Have You and Your Spouse Become Roommates ?
Originally posted by sugarcookie1
How many in here have this going on in there marriages where they have become the perfect room mates and why? what went wrong?
I wouldn't call us the perfect roommates, but yeah, that's where we're at. Me at least. The other one refuses to see it that way. She knows how I
feel about where the marriage is at, she's not stupid, she just refuses to accept it.
She knows that I feel I have to leave for my own peace of mind and personal growth so, excuse me for being so blunt, she “puts out” in the hopes
that that will be enough to keep me around. The thing too is this. The finances right now are such to where it's difficult for me to leave. I could
be a prick about it all and leave her in lurch when it comes to the bills, but she's going to have our daughter with her. Her mom could pick up that
slack as she has more than enogh money to do so, but something about doing it that way just doesn't feel right to me somehow. I'm thinking of my
daughter here. I simply have to bite the bullet, keep my expenses much lower than normal until I have enough saved up to make the move.
I hate to do it this way because on one level it might look like I'm using her for shelter and sex. I'm not. I am paying some bills after all and
helping keep food in the house. It's a fine line I'm walking here and I'm doing the best I can. She's a clinger and even though I don't love her
the way she feels that she loves me, I don't hate her either. I know she's going to hurt when it all comes down, I guess I'm just trying to soften
the blow a bit by easing my way out of it all. She's a clinger. She's holding onto someone who's letting go.
She simply doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. Again, she's not stupid when it comes to the feelings in a relationship it's just that some
peoples' level of understanding is different than others. Another in a long line of cases in point showing how we've grown apart. My level of
understanding has never been on her level, it's just that during the past year I've grown tired of not usng everything I have.
Part of all this is my fault, I'll admit. I knew when we first got together 15 years ago that she wasn't the perfect match. She knew that too. We
just didn't care is all. Now I do but she still doesn't simply because she doesn't have it in her to rise to my level. It's not that I think I'm
better than her, we're just different on a level that doesn't make us compatible.
I guess that's the part that can best answer the question “what went wrong”. Do I feel like I'm living a lie? No. She knows how I feel. It
isn't discussed anymore because it hurts her too much. But it's right there under the surface everyday. You can see it and feel it. We go about our
business of living the best we can with that cloud over us. Hopefully, when the time comes soon that the financials are ironed out to where it's easy
for both of us when I leave, she'll be on the same level I am emotionally about the break-up.
I hope this clears up a few misunderstandings that some people may have about what I'm doing right now. I just don't want anyone to be hurt.