my dilemma...

reply to post by curiouswa


She left him and cheated from what he has told me. I don't ask because it's irrelevant to us. He doesn't want her either. He hasn't been single for 6 yrs either and that too is irrelevant.

I'm not going to air his personal life on here.

I think she knows she messed up. He says he could never be with her again and I have nothing to worry about. I'm not worried about that it's the stress she will more than likely cause him.

He can't pay for a hotel! Are u crazy? That's expensive and believe me if I had the money I'd pay!

It is about his daughter. She's a kid! She wants her mom there. If she doesn't stay with him she can't come. She lives in another state and is driving down. If she didn't come his daughter would be upset and that wouldn't be cool! So I get why they're staying there.

reply to post by MamaJ


His actionsspeak volumes! It's great!

I'll never live with someone again unless I'm engaged. He has his place and I have mine.
We laugh about how if we do live together one day how it would be nice because we are a lot alike when it comes to cleaning, decorating and organizing habits. It's actually quite funny how we have a lot if the same quirks. I like it.

I've been guarded and he is too. We have been thru relationship torment in prior relationships! He has said he likes how I'm more like him, which he said his mom said he needed. his exes were both very manipulative and he is a sweetheart. I could see how someone could take advantage of him. He's one of those guys that would do anything for someone. He has a good heart.


We dont get to spend a lot if time together right now but we communicate daily by phone. I knew when we met this summer would be hard. I knew we wouldn't see each other a lot but it's actually been really nice! He works and has his kids so he has no free time but he does make time for me when he can. That means a lot because he makes an effort unlike everyone else I was with.

Thanks for the kind words too!

Originally posted by spoonbender
find out what bed she will be sleeping in...

add Itching Powder and it will shorten her stay

My father use to employ this technique back in the 50's or 60's with my mothers parents....

said it worked great

Haha! Well she gets the couch

talk about it with him! if your communication is that good, then the right words will connect on both sides. if the situation were reversed, how would he feel? make sure your presence is known! she doesnt know how much or how little you are in his life. this will be a good test for both of you to see just how much you want a future together! and best wishes to you and the one that makes you smile!

This kind of situation could come up pretty often if you stay together. Christmas, birthdays etc. You seem to have a pretty mature outlook on it. Go with your gut feeling.
Hope your happiness lasts

Originally posted by TylerDurden2U
talk about it with him! if your communication is that good, then the right words will connect on both sides. if the situation were reversed, how would he feel? make sure your presence is known! she doesnt know how much or how little you are in his life. this will be a good test for both of you to see just how much you want a future together! and best wishes to you and the one that makes you smile!

Thanks! However Im not meeting her.

He and I talked about it and he understands. He is very easy to talk to. I think hr though I'd react differently.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Strange.. I'm in the same boat, but I'm playing the dude part...

And as being in the same place as your bf, I would, if I were you suggest to your bf to maybe "Hang with your daughter all day, and come on over at night and stay the night."...

The ex and daughter can sleep over at his house, and he stays the night at yours...

Just a thought?

reply to post by syrinx2112


That's nice but he has another kid too and he doesn't want her in the house really so leaving her alone isn't gonna happen.

I don't expect him to leave his kids that he only sees during the summer and holidays.

The problem isn't her sleeping there you could say just that I know she's gonna stress him out by staying there.

I'll be fine as long as he is too I'll just be supportive.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
So here is my dilemma...

I've been seeing someone for 4mths and he is absolutely amazing. I met him on a dating site and we were both surprised how well we got along and how much we had in common. I can't say enough good things about him. He's also an awesome dad which is one of the things I just love about him. He literally calls me every night to say goodnight and we talk for hours. We have gone two days where we didn't talk and that's only because my phone was having service issues, but he did call the next morning on the way to work. Again I can't say how great he is. He is the first guy I've been with in 10yrs that knows the meaning if the word communication! It's amazing!

Now to my dilemma. His daughters bday is this month and his ex wife and her parents will be coming down to stay but they are staying with him. They don't have the money to stay in a hotel and my bf doesn't want her there but he doesn't want to disappoint his daughter. I understand why he is letting her stay there, it's ultimately about his daughters bday and her being happy but it is really bothering me. I have bad luck with guys and their exes, they always meddle and get in the way. I don't know how long she is staying and IMO 3days is plenty, nothing more.

