What can I do? Legally?

Earlier tonight, my boyfriend and I had been Christmas shopping and on the way back to his house, he decided to stop by the cemetery where his brother is buried. He felt like he should pay his respects, with it being Christmas and all, and the next few days are going to be so hectic that he decided that tonight would be the best night to stop by. So, we drive up into the cemetery... it's a small family cemetery. It isn't out in the middle of nowhere per say, but it is off the beaten path and in a quiet area. My boyfriend hadn't much more than gotten out of the car, when this man and lady pull up in an SUV and pretty much slide to a stop in front of my car. He had his headlights shining so bright that they were blinding me. I had to cover my eyes and he could see this, so I know he was doing it intentionally. My boyfriend walked up to the guy's SUV to ask what his problem was and the guy told him that it was private property and that he had no business at all being there. My boyfriend explained that his brother was buried there and he KNEW it wasn't private property because his family members had been coming there to pay their respects for years and he had visited many times and that it was in no way private. The guy continues to berate my boyfriend and tells him that he doesn't belong there and he needs to hit the road. A little more was said... I don't remember it all, but the guy was very belligerent and the only thing my boyfriend said to him to make him mad was that he needed to stop with the attitude and that he needed to get out of his face and stop talking to him like that.

My boyfriend walks back to the car and gets in, but the guy just sits there in his SUV. He wont move so we can get out. He had the road blocked. After he's yelled for us to get out, he wont let us out. So, my boyfriend tells me to let him drive. We switch places and he maneuvers the car so that we can get around the guy. When we leave the cemetery, I looked for signs. It wasn't completely dark yet, so I could see very well. There were no signs stating that the cemetery was private property or that there were any closing hours or anything. In fact, there were no signs at all... not even a sign with the name of the cemetery. There were no gates or anything of the such. So, we continue on our way and the guy follows us. He stays right on our bumper. We figured he would follow us to the end of the road and then turn around and go back to where he came from, but nope, we pull out onto the main road and he stays right behind us, pretty much tailgating us for about a mile. So, my boyfriend pulls off at a gas station and the guy pulls right in behind us and blocks us in. My boyfriend got out of the car, looked at the guy and shrugged, as if to ask what his problem was and the guy wouldn't even roll down his window. I told my boyfriend to go in to the gas station and to get him something to drink or whatever and then when he gets back out, if the guy is still there, that I'm getting out myself, because I was seriously getting pissed by this point. I should have called the cops at this point, but I didn't. I regret it now. We knew for a fact we hadn't been trespassing, and this guy was just being an ass. So, before my boyfriend comes back out of the gas station, I get fed up and get out and walk up to the guys window to tell him that if he doesn't stop following me, I'm calling the cops. He doesn't roll his window down... just drives off and crosses the road and sits in a parking lot on the other side of the road. My boyfriend comes back out and gets in the car and I told him where the guy was. He pulls out and the guy continues to follow us again. So my boyfriend pulls over quickly so the guy has to pass us. The guy then pulls into a place up ahead and my boyfriend pulled in beside of him. The guy rolls down his window but he's behind the driver's side window... he's more in line with the back window of my car, on the driver's side. I yelled at him that if he doesn't back off and stop following us around that I was calling the cops and I had my cell phone up, ready to dial. Well, at that, he takes off like a shot!

So, I took my boyfriend home and dropped him off and he gets a call from his mother saying that she had heard on her scanner that the cops had ran my tags. I told him that I would make it a point to get pulled over because I wanted the cops to know what was going on. I wasn't going to do anything crazy... that would be stupid and defeat the purpose. I was just going to cruise up and down the road until they found me. I left and pulled into the very same gas station where the guy had blocked us in before and called my boyfriend and asked if I should call the police and tell him that some guy had been following us and trying to keep us blocked in. I had to get gas, but I was a little scared once I was alone because I didn't want to deal with that guy on my own. He said not to worry about it unless I saw the guy again, but I told him I was going to do it anyway, because frankly, I was ticked off and scared. More ticked off though, lol. But, I didn't have to worry about that too long, because I wasn't sitting there two minutes before a cop pulled up behind me. Tickled me to death! LOL! I have insurance, my tags are good, my record is squeaky clean... I WANTED to be pulled over!

