Adultery - ruins everybody's lives.

...but sometimes it nets you 12K

Check it out...at my wife's company, not one but TWO dudes who's unfaithfulness ended in divorces which cost them alimony and child support (yeah, just like everybody else) received from the company, free of charge, "hardship grants" to the tune of $12,000+ each "due to the ongoing financial hardship they're enduring."
Meanwhile, the same company fought tooth and nail to avoid paying my wife a couple K in overtime she earned legitimately, preparing reports and stuff for those same guys!

Gimme a BREAK! or maybe Where do I SIGN UP?! Honey? Can we cash in on this somehow?

SHEESH!

"Life isn't fair", whoever said that freakin' nailed it.

Originally posted by bigyin

Originally posted by ChaosMagician
I don't know about all this going outside for "needs" type of thing when you have a partner you are clearly not connected to... move on, because in my opinion- sex is weirdest and most serious when it's between two people who are mentally connected. Those who aren't, It's just copulation. Some love mere copulation... it's not for everyone. I have done it... while sober and drunk. It's felt kind of uninspired no matter how creative it got. Sex with someone you are mentally bonded with however is strangely sincere and very personal. If you don't have chemistry and electricity with your spouse, something is wrong or you are simply not in it for love. Some are ok with that. Some have chemistry with multiple people. I cannot and chose not do direct my attention to two different people. I think it easier to make a decision and reserve my energies for one person. If anyone likes the paid mistress better and has chemistry with that gal, perhaps it is here that one should choose over their current spouse... or maybe not- who cares? Everyone speaks for themselves. I chase after what makes me think I could have a lasting and monogamous relationship. My personal choice. It's what excites me the most and makes me the happiest. I am not alone. Each to their own.

edit on 19-12-2010 by ChaosMagician because: (no reason given)

This is great, what a lucky person you are, you have it all.

I'm just thinking though, worst case senario, your partner gets ill and dies, gets knocked down by a bus and is a cripple, turns out to be infertile when you decide to have children, runs off with somebody who won the lottery, decides they don't care for you any longer.

Things can chnage and if you invest everything into one person it can backfire on you.

Just saying

It's called adapting to changes... or let them change your views. Your choice. People are still capable of being monogamous. If you want to continue thinking the same as you did before, it's a choice you make. These things have happened to many people and they have gotten past it... sometimes not gotten past it- without cheating.

Do you feel this thread is about you personally? Could that be a guilty conscience? Do you feel made to confess? I don't think you have to confess here. I'm not asking you to. It's not my place to forgive you. I don't even know you. I won't make my opinions your opinions though. You can do whatever you want. You speak for yourself and only yourself unless someone gives you permission. I still want to know who called it murder.

reply to post by halfoldman


I thought it was Marriage that ruins everybody's lives

These situations can be so hypercritical, I wonder if any of your ruined friends lives have committed the same act?

Statistically it would suggest that they have

Try and treat the situation in real time like it's a part of life and not like Coronation Street.

All the best

reply to post by halfoldman


The moment I saw and read this post, I immediately thought about this video...



I like how quagmire puts it, if your not going to commit to someone, don't deceive them and let them think you are just to get some. If your already committed to someone that you say you love and trust, then your definitely in the wrong when your sleeping with others behind their back.

Old Yorkshire saying; " See all, Hear all; say nowt".

What two consenting adults do is their business, they take the risks and will reap the consequences.

I'm the most jealous guy in the world, I will seriously flip if someone does the dirty on me. I'm wired that way because evolution wise, I have a vested interest in my kids sharing my genes and not some other cuckolding scumbag.

That said, evolution has cleared it for me to go out and spread my seed far and wide. That's the way it works.

Originally posted by halfoldman
I like to live my life honestly and openly.

Now a best friend has betrayed her husband.
What is worse, most of us know this guy.

I think people stand and lie before God when they make their wedding vows.

It is forbidden to sleep with a married woman.
Tonight I told somebody.

Lord help me.

Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

edit on 18-12-2010 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

Some do some don't until it is too late. Some people who get married in other countries
that do not speak the language in the country they are getting married in sometimes have
no idea what the vows are! I believe not many marriages can survive if it was a lie to begin with.
only when true love is present on both sides can a marraige last. A lie hidden from one or the
other usually ends up rearing it's ugly head during the course of the marriage to cause adultery,
hate, pain misery and finally divorce. My opinion.

Originally posted by ChaosMagician
Do you feel this thread is about you personally? Could that be a guilty conscience?

Do you feel made to confess? I don't think you have to confess here. I'm not asking you to. It's not my place to forgive you. I don't even know you. I won't make my opinions your opinions though. You can do whatever you want. You speak for yourself and only yourself unless someone gives you permission. I still want to know who called it murder.

edit on 19-12-2010 by ChaosMagician because: (no reason given)

Oh dear that was a bit uncalled for I'd say. What did I do or say to recieve this abuse.

No matter I can deal with it.

No I don't think the thread is about me. I already said I'm happily married for over 34 years thank you very much. But I have a lot of friends who have split up and usually it's because of relationships with other people.

I can quite honestly say my wife is the best wife anyone could have and I wouldn't swap her for anything. I dread if anything should happen to her.

With all honesty, how many of you feel you can honestly separate sex and love? I think that people who realize that they are two different emotions are more likely to stay married for life.

