Daughter has a New Laptop with Webcam.....Help!!!!

reply to post by pointr97



I did read your posts and I do apologize if my post seemed off mark. I suppose that it seemed that your responses to some of the others' posts that hit upon ideas other than how to spy on your child were pushed off rather quickly. The idea that I would rather push is the idea of trust. As parents, we can't raise trustworthy children unless they have borne the weight of it. That is difficult when then have shown themselves to be less than that. But, still, we have such a hard job instilling that value and character in our kids.

My youngest son opened my eyes one day to how restrictive I was in regards to my trust. It only took a few sentences on his part for me to realize that I had been limiting his own responsibility by judging him based on the reflection of my own past experiences with his older brother. He was and is a responsible young man but I didn't see it until he spoke out for his own trustworthiness.

His big brother tests everyone. It seems to be his nature. Unlike his little brother who lives vicariously, my oldest doesn't take advice, he doesn't learn from parables. He has to live his life and make (and hopefully learn) from his own mistakes. The best thing for him as a parent, is for me to set the rules and spell out the consequences. And, then consequences have to occur.

I know it seems like I am rambling but there is a point. Your daughter will experience life in whatever way she is wired to. It doesn't take access to a computer to react/behave/interact to the world in a way that leads to negative experiences. A computer does expose her to more. You can control her access that that. You should control that. That is what a parent does.

But, I really do hope that any thoughts of any software that allows to spy on a person without their permission (in otherwords..."would this be legal to do to my spouse or mother?"...) is pushed out of your mind. You just can't teach a child the value of truth, trust and honesty if you aren't able to exhibit those values yourself.

Originally posted by NiteNGale2
reply to post by pointr97

 

I did read your posts and I do apologize if my post seemed off mark. I suppose that it seemed that your responses to some of the others' posts that hit upon ideas other than how to spy on your child were pushed off rather quickly. The idea that I would rather push is the idea of trust. As parents, we can't raise trustworthy children unless they have borne the weight of it. That is difficult when then have shown themselves to be less than that. But, still, we have such a hard job instilling that value and character in our kids.

My youngest son opened my eyes one day to how restrictive I was in regards to my trust. It only took a few sentences on his part for me to realize that I had been limiting his own responsibility by judging him based on the reflection of my own past experiences with his older brother. He was and is a responsible young man but I didn't see it until he spoke out for his own trustworthiness.

His big brother tests everyone. It seems to be his nature. Unlike his little brother who lives vicariously, my oldest doesn't take advice, he doesn't learn from parables. He has to live his life and make (and hopefully learn) from his own mistakes. The best thing for him as a parent, is for me to set the rules and spell out the consequences. And, then consequences have to occur.

I know it seems like I am rambling but there is a point. Your daughter will experience life in whatever way she is wired to. It doesn't take access to a computer to react/behave/interact to the world in a way that leads to negative experiences. A computer does expose her to more. You can control her access that that. You should control that. That is what a parent does.

But, I really do hope that any thoughts of any software that allows to spy on a person without their permission (in otherwords..."would this be legal to do to my spouse or mother?"...) is pushed out of your mind. You just can't teach a child the value of truth, trust and honesty if you aren't able to exhibit those values yourself.

Well written and well accepted....I agree with you completely....no two children are the same. As you found from one son to the next. This is without question one of the toughest and generally most controversial topics in history....how to raise a child....and well it should be.

I read every word you wrote, it was neither rambling or without point....I got it...so my response, which may seem rambling, but....

I love my daughter to death, I believe in her natural abilities and desires to what is right. I give her a plate that she is able to finish....ie, a few months ago, she had a conflict with a teacher, and her response was, 'daddy, would you go down and talk to that teacher, i got in trouble.'.....'why did you get in trouble?'......she outlines the scenario, and my response, 'okay, I see your point, and i see her's....honey, this is your fight, and only yours....you can take the detention, because you really did break the rule, or you can argue your point....now, if you choose to argue your point, this is how i see you could do it,' and i gave her talking points to defend her point.

