Why a breakup feels like a punch in the stomach...

I came across this via FB actually on msnbc's feed.

We have all been there, or at least many have. It sucks, it hurts, GOD knows I have and very recently...It still hurts a lot but I am slowly starting to get back out in the world....it doesn't mean my heart still isn't shattered.

We’ve all been there. A lover, out of the blue, says it’s over. Suddenly there’s a stabbing sensation in the chest, or a wrenching of the gut. Though there’s been no physical damage, it really hurts.

Oh yeah, more like a knife in the heart, slap in the face and a punch in the stomach...Oh might want to add knife in the back

The researchers rounded up 40 people who had been dumped by a lover within the previous six months – so the pain of rejection was still fresh.

For the first part of the experiment, the 40 were touched with a hot probe while they lay in a brain scanner. The probe wasn’t hot enough to burn, but it did hurt. “It’s akin to holding a really hot cup of coffee without the little guard to protect your hand,” Kross says. “You wouldn’t want to do it forever, but it doesn’t burn you.”

I just found it to be an interesting article and thought I'd share it here.

If you have ever had this happen you know exactly how it feels...it sucks.

The article continues on about the study. Good read, well at least I know it's natural and I'm not crazy


source

They say "the pain of rejection was still fresh".... what if the hurt wasn't about rejection, but more a hurt of loss, or remorse, or guilt, or a late realization? I haven't felt "rejected" since High School, I sure have gone through my share of personal 9/11s with break ups over the years, and I don't recommend dating an Americanized female. They are so programed and broken down mentally with all the TV and music pop culture, they all hate themselves and are just a bucket of crazy these days.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
They say "the pain of rejection was still fresh".... what if the hurt wasn't about rejection, but more a hurt of loss, or remorse, or guilt, or a late realization? I haven't felt "rejected" since High School, I sure have gone through my share of personal 9/11s with break ups over the years, and I don't recommend dating an Americanized female. They are so programed and broken down mentally with all the TV and music pop culture, they all hate themselves and are just a bucket of crazy these days.

Im an American female and I resent that.

I am not programed or broken down. I am not crazy and I don't hate myself. I think I'm pretty damn awesome as a gf actually. Yeah I'm tooting my own horn but I do think that.

I went thru hell in January with a break up...it was DEVASTATING. I even made some threads on it...
It was OUT OF THE BLUE. I was crushed, still am but that isn't gonna make me go on a man hating spree and hate myself.

I know I didn't do anything wrong. I know I did my best and I know it was him and this time I can agree with him, it really was all him. I know he didn't mean to hurt me like he did and I get his reasoning even if it's a cop out but I can't help him help himself if he doesn't want it.


Not all women are crazy, remember that

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I disagree.
All women are crazy but so are all men.
The trick is finding the kind of crazy that fits your kind of crazy.
I am in a point of my life where i'm totally secure in my relationship.
The only thing that's gonna separate me from my wife is death, whether natural or by her hands i dunno.
However breakups are truly neat, they make you feel in a way that is very unique, nothing else feels that way and it is deep.
Fear not, your crazy man will find you!

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I was making a light hearted joke with a dash of truth in it, didn't mean to offend. I will redo my joke to include the Neanderthal Americanized men as well. I know some pretty slow talking monkeys and they can't process much beyond the 5 sense pleasures, no higher cognitive mammalian brain functioning at all in some of these people.
We shouldn't beat ourselves up when we go through break ups, we are usually doing everything we think we should be doing, yet most relationships turn out the same in the end, and sometimes we have realizations that we were dating a complete nutjob. I usually feel better after realizing that stuff.

edit: ...and I did say "Americanized", not American, I think there is a difference, a difference in their mentality. Anyone who thinks they have a shot at American Idol, or even have a WANT to be American Idol.... is Americanized.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I've been hit with an out of the blue breakup myself in years past, took surprisingly long to get over. The true out of the blue ones are the worst, you didn't see it coming and it totally destroys you. I found myself wondering, how long exactly was it "over" before you kindly informed me? How much of the relationship was actually lies?

Other times it seems out of the blue, but the warning signs were there and ignored, these stick with you too if you are a regretful type person.

It hurt me as I rarely open myself up, and it's made me jaded.

The good thing is, out of all those failed relationships, ones that were my fault and the ones that weren't, needed to happen, because if not, I would never have met my wonderful wife.

Life is tough, most of us want to share it with someone, and when they don't share that feeling, it's hard.

reply to post by g146541


Finally someone gets it!

We are all crazy!!

reply to post by JibbyJedi


I know what you meant

I wasn't offended at all.

reply to post by phishyblankwaters


Yeah mine was out of the blue too.

Nothing like planning a return trip on the way to the airport and talking about other trips just days before and everything is just fine then BAM, they can't deal emotionally and use every cop out to justify their reasons...He freaked.

Yeah been there...it really sucks.

Most who know me on here, knew about my relationship and talked to me while I was in Italy and when I said we broke up almost everyone on here and in my personal life thought it was a joke...it wasn't...it was and still is very real.

I am convinced my plane landed in another universe because everything went to poo in the same day...It was a very traumatizing day and weekend for me personally, not just the break up...That made everything even more horrible to deal with because he was the one person who always put a smile on my face and made me see the light at the end of the tunnel....He was my logic to my emotions

"Time doesn't heal the wound...just blunts the edges.."

