Adultery - ruins everybody's lives.

It's not the cheating that is too bad, as is the possibility of disease, the ultimate destruction of your own body. Who would take the risk at all? I wouldn't share my body with anyone because, ultimately, men and women do cheat, so why even bother making promises that you can't keep. It's disgusting, to see a nice man or woman try to persuade an audience of 'i do-ers' that they make this solemn promise, in all of its inequities- for instance, how can you even live toghether if you spend at least 40 hours a week apart, give me a break, everyone knows that you are married to one thing - and that is money, so that you can afford to have a sandwich once in awhile.

reply to post by ChaosMagician


are you on drugs or something ?

your not making any sense

Originally posted by hawkiye

Originally posted by Bachrk

Originally posted by halfoldman
I like to live my life honestly and openly.

Now a best friend has betrayed her husband.
What is worse, most of us know this guy.

I think people stand and lie before God when they make their wedding vows.

It is forbidden to sleep with a married woman.
Tonight I told somebody.

Lord help me.

Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

edit on 18-12-2010 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

All I know is the pain never subsides. The devastating effects change a person forever. It leaves a hollow spot inside that, try as you may, never fills. "They" and their egos destroyed something beautful and childlike inside me. I will never be the person I once was.

My mother and sister only knew and they too were completely thrown off guard as well. The first thing they asked through tears was "when did he have the time? You two were always together" He showed NO signs. Still bought home flowers, no working late, no bedroom issues, no new dressing style or cologne,

Only ONE moment of the day unaccounted for...His 5am gym time. Egos run high there I suppose.

The pain can subside and the rift can even be healed. it takes time and effort but most never try hard enough or long enough because when it happens the pain is so great they can't conceive of it ever going away.. But trust can be restored and it can be as if it never happened. You don't just stop loving someone like a a switch or you never truly loved them in the first place. If you still love the person and focus on that instead of the deed it can be overcome that is if the person also wants to overcome it. And they only do if they truly love you and feel teh pain of their deed for it hurts to the one who committed it as much as to thier spouse.

it is really a selfish act and a lack of control over the lower nature or baser desires, animal instincts, etc.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. It's been 4yrs since he cheated and we, ironically, are not only still together (married 12yrs total) but doing great. Warped as it may sound, the affair did do something positive. It brought us to a higher level of loving, respecting and understanding eachother.

Still I internally feel a resentment over that one thing I mentioned above "It left a hollow spot inside me that, try as I may, cannot seem to be filled" I am an artist and it seems "their" actions took that childlike wonder away. My security, my trust, and my lifes feeling of contentment. When I thought I had these things my mind was truly free like a childs. Sadly, "they" forced me grow up.

i suppose it depends on what type of paradigmn you wish to trap yourself in. obviously people should be honest but people also shouldnt feel restricted from following their hearts

Originally posted by bigyin
reply to post by ChaosMagician

 

are you on drugs or something ?

your not making any sense

Being full of # and talkin that # is not a fool proof tactic in conversation. It often doesn't work in cheating either but results may very. Hell, you might be an expert at it for all I know.

Did you get that?
I tried to make it a little more clear for you.
I hope it helps.

Maybe he betrayed her first. A little bit of neglect here and there, an unkind word, ignoring her, not respecting her. It's hard to tell without the full details of both parties involved. What an elixir to be told you're beautiful, smart and worthy and desired.

Surely if something is missing in a relationship you talk to your partner rather than having sex with someone else.

Originally posted by thetruedank
i suppose it depends on what type of paradigmn you wish to trap yourself in. obviously people should be honest but people also shouldnt feel restricted from following their hearts

They're following their D**ks or other equipment not their hearts. Infatuation and lust comes first, a true love comes after that.

reply to post by squirelnutz


Exactly it's just as easy as using the excuses you just made. Its easy to label form the inside looking out too.

By the way I'm sorry for your friend tell him he should sell just about everything before he files, save the money for the lawyer. What you cant sell put in a Ustore place under a friends name Take em by suprise and dont forget to slap on the restraining order just so if there is anything else she wants she cant get it.
Dr Gonzo legal advisor.

Wow marriage sounds like lots of work if adultery is so common, they should put a disclaimer before people get married, something along the lines of, WARNING do not attempt while under the influence of, alcohol, ego trips, insecurities that you can project on your mate, like to sleep around with many partners, don't like arguing about stupid stuff, ect ect.

