I love my wife, and she loves me.
But, we've had a lot going on lately in our lives, and it's really kind of caused the "roommate" condition (at least temporarily).
First off, she's got a chronic pain condition. I'm a very sexual guy, but I "get it" that she isn't going to be up for all that, that often, and I've
come to terms with that. However, lately there have been even more "things" clouding our lives lately. But, like most husbands, I can usually count on
"certain" holidays for that kind of thing (Anniversary, Valentines Day, Birthday). Nope, none of those for me lately.
Her mother went into a coma about 6 months ago. Since then, her life has revolved around checking in on her each day, comforting her mom's partner
(lesbian relationship for over 26yrs), etc. Ok, I get that too, and I feel for her...I really do. But, at the same time, a) her mom has caused her a
LOT of grief in her life (too much to even mention here), and b) she really wasn't that close to her at all. In addition, yes, I know it's her mom,
but she's in a coma...there's really not much that a daily visit is going to do. In the meantime, we have a life to live too...but my wife wouldn't go
along with it. She's alienated friends, and even me a bit, during all of this.
I actually got her to go on a cruise recently, mostly because we had already paid for it, and that helped some...but there was one night we got into
an argument. She was telling me she felt like I was somehow distant. No, really? Gee, is it because maybe I went from being the most important person
in her life to the THIRD (behind her mom and her mom's partner) most important? She said that hurt her. And it doesn't hurt me? Really? She just can't
accept it's true...and yet for these months, any of my needs (any needs, not talking just sex here) came third (and were usually simply discarded).
And if I tried to communicate on it, I'm seen as some kind of monster with the "Well, your mom isn't in a coma" retort. Does that make me any less her
spouse or a person?
To make it worse, her mother died (on Valentine's Day..so now that holiday is pretty much forever ruined) a couple days after getting back from the
cruise (and one of our cats was attacked by dogs and killed just before the cruise). We spend days making the arrangements (though it did help in
mending fences with our wonderful friends), and the day after the funeral, she gets in a car accident. (car is totaled, but she is just banged and
bruised a bit). So, just more fuel to the "me, me, me" fire she's got going.... Now, granted, I love and care for my wife, but at some point, there's
got to be some reciprocation here and she has to realize that she isn't the only one getting shafted here...this is getting beyond ridiculous.
I hate to say it, but I think her mom's passing will help. For starters, her mom isn't in pain anymore, and they won't have to make that Terry Schiavo
decision. Also, her life won't revolve around visiting the hospital or nursing home. Also, I'm sure reconnecting with friends will help... I just hope
I can endure the time it's going to take to try and get back to some degree of normalcy here. Am I just way off base here though? Am I being a monster
or insensitive? I try to be the good husband, I really do. I do love her, but man, there's only so much "worse" one can take in the "for better or
worse" vow. Anyhoo, just needed to vent, I'm always the optimist, and I'm sure things will improve...just man, it sucks during the
edit on 25-2-2011 by Gazrok because: (no reason given)