So, the cop comes up and I told him that I knew why he was there and he asked why he was being asked to run my tags. I explained the whole story to him. He asked if I had been drinking or doing illegal drugs. Told him that I hadn't been drinking at all and had never done illegal drugs in my life, which is true. I invited him to search my car. He didn't. I explained the whole situation to him and told him that he was welcome to test me in any way that he wanted and that I would gladly show him back to my boyfriend's house to check him out as well. Then he tells me that he had gotten a complaint of wreckless and possibly drunk driving on me. I told him that not only had we not been driving wrecklessly, but that the guy had followed us for quite a while and kept trying to block us in. I explained about the cemetery and he said that no, it was definitely NOT private property and the guy had no business at all running us out of there like that and had no business following us and definitely not blocking us in. He asked if I knew who the guy was, but I didn't. I'd never seen the guy in my life. I'm not even that familiar with the area. My boyfriend is from there. I'm not. He told me he would run my license and then he would let me go. He ran it, no problems, so he brought it back to me and said thanks and told me that if the guy were to follow me again, to call 911.

He walks back to his car, and I start to get out of my car to go get gas and see that my boyfriend has showed up and is talking to the cop. He basically told him the same story and the cop confirms again that we did nothing wrong and to let them deal with the guy if he tries to follow me again. I said we could go back up to the cemetery and I guaranteed the guy would show up again. The cop said he would love to go, but it was out of city limits so he couldn't do it himself but that if we wanted to, that the sheriff would respond. My boyfriend opted to not go back because he was mad and couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't punch the guy if he were to start running his mouth again. I was proud of his restraint because I do hate violence, but I was ready to go straight back up there again so the guy could block us in and I could call the cops on him. My boyfriend said it probably wouldn't be the best idea though, so I pumped my gas and left, and my boyfriend went back home.

So anyway, turns out, my boyfriend's mom knows who the guy is and says that he's constantly running people out of the cemetery, even though he doesn't own the land. He just lives beside of it.

So, I am pissed. Not only did the guy call me in for wreckless driving when I had done nothing wrong, but apparently he does this to people all the time. He runs people out of this cemetery any time he pleases. That pisses me off also. People's family members are buried there and they get chased off when they try to visit the graves. I'm mad because that's just wrong (honestly, I hate for ANYBODY to be treated like that!) and because he followed me for so long and especially that he tried to block me in numerous times and THEN falsely reports us for driving wrecklessly which we were definitely NOT doing.

My boyfriend's mom said that it has happened so much that they have decided to do something about it, especially now that it has happened to her son and she has another son buried there. I know that the first piece of advice will be to call a lawyer, which I agree, should be the first step, and we will. But I like ATS and there are some smart people here. I'd just like to know what I can get this guy for. I'll definitely testify against him for running people off when he has no business doing it, if it goes to court. Family member's graves shouldn't be off limits when there are no rules specifying a set time to not enter or just because some guy doesn't like people being there. But, I do want to know if there is anything I can do as well. I've never been in trouble in my life. Obviously, there's the 911 call from where the guy called us in and there's proof from the cop that we were not under the influence, nor were we doing anything we didn't have the right to do. He radio'd it in while he was standing there. If it came down to it, we could probably get surveillance vids from the gas station proving that the guy blocked us in. Besides the whole cemetery issue, can I do anything on my own? Some may think I'm being petty, but I think I have a right to be angry. Some guy thinks he can follow me around and even try to prevent me from leaving and then tries to make me sound like the bad person?

Advice?

First Id like to say that I'm glad that you and your boyfriend are safe, there are some crazy people out there.

I am not a lawyer, but I will try to give the best advice that I can.

I dont think that there is anything that you can do as of right now. It was already confirmed that it has happened, and as long as neither of you were arrested for any wrong doing, you are in the clear. As for the person that followed you, I would have gotten the license plate. If possible you can file a complaint at the police station just to have it on record that this is probably not the last time you will visit the cemetery, and you want to be reassured that if confronted again and there is an altercation that you have filed a complaint.