But I think they already have a warning on it before people get married, the whole through good and bad, in sickness and health till death due you part thing, that the priest's say. But I don't see what the problem is op, unless the couple you mentioned were in to that sort of thing, and yes people who would be into that do exist. Then sooner or later, one way or another whoever got cheated on would find out, so who cares if you told somebody or not? And if it is your best friend that betrayed her husband like you say, oh well. It's all in all probability going to end anyways, and she probably knows it, but for whatever reason does not want to say it personally.

Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

Who knows, most likely yes they do. I think a lot of failed marriages has to do with the whole "know thyself" thing, some seem to just jump into it, before they even know if it's there thing or not or what they truly want. So my advice to this whole marriage thing is "know thyself" before you try to do anything crazy like a life long contract called marriage, if you don't know what you are and want, how could you know what your partner is like and wants. So I guess if following the marriage vows is to hard for you.... then don't do it....especially if you like to sleep around.....there are lots of people who are into that so find those people and do there thing, or whatever else your into or is your thing.

reply to post by Bachrk

Dang! I wish I could have married someone like yourself, instead of the un medicated, bi-polar, manic depressive, alcoholic I divorced. I tried to make it work, but no go, better luck next time I say. Morals and ethics become more attractive to me every day. Your man's a lucky dude, glad it worked out for you.

reply to post by calstorm


NOPE you can't even say that. And I do not need to know the details or the situation. NOTHING that was done in your situation has or had anything to do with suicide. That was a personal choice on her part. I have been down that road myself and through therapy for it and am now a better person for it and have had friends in that sitch. The deal is this yes adultery sucks emotions get hurt I have been hurt and yes your life feels like it's over but it's not you will get over it it may take a year or 50 years but the human mind can forget if you let it. No matter what happened in your families case and I do mean no matter what you have free will you can choose to walk away or work it out some just settle for the abuse and stay. I don't condone either but it's not my choice it's theirs but to say your children wont have a grandparent because of what your grandfather did is down right wrong and to follow that line of thought is not only unhealthy for YOU but also for the generations after you. Just because someone commits adultery doesn't mean someone put a knife to your throat and suggested you take your life that would be YOUR choice not a choice forced on you. If it was than your misunderstanding suicide

Suicide = YOU choose to take your life NO ONE'S Fault but your own
MURDER = YOU died at the hands of SOMEONE ELSES choice or choices

So to say your Mother commited Suicide BECAUSE of your grandfathers choices is wrong Now if what he did RESULTED in her death then that would be MURDER

We all have a choice and the right choice if betrayed is WALK AWAY with your life and be better than that, Not worse

I even Had a friend about 10 yrs ago who was raped by a family memeber. And yes that family member commited adultry on his wife through rape and ruined the life of the one he did this to. She was my friend and is missed but she had a choice, rat him out get him locked up everyone could have walked away and he would be the joke and try healing from it. OR go even lower and have his ass kicked and raped in return and leave him a mess. Either right or wrong would be a decision to handle the problem. But she chose suicide she chose not to handle the problem to take herself OUT of it.

I'm not judging you so don't take what I say the wrong way, I'm just adding this because by the way you said your piece I can tell your very wound up about this and I wanted to clerify and maybe let you see things from the outside

ALL PEOPLE WILL GET HURT whether its adultery / loss of a job / loss of trust / loss of a friend or loved one

No matter what it is you are going to get knocked down in life it's how you walk away from it that defines who the better person is, everyone posting in this thread was either FOR or AGAINST the topic. That's not the point, it would seem no matter how long humans have been on this earth no one has yet learned YOU CAN NOT KNOW WHAT OTHERS THINK OR FEEL. Why try to control that you can't what you can do is be the better person for those against it let go of the anger i see in the posts your letting the cheater win, for those for it in the post hey to each thier own but understand reading the others posts that it DOES hurt people and one day you will part of thier group because YOU will too one day get hurt and when you least expect it

reply to post by icecold7


Really? How are we supposed to take serious, somebody who can't spell? "cuz"? "srry"?

I'm sorry, but I have an issue with carrying on a serious conversation with somebody who speaks "txt" in everything they write.

That being said, I've been cheated on. My first wife got knocked up by a guy she was doing at the bar she worked at. All while I was at home with two kids in diapers. But, at the end of the day, I was to blame as well. I married her. It's always easy to stand back and judge and take sides but it always takes two to tango.