I trust him 100% but I do know she still wants him back even though they've been divorced 6yrs. I guess that's the part that bothers me and I also wonder how he will act towards me when she is here. He said nothing will change but he knows she will bug him about who he is on the phone with. She knows he is seeing someone but she doesn't know anything about me.

I'm very easy going and I'm not the jealous possessive type but this is bothering me more than I thought it would.

Any advice how to deal with it when she gets here?

Ye enter the Abyss.

Trust in your man and don't let his ex get to you.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Now to my dilemma. His daughters bday is this month and his ex wife and her parents will be coming down to stay but they are staying with him. They don't have the money to stay in a hotel and my bf doesn't want her there but he doesn't want to disappoint his daughter. I understand why he is letting her stay there, it's ultimately about his daughters bday and her being happy but it is really bothering me. I have bad luck with guys and their exes, they always meddle and get in the way. I don't know how long she is staying and IMO 3days is plenty, nothing more.

Obviously I'm just going from my impression of what you wrote so take it with a grain of salt but I think you have nothing to worry about. If he likes you as much as it seems he won't jeopardize it. Especially if his ex left him due to cheating. He's probably disgusted with the idea of cheating and disgusted at her. Maybe he even likes throwing you in her face a little (and why not? Let him.) But I think him cheating on you in this way at this time is highly unlikely. It's the "first blush" stage of the romance, he probably can't stop thinking about you. This is the time when you figure out what "your song" is going to be and make the first jokes and little secret nicknames and stuff like that. Believe me, no sane man on earth is going to want to step from that into some hellish, complex relationship with an ex who betrayed him.

So I'd say you are good to go, Mblah. Let him do what he needs to do for his kids; you yourself know kids come first for everybody halfway human, and so also he'll probably be wrapped up in that as well.

reply to post by silent thunder


Hey silent!

Thanks

From our conversation last night I don't think she's staying there now! Yay! However she will still be a drama queen and already is from what he's told me. I feel bad for him. He has to deal with her cause of his kids but my god she's a tad nuts! I don't like women who manipulate and use their kids to get what they want and she so does that with him.

Shes also only staying here for the weekend so yay! Lol

I just hope for his sake the time goes by fast lol

Thanks Silent

reply to post by mblahnikluver

Any advice how to deal with it when she gets here?

4 months is enough to be considered part of his life now. No reason why you should be excluded from this event. It also gives you two a chance to feel each other out (you and the ex), and for her to see you as part of his life, and not like a secret.

Thanks! However Im not meeting her.

Why not?

sorry it's blank I went to edit and hit the wrong key and well deleted it.

Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

Any advice how to deal with it when she gets here?

4 months is enough to be considered part of his life now. No reason why you should be excluded from this event. It also gives you two a chance to feel each other out (you and the ex), and for her to see you as part of his life, and not like a secret.

Thanks! However Im not meeting her.

Why not?

edit on 25-7-2011 by Gazrok because: (no reason given)

Oh it went just fine.

I didn't meet her and I didn't go. I had no intention of going and I had already known that I wasn't going to be going. He and I discussed this a couple months ago. I knew it would only have caused him drama even if he wanted me there and if he had asked I would not have gone. Maybe if we had been together a year I would have gone but it's been about 5 which to me isn't enough time.

I didn't even bother him yesterday because I knew he had his hands full and it seems he did.
I would rather meet his kids with just him for the first time and not with his ex there too. That would be most awkward for him and I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't care but I know if wouldn't be very comfortable for him.

She is back home now though

why not?

I have no desire to meet her just yet. I haven't met his kids yet and I'd rather do that first and meet her last. I know she gets jealous when he has a gf, he informed of the this when we first met just so I would be prepared and well he was right, so I'd rather wait on meeting her for various reasons. It causes less drama for him and for us. I am not threatened by her and I let him vent when he needs to when it comes to her. I know he needs to lol and I really don't mind. It just bothers me how she treats him and talks to him. It's like a crazy woman, the ones guys all complain about on here! I do not get women like this for the life of me because I could never be that way...

Anyways it's all good