Okay, so she got in trouble, but it was a grey area.....I told her that it was her decision to accept it and move on or challenge it and fight....However, this was her decision and she had to see it through, and that it was not our place to step in. That is the foundation we set for her, give her what she needs to live, learn, and survive another day. However, I know this girl.....in the face of a fight, she will win, whether verbal or physical.....she is just the way.....in the world of man, she is a follower. She lets her peers lead her down that marry trail without regard to cognitive thought....as most kids her age are. She is a wonderfully smart, attentive and responsible child.....yet she is STILL a child, and is very much swayed by emotion and peer pressure.

That little flaw in her character is not bad, and will shore up with age....However, at this time, it is still her Achilles heel. She is not ignorant that I am protective, heck, you can't count the number of teachers and principals she has used me as a threatening tool. My thread was not to do something creepy or lurid....It was to concrete that aspect that I am around, even when she doesn't think I am.....

That aspect with young adults is vital, they need that little bit to sway them to the right decision....They want to do right, but friends want them to do other....

I pop in on her laptop, mess with her mouse, hear the scream, 'DADDDYYYYYY'.....and write a note, 'luv ya'....and leave.....it reminds her...I am here.....to watch, guide, and help if needed.

Originally posted by pointr97

Originally posted by ChaoticOrder
reply to post by pointr97

 

There's no need to get so worked up, this is the internet after all.

Look, you really want to stop her from browsing bad websites, then use some sort of firewall which blocks out all the questionable websites like they do at most schools. I'm not exactly sure how to do it, but it shouldn't be too hard. If she asks you to unblock a website then check it out and see if it's safe to unblock.

Worked up....hmm, i have 30 (at least) software titles ranging from firewalls, netnannies, keyloggers, rdps.....and further.....I came here for advice on what to use, what works what doesn't....what i found wasn't software advice, it was accusations as to my relationship with my daughter, to the tone of being more than creepy....sorry, but why wouldn't that get me worked up?....just curious. You wouldn't be a bit annoyed that you go looking for advice on how to curtail any danger for your kid, and the responses are that you are some creepy step parent......your right, I should feel warm and fuzzy from it....

Mate, it's the outcome most are telling you about. You go and SPY on your 14 yr old daughter, and you are creating a terrible relationship between the both of you.

You either need to put your foot down and stop her using any form of social interaction (to stop her being a young woman growing up, worked well in the 1500's I hear) or trust her that she can be trusted.

You cant go keylogging her chats or viewing her browsing history, or snooping on her desktop.

Bloody nora, that is akin to stalking by parent. And I know you have her best interest at heart but 14 is 14. I was out doing all sorts of crap at 14, to my parents decry, but I was not of the WWW age, all I had was BBS's and so on. Did not stop me getting into socially awkward interactions, but back then one image did not appear of facebook within seconds, and luckily we had no means to digitize images. Yeesh and I'm a guy - says a lot about some sysops lol

But while you are committed to ensuring her safety, what you chance to lose is far more important. Do you want her to hate you all of her teenage years and even into her early 20's before she comes to terms with your decisions now?

Spying? Desktop viewing? Keylogging? you think if one photo will harm her for years, what are you doing now that will also harm her? Her OWN father?

Anyway, you've been offered advice on what to do, not what to use, because it seems many ppl are against that sort of thing (to paraphrase dougal from father ted).. It's up to you. You may as well ask the best hacking tools, it's iffy with people.

reply to post by mainidh


stalking right, read the post right above yours....i'm done with the ethics aspect....if you haven't figured it out yet.

how many people actually realise that you can turn on webcams without the person knowing and see exactly whats going on?

i dont blame O.P for being cautious when it comes to this subject
because anybody that thinks you CANNOT switch on webcams without people knowing about it seriously needs to wake up as far as the internet goes

im guessing the very same people who would ridicule and try trash my above staement probrably believe that thers no such thing as darknet or deepweb

thers much on the internet that happens and most people are oblivious to it

Originally posted by pointr97
reply to post by mainidh

 

stalking right, read the post right above yours....i'm done with the ethics aspect....if you haven't figured it out yet.

So you've gone from asking what is the best software to use, and now want to break her lcd.

I gotya pops. You ARE one of those fathers afterall. Break your daughters hardware rather than teach her.

Coolies... have fun with that!

Originally posted by mainidh

Originally posted by pointr97
reply to post by mainidh

 

stalking right, read the post right above yours....i'm done with the ethics aspect....if you haven't figured it out yet.