I just wanna know one thing. Why the hell is this posted on a conspiracy site ? Take up the marriage issues with Dear Abby or something and leave us for conspiracies thats why we're here.

Originally posted by queenofsheba
Maybe he betrayed her first. A little bit of neglect here and there, an unkind word, ignoring her, not respecting her. It's hard to tell without the full details of both parties involved. What an elixir to be told you're beautiful, smart and worthy and desired.

Then leave.

I come from a "broken home".

I would never, and have never, cheated. Nor has any man I've been involved with. Yes, I'm pretty sure.

They were like me. Adverse to drama. And serious about life and wanting to work together. Sometimes things don't work out - but there is no reason to be an asshole.

I could've cleaned my exH out to the tune of close to half a mil. Took not one cent from him. Why would I? Just because we were no longer getting along and it turned out that he had far different future plans then I did - well - that is no reason to be an asshole and take the guy's stuff.

My next serious man was a musician. Why would I take anything from him, either? He had little money and few possessions - but - a vindictive person will take or ruin whatever they can. Or, when we began to have issues - I could've demanded he give up music to be with me. But of course I would NEVER be like this.

No longer "getting along with" a person should not mean you wish them harm. I had issues with these people, but that didn't mean I lost all human feeling and decency.

I'm sure we've all had "break ups" with friends too - there is no need to get ugly about it nor disrespect someone. Before or after.

I am not really religious but I DO believe in the "Golden Rule" of treating others how you wish to be treated.

Honesty and integrity are VERY important to me! I am a biz person also - and I ALWAYS conduct myself ethically - yes indeed - there are even honest and decent biz people too!

As far as sex goes - I think as in all else - you need to know what you want and be happy with what you have. Some are happy with monogamy, some are unhappy with a veritable banquet of sex. Look at Tiger Woods. I remember thinking - how unhappy he must be - he has everything that would make anyone green with envy - money, fame, a beautiful wife who seems like a nice person - and yet - he cheats. And then cheats more. Even the cheating wasn't enough.

These people, it's sad. I do believe the "Quagmire" character on Family Guy was named Quagmire for a reason. He is in a quandary. He doesn't know what he wants. And/or cannot appreciate what he has.

I think TPTB through the media use sex to distract us as well. Your life will FINALLY! be happy and great once you do this sex or get this person. But then they keep it going. Now you need THIS! *THEN* everything will be AOK! Think about it. "They" do this with food, possessions, occupations, locations - you're always supposed to be not quite right or happy enough because we need to sell you *this*......

My relatives were cheaters, drunks, and jerks in general - I would very much like to have a nice, peaceful home All I can do to make this happen is be the kind of person I would like to be with. What else can we do?

reply to post by Wyn Hawks


Speaking directly to a person involved is not rumor mongering. It is actually the opposite.

If you choose and are proud of your lifestyle of screwing around, you should be happy to tell the person who is concerned for you that you have no issue and protect yourself....thank you.

See, that is what someone who dabbles in it and doesn't apologize does. The person who is terrified of their choices, they are the ones who are angry when someone notices.

Sincerely,
Nosy Buttinski.

What a mess! Poor guy! I think he should be gently told and then it's up them what they do.
I hope there are no children involved. It's not up to us to place judgements, who knows what goes on in
someone else's marriage? Everyone's marriage is an individual relationship set of ideals.
As far as people hurting others around them I have loads of family members who are walking social
problems, I try to avoid conflict with them at all costs. They just don't care about how they make others feel.
Friends I have had who act like this I have dropped. You can't make someone care about others.
Avoid these people like the plague, avoid divorcing people like the plague, so you don't get hurt. Instead offer support after it's over and they have separated and moved on. Try to think of other things and divert yourself.

reply to post by Beach Bum


I think it's a social issue that warrants discussion. That's what this forum is for, no?

There's also a thread going elsewhere, made by a guy with a naked birdman for an avatar, about some gay and pedo "agenda" - which has to do with everything from "The illuminati" to Hindi religion - so ah - I think if anything - this here topic is a bit more - relevant to the average persons' experiences. At least before they don their tinfoil hat....

I was most interested to read these various posts on this topic and I feel badly for the people who have had problems. Notice also I mentioned previously that advertisers might be trying to social engineer us via sex - which would be classed as a conspiracy - and has in fact been discussed here and elsewhere.

Since I mentioned it - here ya go - knock yourself out
www.abovetopsecret.com...