My marriage was ruined by my wife cheating. The whole ordeal took quite a toll on not only mysef but our children as well. I thought I was ruined for life. I left her because I had no desire to stay with a woman who wanted somebody else. I'm more important then my pride, my children are more important then my concern with her selfish desires. I took the road out and haven't looked back since...best choice I've ever made

my advice to any and all who find themselves in this situation is simple...call it quits.Once this happens it will most likely happen again and quite possibly again after, I know that cheating causes many long lasting pains (when discovered) but even worse is the cheating that is not, anybody that can cheat and then look their loved one in the eyes is a dreadfull person.

This is my first post since "leaving" ATS awhile ago whilest dealing with this very matter in my own life.

Been there done that, I mean my ex was there and did someone. It sucks to go thru it, I tried to forgive and forget, but..............it was always there in the back of my mind. I'm not so sure telling someone is all so bad after going thu it myself. It's one of the most mentaly damaging and lowest things you can do to someone IMO, unless they're OK with it. Your friends marriage sounds doomed anyway, let nature take it's course maybe, it will catch up to her in time, It always does.

I have a neighbour whose marriage was an arranged marriage. They are Pakistani and they seem very happy together.

Another friend is Indian and is going to India shortly to meet the girl his parents have found for him. He has 2 days to decide what he thinks of her. Hopefully it all works out for him. But there must be many people in arranged marriages less than happy I would think.

I just wrote a thread a couple days ago about relationships here

Relationships


I have lived this myself, but instead of playing a victim role, I shifted gears and knew I needed to take care of myself and my son instead of dwelling and wallowing in self pity, but it's OK to go through stages just as long as you are in control.

If someone chooses to be self-centered and shallow it's their choice alone.

You can only change one person, yourself and that is hard enough, so forget about the other person.

I now look at the good things life has to offer and my daily successes. Set some goals for yourself.

The way I look at it I have a beautiful son from the whole deal, so where is the loss? I have actually gained and become a stronger person.

Wish them well, and move on because most likely your life will be much better without them.

reply to post by tonypazzohome

Originally posted by tonypazzohome
monogamy: ruins lives

i agree with this. Monogamy is very rare in the animal kingdom. If it happens its only for one mating season.

Originally posted by Bachrk

Originally posted by halfoldman
I like to live my life honestly and openly.

Now a best friend has betrayed her husband.
What is worse, most of us know this guy.

I think people stand and lie before God when they make their wedding vows.

It is forbidden to sleep with a married woman.
Tonight I told somebody.

Lord help me.

Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

edit on 18-12-2010 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

All I know is the pain never subsides. The devastating effects change a person forever. It leaves a hollow spot inside that, try as you may, never fills. "They" and their egos destroyed something beautful and childlike inside me. I will never be the person I once was.

My mother and sister only knew and they too were completely thrown off guard as well. The first thing they asked through tears was "when did he have the time? You two were always together" He showed NO signs. Still bought home flowers, no working late, no bedroom issues, no new dressing style or cologne,

Only ONE moment of the day unaccounted for...His 5am gym time. Egos run high there I suppose.

The pain can subside and the rift can even be healed. it takes time and effort but most never try hard enough or long enough because when it happens the pain is so great they can't conceive of it ever going away.. But trust can be restored and it can be as if it never happened. You don't just stop loving someone like a a switch or you never truly loved them in the first place. If you still love the person and focus on that instead of the deed it can be overcome that is if the person also wants to overcome it. And they only do if they truly love you and feel teh pain of their deed for it hurts to the one who committed it as much as to thier spouse.

it is really a selfish act and a lack of control over the lower nature or baser desires, animal instincts, etc.

someone has to allow someone to cheat or they never loved them. Who made this rule?

It dosent ruin everyones life.

My opinion on this is:

If my friends knew I was being cheated on and they didn’t tell me, well then, they should not be calling themselves my friends.

The End.

If you can't take care of business in the bedroom, you are probably going to get cheated on. Love and sexual desire are two different animals altogether. You can love someone, and they suck in bed, then go find someone who doesn't. You can think someone is a great lay, and not have any emotional feelings toward them whatsoever.

Originally posted by bigyin

Originally posted by ChaosMagician
Do you feel this thread is about you personally? Could that be a guilty conscience?

Do you feel made to confess? I don't think you have to confess here. I'm not asking you to. It's not my place to forgive you. I don't even know you. I won't make my opinions your opinions though. You can do whatever you want. You speak for yourself and only yourself unless someone gives you permission. I still want to know who called it murder.

edit on 19-12-2010 by ChaosMagician because: (no reason given)

Oh dear that was a bit uncalled for I'd say. What did I do or say to recieve this abuse.

No matter I can deal with it.

No I don't think the thread is about me. I already said I'm happily married for over 34 years thank you very much. But I have a lot of friends who have split up and usually it's because of relationships with other people.

I can quite honestly say my wife is the best wife anyone could have and I wouldn't swap her for anything. I dread if anything should happen to her.

so you are solely speaking on behalf of others and not even for yourself. interesting tactic. I thought you were speaking for everyone... or so it seemed.

who was speaking of murder? who was that spoken for? see, I can repeat myself too.

Originally posted by TKDRL
If you can't take care of business in the bedroom, you are probably going to get cheated on. Love and sexual desire are two different animals altogether. You can love someone, and they suck in bed, then go find someone who doesn't. You can think someone is a great lay, and not have any emotional feelings toward them whatsoever.

Great minds think alike