I am adopted and hoping for some helpful information

Hello my friends.
I wasn't really sure where to put this, but I did know I didn't need to have it in the Above forums, so I thought this should be ok.

The reason I am posting is because I am adopted and I am wondering if any members here are as well,and if they have tried pursuing their real parents. I am about to become 53 soon and have had many years to think about it, but have always put it off for various reasons.

I have looked around online a bit to try and decide what direction to take but it all seems to be pretty confusing or just way too much input for my mind to sort through. So hence I find myself putting it off for another day.

It dawned on me last night that maybe some members here may have some tips or advice on where to start or how to go about this. I don't know if I want so much as to actually find my family, but I would like to maybe find out my original name and their names just to establish some of my history a bit. Who knows how far I will actually go as I know myself and once Im on the right track I may just dig to the end!

I also have one daughter and I think she might like to know some of our history as well. I don't know why bloodlines feel so important. I love my adopted family, yet still, there is always this tingling to know in the back of ones mind. Im sure other adopted members know what Im referring too.

Anyhow, any help or tips or points to a good starting direction would be wonderful and I would be most grateful.

Just for the record, I am from Florida. I don't know if states have different protocols for this sort of thing.

Thanks for listening and any help offered.

My advice would be to go for it. You may very well have brothers or sisters out there . I found my brother and a step brother just 4 years ago.

I too am adopted. I think it is important to seek out your birth parents at least for medical history. Make sure you are grounded and aren't looking for something that isn't there. My birth father was a POS and still is at the age of 79. But I do know something about him and the history. Didn't go any farther because I was disappointed in what I found, all I can say is that I am glad that I turned out better than I would have if they had kept me. Don't have any secrets, I hired a private detective to find mine. Wasn't real expensive, seems to me it was around $1500 or so.

Good luck to you.

reply to post by onehuman


O.H. this is a personal matter. I will tell you if your parents (not you biological parents) are OK with your search, they are where to start. They might know who one of your biological parents are.

If you have to start from scratch it is going to be hard. Try to get information about where you were born. If you know the city and state you were born in then you can contact the court of jurisdiction and petition to have your records opened. At your age you will likely get a judge to release the records. This may get you a long way down the road to finding out about where you came from.

Good Luck. It can be an aggravating road to travel down, and sometimes after the effort,you find your travels started a few years to late.

Thank you for your kind responses. I appreciate them. I certainly hold no high hopes of anything. The point about learning for medical history has been one of my reasons to pursue it.

lol I sure don't have $1500 either. I was just wondering where to actually start? Who would I write or call in the state of Florida to get the ball rolling let's say. I really dont have a lot of information as my family was pretty secretive about it. Plus I just didnt want to hurt them by letting them know I wanted to know. My mom died rather young so I never had a chance to ask her when I got older. Soooo as you can see, Im a bit limited in my own knowledge about myself which sounds kind of silly in print!

reply to post by onehuman


Good Luck...

I once had a girlfriend that was looking for her Father she had never met.

She had a name. It was a lot harder back then.

After months of asking her relatives questions I got a possible state...

It was my state...Just for kicks I looked in local phone book.

To my surprise...There he was. She was in his living room that evening.

I hope your search goes that easy. I wish I would of had Google back then.

I suggest going for it. My grandfather was adopted and we only found a little information on his birth mother. Its so beneficial for yourself and relatives when doing genealogy research!

im also adopted. from what i have been told you must either call the hospital you were born at and or the adoption agency that was used, then it has to be ok'ed by your bio parents for them to release any family info. im 26 and like you would like to know a bit more about my family history at least a name but also lack the modivation to do so yet, all i know is i have a sister that one year older than me kinda weak
(hope i wavent slept with her)

I guess I am in for a very long or short journey as I only know the city and state. Thanks again for the responses though.

I am wondering though, is it the court of the city I would contact or a different state type court?

reply to post by onehuman


Dear onehuman,

I am not adopted; however, my eldest is my step daughter who I raised since the age of 2, she is now 28. In addition, my brother in law is adopted and I have known him for 42 years, since I was 9. One of his sisters is also adopted.

My daughter knew who her biological father was and he wasn't a very nice man. I am her father. My brother in laws sister sought out her biological mother as an adult, they spent some time together and then apart and then together and then apart permanently. My brother in law doesn't refer to me or my brothers as brothers in law, we are his brother and he is ours and I agree with him as does my brother. My "brother in law" has absolutely no interest in meeting the people who put him up for adoption and resents that his sister did. He thinks she has been unfair to the people who did raise her.

It is natural to wonder who your biological mother and father were, it is natural to wonder what might have been; but, it wasn't for good or bad, it wasn't and they made that choice not you. These people had their reasons and you might actually disrupt the families that they may have, it is even possible that by showing up you might destroy their families. Because of my daughter and my "brother in law" I have asked myself what I would do and how I would feel. I agree with my brother in law. I am 51 and my family is my family, they are the ones that lived this life with me, cried, laughed, fought and lost with. Whatever could have been wasn't, what was happened and working with those who do care about me is all that matters to me. I do hope that helps, it is all I know.

reply to post by onehuman

Im not adopted. But! I am a birth mother. You can pm me for details if you like. And you are older than me, so I am just speaking as a birth mother with no choice. In a maternal tone, not authoritive! (im 29)

Oh honey! You never know the reasons! They can be so simple! But so hard at the time! The hell a bm goes through (most) is unspeakable, and yet we do it, praying its best! That they love you. Treat you right! I have 3 I gave up, I was 19. I would absolutely love to meet them! And if they were raised well, they may not want to. (ironic?) In all honesty, I hope they looj. Not for me. But they have 4 siblings. And that! That means so much more!

