Pick Your Own Strawberries!!!

Traveling the red states of America one has to admire the sheer will, determination and unabashed optimism of the Southern man.

Self reliant to the core, no fundamental shifts in society, the economy or the world can shake the resolve of someone that can shapen knives. The entrepreneurial spirit is indeed alive and well in a land where our forefathers once made things as long as someone can slap a sign in his yard proclaiming small engines repaired.

No matter what the Japanese may make, we can fix it. If you can grow hair on your head, the southern man's wife can fix that too (in the trailor behind the house). The southern lands that once supplied the world with resources remain rich to this day, with bait.

In the shakiest of times is when southern ingeniuty grows strongest, like so much kudzu on our closed mills. By the light of the 24 hour Wal-Mart sign I say unto you we will not abandon the principles and ways that brought us to this great state of denial. We look forward to the day we can look back on the way it used to be and say, Yes good neighbor! It's as good as it's ever been and will never ever change!

Let the world come and see our shining example of how it used to be, nay how it should always be. And when they do come noble Southern man...

We can sell them crappy silver jewlery on the beach.

Okay, either no one here has ever taken a ride in the country or you've all got signs in your yard saying Children Kept, Taters and 'Maters, Bingo in back, Turkey shoot every Saturday, Go-Cart Track, I Do Taxes, 'Puter Training or Bush/Cheney 2004.

I know people with business cards listing place of employment as e-Bay.

Come on! You either know these people or you are these people, right?

Umm, no. Perhaps I'm a bit spoiled, but I run with a little higher crowd.

I've seen them, don't get me wrong, but they are normally in places where even me (a white man) can not relate to these red-neck people.

I don't ride motercycles.
I am not excedingly overweight.
I don't drive a truck.
I don't know how to fix cars.
I don't have dress jeans and work jeans.
I don't feel good eating in greesy spoons.
I hate beer.
I hate sports and refuse to learn anything about stats, players, or rules.
I don't think good wine comes from a box.
I don't think All You Can Eat Buffets are a place to take my family for a nice Friday meal out.
I read those funny things called books.
I know more about Islam than what is said on the Fax News Channel.
and finally,
I wouldn't make "Shake-n-Bake" for guests.

To name a few. Also, I can't remember the last time I heard someone say "A-rab" with a long "a" on the first letter, so I must be a bit spoiled.

I don't feel deprived at all...

Funny.

[Edited on 27-7-2004 by KrazyJethro]

God, you know I hate it! My girlfriend nags me to go every year. Your hands get all red and there is bugs everywhere. It always seems to rain the night before so the whole damn place is muddy. Strawberry picking is her idea of a wholesum afternoon or something. I guess that she is getting bored of my '___' addicted midget hookers.

I live in Virginia, and I never met so many stupid people in my life. Those rednecks might be good for a few things, but overall they are idiots.

I guess I'm not so much struck by the "hickness" of yard signage, since I've also passed very affluent homes saying I sell Rabbits! or Your friendly neighborhood Princess House Distributor.

It's really just the idea that advertising these aspects of the minutia of your life somehow eventually convinces your neighbor after the 10th or 11th year You know what, I do need my shoe soles repaired.

And if it's not just to remind the people that pass your house every day that you deal BEANIE BABIES!, then are strangers actually doing emergency brake 180's to come knock on your door?

When people knock on my door I hide. I don't ask the kids to model Baby Clothes! Okay, I don't have kids. But you see what I'm saying?

Who exactly is crazier? The person that goes to the Palm Reader or the one inviting palm reading patrons into their home?

If Law & Order SVU has taught me anything it's that everyone wants to rape me. Do I really need a sign in my yard saying dumbass? I don't think I really do.

Originally posted by Jonna
God, you know I hate it! My girlfriend nags me to go every year. Your hands get all red and there is bugs everywhere. It always seems to rain the night before so the whole damn place is muddy. Strawberry picking is her idea of a wholesum afternoon or something. I guess that she is getting bored of my '___' addicted midget hookers.

