My children are driving me Crazy!!!

Hopefully I put this in the right forum....it's certainly not a conspiracy of any sorts but, I just need to vent out some frustrations in hopes someone else here can relate to what I am experiencing lately.

To start, I have two boys aged 4 and 10 that I love dearly...more than life itself. Any parents here know exactly what I mean. We reach a point where we are living for them...am I right?

I love them so much that it hurts sometimes....wondering if I'm doing or saying the right things....teaching them the right things.....hoping that I'm not screwing up their future lives by what I say or do now to to help them navigate this present existence and their future.

Having said that about my two little darlings, they seem hell bent on making my present life a living hell!

All they do is fight and argue with one another...constantly!!!!!!

My home feels like a boxing ring and I'm the referee.

I spend most of my time breaking up fights and arguments more than anything else. Trying to make things equal and fair as best as I can but, I'm TIRED!!!

I know I'm in it for the long haul (obviously) and, I know I can't just lock them up in a closet or a basement somewhere until they turn 18.

But, any advice on how to keep my sanity would be much appreciated.

Oh, and locking myself in the bathroom doesn't work....they always find me and just pound on the door until I come back out.

Make them sit on the front lawn hugging each other for at least 15 mins, to really hit it home, make them wear some kind of sign.

Originally posted by Skada
Make them sit on the front lawn hugging each other for at least 15 mins, to really hit it home, make them wear some kind of sign.

I like the first part!

We live in the country so the only ones that would see the sign are the animals....

Doubt that would really make a difference.

But, I do like the idea of some how making them show love towards one another.

Thanks for the help.

Are you a single mother? Where is their father? The reason I ask is that boys are not girls, no matter what society would have you believe. Boys are generally very physical and want to be doing things. If you are a single mother, I feel for you. Try to find a good male role model for them, preferably their father. It took a couple years for my ex-wife to realize that my son needed me. When she finally came around and allowed us our father son time, my son's behavior at her house became much better.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


You sound like an awesome mom btw...

My advice to you, stop playing the mom/parent role. Be a friend. Sometimes you got to level down and play with them, observe and learn from them and smile.

In short, boys will be boys...We are a little crazy and rough especially the younger ones. But most of all, they need your feminine energy, so provide in ways they will be comfortable with. Remember, live and let live. Good luck.

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric

Originally posted by Skada
Make them sit on the front lawn hugging each other for at least 15 mins, to really hit it home, make them wear some kind of sign.

I like the first part!

We live in the country so the only ones that would see the sign are the animals....

Doubt that would really make a difference.

But, I do like the idea of some how making them show love towards one another.

Thanks for the help.

Yeah, you really don't understand boys, especially brothers.Just because they "fight" doesn't mean they don't love each other. Quite the contrary.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


I have 2 little girls that are constantly fighting.
2 and 3.

You could just punish both of them whenever they fight each other.
You are the adult. You set the rules. If they break the rules they get punished.
You just have to be consistent.

hmmm...this is interesting.

They have formed a united front in order to get me into the kitchen to make them a snack.

I guess they witnessed and realized that I was at my wits end.

They are even agreeing on what they both want!

It's a Miracle! A miracle I tell ya!



I'll have to check back in later for replies and advice! A true miracle!

My folks used to make us kneel facing each other noses touching until we hugged and apologized to each other.

I haven't spoken to either of my brothers in over 10 years.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


I feel your pain, I have a one of each, five and nine respectively...They are a real pain!

Hang on in there, for as long as they are well behaved at school, and outside the home in general, then its all paying off.

You're their parent....Pushing your buttons is their day job, and how they learn to be super great humans (eventually).

In the meantime, may I suggest regular family playfights, let them beat each other, and you for that matter, it will help to release some tension, just block their moves with you elbow, before long they will think you are super human, because it will hurt them a bit, but not you. In our house we call it "huggles on the bed", it generally involves me trying to hug the kids, while they think of ways to "bring me down!" Believe it or not they really enjoy it, and it cuts down the actuall physical fighting in the house between them.

Sometimes the kids need to know who is in charge, they want a show of strength, not in any sinister, or negatively violent manner, think lioness with her cubs, they fight, they "Raa," they try to scratch each others eyes out, but the second an outsider looks at one of them the wrong way, they will back each other up.

Oh one last thing....Never feel as though you live just for your kids, it will only build resentment, and one day they will fly the nest. Live each day for you, and by extension, let your kids live each day for themselves.

I have two younguns too and they love to fight all the time as well. That's just kids, especially siblings, for ya. Yes, it will drive us crazy at times but that's not only parenting but a part of life.

To the dude who assumes the OP is a single mother: You have no reason to suspect such just because the children are fighting. There are four members of my household; myself, my wife, and two children. And our kids still fight a lot as does damn near all of them. The person could be a stay at home parent or just complaining because the kids are driving them crazy, as a parent, I can understand.

