Get in the ATS Holiday Spirit!

Single Cells


Dashing through the crowd
Trying to get away
From police in riot gear
Who're laughing all the way
Security bells are ringing
Got someone in their sights
What fun it is to smack and sting
And sleigh some protestors tonight!

O' Single Cells, Single Cells
Single Cells, where you'll stay!

Oh, what fun it is to hide
When they're doing illegal house raids!
O' Single Cells, Single Cells
Single Cells, where you'll stay!
Oh, what fun it is to wonder why
you got a nightclub to the face!

Santa's laws are coming to town




You better watch out
You better not try
To voice your opinion
I'm telling you why
Santa's laws are coming to town!

He's makin' his terror watch list
He's checkin' it twice (or like a billion times)
Gonna find out whose been visiting 'those' sites
Santa's laws are coming to town

He doesn't need a search warrant
He knows what posts you make
He knows what porn sites you've been visting
So stay off that crazy $h!#, for goodness sake!

O' you better watch out!
You better not try
To DENY IGNORANCE
I'm telling you why
Santa's laws are coming to town!

Single Cells


Dashing through the crowd
Trying to get away
From police in riot gear
Who're laughing all the way
Security bells are ringing
Got someone in their sights
What fun it is to smack and sting
And sleigh some protestors tonight!

O' Single Cells, Single Cells
Single Cells, where you'll stay!

Oh, what fun it is to hide
When they're doing illegal house raids!
O' Single Cells, Single Cells
Single Cells, where you'll stay!
Oh, what fun it is to wonder why
you got a nightclub to the face!

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among
whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a
180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary
dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The
capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so
much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was
high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund,
multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly
frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn."

urbanlegends.about.com.../XJ&zTi=1&sdn=urbanlegends&cdn=newsissues&tm=29&f=00&su=p284.9.336.ip_p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=1&bts=1&zu=htt p://cfcl.com/vlb/Cuute/f/nocturnal_segment.txt

By the way, I actually wrote those songs.

Did you write this?

Originally posted by antar
'Twas The Night Before Christmas

reply to post by v1rtu0s0


NOOOO! lol that was why I linked the credit to the site I found it on. I have no real Holiday Spirit today but wanted to chime in...

Oh, okay, sorry missed the link. Thanks for the post, I just thought that was ALOT of effort as a reply assuming you just wrote it. LOL!

Originally posted by antar
reply to post by v1rtu0s0

 

NOOOO! lol that was why I linked the credit to the site I found it on. I have no real Holiday Spirit today but wanted to chime in...

Lmfao.. Brilliant.. S&F ..

November has already puked its neon lights all over the cites and towns. it's already day 11 and I'm about to consider hibernation.

what has December done for me? or undone I should say

1) depressed the hell out of me with that "everything will be alright because its Christmas" bull#. f--k Christmas, its been nothing but 1 major disappointment since 97. which brings me to point 2

2) the pissey ass weather has ruined many a December. it's particular annoying nowadays because I need good weather in order to have a semi-clear signal for the Internet (as you know I need that to talk to people). before it used to just freeze my balls off and kill my electricity so I couldn't use the PlayStation back in the old school days.

3) the whole "family together" thing "just because its Christmas". yes, it seems that Christmas is the root of all problems, doesn't it? why is it such a big deal to be with people for 1 day you don't even speak to or visit (when you very easily could walk 3 blocks and see them) for the rest of the year? if anything, you should see people you wont normally see at all or people you WANT to spend time with. but then it might lead to my first point and become hypocritical of me IF it is for the "well, its Christmas" reason.

you should see people because you want to, not because some strange old dudes a sheep herder and a freaking star all appeared over a stable where some pregnant virgin finally dropped her load. I'm seeing my friend Jackie in 2 weeks because I actually want to not because of this Christmas crap. Jesus wont get his family together on your birthday and make models of your family all bunched up together in a delivery room so don't do it for him. f--k Christianity.

4) my birthday. this may sound selfish but I hate my birthday. purely for the fact that its totally over shadowed by the worst holiday ever. it's got to the point where I don't want a birthday any more because quite frankly if nobody else can be bothered to pay attention to it then I wont either. You know what I got for my birthday one year? a pocket dictionary. HOO-F---ING-RAY!!! now I can define things on the go. go fist yourself, father.

