cast iron pans. (Thanks little sister!!)

Originally posted by DocHolidaze
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

darling is that you?

lol

Boy did I need that laugh this morning....another rough morning getting them off to school.

The things they fight over amaze me. This morning started off with who brushes their teeth the best???????

Then, it was on to one taking up too much room in front of the fireplace. Then, which one our dogs love the most. And so on.......

All of this before I finished my first cup of coffee....not cool!

Originally posted by OuttaHere
I used to feel just this way about my kids. It was so very frustrating, and I was sure they would grow up to hate one another or land each other in the hospital at some point along the way.

Then one morning, I woke up and they were 15 & 13, they love each other, they never fight any more, and that particular battle is behind us.

The best cure is consistent parenting, constant diligence, serious consequences tailored to the individual child, and the passage of time. In time, they will mature and grow out of this. They really will.

Glad to hear your two grew out of it....I'm very hopeful that I'll too see that day.

I know part of the problem is the age gap. The oldest is constantly annoyed at the youngest because he always wants to be around and the youngest is just trying to constantly impress his big brother.

You are right about being consistent. Sometimes though, it just gets exhausting...I'm sure you can relate.

It stinks always having to be the "bad guy". But, in the end, I know that's just the way it has to be.

Thanks for your reply.

reply to post by sacgamer25

They absolutely love each other. I have no doubt about that at all.

Between the fighting and arguing they do have many moments that are so sweet and precious I just want to freeze them in time.

I also never miss a beat to point them out when they do happen in hopes that it will encourage more of the same behavior.

I really don't think it's a matter of them not loving each other. I think they are both just going through different stages of development right now.

My oldest is starting to be more concerned about his image and girls...which drives me insane. He is ten and is already wanting to wear certain brands of clothing....at 10!!!!

My youngest is just starting to become a big boy and wants to be just like the oldest. He wants to dress like him, talk like him...you name it. And, that just drives the 10 year old crazy.

Hopefully this stage passes soon.

Thanks

reply to post by chiefsmom


Yikes! Your little sister must have been a scrapper!

I appreciate you giving me the good and the bad news.

I'm taking it day by day and sometimes just minute by minute.



Thanks for your reply and I have to say, I love your avatar!

Wait... You have a husband right?
-Maybe you should start acting more like an ethnic mother.... You know, grab the broom and start bashing heads in with it. My mother always did that.

And I tell you what, my siblings and I LISTEN RIGHT EFFIN NOW to anything my father or mother say even to this day. Because my parents never played those games.
They tell you once to stop doing something or to go do something....
BETTER DO IT or thats your A$$.

It's something I have carried over to my children.
My son is only 2 years old. I get more compliments on his manners than anything and how cute he is. But the boy listens because if he doesn't, either I make him get in the front lean and rest (Pushup position) or he stands in the corner. (Decided to not be violent like my parents :lol

Tell them only ONE time. If they don't listen, repercussions madam.