I will leave that alone. You should check if fl has an adoption registry, if you know thats where you were born. Alot of states have them. And its worth checking out. Im pretty good at finding folks, if you have or come up with names, pm me. I will help all I can.

I do agree, you are going into it the right way. Not expecting much. But I pray your parents did good for themselves. And if they didnt, well at least they did one thing right! Take care, and I hope you find all you are looking for

reply to post by AQuestion


Thank you for sharing that. I can honestly say I am not looking to disrupt lives at all. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the decision that was made long ago..I will seek from afar if I can get anywhere at all. I figure if I can at least get names, I can get my family tree online from there and get a little more sense of where I came from at least. It is really all I want to know. I like history and it feels awkward at times not knowing my own.

Have you tried Intellius online? I think that is the spelling, regardless, Intellius can pin point almost anyone for a small fee in a trial period, and I'm not trying to promote anything as I don't have a stake in anything online, just a suggestion. There a few free limited services available I can't remember atm, but I spent for the 3 day trial on that above mentioned site and found everyone I've ever known, kind of creepy what is accessible.

If you have a name, I know 1 free site that is good for finding people. They come across with birth yr, past addresses, current address and phone number if listed in directory.
www.zabasearch.org/

I turned 53 last winter and have known as long as I can remember that I was adopted. I chose, and continue to do so, to not want to know about my biological background. I have had some very serious soul searching and intensely emotional discussions with my wife, but we determined to investigate medical history only but not personal information. You and I may actually have a moral obligation to know if there are medical issues our children may need to be aware of but that is all I am concerned with. I had a tremendous upbringing with the most loving and self-sacrificing parents (adopted, but I never felt that way) imaginable. For that reason mostly, I prefer not to betray any part of their memory (both passed away in 1993) as that is my personal opinion. In fact, my wife has far more interest in researching this than I do, and I will not interfere. In my case, she can find out if there are concerns we should know about and I do not violate the decision I made dozens of years ago regarding my biological history.

It has been mentioned in this thread already that this is a deeply personal decision and you already know that no one else can or should make it for you. I encourage you to do what your conscience tells you to do, and not let others (including me) persuade you otherwise. As with anything in life, you have to be able to look back some day and know that whatever the ultimate outcome you would have done the same thing again given the circumstance and details you now have to work with.

Let me offer you the very best as well as the support of a fellow adopted individual of similar age and circumstance. Let us know how it turns out.

reply to post by onehuman


Dear onehuman,

I only spoke of what I have seen, I hope had value. If you choose to investigate your birth records, I recommend that you start here. Florida State - Adoption Records. Hope you find what is best for you.

I wish you the best of luck on your search. I have a brother or sister out there somewhere that my family would love to find. My mother had 5 children and was divorced. Unfortunately she ended up pregnant and couldn't afford to feed the children she had. Back then, 50 years ago it was extremely taboo I guess. She felt she had no choice but to give this child a better life, so she gave it up for adoption. She met my father and had two more children. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and mourned for that child up until the day that she died. Unfortunately she had a hard time discussing it and only agreed to talk to my oldest sister about it just days before she passed away. She promised she would tell all but didn't get the opportunity. I wish so much that we'd have been given more information so that I could find my lost sibling and tell them that she never forgot. That he/she was loved always. Knowing what a kind wonderful loving woman she was from my own life, I can't imagine how hard it was for her.

Good luck!

I am so touched by all the helpful responses. Adoption seems to have many pros and cons from both sides of the coin.
I know for myself I can agree with many members that I have had total respect for my adoptive family and as far as I am concerned they Are my family. I have known since I was able to read a simple childs book as my mom made sure I knew very early in the game.

Alas a child can be a curious one though , and being a only child I had plenty of time to think and wonder. As I got older I had more things to wonder about besides the usual who I look like or took after things.I always felt a bit like a 5th wheel with my family even though they were very loving and gave me all I needed. I used to wonder if that 5th wheel feeling was because of genetics or something. Not quite being on the same page or whatever. Of course these are just a couple of the thoughts I had, as I don't wish to bore you all with a long drawn out blah blah blah.

On the other hand, we have members that are on the flip side. The ones who gave up in hope something better could be offered their child then what they could perhaps give at the time. Seems they have wondered as well.
I can only speak for myself and say I have never held any ill will towards my birth mother as I have learned through life $#@^ happens beyond ones control and I believe she did what she thought was best. This is the only peace I can try to bring to those that are on the flip side.

Lol a irony of thought... my real mom or dad is a member here and has replied or disagreed with me on some thread!!! Just trying to keep a sense of humor!

Thank you for those links. I think I will just have to start at the Fla. Adoption one as I dont know any names as of yet.

reply to post by onehuman

Actually something just occurred to me. You can go to any social security office. Ask for a social security verification form for yourself. I'll assume you have had the same number since birth. This will have your name and SSN as well as both parents, their birthdates and SSN's. Good luck.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Wouldn't that just show me my adoptive parents names as my whole birth cert. was change over to them?