I love picking strawberries, and making jam, but you could have the '___' addicted midget hookers after picking strawberries. hell offer them payment in strawberries, they could probably use the vitamin C

I used to think that strawberries grew on trees until my girlfriend wanted to go strawberry picking. I hated it. Sitting in the dirt picking fruit that I dont even like eating as the fruit.

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by dreamlandmafia]

Well, the guy who can repair small engines is smarter than me in that respect so I'm kinda glad to have him since I can't afford to haul the riding mower to a "dealership" or other established mechanic and pay their price. If I can go a few routes over and get Merle to take a look at it and get it going again, then it's good for me and good for Merle. Lots of people sell stuff out of their homes because they can't afford to rent a store or live too far out in the country to even be near a proper store or stripmall. Even people out in BFE need goods and services.

Morons north AND south buy Beanie Babies. Never got that trend.

The bait signs that disturb me are on the little general stores that say "Hand Dipped Ice Cream.... Jelly... Bait... Ammo". I object to the ice cream being in there. I don't know that they wash their hands after handling the nightcrawlers. Eeeww.

And for big hair, I'd pit a Jersey stylist against a Tennessee stylist in a Battle Royale any day!

driving thru certain parts of florida can be extremely scary for a former New Yorker, those yard signs are hilarious and i especially love the Bait Shacks which sell bait, beer and bread all out of a little hut. But having a redneck neighbor who is married to a cuban woman, has helped me understand their culture a little more. My neighbor is a 6 foot plus, 280lbs plus perfect speciment of a redneck. He even pronounces taliban as towelyban, me and my husband actually talk politiks with him on saturdays afternoons before he passes out on his couch from too much beer just for the laughs. I sometimes feel guilty for laughing at his ignorance but overall he's a nice guy.

as for strawberry picking, i would love to do that as a wholesome sunday activity, but since i don't know of any strawberry fields around, i'll stick to climbing trees, picking mangoes and getting bitten by red ants...what fun!!

It tickles me that you find yard signs exotic. Of course you know that to a person of Southern origins you sound like a cross between a sneering snob and the very picture of the ugly American, wondering how those poor people in the jungle can walk around all day without proper shoes . . .

Of course, I am the worst Frankenstein creation of them all, the ejumicated rednick.

I change my own sparkplugs. (I borrowed a torque-wrench from Hoytt, who live on the other side of the draw behind our place). I just picked 10 quarts of blueberries, most of which will become blueberry liquer for Christmas presents (always appreciated by the city cousins, strangely.) You can read my other posts about the amount of meat you can add to your family's diet with a hunting license, or how to dress a chicken for baking. I just did some work for a neighbor, who paid me a quarter of a BEEF. (the freezer in the garage is so full you can hardly shut it.) Much of it will be jerky, as soon as I split the hickory.

On the other hand, I do business on the internet, have multiple graduate degrees, love fine dining, classical music, and am an avid student of history. So just because they have a sign in the yard, doesn't mean they are always idiots. It also does not mean they will roast and eat you, either.

There was a survivalist thread around here recently, in which I got laughed at for saying that my greatest survival resource is my neighbors, rather than firepower or a bomb shelter. But then, I AM a rednick, an' all.

Originally posted by AF1
I live in Virginia, and I never met so many stupid people in my life. Those rednecks might be good for a few things, but overall they are idiots.

Reminds me of the time a friend of mine stood up in the middle of a Cincinnati Reds baseball game and screams "HICKS, I AM SURROUNDED BY FREAKING HICKS!!!" We did not stay for the end of the game.

Well I live in the south and moved here 7 years ago, I am still trying to get used to it, I love the morning glory taking over my fence backyard and I have to fight the Kudzu in between and the wild berries.

And yes, I kind of hate it and like it at the same time beats me how I manage but I am still here.

I am still trying to understand the southern accent, what can I say I am slow.

Strangecraft, I'm not as bad as all that. Were I not first and foremost an Appalachian Hillbilly, I'd feel no right to comment.

