Originally posted by NiteNGale2
reply to post by pointr97
I did read your posts and I do apologize if my post seemed off mark. I suppose that it seemed that your responses to some of the others' posts that
hit upon ideas other than how to spy on your child were pushed off rather quickly. The idea that I would rather push is the idea of trust. As
parents, we can't raise trustworthy children unless they have borne the weight of it. That is difficult when then have shown themselves to be less
than that. But, still, we have such a hard job instilling that value and character in our kids.
My youngest son opened my eyes one day to how restrictive I was in regards to my trust. It only took a few sentences on his part for me to realize
that I had been limiting his own responsibility by judging him based on the reflection of my own past experiences with his older brother. He was and
is a responsible young man but I didn't see it until he spoke out for his own trustworthiness.
His big brother tests everyone. It seems to be his nature. Unlike his little brother who lives vicariously, my oldest doesn't take advice, he
doesn't learn from parables. He has to live his life and make (and hopefully learn) from his own mistakes. The best thing for him as a parent, is
for me to set the rules and spell out the consequences. And, then consequences have to occur.
I know it seems like I am rambling but there is a point. Your daughter will experience life in whatever way she is wired to. It doesn't take access
to a computer to react/behave/interact to the world in a way that leads to negative experiences. A computer does expose her to more. You can control
her access that that. You should control that. That is what a parent does.
But, I really do hope that any thoughts of any software that allows to spy on a person without their permission (in otherwords..."would this be legal
to do to my spouse or mother?"...) is pushed out of your mind. You just can't teach a child the value of truth, trust and honesty if you aren't able
to exhibit those values yourself.
Well written and well accepted....I agree with you completely....no two children are the same. As you found from one son to the next. This is
without question one of the toughest and generally most controversial topics in history....how to raise a child....and well it should be.
I read every word you wrote, it was neither rambling or without point....I got it...so my response, which may seem rambling, but....
I love my daughter to death, I believe in her natural abilities and desires to what is right. I give her a plate that she is able to finish....ie, a
few months ago, she had a conflict with a teacher, and her response was, 'daddy, would you go down and talk to that teacher, i got in
trouble.'.....'why did you get in trouble?'......she outlines the scenario, and my response, 'okay, I see your point, and i see her's....honey, this
is your fight, and only yours....you can take the detention, because you really did break the rule, or you can argue your point....now, if you choose
to argue your point, this is how i see you could do it,' and i gave her talking points to defend her point.
Okay, so she got in trouble, but it was a grey area.....I told her that it was her decision to accept it and move on or challenge it and
fight....However, this was her decision and she had to see it through, and that it was not our place to step in. That is the foundation we set for
her, give her what she needs to live, learn, and survive another day. However, I know this girl.....in the face of a fight, she will win, whether
verbal or physical.....she is just the way.....in the world of man, she is a follower. She lets her peers lead her down that marry trail without
regard to cognitive thought....as most kids her age are. She is a wonderfully smart, attentive and responsible child.....yet she is STILL a child,
and is very much swayed by emotion and peer pressure.
That little flaw in her character is not bad, and will shore up with age....However, at this time, it is still her Achilles heel. She is not ignorant
that I am protective, heck, you can't count the number of teachers and principals she has used me as a threatening tool. My thread was not to do
something creepy or lurid....It was to concrete that aspect that I am around, even when she doesn't think I am.....
That aspect with young adults is vital, they need that little bit to sway them to the right decision....They want to do right, but friends want them
to do other....
I pop in on her laptop, mess with her mouse, hear the scream, 'DADDDYYYYYY'.....and write a note, 'luv ya'....and leave.....it reminds her...I am
here.....to watch, guide, and help if needed.
edit on 17-1-2012 by pointr97 because: (no reason given)