reply to post by SonoftheSun
the feeling of never, ever, get to talk with him again, be with him again, laugh with him again. I try to remember the good memories, the fun,
the laughter but it is hard. I try very hardly to forget what I have seen him go through. It is traumatic.
It is an odd thing for him to be gone, and it doesn't compute yet. When I was driving over to his house last night to help box up some things, I
caught myself wondering what kind of mood he would be in, wondering if he would be up to getting up or going out, and then I realized he was dead.
When my emotions get hard to deal with, and I want to talk to someone, I think about calling him....... to talk about him. There is such a big
missing piece there. A part of my life, my routine, my thought process, my very being, and now it is gone, and I'll have to adjust. I'll have to
find a different way to live my life without him in it. I think it would be easier to lose an arm or a leg, because at least I would have his support
there to get through it, but there is no replacement for his support, so without him there, I'm lost sometimes.
The death of my friend has really shaken the core of many beliefs that I held for truths. Perhaps you feel that way too?
I wasn't sure if I should respond to this part or not.
On the one hand.....
I'm certain that it is not fair, and it is such a waste of so much potential. He was 30 years old, he spoke 4 languages fluently, he played football
for Bobby Bowden, he joined the Omega Psi Phi, and the Freemasons, he owned a home, and a truck, and a motorcycle, and he worked as a counselor for
students, and a life-coach, and he impacted the lives of everyone that would meet him. He made Mike Tyson cry. He went drinking with Jerry Rice and
Zach Crockett. He grew up in the USSR, went to High School in San Francisco, played football and lived in Florida, and had friends like me from
Missouri, and Texas, and South Carolina. When he was lying in the hospital the Mayor came to visit him, and people have flown in from other cities,
states, and countries for tonight's service. He could have accomplished more in his life, with his skills, and his personality, and his tenacity,
than I can ever dream. If there is a God, this seems like such a terrible, terrible waste of something he created. With hundreds, possibly thousands
of people praying for my friend, he still passed away in pain. And he didn't give up, he refused the DNR, he refused to go to Hospice, he refused to
admit he was dying, he fought for every last breath with all of us there by his side. If there is a God........... then why?
BUT, on the other hand.....
I believe we are all here for a specific learning opportunity, and my friend had more life experience in his short 30 years than I will ever match if
I live to be 200. He lived life to the fullest, and he surely accomplished and experienced whatever it was to come to this earth for. In the
meantime, he also taught many of us how to live, and changed our lives for the better. Even today, I am experiencing pain, and joy, and confusion,
and emotions I have never experienced in my life, and they are because of him. My life is fuller because of his life, and my earthly experience is
more complete having experienced his loss. Tonight there will be a few hundred people at his services, and everyone of us have lived our lives a
little differently because we knew him.
So, on that hand, maybe God did have a hand in it. Maybe my friend got exactly what he needed out of this existence, and maybe God got exactly what
he planned out of this creation, and maybe we are all getting exactly what we need by enduring this loss.
I don't think it has shaken my faith any, but it has certainly illustrated just how much I don't
know about God's plan, and just how
insignficant I feel in the grand scheme of things, while at the same time how significant one life can be to those it touches.