A thought for many to ponder upon.

the big broken heart is one of lifes rituals for most people. i'd rather be as i am, having tasted the intoxicating wine that love is, and suffering through loves incredibly painful departure, than to have no memories of love at all.

i learned later in life that people in love have specific chemical receptors spots in the brain stimulated. this accounts for the large change one can undertake in a devoted relationship. friends and other interests become secondary when you're all goofy-eyed in the love. if i recall correctly, your brains can be mush for 18-24 months, the timeframe Mother Nature figures you are going to be doing the mating ritual.

next thing you know you come to your senses and you're knee-deep in it. and theres always alcohol leading to lowered inhibitions and next thing you know another unplanned baby is on the way, and a young couple make a trying time worse by rushing into marriage. good luck with love under that kind of pressure.

love comes, love goes. it is fleeting. Hate is the only emotion that lasts.

reply to post by LargeFries


Unplanned babies are the fault of the couple who doesn't use protection.

1. I agree with the OP - it's not America. I used to live there and I still have American friends, and there are women among them. And they are not like that negative picture. True, they do not watch TV etc.

If you want to lambast something, decry the commercialized mentality of consumer society (which many people outside of the US identify with America.)

2. As for the main issue - it may help that in NLP therapy there is a mapping of someone's submodalities - here for example, if you break up with someone and actually want to get beyond feeling the nagging pain (in the stomach etc.), observe where exactly the person concerned appears in the space of your imagination, and observe other technical details of the picture (does he talk, is there a background, light or dark etc).
Now think of someone else you are OK with - someone you used to know (grownup time or childhood) and no longer keep in contact much and that is OK. It must be someone neutral or positive that you remember with good feelings but no longer meet (the best example is a childhood friend). Observe the technical differences of your internal image (e.g. I can only see her head but she is paying attention to me).
Step 3 - drag and drop his image to the exact place of this long-lost childhood friend, observe also the distance with hte breakup person. One checkup criterion is that this person should be able to listen to you - if she is dead, her soul or whatever should be able to pay attention to you.

You should be relieved from the instant stuff, however, you can still recall that person and all your feelings.

Sounds simple, and cruelly devoid of content?

Well, there is something about our brains that operates like a computer. This is like changing the place of a file - maybe you do want that program but no longer want to open it every time you open your PC or notebook.

This helped me as a bandaid in a few significant cases.

The worst thing in my opinion is the void of where something great is. The downhill spiral is awful because when you feel horrible after it happening, then you start imposing what your last relationship had as the 'bar' for future candidates to fill that void, or rather fill the space of the person.


Going from single to couple is awesome, but if you become single after a couple... it's NEVER the same as being single with no experience.
Unless of course you weren't that heavily invested emotion-wise in the relationship to begin with.
I can't imagine the stress when tons of money is involved.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
They say "the pain of rejection was still fresh".... what if the hurt wasn't about rejection, but more a hurt of loss, or remorse, or guilt, or a late realization? I haven't felt "rejected" since High School, I sure have gone through my share of personal 9/11s with break ups over the years, and I don't recommend dating an Americanized female. They are so programed and broken down mentally with all the TV and music pop culture, they all hate themselves and are just a bucket of crazy these days.

Oh nooo, now you destroy my vision of getting to know an American girl and maybe marry her, I'm sick of German girls

Mblah, Dear, Ive already told you how to feel better.

www.pinstruck.com...




No, seriously though I hate it that youre still so effected over this. I want to see you happy. Dont make me post stupid pics and lame jokes to make you laugh. Its so very degrading...




Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

reply to post by Advantage


LMAO Adv!!!

I'm nothing like I was when it happened.

I just thought this article spoke volumes to me and probably many others who have felt this way so I wanted to share it.

I have actually been going out and meeting...boys

Originally posted by Dalbeck

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
They say "the pain of rejection was still fresh".... what if the hurt wasn't about rejection, but more a hurt of loss, or remorse, or guilt, or a late realization? I haven't felt "rejected" since High School, I sure have gone through my share of personal 9/11s with break ups over the years, and I don't recommend dating an Americanized female. They are so programed and broken down mentally with all the TV and music pop culture, they all hate themselves and are just a bucket of crazy these days.

Oh nooo, now you destroy my vision of getting to know an American girl and maybe marry her, I'm sick of German girls

Hello, I'm American with some German ancestry, want to get hitched? LOL JK

Not all American women are this way, don't let your vision be destroyed!

Originally posted by mblahnikluver

Originally posted by Dalbeck

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
They say "the pain of rejection was still fresh".... what if the hurt wasn't about rejection, but more a hurt of loss, or remorse, or guilt, or a late realization? I haven't felt "rejected" since High School, I sure have gone through my share of personal 9/11s with break ups over the years, and I don't recommend dating an Americanized female. They are so programed and broken down mentally with all the TV and music pop culture, they all hate themselves and are just a bucket of crazy these days.

Oh nooo, now you destroy my vision of getting to know an American girl and maybe marry her, I'm sick of German girls

Hello, I'm American with some German ancestry, want to get hitched? LOL JK

Not all American women are this way, don't let your vision be destroyed!

Hey, that's great If you even got some German ancestry, maybe we'd be able to communicate via "Denglish" (German + English) as we call it :p So when do you want to come over to Germany and get to know my family (and afterwards we'd be going back to the States so I'll get to know you and your family ) On a more serious note, I had the opportunity to get to know really cool (American) girls/ ladies (and people in general) on my trip to New York 2 years ago, so it's all good (although I fear it's really a stereotype of these type of American females, there are tons of docs on German television about rich American girls and their fabolous lives ^^)

reply to post by Dalbeck


Haha awesome! I have family outside of Berlin. The German is from my dad, the other half is Sicilian/Italian.

Yeah the shows on tv do NOT help the American girl image. Most are not like that, the ones on tv give the rest of us a bad name. Those are spoiled brats on tv who don't have a clue as to what the world is like. When SHTF they will die, which is fine with me..less idiots polluting the gene pool lol