Try not confront the person as then it becomes his words against yours, but immediately contact the police, so that if he is still on the road he can be stopped. Also you can contact the cemetery, and let them know what is going on and ask them if they can post a visible sign stating that is not private property, so that this can be avoided and if the police need to confirm it they can, or you can even take a picture of the sign of get a letter by the owners of the cemetery.

The person you were dealing with is obvious not in their right mind, but this can be avoided in the future with just a few simple steps.

Good luck, and my condolences for the loved one lost.

Peace, NRE.

Cliffs?

File a police report about the "complaint" being called-in as false. If you can build a paper-trail, more evidence that this fellow is abusing the 9-1-1 system and filing or calling-in false reports. File a "FOIA" request for all police reports called-in as "false." You may start to notice a pattern. If this guy has done this to others, power is in the numbers. Not only is this guy assaulting you he could be very-well violating other laws which may be present in a cemetery or public place.

Definitely a danger to society, if not himself. That guy needs counseling and some form of therapy to work-out those problems. Stand-up for your rights and protect yourself, but by all means, don't endanger yourself or others by provoking this guy. Sounds like a perfect job for the local police or authorities; if they are aware of these facts, then they need to act for the public's good or be forced to deal with the problem by media attention; so gather all the info you can.

reply to post by gemineye


I’d go back. I’d bring a camera, a phone, and an “equalizer.” This could mean a “little friend” or a second car with friends…
The second car can also be the county sheriff, see if it can be arranged that the deputy is in an unmarked cruiser.

If I had to guess this guys motive for being such an a hole it would be that since he lives next door, he may have been a victim of burglary in the past and sees that cemetery as a place for burglars to park.

He may also have a little grow-spot too. You never know. Have the sheriff bring a K-9 unit to sniff around.

His actions are intimidating, but not dangerous. If this has been an ongoing issue why don't you try and get the community involved who have plots there with the sheriff to approach him to talk about the issue. Don't be angry or threatening as your community support will protect you. Try to be understanding, maybe set a date so everyone can get organised and prepared. Try and understand his behaviour and then hopefully he will be able to understand you position to reach some agreement.

reply to post by loveguy


If it weren't for the extreme cold we've had here lately, I would think a "grow spot" would be the most likely scenario and the reason for his psycho behavior, lol. Nothing like having something to hide to make someone go completely off the rocker. It's true that the cemetery would be an excellent place for someone to hide, so if he has had problems with theft, that could very well explain his behavior. I wasn't there very long, but I don't think there was any lighting in the place... not any that were on anyway. I try to hard to see things from both sides so I suppose fears of burglary are justified, but WOW, he took a big risk driving up there all big and bad like that. He drove more wreckless than either of us did during the whole experience. Poor guy could have come across someone crazier than him up there and it wouldn't have turned out so well for him. There are some real nuts around here.

reply to post by kwakakev


Thanks kwakakev! See, this is normally what I would suggest myself and probably what we will do. It just made me so mad hearing him talk to my boyfriend the way he did. I mean, we're both in our mid-thirties. We're not children. He was just a hateful old grouch, lol.

I'm all for peace though. I do think this way is probably best and what should be done. I'll think so even more tomorrow, after my temper has had a bit of time to cool itself, ha ha!

reply to post by gemineye


Cool, I would be interested to hear how it goes. Good luck.

reply to post by loveguy


Thanks loveguy! Part of one of the previous posts was to you.

I want to go back today! I have a camcorder, digital camera, recorder... you name it. And if we go back, I'll take everything I have and will have it rolling!

I wanted to go back today, but my boyfriend wont, lol. But, it is Christmas Eve and I can't say I blame him. I'd still do it though, ha! As someone else suggested, maybe he is best left alone... I don't know. He's a nutcase for sure! I will file a complaint though.

reply to post by trekwebmaster


Thank you! I will file a complaint. I don't even know how to do that, lol! But I WILL figure it out! I've never had to deal with anything like this before in my 34 years. I've met plenty of crazies, but this guy takes the cake! I'll be there bright and early Monday to do whatever I have to do. Do I just go to the police dept... the one that responded? I've never been in trouble in my life and I'm clueless!

reply to post by heyJude

Cliffs?