My advice would be to just suck it up and deal with it. Don't become an alcoholic
But seriously, find a punishment that works and just get used to the fact that it isn't going to change but that doesn't mean that your kids don't love you or each other, it just means that they're being normal children. I would not advise physical punishment for kids who are fighting though, the only thing that did for me was make me more violent and it sends a negative message to children. Not saying not to spank your kids, I have to sometimes lol, just saying that if you do, I wouldn't recommended it as a punishment for violence - it just doesn't work.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


ive got a three and six year old, and i tell the older one probley on a monthly basis, to remember one day the only familey she will have left from childhood is her little sister and that you two will always be sisters and it your job to look out for her when her your mother and i are not around . and when your sister is old enough she will watch over you just like you watch over her. i know its kind of deep for a six year old but, it seems to work, they do love each other and since they go between houses week to week the older is starting to understand that her and her sister will always be together no matter what. one time i left the little one with a babysitter and picked up the big one, i usually dont use a babysitter but that day i had to, when i picked her up first thing the big one asked was wheres my sister. i said jokenly i traded her a 12 pack of beer. she started to well up with tears, i have now learned not to joke like that any more. but also being together all the time they have problems with sharing, attention grabbing, and fighting, and tattle tailing, and it gets on my last nerve. ive started being harsher with time outs, and spankings(one good swat on the behind, not like my parents used to do), and when i see them acting irrational and crying over "baby things" its nap time. in the end i know they will grow out of it.

also what i do when there physically fighting, i let the big one know never to hit or kick little sister, but if she is hitting you, you have the right to defend your self. what ends up happening is the little one gets some good hits in and the big one tattles on her, so i tell the big one," well learn how to block better and you wont get hit". and then when the little one gets blocked and pushed to the ground or neutralized, she will come and tattle and say sister hurt me. so i tell the little one "maybe you should stop trying to hit ur sister". so they know that im not going to intervene and the physical fighting has gone down, and when it does happen it seems there doing it for fun. i hope this helps.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


Games, games, and more games! Make getting along into a game. Buy something totally awesome or put it on layaway and tell them they need to cooperate for a certain amount of time in order to get it. By cooperate, I mean board games, chores, etc together without fighting. It sounds like bribery but they will learn the benefits of getting along while they are doing it. Mutual reward is the biggest adult reason to get along so kids won't be harmed by a bit of bribery in this case.

Then, find some good tales that really bring home the importance of sibling harmony. I'm reading my 3-yr old The Tao of Pooh right now and more sinks in than I expected. Kids will ask questions to clarify and that's when you educate them without them even knowing.

Good luck and just remind yourself that their resistance to get along is largely driven by their age gap. As they get older, that gap will shrink and be less of a factor.

This is a completely viable option.

Originally posted by PutAQuarterIn












I just gotta get me one of those !!!

edit on 15-11-2012 by solargeddon because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-11-2012 by solargeddon because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-11-2012 by solargeddon because: (no reason given)

Originally posted by DarthMuerte
Are you a single mother? Where is their father? The reason I ask is that boys are not girls, no matter what society would have you believe. Boys are generally very physical and want to be doing things. If you are a single mother, I feel for you. Try to find a good male role model for them, preferably their father. It took a couple years for my ex-wife to realize that my son needed me. When she finally came around and allowed us our father son time, my son's behavior at her house became much better.

Nope, not a single mother. I just have very active boys....very active boys!

Their father is active with them as well....fishing, hunting, all sorts of outdoorsy stuff.

I'm active w/ them as well....basketball, baseball, hide 'n' seek, arts and crafts...you name it. We have done it with them.

Originally posted by PurpleVortex
reply to post by MagesticEsoteric

 

You sound like an awesome mom btw...

My advice to you, stop playing the mom/parent role. Be a friend. Sometimes you got to level down and play with them, observe and learn from them and smile.

In short, boys will be boys...We are a little crazy and rough especially the younger ones. But most of all, they need your feminine energy, so provide in ways they will be comfortable with. Remember, live and let live. Good luck.

Thank you for that....even though I'm not really feeling very awesome at the moment.

I could never stop playing the mom/parent role....that is my role. While I appreciate your advice, it's just not in me to be their "friend". I will always be there for them....just not in a friendly role.

I'm their mother...I'm there to support them, guide them, and to love them. If I were their friend they would expect me to go out and do things that by nature, I could not do with them.

I certainly provide the feminine energy that makes them comfortable...perhaps too comfortable??? I don't know??

Thanks for your reply and input.....and the wishes of good luck. I feel like I will need it over the next few years.

Originally posted by watchitburn
My folks used to make us kneel facing each other noses touching until we hugged and apologized to each other.

I haven't spoken to either of my brothers in over 10 years.

Sooooo....are you saying that method of parenting didn't really work?


Not to make light of your upbringing.....just wondering if you feel that it was pointless trying to force you to get along w/ your brothers.

I certainly DO NOT want to cause them to not get along in the future....quite the opposite.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


There is a severe personality conflict between me and my brothers.
I don't know where it started, I was just pointing out my experience.

I don't have kids, so I wouldn't presume to give anyone advice on how to raise there's.

Originally posted by DarthMuerte

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric

Originally posted by Skada
Make them sit on the front lawn hugging each other for at least 15 mins, to really hit it home, make them wear some kind of sign.

I like the first part!

We live in the country so the only ones that would see the sign are the animals....

Doubt that would really make a difference.

But, I do like the idea of some how making them show love towards one another.

Thanks for the help.

Yeah, you really don't understand boys, especially brothers.Just because they "fight" doesn't mean they don't love each other. Quite the contrary.

Oh, I do understand b/c it's not much different that sisters really. Sisters compete just as hard for attention as brothers do.

I know my boys love each other...I honestly do! I'm just worn out being stuck in the middle of the fights between them.

I wish it would just stop! Although I know it won't happen for many years...if ever. I just want to know how I can maintain my sanity in the mean time.