So you've gone from asking what is the best software to use, and now want to break her lcd.

I gotya pops. You ARE one of those fathers afterall. Break your daughters hardware rather than teach her.

Coolies... have fun with that!

wow...read the post right before yours........go ahead....please....because I honestly did not know that someone could turn it on remotely.......and you are dogging me for wanting to disable it.....WOW>......

But hey, you know, we need less attentive parents in this world paying attention to what their children are doing....I can see your point....We need parents to allow their children to just do what they want, when they want, without any guidance or control.....sorry, can't do that.....kinda like driving, she isn't going to like it, but I am going to be in the seat next to her.....just the way it is.

reply to post by pointr97


Get yourself some JB Weld. This is an epoxy cement. Mix a small amount, follow the instructions. Using a small applicator, apply the epoxy to the web cam window surface. This will not harm the laptop in any way. The web cam can also be disabled in Device Manager, disable or un-install drivers, but a savvy kid would easily be able to restore the drivers. My wife's Toshiba Satellite has a build in web cam, but she keeps it disabled, because all of the men she talks to wants her to take off her clothes. Tell her a web cam can not only be used for spying on a person, they can also download a worm in the background, this can file through a computer hard drive, looking for and gaining email addresses, phone numbers, credit card transactions, passwords, and any other private information, like naked pictures, or whatever is on the agenda of the worm owner.
Your daughter, depending on how she is handing puberty, could one day find herself on a porn website, this has happened before. Many people have their IDs stolen every day, the Internet is not a safe place for anyone. I'll tell you how paranoid the wife and I are about the Internet...we disable all outside hosts, never store HTML cookies, and never accept 3rd party cookies, this is in "Internet Options" in Control Panel. Just click "overide automatic coolies handling, and block all 3rd party. We run a proxy, the closest we can be tracked in Hardin, Va. and I assure you we do not live at Time Warner in Hardin Va. We run Linux, she runs PC Linus OS, I run Fedora 15 86_64. We both run encrypted hard drives, swap file, and Home partition, with strong passwords. We both run Firefox 9, loaded with security software, and network tweaked, all chrome disabled, like tool tips, something IE or Chrome cannot do.

Take care, and watch your daughter's friends on the web.

and seriously....why are we still on the should or shouldn't four pages in.....

My thread, this is tech talk....you want a 'should we monitor our children' thread....create it.

I will post my opinions on that thread......besides the driver and hardware aspects, oh and a couple of net monitors.....this has been four pages of how wrong I am to care about what my child is doing.....for shame on me.

reply to post by autowrench


I know JB weld well.....it is the go too tool and again thanks for another mini heart attack....I love all the, I am freaky for being concerned about my kid on the net....then someone like you pops up and not only contradicts their point, but adds to why I started this. Seriously, a worm?....great.

Originally posted by autowrench
reply to post by pointr97

 

Tell her a web cam can not only be used for spying on a person, they can also download a worm in the background, this can file through a computer hard drive, looking for and gaining email addresses, phone numbers, credit card transactions, passwords, and any other private information

^^exactly that the internet while it can be a very good place and a place to gain knowledge
also harbours its darkerside
where all the above things autowrench has said not only happens but that information is traded on a daily basis
this is not science fiction or a post from somebody who knows not what he speaks about but there are things online in places most people dont know about that would open your eyes to just exactly how dangerous the internet is
i`m not trying to scaremonger but have you ever asked yourself what happens to (person A`s)details when his machine has been compramised?
there traded just like anything else on this planet openly for sale and easily obtainable (presuming you know where to look that is)

and @ o.p this nor any of my other statements have been attacking you about your questions/choice

and for anybody who thinks my posts are mere rants all i can say to them is
what i have typed the last 3posts
i can prove

I will say this for all those still on the ethics aspect......I will have my daughter read all these posts tomorrow for her input.

Because regardless of the software advice, i think this has satisfied a solution from a different avenue.

Originally posted by pointr97
reply to post by autowrench

 

I know JB weld well.....it is the go too tool

and again thanks for another mini heart attack....I love all the, I am freaky for being concerned about my kid on the net....then someone like you pops up and not only contradicts their point, but adds to why I started this. Seriously, a worm?....great.

