posted on Feb, 19 2012 @ 09:11 PM
So, my name is "Alex" I'm 17 years old and live in the U.K.
(Sorry for what may be "boasting" in advance)
I'm an avid apprentice of many ways, I study Psychology, Politics, Philosophy, Symbology, Etymology, Film, Religion, Culture and a variety of other
subjects by proxy (Self-taught).
I am something of a theorist, novelist and am hoping to publish some books in the future.
I consider myself a part of the Psycho-philosophical school of thought I've termed "The memory school" of which its train of thought is primarily
concerned with the study of amnesia, factual revisionism and mind control.
So, I joined here because quite frankly, I need answers, and was hoping to meet a few people who may offer some, sorry if this is the wrong place but,
My story starts in September 2010, my brother had just died at 24, I'd fallen out with my best friend, and shortly after started meeting new
Around early 2011 I'd met some people who were younger than me by 2-3 years, they seemed pretty reasonable and soon enough we hung out a bit,
drinking and smoking weed.
This is where it gets interesting, I'd been trying for some time to perform some fairly simple mental gymnastics on myself, with the hopeful outcome
of artificially creating D.I.D in myself, what happened instead was my thoughts became ever more prominent, I could think clearer and I had a more
innate ability to theorize and create new ideas and find logical errors.
It was around this same time that me and my friends get into "Fight Club" an awful lot due to my recommendation, which I now regret.
Only just recently, my friends all seem to become dissociated at various instances, whether this is a trick I am unsure, but the other events, which I
would discuss but will spare for now, I feel are far too orchestrated for seemingly belligerent people to pull off.
Now, Having first watched it, I was unaware of the Nietzschean themes and the "Fascism" and not unlike most, my first instinct was that it was
It wasn't long after until I read "Beyond good and evil" which was when it started making sense, and though I have some quarrels with this work, I
found most ideas perplexing and agreeable to my taste, to which, some thoughts therein had been of mine beforehand.
Now, I don't particularly remember what happened, but I had gotten into "1984" once more, thinking continuously about it, and considering my theory
on it, that being "Dissociation" and/or "Korsakoff's syndrome" (Alcoholic dementia (Victory gin is my reasoning!)/Anterograde and retrograde
amnesia) I found it appropriate. And it was near this time that a certain group, of which it's actual existence outside my own mind I am unsure (and
which for certain precautions I will refer to as "Mark 5:9" (Biblical reference) enter the mix after being asked if I knew about them, and of which
I am sure had not existed prior to the talk, this group were and continue tackling the C.o.$ and it is this aforementioned group that worry me, you
see, having analyzed them, which they detest (doublethink perhaps?) they appear to me to be Fascists, with a lot of similarities to 1984's
Brotherhood and "Mr. Durden's" Fight Club.
Now my problem is this, there are many factions today vying for control, some are only myths i.e. Illuminati (which I acknowledge albeit remain
skeptical) the C.o.$ (of which I am hesitantly inclined to join), this "Mark 5:9", Project Monarch and Psychologists (regardless of what you think
psychologists have Fascist tendencies as influenced by Nietzsche) the first four are relating to Multiple personalities, and being non-dissociated (at
least from my knowledge) I find this to be something important and have no idea what it is I should do or who to trust, my mother is playing mind
games, my father is a Christian who I've witnessed performing doublethink on me (easy logical errors etc.) my "friends" also share some (worded)
memories of mine and are stuck on loop (memories repeating themselves) my psychiatrist detests my beliefs (anarchism in particular) and my philosophic
questioning, and above all, I feel far too calm about all this to be schizophrenic, which, i disagree is real due to my theories on "1984" with
regards to doublethink's " 'controlled insanity' = 'consensus insanity' = 'sanity' "
I know this is a lot for an introduction, and perhaps inappropriate, but I am in desperate need, and please don't dismiss me as "insane" keep an
open PHILOSOPHIC mind i.e. (Subjectivism, Objectivism etc.)
After all, could be that I am experiencing a conspiracy firsthand, and I only want to try and be scientific and apply some apparatus.