My former crush just broke up with her boyfriend. How can I help her?

reply to post by Frankidealist35


I do not know if another has posted this but, the approach is simple. Be her friend. I mean, truly be her friend. No flirt no passes, no jealousy...just friend. Enjoy her company. Be yourself above all.

Keep it simple and it will simply be.

If you let your emotions or games get in the way you will fail. Better to have a life long friend than a short lived fling.OR stalking charges, LoL.

I really didn't wanna give up my personal favorite pick up trick but since you seem to be sincere I'll share it with ya.

Ask her to go shopping with you. You don't even have to buy anything just let her pick stuff out and put it on like a mini fashion show. Joke with her, when you're walking thru the store try to "walk her" into clothing racks. Be fun. Have fun.

After that, do nothing. If she calls you and wants to hang out, hang out with her. If she doesn't call you, move on.

I normally charge for this advice

reply to post by Frankidealist35

But I quote

I had a huge crush on this girl earlier on in the year last semester. I was obsessed with her.

We were hanging out every week.

I plan on talking to her about it soon.

I won't try constantly flirting with her...

I don't think I like her in that way (I stopped liking her as much since she got in a relationship) but would only get in a relationship if SHE wanted to. I think we're just friends.

I feel a lot of sympathy for her.

You pretty much just described infatuation, its not an unhealthy thing..unless its one-sided. Then it tends to get called stalking....

ETA There is nothing wrong with feeling this way, but please do see it for what it is.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


If you did not want to be with this girl, you would not be on the internet talking about her, or facebook stalking her and her boyfriend and their relationship status.

reply to post by Frankidealist35



Taking all that you've said into consideration; keep your distance as it is for now. I know exactly what it's like to be in your position. I'd suggest waiting for one of two conditions to develop before trying to help.

1) Let her initiate contact with you in which she discloses her situation and requests your input or thoughts.

Or

2) She shows signs of distress or indicates her need or desire for your assistance.

Since you were both close, and assuming she knew you had the crush, it may add to the problems if you simply waltz into the situation and try to be the knight in shining armor who's there to help. It'll open you and her both up to more hurt that way. There are some battles we have to fight on our own, and there are others we have to fight on our own long enough to realize we can't actually do it alone. At this point it's up to her.

I will say this, while right now it may be best to let her handle it alone, be ready to provide the support she may need if the time comes. However, make sure the "support" you provide is given with her best interest in mind, not your own.

Best of luck to everyone in this situation.

73

reply to post by LightSpeedDriver


I flirted with her because I like her. I don't think hanging out with someone every week is infatuation. There are other people that I hang out with every week and I am also interested in the going ons in their lives just as much.

reply to post by Mapkar


Thank you for taking the time to read over my post and not projecting any of your assumptions over me as a person with regards to my relationship with her. I'll keep that in mind. I guess then the only real thing that I should do is to be the way that I've always been and to just be myself. if I acted too forwardly than she might notice and she might feel awkward about things. I wouldn't want that.

reply to post by etombo


I knew they were in a relationship before. I was not constantly checking her relationship status for all this time. I just saw it on the news flicker go single tonight. Hence... my thoughts.

The newsfeed makes it much more easy to find out relationship statuses. Everything you post is on the ticker now. So that's how I found out. Not by constantly checking her FB info.

reply to post by Frankidealist35

I apologise for using your words against you, it is a typical legal practice. Go out, have fun and be whoever you want to be. But be nice.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
if I acted too forwardly than she might notice and she might feel awkward about things. I wouldn't want that.

This is important. This is why you are in your current situation. If you meet a girl you like, you have to act forward. You are in this situation because you didn't do this in the first place. Trust me, women like a man that is in control of his reality.

But with this girl you are now in the "friend" box so essentially, you're screwed. Good life lesson tho.

Well im gonna need to agree with the poster a few posts up...

you facebook stalked her boyfriend, you have admitted you are (were) obssessed with her, you have came onto a alternative news site/conspiracy site to ask how to handle her recentley single status...

i hate to bring bad news hommie but you do infact want to date or at least... get all up in that (im sure that the lingo these days right?)