Do a little research into computer worms and hacking programs in general and you will know too. A video feed is a wide band, and much information can be transported on a wide band at once. Malicious code can easily be hidden both in photos, and video captures. I am no professional hacker, but if I have your IP, you MAC address, and the name of your computer, I could pretty easily hack into your feed and monitor video from your cam to my computer screen. Don't think for a moment it cannot happen to you. I worked on a new Dell a few days ago, the hacker had disabled the Administrator account, and added a new, encrypted account, had altered the Registry to accept remote commands, and locked her out of even her Home folder. Her Facebook and email passwords were stolen and compromised. I had to wipe the drive twice to get is all off.

reply to post by pointr97


Of course any spud with 5 bucks can go down to best buy and get a web cam as well.
So... I dunno if there is a final solution to this prob.
Kids will be k....well idiots.
We just do what we can to make sure they have a helmet and all.
Good luck anyway!

reply to post by pointr97


I'll tell you right now that your idea of normal isn't going to be anywhere close to what the normal teenager considers normal. You're setting yourself up to be disappointed. Even if you find something, then what's your next step? Have you thought this out? I venture to say no not at all. What others here have said is correct... If you raised her right then you're bugging out for no reason. It's impossible to catch your child before they crash and burn every time they make a bad choice. If you project this anxiety that is seeping out of your posts onto her and make this a huge issue, then you're asking for trouble. Parents often make the mistake of taking on these issues in such ways that make their kids more apt to do them because your fear of it makes it more appealing. Kids get curious when parents make a huge deal out of things.

Spying isn't the answer. Open and honest two-way conversation is. My policy is that if you live in my house then your PC is open for me to look through whenever I ask and that passwords are not secret. Letting them have some real privacy while giving them the opportunity to show they can be trusted is a better route than secrets, spying, resentment, and the huge dramatic blow ups and fights that will ultimately happen once your teen finds out you've been logging their every keystroke.

If that's the kind of parent you want to be that's your choice but you're only going to make things worse IMO.

Originally posted by pointr97
I will say this for all those still on the ethics aspect......I will have my daughter read all these posts tomorrow for her input.

Because regardless of the software advice, i think this has satisfied a solution from a different avenue.

edit on 17-1-2012 by pointr97 because: (no reason given)

Don't worry she's probably already seen it all using the spy software she installed on your computer a few months ago..

the not so funny side of the internet and this isn`t made up this is real
[IMG=http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/5078/notagame.jpg][/IMG]

the goes on daily and is not part of the normal web as you would know it

Simple.
Dont allow her to use her laptop in her room with the door closed. Restrict the wireless, dont give her the password, and give her a CAT5 jack in the house that will give her privacy, screen not in full view, but not allow her to be in a room with door closed. If she is comfortable enough to skype in bra, then it would not take much for that to progress to something more. I know you trust her, adn want her to know that you trust her. but kids are kids, and hormones will lead them to do stupid stuff sometimes.

reply to post by pointr97


If you've ever been to 4chan.
The place is filled with pics from guys trolling women on their webcams.
Naked pics.

www.opendns.com...
This is just one place you can look at for safe browsing.

A dns filter. That blocks certain domains may be a good way to go for you.

Just unplug your wireless router at night or set it to block internet traffic after a certain time. We had to do that with my nephew shutting the internet off at 10pm and back on at 7am so that he would get sleep, otherwise teens will stay up, all night, with their computer by their side, taking cat naps between chatting and surfing.

If you are concerned with what they will talk about then you should just get rid of her laptop and setup a family computer in a easily visible public area like the living room with a huge screen set to a low resolution. Heck, hook it up to a 37" LCD and set it to 720p and you'll see everything they are doing from across the room. Also set it up to shut off at night.

Also, you can setup a security logging software and let them know that everything they do is logged, and you only need to check it if you something indeed does come up.

You are her parent, so you need to setup the boundaries. I have seen too many teens be given complete digital freedom and it has caused many problems. Kids no longer sneak out to hang out with friends, they are all online, all digital. The laptop, on at night, is sneaking out to them, nonstop. The cellphone with data is the same.

If you are really concerned you could even get a WIFI/CellPhone jammer and turn it on at night to ensure they are unable to get online or get cellphone calls. You could even set it up to an electrical timer and have it turn on automatically at X hour and off at X hour. Do check the legalities of such devices in your area though.