LOL! Ya know what, I think if we had driven over a cliff, that idiot would have followed us right on over, haha!

But, yeah, would be a simply solution to the situation, hehehe. Too damn bad that I can't stand violence at all.
Thinking back on it, I almost feel sorry for the guy. I think he's just off his rocker. Maybe he thinks being the "cemetery police" makes him special... Trying to make up for his lack of control in other areas of his life.

I honestly think that this is one time where your boyfriend could have given the guy a short sharp punch to the jaw and no court in the land would have convicted him, sounds like extreme provocation to me.

I'm not suggesting he do it of course, but I kept hoping it was going to happen as I was reading your OP

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


Thank you very much. All good advice and although I didn't get the plate number... I do know where he lives, what he drives, and my boyfriend's mother knows the guy's name. I WANTED the plate number, but couldn't get it since he was tailing us the biggest part of the time, and here in Ky, we're not required to have plates on the front and back... only on the back, so I couldn't see it. I did catch a glimpse when he took off, but he got out of there so fast that I couldn't catch it all. Once I mentioned that I was getting ready to call the cops on him, he was out of there and fast!

I think we will follow your advice though... power in numbers and all. I don't think it'll be too hard to find the people this guy has harassed and probably not hard to convince them to stand together for their rights to visit the cemetery. We'll be contacting a lawyer as soon as Christmas is over, to see what can be done.

I'm new to this family, but seeing how this man talked to my boyfriend, it REALLY makes me mad to know that it could have been someone who recently lost a loved one and to have him pull up and come out of his vehicle yelling like that... that doesn't sit well with me at all. He harassed the wrong person this time. I'll do whatever I can to help these people have rights to pay their respects without being berated. I'll keep it all legal... I'm kind of a stickler to the rules like that, lol. I will admit to having a little bit of a mean streak in me, lol. I want to go back up there and yell at the guy, but admittedly, that would be stupid and I want to keep it legal. I would still love to do as another poster said and get it all on tape, but if I do, I wont be alone and will have a deputy with me, if possible. I'm not sure how easy that is to do, but if it's possible, I'll do it. This guy definitely does need help!

reply to post by davespanners


LOL! He wanted to so bad!!! Even standing there speaking with the police officer, he was so mad he was shaking. Looking back on it, I'm glad he didn't, but if that guy keeps yelling at people like he did my boyfriend, he'll catch it from someone else one of these days. His behavior was ridiculous!

If you know who actually owns or runs the cemetery, perhaps you could get them to file a trespassing complaint against the guy that's harassing mourners and graveyard visitors. Of course this approach may only work if the griefer isn't friends with or related to the graveyard owners. (Yes, I know I'm using a videogaming term to describe the guy. But some people get their jollies doing the same behavior IRL.)

As for finding people to back you up otherwise? Being that a small graveyard usually caters to locals, ask around at stores and other public places like restaurants that may have bulletin boards if you can post flyers asking people to get in touch with you if they have had a similar experience. I'm sure you'll find an audience.

A disturbing story, very sorry it happened, yet interesting nonetheless.

Before I'd got even halfway through - what popped in my mind was - "The Guy" was somehow interested in the real estate of the cemetery. Perhaps wanted to buy it and was running people off to get it declared as 'unused' or something - so he make take over the property.

And aha! he lives next to it!

I don't know about any legal advice - but one thing you might try - if you are in the US - is go to your "County Clerk's" office - the ones who handle land. And/or higher up the chain - town or county manager or mayor.

If it is an open cemetery with public access - they might be able to help. For no charge too - as this is there job. Maybe they can talk to the man, erect signs or fences, etc.

I'm going to guess that this "guy" gets a fair share of NON cemetery visitors going there to fool around in some fashion and *this* is what is making him angry. He of course should NOT be angry over legit visitors.

Talk to your local government, find out who handles land and etc - usually the "County Clerk" - and they may be able to work out a solution that will work for all. Try to utilize resources that already exist - why spend money on a lawyer when there are government officials who's job it is to help you?

Although you might want to pursue legal action for his harassing you.

Sorry you had to go through this.