But as I have myself organized mountain side residents to chip in for the cable bill of the guy near the road so he'd let us splice 20 lines and also slammed headlong into leaf lookers stopping to sample the roadside CIDER! only to myself apologize, bungee cord my hood closed and move along, no harm no foul... I feel qualified to poke fun.

[Edited on 9-8-2004 by RANT]

yes, certainly, everyone is allowed to poke fun. I have to admit that I find a lot of the paradoxes of Southern comfort to be both humorous and irritating at the same time.

Like talking to a friend of one of our kids and hearing the 8th grader go on about the new kid at school:

"yea-uh. She's a reel sma-art, a intuh-lexual. She carries aroun' a book she's a-readin'. Hell the durn book is THA-AT THICK!" (holds up forefinger and thumb to show 4 inches thickness).

So, now we're looking at private schools. . . .

Originally posted by KrazyJethro
I don't ride motercycles.
I am not excedingly overweight.
I don't drive a truck.
I don't know how to fix cars.
I don't have dress jeans and work jeans.
I don't feel good eating in greesy spoons.
I hate beer.
I hate sports and refuse to learn anything about stats, players, or rules.
I don't think good wine comes from a box.
I don't think All You Can Eat Buffets are a place to take my family for a nice Friday meal out.
I read those funny things called books.
I know more about Islam than what is said on the Fax News Channel.
and finally,
I wouldn't make "Shake-n-Bake" for guests.

Now it's my turn:
I don't ride motorcycles
I am not overweight in any form
I don't drive a truck, but once I get out of college and buy a farm I will
I know how to fix cars to an certain extent
Jeans are jeans, and anyone that has "work slacks" and "dress slacks" is equally confusing to me
I don't feel good eating greasy spoons either
I hate beer, and I stay away from alcohol
I love sports and I have been able to read a box score for baseball and tell you what it meant since I was 2 years old
I don't like wine
I don't like All You Can Eat Buffets, unless someone else is paying
I read certain books, but not all catch my fancy
Who doesn't know more about Islam than the Fox News Channel?
Shake-n-Bake is appropriate when it is what your guests like to eat

I am a Southern Man, and proud of it. Call me a redneck if you must, but I am well-educated and open-minded enough to learn something new everyday. A slight overgeneralization on "red-neck people", but picking your own strawberries is great. The majority of the vegetables we eat are purchased from the Farmers' Market or given to us by our neighbor's from their back yard. I prefer to pick my own blackberries though

Okay, so what if my neighbor has 7 roosters? And we live in a "subdivision". And so five of the kids living in 3 houses surrounding mine do have dirt bikes. And I have had the same car sitting in my driveway for over 2 years with the motor sitting in the front seat. And maybe we do have 3 refrigerators and 2 freezers, but it's still fun to pick our blackberries...

Blackberries!!!!!!!!!!How about wild berries that will not go away the grow everywhere and all over the fence and they are prick your hands if you tried to pull them out of the ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is why we pick them...

I'm good friends with the care-takers of several plantations in the Thomasville, GA area which is about 15 minutes from Tallahassee, FL - it's riddeled with plantations, in fact I used to cook at one called Melhana....On the weekends sometimes we'll take the 4-wheelers out and pick blackberries almost as long as 4 inches, no joke...they're soooo good!

I lived in the military before my father retired here, and so I've had a very well-rounded life, in so far as my variance in learning different locations and people....but Tallahassee was my first true experience with traditional rednecks, although you can find them in Germany too - anywhere in this world as a matter of fact.

At first I couldn't stand them! Every kid in high school had a truck that required a ladder to get into....they all wore (and still wear) faded jeans with a stripped collared shirt and a hat with tattered edges around the rim...and a few of them made it known that they hated "colored" people - of course we all know the word that goes in that place.

Apart from the racist idiots, I've learned to adjust and take my redneck friends in stride.....my best friend lives on one of those plantations, and he grew up here, he knows he's got certain redneck qualities, and when we're out on the plantation and see something "redneckish" going on we always burst out laughing...after we help them out.

I can honestly say that I've shaken the hand and acted polite in the comapny of several men who still use black people as slaves, underpaying them and over-working them - those are the rednecks I hate.