Anyway man, no shame in having a crush, no shame in having a one that might possibly get away either... really your choices are.. drop her a text n ask if she wants to chat, just be her friend or ignore everyone else on here and if you really really feel you dont wanna date her.. go for the rebound, worse case scenario it'll make you feel a bit better and her alot better in the short term.


Haha im not 100% sure if this is terrible advice or not

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Being yourself is the best thing you can do. I know it's tempting to jump in and be there for her. Something I found to be true is this, the hardest thing to deal with is wanting to help someone that you just can't help. When the time is right you may be presented with the opportunity to be there for her, but she'll determine when that is.

Since you're friends with her do what you already have been doing, be her friend. The best way to combat the hurt of an endIng relationship is to have the company of friends. Be patient, and be supportive without being forward or pushy or anything like that. And I'm serious, always check yourself and be sure you're putting her needs and best interests before your own when you're doing anything for her. I think you'll find that to be helpful.

That's the best advice I can offer, I certainly hope it helps.

73

reply to post by litterbaux


While you are correct about being forward and risking the friend zone, there's definitely a time for it and a time to avoid it. Oh, how I've learned that the hard way. It really requires a little discernment in the application of ambition!

reply to post by Mapkar


It's like most business's, most fail in the first 3 years. The trick is to move on and learn from your mistakes with as little beating yourself up as possible. This is here nor there. Well met my friend

reply to post by GonzoSinister


When did I say that I stalked him on Facebook? I just said that I saw that she was no longer in a relationship status with him. I have her EX BF as a friend on FB and I thought I'd friend him since I might actually have gotten to meet him in person (if they still stayed together) since we're good friends.

Let me just make one point clear:

There is someone else I really like!!

That I actually am infatuated with... not quite to the level of obsession, but... if there is any indication that I am obsessed with her I am not. I am just being misread on the internet. The reason I am making a topic about all this on the net is not because of any infatuation that I had for her but merely because I want a place to vent.

I think it's healthy to vent on the interwebs...

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Wow, you seem really emotional and insecure. I'm changing my advice to you. Maybe you should take a little time and find out who you are. If you let an internet forum upset you I'm not sure I can advocate you dating any woman. You know they will probably upset you too right? If your going to resort to this kind of behavior online what will you do in real life with your girlfriend when an issue arises that you don't agree with?

I think it's healthy to vent on the interwebs...

Nah, it's really not that healthy or helpful.

Texting
Blogging
Forums
Chats

They are barriers to communication and interpersonal relationship. In many cases, they provide a crutch for people. A way to opt-out.

I think you may be over-thinking this - if she wanted to talk, she would have contacted you. As it were, you're a month away from seeing or talking to her, doesn't sound like you're her go-to friend. Advice: let it go, don't stress about it. She may be just fine and moved on by the time you see her again.

reply to post by LightSpeedDriver


Probably about the best advice I've heard today. Be nice.

She probably will need people to be nice to her right now and wants support. I accept your apology.

reply to post by LadySkadi


We're just good friends. We're not super close or anything. It's not like we're intimate or anything like that. It is what it is and I accept that. She'll talk to me when she wants to. I haven't exactly known her long enough or well enough for us to be talking about these kinds of things yet... and we've really only been getting to know each other in the past year or so. I'm not saying it'll change. I'm just saying I've accepted the way things are and I am fine with it.

And I sharply disagree with you on your other point. I think that the internet and texting and email actually reveals more about ourselves and who we really are than what we show in person. I think that we say things that we often wouldn't say in real life on the internet because we are being more honest with ourselves. Not because we are being more extreme.

reply to post by litterbaux


I'm sorry if I've given any indication to you that I am upset. I am not. I am sitting behind my computer right now and I am calm, cool and collected. I am trying to convey to other people that I am not infatuated with this girl in question but I just am not seeming to do a good job of it. If by saying things in caps locks makes me seem like I am angry I apologize.

I know it's in people's nature to assume that a guy always wants to be with a girl if he wants to be friends with her. But that is not the case.

But yes, I agree with you, if I was upset at what was going on here right now believe me I would not be fit to date any women. If I was insecure same difference. I don't think I'm insecure at all. In fact, I'm using what I've learned from talking to people in this topic as a learning experience. I think I really either need to communicate better to other people and they don't understand what I'm saying or they're just really strongly biased about what they believe in.