5) the advertising.... the worst thing about December and the months leading up to it by far is the advertising. you know what moth I saw my first Christmas ad this year was? AUGUST!!!!!! August?!?! we've not even got back to school yet and were being forced fed x-mas dribble. I don't even want to watch TV at this time in case I have a seizure from the fairy lights and snowflakes on EVERY COMMERCIAL!!!!!!! and when the day when everybody gets disappointed finally has come and gone ...they still show this crap!!!!! no wonder there are so many fights during this time. this # drives me mad just talking about it

6) the idiots who decorate their houses. go on.. waste your electricity. look like an attention whore. you are the only thing that amuses me this time of year..and not because the lights are pretty or the Homer Simpson "Father Christmas" (I'll be dead before I call him Santa) is humorous. you look like idiots and you'll not be smiling when you have to take that # down when its pissing down with icy rain.


what should we do about it though? how do we stop December from being such a #ty month?

I have a solution.

there are 365 days in the year (leap years don't count). 13 x 28 is 364 if I am not mistaken. (yes, google calculator just proved me right) which means we could in theory have 13 months of 28 days except 1 with 29 (and it will get the extra day on leap years because its just superior in that way).

how will this get rid of December?

well, we just don't have one. with the new fair equal opportunities calender (except for February who will be the only surviving original month with its 29th day) no more December. sure it wont fix the weather but who gives a #, I want a new calender.

Christmas, Christmas time is here
And Christmas songs you love to hear.
Thoughts of joy and hope and cheer
But mostly shopping, shopping, shopping!

Christmas, Christmas time is here
The sleigh bells and the red nose deer.
Song and songs we love to hear
All played a thousand times each year.

Heard this same song twenty times
And it’s only Halloween!

(Joy To The World)

(I saw three ships come sailing in on Christmas Day on Christmas Day)

Christmas, Christmas time is here
(Hark The Herald Angels Sing)
And Christmas songs you love to hear
(Joy To The World)
Thoughts of joy and hope and cheer
But mostly shopping, shopping, shopping!

Christmas season, starting sooner every year!
It’s October!
Stores with plastic Christmas trees!
Ransack the mall!
Shopping till you loose your mind!
Spike the eggnog!
Sit back and watch Rudolph, Frosty, Tiny Tim, and Scrooge, the Grinch or Charlie Brown
It’s time!
(hey)

It’s time to do the Christmas Can-Can
If you can’t can’t dance
Well that’s’ ok!
Not going to do the kick line!

All you need is a tree, some lights
presents wrap them up and pray for snow!
(Ho!)

Run to your closet,
Find your Christmas sweater,
Screaming carols all the way!
(fa la la la la la)

Maine all the way to California,
It’s the Christmas Can-Can,
Halloween to Christmas Day!

It’s the most wonderful time of year,
We’re running mad with Christmas cheer!
(Hey what’s the trouble with you my friend?)
It’s not fair if you’re Jewish, Jewish.
Not fair if you’re Jewish, Jewish.

Dradle, dradle dradle
I made it out of clay!
You realize that Christmas ain’t the only holiday!
(oy)

Hey he’s right, who made these laws?
Look! Wait here comes Santa Claus!
Santa Claus! Santa Claus! Santa Claus! Santa Claus!
Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa,
Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!
GUYS!

Hey Santa do the can-can,
Help them if you can-can,
Join in the parade!
(I’m gonna go grab some Chinese food.)

All you need is tree, some lights, about a thousand
presents wrap them up and pray for snow!
(Ho!)

Run to your closet,
Find your Christmas sweater,
Screaming carols all the way!
(fa la la la la la)

France all the way to Indiana,
It’s the Christmas Can-Can,
That’s the end!
WAIT!

For our ending we should share this holiday
hava nagila…Happy Hanukkah to you,
a happy Hanukkah to you,
a happy Hanukkah to you,
A Merry Christmas, Hanukkah,
and also Kwanzaa!

A Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah
And Merry Kwanzaa too!
(ho)